Page 11 | To think maternity leave is supposed to be enjoyable?

Newmumhere40 · 2025-04-04T07:30:12+00:00

When does that happen? Baby is currently almost 3 months, I'm sleeping 5/6 ish hours a night in 2 chunks, not sleeping during the day. Exhausted every morning. My partner is fantastic, extremely supportive. I was so looking forward to maternity leave but I'm just feeling monotony and tiredness, sad that 'this is all I do now', change nappies and breastfeed. I get outside every day and that helps, but this feeling is just not going away. Please understand I absolutely love my baby girl, but this is a question to the Mums, does it get easier?

JG24 · 06/04/2025 21:28

Newmumhere40 · 04/04/2025 09:25

What kind of split do people suggest? We currently do 10.30pm to 4am/ 4am to 8 am. One stretch with baby, one without and we rotate this schedule. I'm breastfeeding so it usually ends up being about 5 hours sleep with all the feeds added up. He wakes to feed/change nappy 3 times from 8pm to 6am.

Thank you everyone, it feels good to know I'm not alone. I think the problem is I'm still really anxious when I'm out with her, even with other Mums! I'm constantly thinking, is she going to cry, will I be able to soothe her, etc. I know it's irrational.

I'm uses to bring extremely busy at work, super busy, pretty stressful job that I enjoyed and was good at. I don't know how good I am at this...

It's tough to know exactly how much of an adjustment it was going to be before hand and I think I'm still getting used to it. I wouldn't change it for a second....I'm hoping it gets easier or at least I get more confident doing it.

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I know it's hard but please try not to worry about other people. I guarantee so many people are looking at you and thinking you are doing a wonderful job.
I had a few incidents which I will never forget when my baby was tiny...
At about 2 mouths old I was sat having a drink outside and feeding her whilst trying to read a book. I was getting a bit flustered as the baby wasn't settling. Then the server came over and told me two women had paid for my drink and told him to tell me they thought I was doing brilliantly and they were really impressed
At 5 months old we went on holiday, most of the holiday went well but we had an awful time on a ferry where the baby wouldn't stop crying and it felt like everyone was staring at us. At the airport on the way home a woman told us they'd kept seeing us all week and saw us on the ferry. I immediately apologised and she just gushed about what a great job we were doing and all babies cry and no one minded. She was so lovely and complimentary I burst into tears
So you never know what the people around you are thinking. A lot of them are probably remembering their own children

rosemarble · 07/04/2025 09:49

How to not 'lose' your relationship with your partner in the midst of all this? Feeling very distant at the moment...😞

Talk and listen. I always think, once the honest talking stops then the relationship is hitting rocky ground.

ItsTooEarlyForThis · 07/04/2025 10:04

It definitely does get easier and more enjoyable but when that happens is down to so many variables!
I really struggled the first few months with getting out of the house - it just felt impossible to get baby and myself and his bag ready and out of the door between feeds and sleep and nappy changes.
My baby wouldn’t (and still won’t 🫠) nap in a cot so getting anything done is hard.
Night sleep was only good around the 3 month mark - hit the 4 month regression and then he was up every 1-2 hours all night until around 10 months. Even with rubbish sleep I found things got a lot easier around the 5 month mark, getting out and about. He’s nearly one now so dreading my mat leave coming to an end and going back to work - his little personality is just lovely and keeps me entertained. I still don’t get much done as naps are either contact or car (and rarely pushchair) and I never really got on with the carriers as pregnancy has destroyed my back, and he just wants my attention all the time, but I figure I won’t get this time again so just go with it and do the hoovering when someone else is around.
And as others said, definitely find your people. I have a WhatsApp group with my NCT friends and we speak on there every day, plus classes or meet ups at least once a week. I wouldn’t have survived without them. There’s no sense of competition (perhaps I got lucky!) just a group of women I can be completely honest with as we’re all in the trenches at the same time.
Relationship has taken a bit of a hit which I think is normal for this stage, we’re working on getting out together now I feel like I can leave the baby with family babysitters, lots of marriages end in the first year because it’s so hard - men are so used to being centre of attention for their wives I think they struggle when they’re not!

I think actually you might have had your baby at the best time to now get out and enjoy the summer! I missed most of last year as I was struggling to get out of the house until winter 🤦🏼‍♀️

Things will get easier for you.

Sorry for the essay 🙈

Original poster

Newmumhere40 · 07/04/2025 19:43

ItsTooEarlyForThis · 07/04/2025 10:04

It definitely does get easier and more enjoyable but when that happens is down to so many variables!
I really struggled the first few months with getting out of the house - it just felt impossible to get baby and myself and his bag ready and out of the door between feeds and sleep and nappy changes.
My baby wouldn’t (and still won’t 🫠) nap in a cot so getting anything done is hard.
Night sleep was only good around the 3 month mark - hit the 4 month regression and then he was up every 1-2 hours all night until around 10 months. Even with rubbish sleep I found things got a lot easier around the 5 month mark, getting out and about. He’s nearly one now so dreading my mat leave coming to an end and going back to work - his little personality is just lovely and keeps me entertained. I still don’t get much done as naps are either contact or car (and rarely pushchair) and I never really got on with the carriers as pregnancy has destroyed my back, and he just wants my attention all the time, but I figure I won’t get this time again so just go with it and do the hoovering when someone else is around.
And as others said, definitely find your people. I have a WhatsApp group with my NCT friends and we speak on there every day, plus classes or meet ups at least once a week. I wouldn’t have survived without them. There’s no sense of competition (perhaps I got lucky!) just a group of women I can be completely honest with as we’re all in the trenches at the same time.
Relationship has taken a bit of a hit which I think is normal for this stage, we’re working on getting out together now I feel like I can leave the baby with family babysitters, lots of marriages end in the first year because it’s so hard - men are so used to being centre of attention for their wives I think they struggle when they’re not!

I think actually you might have had your baby at the best time to now get out and enjoy the summer! I missed most of last year as I was struggling to get out of the house until winter 🤦🏼‍♀️

Things will get easier for you.

Sorry for the essay 🙈

Thank you for the essay! I really appreciate it. Your advice is great and happy for you that you mainly enjoyed it, good luck getting back to work (I know you probably don't want to think about it yet).

OP posts:

Original poster

Newmumhere40 · 07/04/2025 19:45

JG24 · 06/04/2025 21:28

I know it's hard but please try not to worry about other people. I guarantee so many people are looking at you and thinking you are doing a wonderful job.
I had a few incidents which I will never forget when my baby was tiny...
At about 2 mouths old I was sat having a drink outside and feeding her whilst trying to read a book. I was getting a bit flustered as the baby wasn't settling. Then the server came over and told me two women had paid for my drink and told him to tell me they thought I was doing brilliantly and they were really impressed
At 5 months old we went on holiday, most of the holiday went well but we had an awful time on a ferry where the baby wouldn't stop crying and it felt like everyone was staring at us. At the airport on the way home a woman told us they'd kept seeing us all week and saw us on the ferry. I immediately apologised and she just gushed about what a great job we were doing and all babies cry and no one minded. She was so lovely and complimentary I burst into tears
So you never know what the people around you are thinking. A lot of them are probably remembering their own children

Show quote history

Thank you! How lovely those women were!

OP posts:

PersonalBest · 07/04/2025 20:34

I don't think it is expected to be enjoyable? It's hard getting used to a new life.

FlipFlopVibe · 07/04/2025 22:07

Sorry to be that person but I think it gets harder. Newborn phase if you only have one baby is lovely for me, snuggles on the sofa with nowhere I have to be. After they start to move it is seriously hard work. Then any subsequent maternity is harder again because you don’t even get chance for those initial days laid on the sofa. Had 3 hours sleep? Doesn’t matter got to be up 7am for the school run. It’s really not a break or enjoyable at all

rosemarble · 08/04/2025 00:02

FlipFlopVibe · 07/04/2025 22:07

Sorry to be that person but I think it gets harder. Newborn phase if you only have one baby is lovely for me, snuggles on the sofa with nowhere I have to be. After they start to move it is seriously hard work. Then any subsequent maternity is harder again because you don’t even get chance for those initial days laid on the sofa. Had 3 hours sleep? Doesn’t matter got to be up 7am for the school run. It’s really not a break or enjoyable at all

I wonder why you did it a second (or maybe more) times? Surely something was enjoyable?
I enjoyed my 2nd mat leave much more. I didn't sweat the small stuff, had way more confidence, co-slept from day 1, was able to appreciate how quickly it goes and that no day or week is the same.

SouthLondonMum22 · 08/04/2025 00:08

rosemarble · 08/04/2025 00:02

I wonder why you did it a second (or maybe more) times? Surely something was enjoyable?
I enjoyed my 2nd mat leave much more. I didn't sweat the small stuff, had way more confidence, co-slept from day 1, was able to appreciate how quickly it goes and that no day or week is the same.

Show quote history

I imagine because the newborn phase and even the baby phase is incredibly short overall even when it might not feel like it.

I didn't like the newborn stage or the baby stage but did it again (with twins, thanks universe) because they get older and it is much more enjoyable then.

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 08/04/2025 00:28

I loved my maternity leaves because they were one of the few times I got to be in charge of my own day (babies/children notwithstanding!) and I felt a freedom that I didn't ever have when I worked. Even if the baby/children were difficult at any point, we were on our own agenda and didn't have anyone else to worry about.

I was also able to spend a lot more time with my parents who lived an hour away, and because I wasn't constrained by work I spent a lot more time up there and they held the kids while I got a chance to eat!

My mat leaves were all a very special time in my life.

Doolallies · 08/04/2025 00:31

Yabu it’s not a holiday…

FlipFlopVibe · 08/04/2025 07:07

rosemarble · 08/04/2025 00:02

I wonder why you did it a second (or maybe more) times? Surely something was enjoyable?
I enjoyed my 2nd mat leave much more. I didn't sweat the small stuff, had way more confidence, co-slept from day 1, was able to appreciate how quickly it goes and that no day or week is the same.

Show quote history

Because I had babies because I wanted children not for the maternity leave, that’s one small stage of their and our lives. The first half was good, the second half once you can’t sit down is hard work, I’ve got joint problems. My first slept through from 8 weeks, second from 14.
I’m a very relaxed parent, but the constant need run around after them is difficult, especially with a child with ADHD. I just didn’t have any days sat in the park sipping coffees, especially as the first was during Covid

SparklyLeader · 09/04/2025 01:44

Yes, it will get easier, but you won't be on maternity leave anymore. You will miss some milestones once you are working again. That can be hard. Here's the odd part, once they've grown some, you might miss their little newborn cries which are different, and the closeness and newness of breastfeeding, but maybe not. Try to find something to enjoy because even though it seems endless, it isn't.