To think maternity leave is supposed to be enjoyable?

[Newmumhere40]

When does that happen? Baby is currently almost 3 months, I'm sleeping 5/6 ish hours a night in 2 chunks, not sleeping during the day. Exhausted every morning. My partner is fantastic, extremely supportive.

I was so looking forward to maternity leave but I'm just feeling monotony and tiredness, sad that 'this is all I do now', change nappies and breastfeed. I get outside every day and that helps, but this feeling is just not going away. Please understand I absolutely love my baby girl, but this is a question to the Mums, does it get easier?

30 minutes is plenty of time for an adult to Power Nap. In fact, 20-30 minutes is the ideal time.

And until they grew out of it, my baby would only sleep being rocked in a pram. So that’s what I did. Rocked them in the hallway in the pram. I certainly wasn’t going to let them get used to the car / sling or something else inconvenient.

It’s about experimenting and changing their behaviour such that it suits you. Simple really. Not easy, it requires discipline and will power. But it is simple.

It was the best year I remember. I had a hard job that was relentless and I knew I wasn’t going back. Money wasn’t a huge issue and I loved just doing housework and wandering around with my buggy. It’s the most tired I’ve ever been but I look back now and think of it as the happiest I’ve probably been.

I haven't read all the replies but my LO is 3 months (13 weeks) and I'm enjoying it. Not absolutely everything,; I get about the same amount of sleep in 3 chunks, and I don't sleep in the day either, and I do feel deep deprived, but I'm enjoying loads of it.

I'm going to a few baby classes per week, and on days when I don't, will go for a coffee with dp to get out for a while. Visiting family and friends, who are delighted with baby (and give me a little break). DP takes LO for walks almost every day and I get some time to myself (I often spend it gardening which I enjoy).

LO feeds very often and during that time I binge watch a show that I enjoy. I'm also making sure to have food that I enjoy and can look forward to every day. Little things but they're really helpful to me.

Then there's playing with baby girl who is interacting more and more. She's so much fun and so cute!

I'm sorry if others have already said these, and I'm sure you've tried some of these, but no, I don't think that all you should feel is monotony and tiredness (though I definitely do feel those too sometimes).

I agree with @WhatNoRaisins meeting other mums helps (and there are free ways to do this).

Yes, it does get easier. But I found it to be a frightening nightmare at the start. I think the problem is that people paint this idyllic picture of life with a new baby and it just isn't like that. Just lower your expectations, feel proud that you got through each day and try to do something you enjoy every day, even if it's only grabbing a 10 minute nap or walking to the shops and back. Relax as much as you can (not easy I know).

We are all different and some people just can't manage what you did. I certainly couldn't have.

@SouthLondonMum22 each to their own. I have a job with lots of responsibility, so was glad to have a break from it and do some simple stuff that didn’t require too much thought. I couldn’t have done it forever though.

The first few months are the hardest, though I personally loved the newborn days. My baby is 10 months old now, and I have loved maternity leave. I go out the house everyday. I hang out with my baby. I socialise a lot. For me personally it's been miles easier and less stressful than work, and I'm dreading going back 😂 I appreciate for a lot of people though, the baby days ar a boring, lonely slog.

Enjoyable? Fuck, no! Don't get me wrong, I adore my children but I practically skipped back to work when my first Mat leave ended. You can love your kids and still need something for yourself, don't ever feel ashamed of finding being at home with a baby full time hard. It is entirely normal to have moments of thinking "what have I done??" because however much you love your baby, adjusting to your new reality is really hard and it's ok to miss your old life. It doesn't make you a bad Mum.

Honestly, the best advice I can give you is to ignore everyone's advice and do what works for you. For example, I hated baby groups. Loathed and detested them. But with my first I felt like I had to go because that's what people tell you. So on my second maternity leave I just didn't do it. We still went out everyday...for long walks, to coffee shops, mooched around galleries, whatever I fancied doing. But I definitely did not fancy sitting cross legged on the floor of a church hall singing Incy Wincey Spider with a load of other women whilst our babies either slept or screamed. Also, I am rubbish at sleeping in the day so the whole "nap while the baby naps" thing didn't work for me. But lying on the sofa watching something on Netflix or listening to a podcast for an hour while the baby napped allowed me to de-compress and feel more human again.

My kids are 7 and 11 now and they're so much fun. Life is still busy, they're both Autistic so have their challenges but it's a hell of a lot easier than the baby stage. Today I took DD to her dance class and sat in the cafe next door reading a book with a coffee until she was done. Then when DH got back from taking DS to football we all went out for a nice lunch (no tantrums or screaming, I got to eat my food while it was still hot because that is the norm for us now), they played in the garden all afternoon while DH and I got on with some jobs and now they're happily watching a film and i'm sat here scrolling with a glass of wine. Some days are still hard, but the relentless feeding, burping, changing cycle that seemed never-ending at the time now feels like a lifetime ago.

You will sleep again. You will have time for yourself again. You will have clothes and furniture that don't have shit or sick on them again. You will be able to spontaneously leave the house taking nothing but your phone and car keys with you again.

Honestly, OP. It will be OK.

@ToKittyornottoKitty no one is judging OP or saying she is doing anything wrong. I’m just sharing my experience. We all have our battles. I just like to try and make stuff as enjoyable as I can, I’m not good living in the doom and gloom space.

It was definitely a break but at the same time, I really didn't enjoy my days of doing nothing but simple stuff that didn't require too much thought.

I went back to work early and found the balance much better.

Discipline and willpower are not words I want to associate with caring for my little baby tbh. I’m not happy to let her be distressed so it’s not “inconvenient” she’s a tiny person who needs me! I’m not going to let her cry in her pram when she needs comforting. It’s a phase and it will pass.

I’m sure plenty of other mums feel the same. Women are allowed to find it hard whilst doing the best they can for their baby.

FWIW I am enjoying my maternity leave but I can completely see why people find it hard and it’s certainly not miraculously solved by “sleeping when the baby sleeps”

Hang in there OP! 3 months is still very young and if your first child, so many changes for you! I’d say around 4/5/6 months when baby gets a bit bigger, sleep is better and seems a bit easier. They’re also a bit more responsive to feels less like you’re on your own. I’d recommend baby classes - baby sensory, baby yoga, swimming, just anything to break up the day a bit. Have friends over for coffee (friends from before baby or new mums you meet.) I really enjoyed mat leave but did it my way - did 2-3 classes/groups a week, had friends and family over a few times a week and did things I could while sitting ie reading my kindle, watching an episode of something on my phone if baby was asleep in my arms. I’m quite a homey person though so maybe made a difference? Good luck OP!

Parenting is relentless….

It's time meant for you to heal after creating new life and the trauma of giving birth, and the time needed to look after a newborn. That can be hard work. Babies cry and need feeding at ungodly hours and it can be exhausting. It's also time to give up your old life and embrace your new one as a mother. Sorry, it's not a walk in the park or a bonus holiday. But get help if you think you're suffering from post natal depression. Good luck

Well, I guess everyone has different experiences.

Sleep deprived and exhausted, yes absolutely.

My DH was at work all week, not going for coffees with me and certainly not taking the baby for walks while I got free time. Does your DP not work?

No family anywhere nearby.

Friends at work all week.

I didn't find playing with a 3 month old lots of fun, there's really very little they can do. I fared better with my second maternity leave, simply because I had a toddler to interact with as well.

Our babies are the same age :) and i had my tearful moment on the changing table this morning thinking how hard and tiring this is! I feel like i have no control and no idea what I am doing and feel so worried to be in charge of my baby.. surely there is someone better than I? It is hard but as everyone keeps saying it gets better - and it must / look you are all grown up. It just have been hard for your mum too!
i see loads of recommendations for groups! I do loads everyday of the week except Fridays and I don’t enjoy the chit chat with the mums. I find the baby competition abit unsettling..ooh is your not rolling/mine started crawling etc etc what I like about the groups is that is an opportunity to learn and do something different with your baby! I always have something to chat to her about afterwards…and she enjoys looking around/taking it all in!
I didn’t think maternity leave was going to be fun or easy but I completely forgot expenses still occur even though the income has dried up! You are going to be ok OP - hang in there.

Ha. It’s not remotely enjoyable. Though I had a terrible birth, non sleeping baby and undiagnosed PND and anxiety, so I’m not the best one to ask.

It does get easier - I promise. But not yet- you’re only 3 months in. Still very early days. I’d say it gets better from 6 months. More fun when they’re bigger and more interactive. And much better when they sleep through.

You can sleep train gently from 6 months. We did it at 7 months to save my sanity and our marriage don’t be too hard on yourself. The first 12 months were the hardest of my life.

I promise, it gets easier. DS is 6 now and I really enjoy being a Mum and family life. He’s my world. But I found the baby stage very hard. Some women have easy going, good sleeping babies and can’t relate at all to my experience.

I’ve never found anything as tough as PND and a baby. Hang on in there and pester your doctor for help if things don’t improve. Join lots of baby groups and get out of the house every day. Go back to work when you can and don’t feel bad about using a good nursery.

Yes, he works. He does these things after work.

My parents are retired so luckily I can spend time with them when suits us both.

I have one friend on maternity leave, and others I meet for lunch very occasionally.

I was just trying to give the OP some ideas to help make her days easier, because looking after a small baby is undoubtedly hard, and I voted YANBU, because of course she isn't.

Why so combative in response to my post?

@Newmumhere40 all these people saying 'sleep when the baby sleeps' as if you had never thought of that! Mine rarely naps and when she does it's on me or very occasionally in the moving pram. Sleeping when she sleeps is not an option. I don't know if it's the same for you but I'm so tired of people saying that! That and the 'movement will put her to sleep' cliché in relation to being in the car / pram. As if I don't know my own baby (who hates the car and mostly just wants to look out at everything when in the pram).

I struggled too. When my sister had her children, 18 years ago, she meant a bunch of women at a breast feeding group and they ended up doing alsorts together either in smaller groups or all together. Lasted years. I was really hoping I’d find a couple of new friends! I did find one, but because of life and work and nap schedules not aligning we haven’t met up much.

But going to a weekly group still helped with interacting with other mums in a similar situation.

it is monotonous at this age. However, very soon they will start learning and doing so many new things.

I'm exactly the same...3 month old baby and I've also had days where it's just felt so monotonous! Like others have said; getting out, joining baby groups and meeting other mums has been a saviour for me, especially now the weather is getting better!

My response to “they’re only this little for such a short time don’t which it away!” was initially a shit ton of guilt. But after a while my internal response was “thank fuck they’re only this little for a short amount on time. I couldn’t do this for 18 years”. Then my LO turned into a toddler and could walk and speak and it’s only been upwards from there.

I love my children and have a really good, close relationship with them but the tiny baby stage was very boring so I couldn’t wait to get back to work.

It does get better OP. The first few months are hard as hell - it’s just so massively life changing. I cannot say that I enjoyed mine …it was hard work and huge adjustment.