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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be fed up that I still didn’t get my lie in

136 replies

HappyMummaOfOne · 05/04/2025 08:00

I have a 3.5year old and a 10month old and I can not tell you the last time I had a lie in. I know parents of children this age generally don’t but I am so exhausted and burnt out that when I was asked what I woukd like for Mother’s Day I asked for two things:- a lie in and a hot bath undisturbed by the kids.

Last Sunday I got neither. I also got no card or present (I’m not bothered by no present but thought I would get a card at least.) Mother’s Day was awful, I won’t go into details but the day was crap and I felt so unseen and heard that in the evening I had a little cry after putting the kids to bed. I think my husband must have been told by my mum a day or so later how down and upset I’ve been feeling recently because he offered to take the kids this morning so I could get my lie in and hot bath, would take the kids out and then drop them off at my parents so we could then have a nice afternoon just the two of us.
So last night I got the kids clothes out for today, packed the bag of nappies, wipes, spare clothes ect, made a packed lunch for them both ….you get the drift.

This morning I did the 3.30am wake up with my 10month old, milk, settled back to sleep and got back in my bed…..6am, husband gets up and gets her and she is fully awake so he brings her into our room and starts playing with her in the bed! I asked why he wasn’t taking her downstairs and his response was it was abit early 🤯
Not going to lie it did annoy me as I almost always try to keep my daughter in another room so I don’t disturb his sleep but he can’t do the same?!?! By 6.30am I’ve given up on being able to sleep and my 3.5year old comes in, and somehow it turns into me having to help get them ready to go out. I do my toddlers hair, I brush their teeth, I go and collect all the dirty bottles and take them downstairs, I collect their coats and help put shoes on ….and the best bit is as they left my husband says “I hope you enjoy your lie in”.
Is he just incredibly stupid and doesn’t get it or what???? I am AWAKE so I’m not getting a lie in. I just have the opportunity to now lie here trying to get back to sleep after 90mins of being awake with the kids.

Is my request really unreasonable and unrealistic that I could have one lie in?

Is it really unreasonable to expect my husband to be able to get the kids up and dressed and out the door without me? (He is taking them to his parents for breakfast before anyone thinks I am starving them).

I just wanted to get some sleep 😩
So maybe my tired moody self is not looking at the bigger picture. So AIBU?

OP posts:
SaladSandwichesForTea · 05/04/2025 08:03

I'm too exhausted by shit mumsnet dads.

No you're not unreasonable.

Yes he is useless.

There's no point saying anything else.

Whyx · 05/04/2025 08:03

Did you speak to him after last Sunday? I would have said something direct as sometimes they just are incredibly dim and don't see things the same way. It does sound a bit "weaponised incompetence" though.

saveforthat · 05/04/2025 08:04

He sounds like a dick but why did you start with all the helping getting the kids ready (and all the prep before)? Just let go and let him sort it.

CryptoFascist · 05/04/2025 08:04

Yanbu.
But. You sound very passive. Why didn't you tell him yourself that no effort for mother's day wasn't acceptable? Why did your mum need to mention it? He should know, of course, that he needed to help the children get you a card. But why did you accept it? Tell him when he gets home that tomorrow you will have your lie in, that he needs to actually get out of bed and let you sleep.

DustyLee123 · 05/04/2025 08:04

What an absolute wanker of a man. I’m furious on your behalf.

Fibrous · 05/04/2025 08:06

Useless.

hyd · 05/04/2025 08:07

I would be absolutely fuming. It doesn’t sound as if you’ve ever mention this to him? I’d have gone mental months ago if he wasn’t pulling his weight, and I would’ve gone mad in the morning with him bringing the baby into bed & expecting you to help everyone get ready. I would be so resentful. You need to kick up a massive stink. Nothing will change otherwise.

NeedSomeComfy · 05/04/2025 08:08

He is an idiot. I suppose the only thing you can do is to spell out to him what a lie-in means, ie NO CHILDREN IN THE SAME ROOM. But I wouldn't be too hopeful he'd take it on board.

Holeypyjamas · 05/04/2025 08:08

Book a hotel if you can afford it, just for you for a night.

Other than that you have to really lay down the law and make it clear what you expect. You shouldn’t have to, he should get it but if he doesn’t, you have to make your voice heard loud and clear.

E.g when it’s your lie in day tell him that he absolutely must take the kids straight downstairs and keep all doors shut if possible to minimize noise. Don’t let the kids in your room. It is hard though when they wake up early and there are two of them BUT if he’s getting lie ins then should be too!

Also call him out on the Mother’s Day stuff!

NatureOverNightclubs · 05/04/2025 08:08

Another useless man who is thick as fuck. I'm so relieved I don't have either kids OR a husband. I don't know how you lot bear any of it.

Owlteapot · 05/04/2025 08:08

As soon as he brought the baby in you should have said 'what happened to me having a lie in? You know what to do every day now he wants to stay in bed

Gizlotsmum · 05/04/2025 08:08

Is he still coming back so you can have an afternoon together? I would use this time to calmly point out everything in your post. Explain that you didn’t get a lie in as he brought both kids into your bedroom and then you helped get them ready ( did he ask you too?) I would explain how you don’t disturb his mornings in the same way. Did you manage to get any extra sleep? I know I couldn’t but my husband could so there may be an element of different understandings there

IsItOnlyWednesday · 05/04/2025 08:09

Didn’t you say to him ‘what lie in? I’ve been awake for an hour and a half because you bought the baby into bed’

If you didn’t, I suggest that you tell him when he gets home ‘by the way you still owe me a lie in, next time take the child downstairs like I do every other day so as not to disturb you’

justkeepswimingswiming · 05/04/2025 08:09

I’d be telling him not to come back and you’ll enjoy the afternoon to yourself. Why are you putting up with this selfish man?

LilacPony · 05/04/2025 08:11

Not saying this is correct or acceptable but sometimes we need to really spell things out in detail. “I want a lie in” needs to become a really specific conversation about what the lie in is - “I don’t want to be woken by the children, I want to stay asleep. My sleep needs to be uninterrupted. As soon as they wake, remove them from our room and shut the door. Tell the toddler they can’t come in. Don’t disturb me until I open the bedroom door.” Sounds like your husband thought he did a great job because you’re getting space now, but just didn’t get the memo as to what exactly a bloody lie in is. You can tell I’ve been there.

MesmerisingMuon · 05/04/2025 08:13

I voted YABU because you need to be more assertive.

"Daddy will do it" the direct them to daddy.

Stop making an effort to take then out the room in future and let them play a game of climb on daddy and wake him up!

Get off mumsnet and go and enjoy your bath and relax! Sleep is over rated.

Bonsaibaby · 05/04/2025 08:13

Take turns having a lie in every weekend. One day each. Insist on this and part of the deal is they stay downstairs. If your lie in gets broken, his does too.

Now, go to sleep.

mutleyschuckles · 05/04/2025 08:14

Well then you stop keeping the baby in another room so he can have his lie ins from now on. Though I’d have had to say something last week- did you explain to him then or was it your mum guilting him into it?

JoyousEagle · 05/04/2025 08:16

When he said it was too early, why didn’t you say “what on earth are you talking about? I do it all the time”.
You should both have a weekend day where the other gets up with any early-rising children, and the other gets a bit more of a lie in. I don’t understand how you end up with such an uneven situation with someone who apparently loves you.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 05/04/2025 08:16

SaladSandwichesForTea · 05/04/2025 08:03

I'm too exhausted by shit mumsnet dads.

No you're not unreasonable.

Yes he is useless.

There's no point saying anything else.

Edited

This almost sums it up perfectly.

But - why didn’t you speak up? Why did you start doing things with the kids? Why didn’t you just tell him to take the baby out of the bedroom so you could have your lie in?

I’m too exhausted by shit mumsnet dads, but I’m also exhausted by women who put up with all this shit, don’t speak up at the time, and then come on here and whinge about it.

Tbrh · 05/04/2025 08:18

Use your words OP. Give it to him straight, useless fucker.

lottiegarbanzo · 05/04/2025 08:19

Your husband is lazy and thick. Book yourself into a hotel one night. Then he’ll have to do the job he should have done last weekend and last night.

CandidRaven · 05/04/2025 08:19

Why did you get up and start packing? Let him do it! If he asked you to do something you say "it's my morning off, you do it", as far as him coming in with the baby I'd have insisted he take her downstairs and explain to him you can't exactly have a lie in with everyone in the room, sometimes you have to be direct, sounds to me like you need him to pull his weight more on a regular basis but the only way that will happen is if you insist, stop doing things when it's his turn, let him do it he's not a child he can get a coat and some bottles sorted by himself

LeavesOnTrees · 05/04/2025 08:21

I agree about going to an hotel.

If your DH got his act together you could both have a lie in every week by taking it in turns.

VoopNeVesta · 05/04/2025 08:22

Your Mother's Day gift to yourself is to book yourself into a hotel for either Friday night or Saturday night and take yourself off so he has to be responsible for the children during the night for that night feed and get them up, dressed and feed them breakfast. You need to stop being a bloody doormat. Don't sit there and say "somehow and it turns into me having to help get them ready to go out." you chose to do that. It doesn't resolve the issue, he never parents by himself, he made sure of it when he brought the baby into the bed.

I have a Dh who would actually let me have a lie in every Sunday, took the children out of the house to leave me in blissful silence. You have a lazy arsehole Dh but you need to start standing up for yourself. Book that hotel. Have a lovely time.

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