Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be fed up that I still didn’t get my lie in

136 replies

HappyMummaOfOne · 05/04/2025 08:00

I have a 3.5year old and a 10month old and I can not tell you the last time I had a lie in. I know parents of children this age generally don’t but I am so exhausted and burnt out that when I was asked what I woukd like for Mother’s Day I asked for two things:- a lie in and a hot bath undisturbed by the kids.

Last Sunday I got neither. I also got no card or present (I’m not bothered by no present but thought I would get a card at least.) Mother’s Day was awful, I won’t go into details but the day was crap and I felt so unseen and heard that in the evening I had a little cry after putting the kids to bed. I think my husband must have been told by my mum a day or so later how down and upset I’ve been feeling recently because he offered to take the kids this morning so I could get my lie in and hot bath, would take the kids out and then drop them off at my parents so we could then have a nice afternoon just the two of us.
So last night I got the kids clothes out for today, packed the bag of nappies, wipes, spare clothes ect, made a packed lunch for them both ….you get the drift.

This morning I did the 3.30am wake up with my 10month old, milk, settled back to sleep and got back in my bed…..6am, husband gets up and gets her and she is fully awake so he brings her into our room and starts playing with her in the bed! I asked why he wasn’t taking her downstairs and his response was it was abit early 🤯
Not going to lie it did annoy me as I almost always try to keep my daughter in another room so I don’t disturb his sleep but he can’t do the same?!?! By 6.30am I’ve given up on being able to sleep and my 3.5year old comes in, and somehow it turns into me having to help get them ready to go out. I do my toddlers hair, I brush their teeth, I go and collect all the dirty bottles and take them downstairs, I collect their coats and help put shoes on ….and the best bit is as they left my husband says “I hope you enjoy your lie in”.
Is he just incredibly stupid and doesn’t get it or what???? I am AWAKE so I’m not getting a lie in. I just have the opportunity to now lie here trying to get back to sleep after 90mins of being awake with the kids.

Is my request really unreasonable and unrealistic that I could have one lie in?

Is it really unreasonable to expect my husband to be able to get the kids up and dressed and out the door without me? (He is taking them to his parents for breakfast before anyone thinks I am starving them).

I just wanted to get some sleep 😩
So maybe my tired moody self is not looking at the bigger picture. So AIBU?

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 05/04/2025 08:24

In fact book yourself into a hotel tonight and go out at lunch time, by yourself. Go and have lunch, see a film or go for a walk or browse the shops, then retire to your hotel for an early night.

Acting in your own interests is the only way you’re going to get what you need.

StartAnew · 05/04/2025 08:26

Yes book yourself one night at a hotel and tell him it’s because he twice promised you a lie in that didnt happen
and you can’t carry on being so exhausted, That may cure him.

Agix · 05/04/2025 08:27

YANBU.

My partner gives me a lie in from doing the morning feeding/litter cleaning for the cat completely undisturbed, on request. Even sometimes just because he can see I'm tired. It's usually my job, he does evenings.

I find myself comparing my partners 'pet parenting' and support of me/my chores to MN husbands actual parenting and support for the mothers of their children a lot.

Like my partner should not be more supportive and kind in the caring of the bloody cat than your husband is about your shared children and you - the mother of them! It's way more work for you (obviously)... Husband should be more supportive. If not taking the kids 50/50 anyway unless you're a SAHM or something....?!

MN should really put their foot down on their husbands being shit. If you need motivation, remember there's a guy out there who is more supportive over a bloody cat.

Not your fault OP x but my point with this post is your husband is being utterly useless AND IT'S A CHOICE. Men are NOT automatically, unavoidably like this. I swear. He is CHOOSING to be like this.

Gliblet · 05/04/2025 08:28

"I almost always try to keep my daughter in another room so I don’t disturb his sleep"

Well that stops now, then...

Couldyounot · 05/04/2025 08:28

Is he a bit thick, or just an oaf?

nomas · 05/04/2025 08:30

He’s doing it on purpose. Get some gumption and tell him he needs to leave the room and to not bring in the kids when you’re sleeping or you will start doing the same to him.

How many lie ins does he get? You need to get the same as him. Or an extra because you do the night wakings.

DaisyChain505 · 05/04/2025 08:31

Have you actually sat down and communicated your feelings loud and clear or do you just go about silently sulking.

Nothing is ever going to change or be fixed unless you’re direct about what’s going on.

lottiegarbanzo · 05/04/2025 08:31

Then stop being such a martyr. You’re setting a pattern that will last the rest of your life. Why were you packing last night? Why didn’t he do that? You need to sit back, let him mess up and have to deal with the consequences himself.

You both sound quite childish really. Him in every way. You because you haven’t learnt grown-up assertion or conversation skills. The idea that your husband only knew how you felt about Mother’s Day because your mum told him!!! Makes you both sound about fifteen.

Penguinmouse · 05/04/2025 08:32

He sounds useless. Book yourself into a hotel to get your bath and lie-in.

threenaancurrywhore · 05/04/2025 08:35

Is your husband especially stupid? It does seem so if he’s unable to get the kids’ clothes together, make a packed lunch, organise looking after them himself. If so you’ll have to explain to him what a lie-in means and how this wasn’t one. Use small words and pictures.

RandomMess · 05/04/2025 08:35

I would text him and say this morning wasn’t a lie in. A lie in js when you get up and keep the DC quiet and out of the our bedroom so I can SLEEP it is not getting up and looking after the DC and then going back to bed. You will have to try again every Saturday until you can do it properly.

Coffeeishot · 05/04/2025 08:37

You have a selfish useless husband I mean he doesn't pack bags and make lunches, what is that about?

KarmenPQZ · 05/04/2025 08:39

So last night I got the kids clothes out for today, packed the bag of nappies, wipes, spare clothes ect, made a packed lunch for them both ….you get the drift.
why did you do this? Surely you say to him whilst sitting on the sofa ‘do you think they need a packed lunch for tomorrow. If so Charlie won’t eat ham at the moment but she’ll eat cheese or tuna’ and ‘make sure you remember the nappies because I’m going to be asleep tomorrow morning so get everything out of the room tonight please’.

like past poster i’m so bored with shit mumsnet dads but equally bored with mums that enable them. You need to manage him not do it for him.

Penguinmouse · 05/04/2025 08:39

To add, why are you packing the bags, doing lunches?! He is never going to learn to do all this stuff if you just do it for him. Worst comes to worst and he forgets something, shops exist. Why is he not getting you a Mother’s Day card and gift? And why did you have a second child with a complete chump.

RobinHeartella · 05/04/2025 08:42

I do my toddlers hair, I brush their teeth, I go and collect all the dirty bottles and take them downstairs, I collect their coats and help put shoes on ….and the best bit is as they left my husband says “I hope you enjoy your lie in”.

I'm raging for you, op. Show him this thread, maybe it'll sink in.

Can he hold down a job? If so he should be able to do a basic task like putting a child's shoes on. The mind boggles.

I'm up several times a night with my toddler while dh sleeps undisturbed and part of the deal is I get a short lie in everyday. Dh takes ds to change his nappy and gives both kids breakfast downstairs quietly while I get 20-30 mins to come round before getting dressed. Pretty much everyday! The only lie-ins dh gets is on his birthday and father's day, and maybe once in a blue moon apart from that.

We are both satisfied with this deal. You seem to have a terribly unbalanced setup.

FirefIy · 05/04/2025 08:44

It’s simply really, you’ve married a shit and have opted to breed with him, making it much harder to leave as his behaviour gets worse.

This absolutely isn’t normal. He’s awful.

InternetUser · 05/04/2025 08:46

I think you need to spell it out. That a lie in is where he’s quiet and leaves you to sleep. Today hasn’t counted as it wasn’t what you meant.
I completely understand where you are coming from. I wanted a break on my birthday one year so went for a bath (literally the first one I’d had all year) and he got the kids and bought them into the bathroom with me. I could have cried.
I hope it gets better soon.

Maray1967 · 05/04/2025 08:53

Owlteapot · 05/04/2025 08:08

As soon as he brought the baby in you should have said 'what happened to me having a lie in? You know what to do every day now he wants to stay in bed

This. Mine isn’t a stupid idiot - but if he was, I’d fight fire with fire. dC would be jumping on him in bed every single day now, until he delivers a proper weekend lie in.

But - OP needs to use her voice! He should have been told by OP that Mother’s Day was nonexistent and why was that? Find your voice, OP, and get him told.

Eenameenadeeka · 05/04/2025 08:54

He really does sound quite stupid. Sorry you didn't get to sleep! Maybe a nap for the afternoon rather than time with him?

Oddsocksanduglyshoes · 05/04/2025 08:57

Does he genuinely not know what a lie in is? Ask him what his idea of a lie in is!!

Moonnstars · 05/04/2025 08:58

Yes he is useless. I guess he was hoping you would wake up so he wouldn't have to look after the children and therefore made sure they made noise and wanted mummy.

I do agree with others though about speaking to him. What did you say when he had nothing for mother's day? Even though I am not big into it, I would have questioned if I hadn't had a card why he didn't do this. I don't think I would leave it to my mum to point this out to him, I am a grown adult and should be able to speak to my partner if I was disappointed like this.
Also agree with others, why did you sort the kids bags? Again, say to him 'a lie in sounds good and thanks for arranging them to go to grandparents for the day, can you make sure you sort their bags with everything they will need'. If he then asked what they needed I would roll my eyes and ask him where he has been the last few years and leave him to it!

I think by continuing to step around him and doing things for him he can continue to play dumb. It is ridiculous that he didn't think bringing the little one into your bedroom wouldn't be at all disruptive to your lie in. Stop stepping around him and say you don't do this when he has a lie in. Also make it equal. If you get up every week this needs to stop and you need to take turns.

Needlenardlenoo · 05/04/2025 09:00

So she books into a hotel. I guarantee the husband will drive the kids straight to his mother! Or else she will be summoned to come over. Creating a few new problems.

Octonaut4Life · 05/04/2025 09:00

OP your partner sounds useless but as others have said you're being totally passive. Tell him to take the baby downstairs! Do not get up and start helping do x y z! Set some clear boundaries, stick to them and actually speak up when you're not happy instead of raging inside your head but not communicating that clearly with your partner.

Ohthatsabitshit · 05/04/2025 09:05

He does the mornings till you have one where he doesn’t wake you up with the children. Practice makes perfect.

Fancycheese · 05/04/2025 09:08

He’s fucking useless. But you encourage the behaviour you accept. You should have told
me straight out that Mother’s Day was unacceptable and you shouldn’t have started getting the kids ready. Agree with pp that you need to go to a spa hotel overnight. I can’t believe some of the stories I read about men on here. It’s depressing.

Swipe left for the next trending thread