Work colleague has decided to come on holiday with me — again...

[Craquedechevalier]

I work in a school (admin, not teaching). Every year for the last 11 years, I've been away on my own over the summer half-term to attend a big literary festival. My DH and DC have never wanted to come. Both children are now in their 20s.

I register as a volunteer for the festival, book a campsite for a week, do my volunteering duties and attend events at the festival, read, sleep lots, eat what I want and do some work remotely. I have several friends who do similar. It's my 'me' week and I look forward to it very much. Several people at work know what I do and occasionally they turn up at the festival for a day or two. We bump into each other at the festival site, have a coffee — not a problem.

Last year I arrived on the campsite and was setting the van up when someone banged on the window. It was a colleague with her 7-year-old daughter, asking for help to put their tent up. They were camping on the same site in a tent for the week. I helped out, reluctantly. Then they wanted to come in and join me in the van because there was a chilly wind and they were cold. I made them drinks, they poked around the van and didn't seem to want to leave. It went on like that. The weather wasn't great and whenever I was in the van they'd come round and expect to sit with me in the warm or have hot drinks or a meal. They had a car and went out sometimes during the day, but never brought back a takeaway or food to help out. I felt under pressure to host them and so ended up avoiding the van as much as possible. One evening my colleague asked me to look after her daughter while she attended a comedy gig at the festival. She'd already bought a ticket: I didn't feel as if I could say no. I felt as if I'd lost all my down time to looking after them.

They left a day early, which was a relief: they weren't prepared for the reality of camping and from what my colleague said in the weeks afterwards, she had no intention of going back again. Yesterday afternoon I bumped into her in the corridor and she announced that she'd bought a better tent and mattress and thermal leggings and she and her daughter were booked again. Same campsite as me. 'We can hang out like last year' she said.

I'm already booked into the campsite and on the volunteer rota, so I'm committed. How can I politely say that they spoiled last year's break for me, and I'm not doing it again?

What a silly thing to say.
Would the woman really give a stuff about a nest of vipers egging one another on to think the worst of someone they've never met and know nothing about? I don't think she'll consider it a 'world view'. I wouldn't. It's not.

Oh come on.

The woman is only outed if she outs herself to colleagues.

I'm responding to the suggestion made that the Colleague should be shown the thread. I think this is a bad ideas as it could blow up if Colleague decides to report OP to HR or otherwise make trouble at work. when there are better ways to manage the situation. She's not a bridesmaid or a uni friend, she's a work colleague.

Personally I think the colleague is a CF and if the story does get out and she reads what people have said about her - which is often not how the OP would have expressed it - then I can imagine a CF type of person going around saying this type of thing,

"Oh colleagues. Poor Me. I only said I'd see OP at the festival.. then she went on MN and now I've been described in the most horrible terms, she could have just said something how mean ect"

A pp said that the thread is already on MN's facebook. Threads often end up in the newspapers so I do think OP should be a bit careful now that she's had the advice.

Maybe she was hoping the woman would read it and get the message without her having to confront her. I don't think she will recognize herself because someone who stays past their welcome, invades others personal space, makes plans to go to a show by dumping their kid on this woman without even asking her first, seems highly unlikely to be aware enough of the people around them to recognize herself.

However, if she does recognize herself, and she has a brain, then the first thing she will do is apologize for her presumptuously bad behavior last time, ask the person posting to go for a coffeeon heras a thanks for the last time, and then promise not to bother her at the coming festival unless she is specifically invited by the poster.

Is HR really allowed to control web posts that do not use names outside of work in Britain?

You don't think the similar view of 400 odd people of the general public is a general perception of something?

Ok....

Time to grow a backbone and tell her you have no interest in spending time with her at the festival. You should've done that last year.

I'm not sure what your attitude is for OP. This person has literally outlined exactly what you've described throughout your multiple posts and when people tell you to grow some balls and say no, you get snarky with them. Why exactly did you post this???

Tell her you're sorry but her plans don't work for you and since she's now a seasoned camper you're sure she and her child will be well able to manage without you.

Was it indeed? The Daily Mail perchance? Was wondering why the change of tune from OP. Such a tough world we live in now, like living in a gold fish bowl, everything is transparent and magnify, can't even be a closet grump these days (sign)!

I love your attitude OP. You’re not a wet lettuce, You’re fair and compassionate, and have similar interests to me. I wish we were friends!

Yes she probably does; it doesn’t come from maliciousness just lacking those social skills. There’s a big difference in choosing to do it alone though and having to. I would love to go somewhere solo.

hopefully this year too she will be more prepared with thermals and adequate tent equipment!

I hope you manage to pick bits from most people’s advice and come up with a solution, and best of all, enjoy yourself!

Still no update?

As the OP works in a school, as does her colleague, and easter hols this year are 7th to 21st, I suspect there can be no update as she hasn't seen colleague to speak to her.

I wouldn't blame @Craquedechevalier for not coming back to this thread, but I do wonder how it all pans out

I think OP rued the day she started this thread imo. Too outing & media friendly.

So do I wonder @RockyRogue1001 I hope she comes back to tell us - even under a different name.

@Craquedechevalier - how are you? Have you managed to get it all sorted?

Craquedechevalier
I know you may have left the thread but I've read it all and just want to say you sound lovely, compassionate and kind and I'd be in exactly the same quandary as you.

Hope you have a fab time 💐

I can't believe that any of you remembered this thread.

I managed to bump into my Hay-bound colleague in the car park after work one afternoon last week and as soon as I mentioned Hay she preempted what I had to say by telling me that her sister and DBiL had decided to come up from the SW with their big tent and two children. She let slip that they've booked pitches nearer the loos and showers than last year, so as I'll be arriving the day before I'll make sure I'm parked a good distance away. They will be there for three nights, but will stay on if everyone's enjoying themselves and the weather is decent.

All I had to do was say it sounded as if they were going to be busy, which was great because this year I'm very tired and needed a quiet time. I said that I didn't plan to cook or entertain in the evenings and she said I'd be welcome to eat with them any time, they always make too much food. I've said it depends on my shifts, but I'm sure we'd see each other around. She said it was a shame I had to work so hard when I was there and I said I like the work part as long as I can have a lie in in the mornings or a nap in the afternoon. She said something about getting the feeling she'd disturbed me too much last year and I laughed and said well, it wasn't what I'd planned. She said she was really grateful for my help, she'd had no idea how much hard work camping was and they wouldn't have stuck it out without me. And then we got into our cars and drove off.

So I'm feeling pretty relieved. And I wish anyone planning to go to Hay a good time and hope we have good weather.

This is great, OP - you have preserved your boundaries and your holiday without having to have a difficult conversation that would have left both of you feeling horrible. Have a lovely time!

That's really good news @Craquedechevalier It sounds as if your colleague has learned a lot from you on how to be organised for a festival and is putting it to good use - eg, ensuring she's pitched near the facilities, making arrangements with other campers etc. It also sounds as if she's more sensitive than she originally seemed to be about your need for peace and quiet. Wishing you and her a wonderful time at Hay.

I still don't think she gets how much I enjoy being there on my own, and I think she thinks I'm weird, but it ended much better than I was expecting. I'm rather touched that people remembered.

YAS op!! This was the nicest outcome for you (and for her!) and I’m ridiculously happy for someone I’ve never met! Love it when a plan comes together x

Oh I am pleased for you - much better this way than having to actually say to her face 'leave me alone, I like my peace and quiet and really don't want to entertain you and your kiddo on MY holiday'...

Enjoy it when you get there! :)

I wonder if she read this thread…