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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think maternity leave is supposed to be enjoyable?

263 replies

Newmumhere40 · 04/04/2025 08:30

When does that happen? Baby is currently almost 3 months, I'm sleeping 5/6 ish hours a night in 2 chunks, not sleeping during the day. Exhausted every morning. My partner is fantastic, extremely supportive.

I was so looking forward to maternity leave but I'm just feeling monotony and tiredness, sad that 'this is all I do now', change nappies and breastfeed. I get outside every day and that helps, but this feeling is just not going away. Please understand I absolutely love my baby girl, but this is a question to the Mums, does it get easier?

OP posts:
224RainandSunshine · 05/04/2025 01:28

@theriseandfallofFranklinSaint sounds like you had a baby that slept and an easy recovery. At 4 months, I still had never had more than 2.5 hours of sleep in one chunk. Ever. Baby had a dairy, soy and egg allergy which was undiagnosed, made him really ill and I had to figure it out myself. And my PGP lingered on so I still couldn't walk more than 20 minutes without being crippled for 24 hours.

When we hit 6 months, I felt like you! So don't forget everything is a stage (the good and the bad)

theriseandfallofFranklinSaint · 05/04/2025 10:05

@224RainandSunshine He slept for 3 x 30 mins a day but as he was my first (and I wasn't on here!) I thought that was normal 😄

I just wanted to make the most of my 5 months off work with him (I had 6 months mat leave but had to leave work at 38 weeks and he didnt make an appearance until 42 weeks) 😬

theriseandfallofFranklinSaint · 05/04/2025 10:06

But yes, no allergies which must have been really difficult.

BernardButlersBra · 05/04/2025 10:30

I think that's one of those modern myths. I found it hard work and boring on the whole. I had twins so the early phase was especially intense. Not helped by going to groups being additionally hard work and lot of the time, as lots near me don't let prams in

cosmos1001 · 05/04/2025 11:05

be kind to yourself. This was me last year, the other day I found myself looking at photos of last year and wishing I could go back for a moment. Although at the time it just felt overwhelming at times. Maternity leave can be whatever you make of it. Theyre brutal at times, but please do try and take a step back and make the most of those cuddles at night or just walk in the sunshine with your baby in the buggy or carrier. Because baby will soon prefer to walk and be off !

Original poster
Newmumhere40 · 05/04/2025 11:32

Fancycheese · 04/04/2025 22:22

But it’s not a holiday. And it drove me mad in work when people kept telling me to “enjoy my holiday” before I went on mat leave.

I think this is where it helps that I’m naturally a pessimistic person 😂 I expected it to be shit a lot of the time and it was. It’s fucking hard work. I wouldn’t take any of it back and it did go so fast, but a lot of it was a real grind.

i do have some friends who expected to be able to start a side hustle, travel and pick up hobbies etc who were sorely disappointed by mat leave. Whereas I thought it would be a slog and it was. Not that I’d take any of it back.

Im with you on how hard it is. I found it got easier as baby got older. And do try to find moments of time for you! Accept all help/support offered. Good luck.

Show quote history

Aw thank you. Sorry for my sarcasm I thought you assumed I was a naive idiot. I think I just got a wake up call. I'm so with you on the whole people thinking I'm having 'time off'.

OP posts:
Original poster
Newmumhere40 · 05/04/2025 11:33

BernardButlersBra · 05/04/2025 10:30

I think that's one of those modern myths. I found it hard work and boring on the whole. I had twins so the early phase was especially intense. Not helped by going to groups being additionally hard work and lot of the time, as lots near me don't let prams in

Going to groups is great for getting out but it's bloody stressful! Getting ready, getting them ready, getting out of the house having fed and changed them and yourself. Twins! You deserve a medal x

OP posts:
Fullcircle90 · 05/04/2025 12:00

You did realise you’d be looking after a newborn?

rosemarble · 05/04/2025 12:08

Fullcircle90 · 05/04/2025 12:00

You did realise you’d be looking after a newborn?

Do you have anything supportive for OP or just a snide comment?

rosemarble · 05/04/2025 12:12

Newmumhere40 · 05/04/2025 11:33

Going to groups is great for getting out but it's bloody stressful! Getting ready, getting them ready, getting out of the house having fed and changed them and yourself. Twins! You deserve a medal x

Show quote history

I think this is how the big change of expectations is learnt.

Before kids -
"Hey, the weather's great, shall we go to the pub?"
"Sure, give me five"

After kids -
Well....I don't need to say.

It's an adjustment to think "all" you did was get to baby group, and indeed by baby number 2 or 3 you may look at your first time Mum self and wonder as well. But if you're new to it all then of course it's going to be an adjustment.

Pippagled · 05/04/2025 18:07

You're not being unreasonable. I adore my son, the year he was born was the best I've ever had, but I just wasn't suited to maternity leave. I often got quite bored and lonely, despite having an NCT group and doing lots of classes, and obviously tired. I resented the fact my partner could just go to work, have a bit of a break and do something different, and still come back to a lovely baby. I wish paternity leave was better, I'd have enjoyed it a lot more if it was both of us as I didn't really like it being all on me in the week. It didn't help that I loved my job and found it hard being away!

GiveDogBone · 05/04/2025 18:07

Why are you not sleeping in the day? The baby will be sleeping and you just need to grab your sleep then.

I’m four months in and everything is going fine, no support and totally on my own.

Baddaybigcloud · 05/04/2025 18:09

Get a good iron supplement and a running pushchair… getting fitter and being outside will ease the tiredness so much

vickylou78 · 05/04/2025 18:12

No in my experience maternity leave is hard for first 6 months and then it starts be more enjoyable as baby gets older and you feel better and have more sleep. Then at 10 months you are starting to enjoy and you've got to go back to work!

rosemarble · 05/04/2025 18:16

GiveDogBone · 05/04/2025 18:07

Why are you not sleeping in the day? The baby will be sleeping and you just need to grab your sleep then.

I’m four months in and everything is going fine, no support and totally on my own.

It's comments like yours which are contributing towards OP's feelings.

It's great that you're doing so well entirely on your own and are able to sleep when your baby does during the day.
OP is clearly not feeling that way.

Hmm1234 · 05/04/2025 18:24

It is really boring and you have to find some sort of energy to go out when you can and pick up a hobby to do with the baby, use the lack of routine at the moment to your advantage. Once you go back to work it will be a different type of boring monotony

Lovehascomeandgone · 05/04/2025 18:28

I really enjoyed my maternity leave. I made a point of trying to sleep as much as I could while baby was sleeping. Don’t get me wrong, I was exhausted but I tried to enjoy being away from work. I went to some baby classes, socialized with other mums, went for walks etc. It is what you make it I guess.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 05/04/2025 18:32

Lovehascomeandgone · 05/04/2025 18:28

I really enjoyed my maternity leave. I made a point of trying to sleep as much as I could while baby was sleeping. Don’t get me wrong, I was exhausted but I tried to enjoy being away from work. I went to some baby classes, socialized with other mums, went for walks etc. It is what you make it I guess.

That’s not particularly fair, OP isn’t sad because she’s not making the most of it, and that attitude is really damaging to many mums who struggle. Some people have more difficult recoveries or babies or personal circumstances. It’s nice that you found it easy but that doesn’t mean OP is doing it wrong, she just hasn’t reached that point yet

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/04/2025 18:36

Lovehascomeandgone · 05/04/2025 18:28

I really enjoyed my maternity leave. I made a point of trying to sleep as much as I could while baby was sleeping. Don’t get me wrong, I was exhausted but I tried to enjoy being away from work. I went to some baby classes, socialized with other mums, went for walks etc. It is what you make it I guess.

You can do all of that and still not enjoy it. It's a reason why I didn't because those were the expectations and it was so incredibly dull.

rosemarble · 05/04/2025 18:47

I never could sleep when the baby slept during the day. I absolutely craved time awake w/o the baby. I am still the same tbh - and DS2 is a great 16 yo lump now. I only truly relax in my home when I know no one is going to make any demands of me.
I also needed that time to get house stuff done. Yes, I could put DS in a sling, but I found it made my back sore after a while. This wasn't helped by the expectations held by both me and my now ex. People say let the housework go, but I never could (I'm not talking show home by any means).

Radra · 05/04/2025 18:59

Lovehascomeandgone · 05/04/2025 18:28

I really enjoyed my maternity leave. I made a point of trying to sleep as much as I could while baby was sleeping. Don’t get me wrong, I was exhausted but I tried to enjoy being away from work. I went to some baby classes, socialized with other mums, went for walks etc. It is what you make it I guess.

The sleep while the baby sleeps thing works really well for some people but doesn't for others. I never could because mine only really napped either in a moving pram or in a sling/on top of me.

I also am not a great napper anyway, even when very tired, I find naps somehow leave me feeling groggier than before

YaWeeFurryBastard · 05/04/2025 19:15

GiveDogBone · 05/04/2025 18:07

Why are you not sleeping in the day? The baby will be sleeping and you just need to grab your sleep then.

I’m four months in and everything is going fine, no support and totally on my own.

It doesn’t take a genius to work out that you can’t “sleep when the baby sleeps” if your baby will only sleep in the sling, in the car or being held, or are you advocating unsafe sleeping? Also my baby slept for 30 mins at a time in the day which is not enough for an adult nap by the time she had been settled.

Sleep when the baby sleeps has got to be one of the most annoying things people say, it’s like they can’t see past their own nose and engage brain to think why that may not be possible and it’s quite demoralising to new mums.

cardboardvillage · 05/04/2025 19:15

It’s not enjoyable. Not sure it’s supposed to be?

i has some lovely days and also days where i cried my eyes out all day

all in all, i was happy to get back to work

men have it easy

Mere1 · 05/04/2025 19:22

MumChp · 04/04/2025 08:41

Most of the time is hard work not enjoyable.

Twins made it so much more ‘intense’. They rarely slept at the same time, day or night.

Bunny65 · 05/04/2025 19:25

Society has given us unrealistic expectations and this was the case long before social media was around. Having a baby can be an exhausting and almost shocking experience, especially if you don't have extended family around to help. Lower your expectations and feel grateful for the enjoyable bits between the hard slog. Get out to meet other mums at groups and buggy walks in the park.