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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mum of girls (Caitlin Moran) telling us mums of boys how to speak to our sons

256 replies

Suitablefor · 04/04/2025 15:29

Thanks 🤔

OP posts:
ThatsNotMyTeen · 04/04/2025 18:23

JudithWithABigKnife · 04/04/2025 15:38

Boys and girls aren't different species. I don't think you have to be a parent of either boys or girls, or indeed a parent at all, to have perfectly valid ideas on how to talk to children.

Agree

(mum of boys, no girls)

Thoughtsonstuff · 04/04/2025 18:23

HowardTJMoon · 04/04/2025 18:01

You're right. Mothers who don't have boys shouldn't offer any advice about raising boys regardless of how much expert opinion they've gathered because what would they know?

But then if you've never been a boy then you'd have no idea about the pressures and feelings that boys experience growing up. How would you? If you grew up a girl then your lived experience would be totally different.

Therefore I agree with you - we should only listen to fathers who have sons to tell us how to raise boys. They've got first-hand experience and that's what's important, right?

Well, having two boys I have a birds eye view of their life from a baby. And I am their mother, tasked with the job of raising them. So I have experience as a mother as to what boys respond to and what affects their behaviour. Cause and effect. Obviously my DH has greater knowledge of a boys mind. But his role is different at particular ages of the boys.
Being a parent of a son is the relevant bit of course, which Caitlin isnt.

Why do you think she does have the experience to give sound advice, out of interest?

JHound · 04/04/2025 18:24

Seeing as we are ALL impacted by parents of boys who cannot be bothered to raise them properly - I don’t see why she should not have a view.

Gowlett · 04/04/2025 18:28

Unpaidviewer · 04/04/2025 18:09

I don't understand why they get random journalists and slebs to write pieces that would be far better done by an expert. Unless it's an opinion piece then I think you should stick to what you know.

Gets us all talking! We wouldn’t even have noticed if it was just another boffin… She must have a book coming out, I reckon.

Thoughtsonstuff · 04/04/2025 18:31

JHound · 04/04/2025 18:24

Seeing as we are ALL impacted by parents of boys who cannot be bothered to raise them properly - I don’t see why she should not have a view.

We can all as women/girls definitely have a view on the results of the parenting of (some) boys. But I'd be more interested in the advice of a mother of boys who turned out OK.

Having older teens there's absolutely no way I'd know how to deal with a tricky 15 year old girl as they react differently to certain things to boys, but I have an idea how to deal with a 15 year old boy having had two that so far have evaded prison (touch wood).

Incidentally Adolescence however brilliant, is a story. The stats don't support a huge problem with white working class boys from stable families going round murdering girls.

Gowlett · 04/04/2025 18:31

Polly Vernon has a new book coming out.
“How The Female Body Works”

She says she’s interviewed lots of experts.
Hope it’s better than “Hot Feminist”

EdithBond · 04/04/2025 18:33

teawamutu · 04/04/2025 17:48

DH sent me this yesterday. Making essentially the same point, albeit more succinct.

Haha! That’s cracked me up. The (unrealistic) depictions in Adolescence have certainly put the fear into Middle England. I bet some teenage lads have had to endure some excruciating ‘talks’ with parents the past few weeks. Like when parents who know nothing about drugs try to talk to their kids about that.

Then, there’s Starmer (who’s apparently watched it with his kids) but describes it as a ‘documentary’.

It’s actually getting on my wick now. If the government’s concerned about youth violence, maybe they should restore funding to youth services, which have been cut by 73% since 2010: a reduction of £1 billion and 4,500 qualified youth workers. Not to mention youth mental health services, child poverty etc.

Jerabilis · 04/04/2025 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Thoughtsonstuff · 04/04/2025 18:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

That's a really horrible and unhelpful comment.

JHound · 04/04/2025 18:37

Thoughtsonstuff · 04/04/2025 18:31

We can all as women/girls definitely have a view on the results of the parenting of (some) boys. But I'd be more interested in the advice of a mother of boys who turned out OK.

Having older teens there's absolutely no way I'd know how to deal with a tricky 15 year old girl as they react differently to certain things to boys, but I have an idea how to deal with a 15 year old boy having had two that so far have evaded prison (touch wood).

Incidentally Adolescence however brilliant, is a story. The stats don't support a huge problem with white working class boys from stable families going round murdering girls.

Most girls who are harmed are harmed by boys known to them. Are you arguing that white working class girls are somehow the exception to that rule?

Tell that to the families of Louise Hunt, Holly Newton and countless others.

Panterusblackish · 04/04/2025 18:37

Oh look a thinly veiled misogynistic thread basically using the old women be quiet trope.

Of course you don't need to be a parent to a boy to research the subject and give advice.

Women can speak on any subject they bloody well like and good for her if she can get paid to do so.

JHound · 04/04/2025 18:40

EdithBond · 04/04/2025 18:33

Haha! That’s cracked me up. The (unrealistic) depictions in Adolescence have certainly put the fear into Middle England. I bet some teenage lads have had to endure some excruciating ‘talks’ with parents the past few weeks. Like when parents who know nothing about drugs try to talk to their kids about that.

Then, there’s Starmer (who’s apparently watched it with his kids) but describes it as a ‘documentary’.

It’s actually getting on my wick now. If the government’s concerned about youth violence, maybe they should restore funding to youth services, which have been cut by 73% since 2010: a reduction of £1 billion and 4,500 qualified youth workers. Not to mention youth mental health services, child poverty etc.

Why is it unrealistic? Male rage and boys and men being indoctrinated in online misogyny is a growing issue. And is the sense of ownership some men and boys have towards women that can result in abusive partnerships and femicide.

MaggieMistletoe · 04/04/2025 18:40

I thought Caitlin Moran did have a son that she is estranged from? With that Tony whathisname, the author? I think he's called Bobby.

The idea of her giving parenting advice is absolutely laughable.

Thoughtsonstuff · 04/04/2025 18:41

JHound · 04/04/2025 18:37

Most girls who are harmed are harmed by boys known to them. Are you arguing that white working class girls are somehow the exception to that rule?

Tell that to the families of Louise Hunt, Holly Newton and countless others.

Edited

No. I didn't mention white working class girls.

There was a lot of commentary after Adolescence that it definitely needs to be acknowledged that it is not a documentary. The guy who wrote it apparently based it on attacks such as the little girls murdered at the Taylor Swift party. There isn't a new and terrifying increase in murders carried out by boys like Jamie. We don't need to go into a huge panic about those boys.

healthybychristmas · 04/04/2025 18:41

The one thing you can say about Caitlin Moran is that she has always going to have an opinion on everything, no matter whether she knows anything about it or not.

JHound · 04/04/2025 18:42

MaggieMistletoe · 04/04/2025 18:40

I thought Caitlin Moran did have a son that she is estranged from? With that Tony whathisname, the author? I think he's called Bobby.

The idea of her giving parenting advice is absolutely laughable.

That’s not Caitlin Moran I am sure. You are thinking of the one that was married to Tony Parsons?

Thoughtsonstuff · 04/04/2025 18:42

JHound · 04/04/2025 18:42

That’s not Caitlin Moran I am sure. You are thinking of the one that was married to Tony Parsons?

Julie Birchill. Her son died recently sadly.

Americano75 · 04/04/2025 18:43

AInightingale · 04/04/2025 16:26

Moran wrote very frivolously about abortion, joking about having a pang of regret when seeing the baby's hand gestures on the ultrasound, thinking she might have been aborting her 'gay son'. (Presumably less toxic that one of those non-gay boys). Then quipping that she gave her termination less thought that choosing kitchen worktops. I'm not moralising about abortion but at the same time, someone like that should not be pontificating on rearing kids with healthy self-esteem.

Jesus, that's fucking nasty.

JHound · 04/04/2025 18:44

Thoughtsonstuff · 04/04/2025 18:41

No. I didn't mention white working class girls.

There was a lot of commentary after Adolescence that it definitely needs to be acknowledged that it is not a documentary. The guy who wrote it apparently based it on attacks such as the little girls murdered at the Taylor Swift party. There isn't a new and terrifying increase in murders carried out by boys like Jamie. We don't need to go into a huge panic about those boys.

But you said there is no issue with white working class boys harming girls.

Seeing as girls who ARE harmed are most likely to be harmed by their male peers (proximity) then that would suggest white working class girls are somehow not impacted by MVAWG.

JHound · 04/04/2025 18:45

Americano75 · 04/04/2025 18:43

Jesus, that's fucking nasty.

I don’t see what’s nasty about it. Abortion does not have to be this agonising decision.

WooleyMunky · 04/04/2025 18:45

I used to really like her, but she has fallen into the 'Polly Filler' mentality of late.
Endlessly linking any opinion to her books, endlessly banging on about her relevance. Caitlin Moran is a female Farage, desperately shoe-horning herself in at every opportunity.

MaggieMistletoe · 04/04/2025 18:47

@Jhound @Thoughtsonstuff - my mistake, of course it was Julie Birchill. Silly of me to mix them up. How terribly sad about her son.

springbringshope · 04/04/2025 18:47

Suitablefor · 04/04/2025 15:34

Sure thing

but mumsnet have recruited her to tell us specifically how to speak to our sons

surely they could have rustled up someone who did indeed have a son?

No. Because it’s the girls who are at the rough end of boys behaving inappropriately. So it’s reasonable for the advocates if the victims to explain what would help society if boys were taught.
is this really not something you understand?
Why would parents of boys who are the ones behaving in the manner requiring advice on how to parent their sons in a way to keep women safe be the ones to tell other parents how to parent.

stayathomer · 04/04/2025 18:48

Boys and girls aren't different species. I don't think you have to be a parent of either boys or girls, or indeed a parent at all, to have perfectly valid ideas on how to talk to children.

I do wonder side by side how teenagers as boys or girls differ, honestly. All of my friends and relatives with teenage girls talk about arguments, shouting and girls getting teary. I have a son who’s similar to this, but the others and what most boy parents speak of when we’re chatting is them going quiet and sad looking, or else sullen, or snapping then disappearing to the bedroom. I heard a psychologist talking about the different hormones and testosterone. So I genuinely don’t know but do honestly wonder if girl houses and boy houses are as apparently different as I have seen and heard of.

And I’m genuinely not saying she should not speak but I do think she should have mentioned that she doesn’t have boys. It’s in the same way a teacher/ care giver with children will speak about children from a different place to one who doesn’t because they know the at home stuff that goes on, the daily issues that crop up from experience.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 04/04/2025 18:50

Unpaidviewer · 04/04/2025 18:21

Good point. I also think some parenting methods aren't going to work for every child or every parent. I dont know Gina Fords credentials but cry it out goes against every natural instinct I have in me. It is only in the west that we seem to be obsessed about children sleeping in their own beds and through the night. Cultural differences do have in impact on what we see as ideal behaviour and development.

Seeing as she went absolutely ballistic at Mumsnet because posters gave their negative opinions on her methods and sued (so much so that uttering her name on here until the last couple of years when she's largely faded into history was like jumping on the table holding a seven foot high neon sign saying VOLDERMORT), I wouldn't say she is/was representative of the vast majority of western women's attitude towards parenting babies in any shape or form.