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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be fed up that I still didn’t get my lie in

136 replies

HappyMummaOfOne · 05/04/2025 08:00

I have a 3.5year old and a 10month old and I can not tell you the last time I had a lie in. I know parents of children this age generally don’t but I am so exhausted and burnt out that when I was asked what I woukd like for Mother’s Day I asked for two things:- a lie in and a hot bath undisturbed by the kids.

Last Sunday I got neither. I also got no card or present (I’m not bothered by no present but thought I would get a card at least.) Mother’s Day was awful, I won’t go into details but the day was crap and I felt so unseen and heard that in the evening I had a little cry after putting the kids to bed. I think my husband must have been told by my mum a day or so later how down and upset I’ve been feeling recently because he offered to take the kids this morning so I could get my lie in and hot bath, would take the kids out and then drop them off at my parents so we could then have a nice afternoon just the two of us.
So last night I got the kids clothes out for today, packed the bag of nappies, wipes, spare clothes ect, made a packed lunch for them both ….you get the drift.

This morning I did the 3.30am wake up with my 10month old, milk, settled back to sleep and got back in my bed…..6am, husband gets up and gets her and she is fully awake so he brings her into our room and starts playing with her in the bed! I asked why he wasn’t taking her downstairs and his response was it was abit early 🤯
Not going to lie it did annoy me as I almost always try to keep my daughter in another room so I don’t disturb his sleep but he can’t do the same?!?! By 6.30am I’ve given up on being able to sleep and my 3.5year old comes in, and somehow it turns into me having to help get them ready to go out. I do my toddlers hair, I brush their teeth, I go and collect all the dirty bottles and take them downstairs, I collect their coats and help put shoes on ….and the best bit is as they left my husband says “I hope you enjoy your lie in”.
Is he just incredibly stupid and doesn’t get it or what???? I am AWAKE so I’m not getting a lie in. I just have the opportunity to now lie here trying to get back to sleep after 90mins of being awake with the kids.

Is my request really unreasonable and unrealistic that I could have one lie in?

Is it really unreasonable to expect my husband to be able to get the kids up and dressed and out the door without me? (He is taking them to his parents for breakfast before anyone thinks I am starving them).

I just wanted to get some sleep 😩
So maybe my tired moody self is not looking at the bigger picture. So AIBU?

OP posts:
DappledThings · 05/04/2025 11:32

The only thing you are being unreasonable about is putting the request out there as a one-off. You should both get a lie-in each alternate days of the weekend. A proper one, every weekend. None of this it being a Mother's Day special thing.

Fluffydolittle · 05/04/2025 11:33

People treat you how to let them. It’s on you to change it up because he is used to you being a doormat.

If he still behaves that way, you either leave or you start showing him his actions have consequences. Use your imagination for that, they’re real sensitive and protective of men over here.

femfemlicious · 05/04/2025 11:34

Yanbu. This is how men behave and its really annoying

femfemlicious · 05/04/2025 11:37

IsItOnlyWednesday · 05/04/2025 08:09

Didn’t you say to him ‘what lie in? I’ve been awake for an hour and a half because you bought the baby into bed’

If you didn’t, I suggest that you tell him when he gets home ‘by the way you still owe me a lie in, next time take the child downstairs like I do every other day so as not to disturb you’

He will get in a huff and say "nothing I do is ever good enough "🙄

Blackkittenfluff · 05/04/2025 11:39

He did that on purpose. He's a twat.

needacuppasoon · 05/04/2025 11:39

Sorry to rant about my useless DP on your thread but there’s no point in starting my own, it’s basically the same. Honestly I was reading your post saying ‘this is my life since Mother’s Day’ too!! I only have one dc just now and very very heavily pregnant with the second. My DP has been nothing short of utter shit since realising this second one is coming imminently. He’s been going to the gym every day and gone to more games of football in 3/4 weeks than he has in 2 years!
I had a ‘go back to bed’ offer yesterday but he then came into the room looking for nappies which woke me after 1.5hr. So I went to the kitchen for paracetamol and took myself back to bed - he came upstairs to ask if I was getting up as he needed to go out shopping for clothes!! He went to the gym after and was out 1pm-9pm.
Today has been out from 8am today, just got home - said I can go back to bed as he sees I’m sore but only till 1:30 as … he’s going to the fucking football again!!
I wouldn’t begrudge any of this probably if he actually helped while he’s in the house, not sit on his arse scrolling his phone, let me get up to crabby dc cos he’s not eaten enough breakfast, did the fucking dishes once and a while and maybe used half that brain of his to realise I'm more stressed sore and angry doing it all on my own and…. haven’t had a cup of tea made for months (including Mother’s Day)
I ranted to my mum yesterday so I think she’s going to be having a word with him next couple of days too. He must think his self employed paternity leave is to catch up on things he’s missed out on when working rather than helping me and getting shit done for this baby coming next week

I’m a crabbit cunt today as you may have noticed…. Sorry for hijacking op xx

Tipofthecattoes · 05/04/2025 11:40

Yes, you’re missing the bigger picture.

That your husband is a total dick, who really really doesn’t care what you feel like.

He doesn’t care you’re burnt out.

He doesn’t even care enough to do what you do every single day for ONE DAY.

You need to get your self respect back and if he won’t step up and be a parent, leave him.

Oldraver · 05/04/2025 11:48

Well sounds like he needs a lot more practice, so needs to be on duty every weekend

Cherrysoup · 05/04/2025 11:50

Tell him you’re having a lie in tomorrow which means he needs to take the dc downstairs, not into bed with you! What a selfish arse. He also needs to get their stuff ready and get them dressed and out if he wants to take them to the park etc. Spell it out for him if necessary, although he’s a grown up and knows how to look after his own dc, surely? I’d be so cross.

Tradewife365 · 05/04/2025 11:52

Do you really need to have a lie in?
If you are tired maybe try going to bed a bit earlier and then you can wake up and get the children ready feeling refreshed.
it works for me, I finish my housework for the evening, go straight to bed and by the morning I can rise earlier than the family and prepare the house and myself ready for them.

Fluffydolittle · 05/04/2025 11:54

Tradewife365 · 05/04/2025 11:52

Do you really need to have a lie in?
If you are tired maybe try going to bed a bit earlier and then you can wake up and get the children ready feeling refreshed.
it works for me, I finish my housework for the evening, go straight to bed and by the morning I can rise earlier than the family and prepare the house and myself ready for them.

🧌

Brefugee · 05/04/2025 11:56

Tradewife365 · 05/04/2025 11:52

Do you really need to have a lie in?
If you are tired maybe try going to bed a bit earlier and then you can wake up and get the children ready feeling refreshed.
it works for me, I finish my housework for the evening, go straight to bed and by the morning I can rise earlier than the family and prepare the house and myself ready for them.

Biscuit
CharlieUniformNovemberTangoYankee · 05/04/2025 12:05

He's as thick as a whale omelette. And completely fucking useless as well. I always wonder how these idiots manage to procreate - who on earth could find them attractive?

No doubt when you explain to him that you didn't actually get a lie in (because he's a clown) he'll respond with 'Oh, I can't do right for doing wrong' or some other self-pitying shite.

I haven't read anything other than the OP but I guess there are lots of replies suggesting booking a hotel. Yes, do that. See how he manages without his mummy for a single night.

Neemie · 05/04/2025 13:15

Tradewife365 · 05/04/2025 11:52

Do you really need to have a lie in?
If you are tired maybe try going to bed a bit earlier and then you can wake up and get the children ready feeling refreshed.
it works for me, I finish my housework for the evening, go straight to bed and by the morning I can rise earlier than the family and prepare the house and myself ready for them.

Living the dream.

Iudncuewbccgrcb · 05/04/2025 13:20

Tradewife365 · 05/04/2025 11:52

Do you really need to have a lie in?
If you are tired maybe try going to bed a bit earlier and then you can wake up and get the children ready feeling refreshed.
it works for me, I finish my housework for the evening, go straight to bed and by the morning I can rise earlier than the family and prepare the house and myself ready for them.

What is a trade wife?

FOJN · 05/04/2025 13:21

Tradewife365 · 05/04/2025 11:52

Do you really need to have a lie in?
If you are tired maybe try going to bed a bit earlier and then you can wake up and get the children ready feeling refreshed.
it works for me, I finish my housework for the evening, go straight to bed and by the morning I can rise earlier than the family and prepare the house and myself ready for them.

Man? Satire? Goady fucker?

Sofiewoo · 05/04/2025 13:49

Tradewife365 · 05/04/2025 11:52

Do you really need to have a lie in?
If you are tired maybe try going to bed a bit earlier and then you can wake up and get the children ready feeling refreshed.
it works for me, I finish my housework for the evening, go straight to bed and by the morning I can rise earlier than the family and prepare the house and myself ready for them.

God forbid a woman doesn’t do every single thing.

Tradewife365 · 05/04/2025 13:58

Sofiewoo · 05/04/2025 13:49

God forbid a woman doesn’t do every single thing.

Show quote history

Don’t worry I leave all the money earning to DH.

Tradewife365 · 05/04/2025 13:59

Iudncuewbccgrcb · 05/04/2025 13:20

What is a trade wife?

Show quote history

Wife of someone that earns money doing a trade!

Tradewife365 · 05/04/2025 14:00

Neemie · 05/04/2025 13:15

Living the dream.

Show quote history

I really am actually happy to do all that stuff, it makes me more fulfilled than any job could.

Coffeeishot · 05/04/2025 14:13

Tradewife365 · 05/04/2025 14:00

I really am actually happy to do all that stuff, it makes me more fulfilled than any job could.

Show quote history

That's great honestly but don't tell the op she's "failing" because she wants a lie in and her husband is thoughtless? Does your husband do nice things for you?

Tradewife365 · 05/04/2025 14:55

Coffeeishot · 05/04/2025 14:13

That's great honestly but don't tell the op she's "failing" because she wants a lie in and her husband is thoughtless? Does your husband do nice things for you?

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I never said she was failing! I just suggested she may not need the lie in she’s not getting anyway if she went to bed earlier.
pretty sure that’s what someone would suggest if she was tired at her workplace every morning. Children are a career themselves so it’s much better to be well rested to care for them.

Coffeeishot · 05/04/2025 14:58

You suggested that she was "falling"
because she wanted .a lie in, she sounds upset and knackered and you said well just go to bed earlier problem solved !

Thebloodynine · 05/04/2025 15:57

Coffeeishot · 05/04/2025 14:58

You suggested that she was "falling"
because she wanted .a lie in, she sounds upset and knackered and you said well just go to bed earlier problem solved !

Look at the username. Tradwife. Nothing that poster says has any place in 2025. Ignore her. She can live her life however she wants, we can all ignore her extreme misogynistic views.

Thebloodynine · 05/04/2025 15:59

Tradewife365 · 05/04/2025 13:59

Wife of someone that earns money doing a trade!

Show quote history

But you post like a trad wife. Which is a nonsense trend and tradwives always try to push the lifestyle onto others.