Work colleague has decided to come on holiday with me — again...

[Craquedechevalier]

I work in a school (admin, not teaching). Every year for the last 11 years, I've been away on my own over the summer half-term to attend a big literary festival. My DH and DC have never wanted to come. Both children are now in their 20s.

I register as a volunteer for the festival, book a campsite for a week, do my volunteering duties and attend events at the festival, read, sleep lots, eat what I want and do some work remotely. I have several friends who do similar. It's my 'me' week and I look forward to it very much. Several people at work know what I do and occasionally they turn up at the festival for a day or two. We bump into each other at the festival site, have a coffee — not a problem.

Last year I arrived on the campsite and was setting the van up when someone banged on the window. It was a colleague with her 7-year-old daughter, asking for help to put their tent up. They were camping on the same site in a tent for the week. I helped out, reluctantly. Then they wanted to come in and join me in the van because there was a chilly wind and they were cold. I made them drinks, they poked around the van and didn't seem to want to leave. It went on like that. The weather wasn't great and whenever I was in the van they'd come round and expect to sit with me in the warm or have hot drinks or a meal. They had a car and went out sometimes during the day, but never brought back a takeaway or food to help out. I felt under pressure to host them and so ended up avoiding the van as much as possible. One evening my colleague asked me to look after her daughter while she attended a comedy gig at the festival. She'd already bought a ticket: I didn't feel as if I could say no. I felt as if I'd lost all my down time to looking after them.

They left a day early, which was a relief: they weren't prepared for the reality of camping and from what my colleague said in the weeks afterwards, she had no intention of going back again. Yesterday afternoon I bumped into her in the corridor and she announced that she'd bought a better tent and mattress and thermal leggings and she and her daughter were booked again. Same campsite as me. 'We can hang out like last year' she said.

I'm already booked into the campsite and on the volunteer rota, so I'm committed. How can I politely say that they spoiled last year's break for me, and I'm not doing it again?

I hope she didn't. This place had her hung, drawn and quartered.

Sounds like it all worked out for the best, and she was far less of a CF than people thought! Happy for you, OP

You have a clear choice: stand your ground or be used as a doormat again. Sort it out before you go.

Or option 3 @Theroadt, read OP's updates at least.

Sounds like you did a great job navigating that OP. Enjoy your festival!

Whoop whoop!!!!

What a fantabulous update.

How LOVELY that's she's invited you over.

I'm so happy for you.

Now, relax and enjoy your time there to the max!

She totally read your thread!! It’s so British that she didn’t acknowledge that she had read it 😝

Think her sister read the thread...
@Craquedechevalier this is a good outcome and the universe made things align so you didn't have to do that awkward conversation.
Have a great time at Hay!

Well, it worked though, didn't it?!

I'm pleased for you, OP. And it sounds like she's got her shit together for her trip this year too, which can only be good for her and her DD.

Thanks for the update @Craquedechevalier - and have a brilliant time. I am sure that your colleague will also have a brilliant time. Win win!

I DREAM of taking off on my own for a few days (dh and 5 dc's!)

Extrovert/sociable people don't understand the need for alone time sometimes. Great update - enjoy your peace and quiet (and naps).

I think that many people who are very sociable and outgoing genuinely don't understand those of us who actually enjoy solitude. What's interesting about your and your colleague's situation is that you've encountered this in the context of a literary festival of all things. With the possible exception of live theatre, literature thrives on peace and quiet and alone time, because they are what most of us need for immersive reading. Most big readers understand the need for solitude regardless of whether they are an introvert, an extrovert or somewhere between. It seems that your colleague is still learning - but she's young, she'll get there.

@Azureshores there's a whole summer ahead of us - great time to try it!

I am really struggling ATM and DH suggested a night away by myself this weekend.

So true! As mentioned upthread I go away for a week on my own every year, it's introvert heaven and very much needed to 'recharge' as my day-to-day life is pretty stressful, but it seems to be a source of great puzzlement to the owners of the accommodation I rent, so I guess holidaying alone is still relatively uncommon! Thankfully it's a very peaceful spot, it would totally wreck it for me if anyone popped up and decided I must 'need company' being on my own - or, as in OP's situation, made me feel I had to take them under my wing in some way. 😄I'm more social/accommodating in my day-to-day life, but that week away on my own is sacrosanct.

Glad it all worked out for the best in the end, OP, and enjoy Hay - I've never been, but am determined to one day! 📚

As well as my week at Hay I fairly often take off in the camper van for a few days during the holidays, now that the offspring aren't around. When I roll up at campsites (I prefer small, out of the way places) I'm often asked by concerned owners whether I'm okay on my own. To all of them I say that I'm here for total peace and quiet on my own to finish my PhD thesis or I'm here in one last desperate attempt to finish writing/ editing a book that's due with the publisher. They leave me well alone after that, although I did have one owner chide me for wasting precious time I could have spent working when he caught me heading off for a walk.

This thread has made me more determined than ever to get myself a little caravan one day. I won't be an enpty-nester for a few more years, but I am making plans.

Good result. Pleased for you.

So pleased that your dilemma has resolved itself @Craquedechevalier and that your colleague has had the common sense to realise she imposed on you last year.

Have a great time at Hay!

Omg I went for a few days by myself in the mountains in another country. On arrival I posted greeting from and stuck on Facebook. My Facebook went mad... Are you alone? Are you alone? Are you alone?... I'm like I'm bloody nearly 50 I think I know how to survive.

Why is there a stigma with going solo?

How annoying. No posting next time.

I sometimes used to book an annual leave day and not tell anyone for just that reason.

I'm sure that in most cases this concern is well-meant. However, it's also extremely frustrating. I wonder how many of these people would have put the same question to a man?

It is cheeky fucker behaviour to assume that person who has deliberately booked a week away without their own children, wants to spend time babysitting someone else's!
And to buy a ticket before even asking you - how else would you see that, if not as CF behaviour?

You do need to man up though and say no. Just do as pp have suggested and say that you have plans/have calls to make/are working. And move to a different campsite if possible and not tell her!

Oops, cross posted

I don't think failing to read anything but the OP of a 33-page long, weeks-old thread is technically classified as cross-posting, is it?

Glad all was resolved amicably. Enjoy the festival 📚 📖 😊

I'm sure that in most cases this concern is well-meant. However, it's also extremely frustrating. I wonder how many of these people would have put the same question to a man?

Well, quite @SerafinasGoose