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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how you avoid afterschool park with 5 year old?

175 replies

SoImStillInBed · 05/04/2025 08:06

Hi,

I'm curious about something. We walk past the park on the way home. Except for his afterschool club days x1 and one club afternoon x1 he'll always want to go to the park especially if any friend might be going - hes friends with the whole class. In a way this is good. But sometimes I'd just prefer we collect his sister from nursery, he doesn't eat a tonne of biscuits someone has brought and he does his home things like lego, reading etc..

I notice some kids rarely or never go. What are you doing? How have you persuaded their kids to go straight home without any argument?

YABU - this is easy or obvious
YANBU - it's a struggle

OP posts:
LavenderFields7 · 05/04/2025 09:26

OP if you struggle to say “no” now, then you will continue to for the rest of his childhood…kids need boundaries. Are you worried about upsetting him? Sometimes as parents we have to be cruel to be kind, kids learning that no means no will benefit him long term, even though it may pain us in the short term.

Napface · 05/04/2025 09:26

I used to have the same issue, theres a park between the preschool and primary where we live. I find it helped to remind them repeatedly before school "remember, we're not going to the park today, we need to go straight home." and then again as soon as the come out so that they're prepared. But generally if they have made a fuss it's only for a minute and then they keep walking, it wasn't a massive drama

Booksandwine80 · 05/04/2025 09:27

I have to say no most of the time as I’m rushing back home to carry on working.

I’ve made peace with it as I don’t think it’s going to cause long term harm or trauma.

likeafishneedsabike · 05/04/2025 09:31

Definitely take him to the park to socialise and exercise. You have a really great set up where you’re able to do this instead of after school childcare. Make the most of the good weather and having small children who love the playground.
I totally get the junk food concern. Tell him to say thank you so much for a biscuit or whatever - but only one - and take a Tupperware of fruit to give him energy.

Sunbeam01 · 05/04/2025 09:31

I say no.

wherearemypastnames · 05/04/2025 09:34

No - we need to collect your sister now

so he strops - let him. He needs to learn duty and disappointment anyway

Didimum · 05/04/2025 09:42

I work full time so can’t do afterschool park when I pick up. I just say no - end of. They go with their nanny 3x a week and then I take them to sports x1 a week, so I don’t feel guilty about it!

C8H10N4O2 · 05/04/2025 09:43

Mischance · 05/04/2025 09:00

Little boys who have spent the day sitting down mostly and doing cerebral things and being controlled need to let off steam, to race about, to climb, to have fun with mates. Let him do it!! Watch him and smile!

Always good to see casual sexism propagated into the newest generations.

When mine were at this age they had playtimes and lunch times to run around and burn off energy. At the most they had spent an hour in the classroom between last play and end of school - the word "need" is doing a lot of heavy lifting on this thread. I remember DC being really very tired after school at this age, often better off having early tea and some solo/sibling play time.

Similarly one or two nights a week going straight home is not going to impair the social development of a child spending all day at school, two nights a week on structured after school activities and a night or two at the park on the way home.

Its really simple - sometimes its not convenient or desired for the OP to go to the park so she says "no". Not only will it do the child no harm but not having every evening in organised play (and stuffing biscuits along the way) is beneficial, as is learning to accept that other people have choices as well.

wherearemypastnames · 05/04/2025 09:45

Yes park is good if it works for you but if it doesn’t , that’s the end of it - alongside the casual sexism we have a good dose of charge mother guilty

frenchnoodle · 05/04/2025 09:46

"Not today we have to do "this thing" at home"

CandyCane457 · 05/04/2025 09:51

I can’t really see why you wouldn’t want him to go to the park to be honest. If his friends are there, it’s a nice sunny day, surely that’s a lovely thing to do? I’m sure he has plenty of other time to play Lego by himself.
But if it really really is an issue….just say no.

RedToothBrush · 05/04/2025 09:52

The word you are looking for and isn't difficult to pronounce is

"No".

You are a parent. Learn to say it.

RosesAndHellebores · 05/04/2025 09:53

If there's no need to say no, why would you? The DC and I loved the park and the opportunities slip away all too quickly. Far better to have an hour in the park than being indoors.

rainbowstardrops · 05/04/2025 09:53

He’s at clubs twice a week, so it’s only three days that he’s asking?
I’m not really understanding about the nursery pick up. Does going to the park make you late for that, or does it mean you’ve got the two kids to watch in the park?
Personally, if it doesn’t interfere with jobs you need to get done at home then I’d probably tell him he can have 15/30 minutes (whatever suits you) but he’s not to eat other people’s biscuits because it will spoil his dinner/tea and take a healthier snack with you.
I’d probably tell him it can be a treat on a Friday or whatever. Don’t forget, he’s been stuck at school all day having to concentrate and follow instructions, so I’d be happy that he’s letting off some steam!

kerstina · 05/04/2025 09:54

Going to the park with his other classmates after school was the highlight of my son’s day! It helps with their well-being I am sure. Don’t have to stay for ages.

HereintheloveofChristIstand · 05/04/2025 09:54

What a mean spirited post.
A 5 year old who has spent the whole day at school is far better burning off steam in a park - regardless of how inconvenient it is for hos mother who no doubt ‘just wants to get home’ 🙄
It’s not like he wants to sit on a screen. Take him to the park!

Seventree · 05/04/2025 09:57

I like to go to the park as often as possible, but if we're not going, I just say no? I sympathise that it's disappointing when you don't get to do something you want to dobut but I still don't take him. Children are allowed to have emotional responses to things, it's normal and we can support them through it without giving in to whatever they want.

What do you do in other situations where you need to say no to something he wants to do?

amigafan2003 · 05/04/2025 10:08

I know it's unusual to some parents, but 'no' is an actual word.

FeatherDawn · 05/04/2025 10:13

You dont persuade them you tell them
No not today

Do you mean he keeps asking to go?
Just repeat no not today and walk home
I don't get into prolonged arguments with my DC
If it's no then it's no- you are the parent

If the weather is nice could you put in 2 park days not every day and take sausage roll, sandwich etc ?

Original poster
SoImStillInBed · 05/04/2025 10:15

madnessitellyou · 05/04/2025 08:15

You say no?

I'm not seeing the issue here.

I think I say no to things as often as most if not more. I don't see lots of parents telling their kids no with a kid begging them. Some just quietly go off and do something else. I'm just wondering what it is.

OP posts:
AllProperTeaIsTheft · 05/04/2025 10:16

Just say no on the days you don't want to go. I don't see why it's any different from saying no to your child about any other thing (which presumably you fairly regularly need to do).

Branleuse · 05/04/2025 10:17

I always find it a bit odd when people say "just tell them no"
As if that is some groundbreaking technique.

I assumed the question was, how do you make young children be able to go past the park without there being conflict and stress about it. How to make them understand so they just walk nicely.

Obviously everyone knows that they can just say no, but its a ridiculously dismissive answer, to quite a common stressor for parents on the school run that might have other places to be.

Wouldnt have been an issue for my mum, because I walked myself to and from school with other children at that age, and then we went out to play all afternoon without parental supervision.
All the little play parks in each close on the estate got removed in the 90s, and then fewer but bigger parks were created near the schools etc with an expectation that children would be supervised.

The whole thing now is such bullshit imo. Ice cream vans outside the school gates and a big play park. Demands for slushies.

I had to say no a lot, but my kids definitely used to kick off about it and i remember it as quite stressful, and people giving advice that basically insinuated that i was a shit parent, just made me feel isolated.
Over the years I realised that so many people felt isolated by these perfect parents snippy dismissive advice.

Original poster
SoImStillInBed · 05/04/2025 10:17

FeatherDawn · 05/04/2025 10:13

You dont persuade them you tell them
No not today

Do you mean he keeps asking to go?
Just repeat no not today and walk home
I don't get into prolonged arguments with my DC
If it's no then it's no- you are the parent

If the weather is nice could you put in 2 park days not every day and take sausage roll, sandwich etc ?

Thanks, I do tell my kid no on certain things. Perhaps I've just never figured out what we're doing instead. I'm not putting on the tv and giving sweets as soon as he gets in from school. And I think too many clubs and he'd just be fed up.

OP posts:
gingercat02 · 05/04/2025 10:20

Going to the park after school was one of the best things when they were little. Make the most of it OP they are small and want you around for a very short time, by Y5 they want to do everything on their own.

likeafishneedsabike · 05/04/2025 10:21

SoImStillInBed · 05/04/2025 10:17

Thanks, I do tell my kid no on certain things. Perhaps I've just never figured out what we're doing instead. I'm not putting on the tv and giving sweets as soon as he gets in from school. And I think too many clubs and he'd just be fed up.

Show quote history

Just wondering what your objection to the park is. Presumably if your 5 year old is happy and well exercised then you are happier too?
Or have you taken a break in your working day to do pick up and need to get home to log back on?