Page 7 | To think maternity leave is supposed to be enjoyable?

Newmumhere40 · 2025-04-04T07:30:12+00:00

When does that happen? Baby is currently almost 3 months, I'm sleeping 5/6 ish hours a night in 2 chunks, not sleeping during the day. Exhausted every morning. My partner is fantastic, extremely supportive. I was so looking forward to maternity leave but I'm just feeling monotony and tiredness, sad that 'this is all I do now', change nappies and breastfeed. I get outside every day and that helps, but this feeling is just not going away. Please understand I absolutely love my baby girl, but this is a question to the Mums, does it get easier?

TonTonMacoute · 04/04/2025 16:42

Surely the real purpose of maternity leave is to give you time to adjust to having a new baby, and to know you have a job to go back to.

Hopefully some part of being at home with your new born will be enjoyable.

Gogogo12345 · 04/04/2025 17:18

224RainandSunshine · 04/04/2025 16:12

@Gogogo12345 oh and also ALL my friends were working and the only times they were available were after 7pm. Not feasible when you have a small baby. Yes, I did brunches at the weekend but that's one day a week realistically, you need someone to talk to Mon - Friday too. Other women on mat leave are the only ones available!

Ah see most of my friends were shift workers. Same as I was before ML. So not restricted with loads of 9- 5 friends. My OH was also away on a tour of duty when the eldest was small And I did go out after 7pm as I was fortunate enough to have a very keen MIL.

I think went back to work at 13 weeks with the first and 20 weeks with the second ( worked round 3rd from 3 weeks as self employed) so less time to be baby orientated constantly

Original poster

Newmumhere40 · 04/04/2025 18:04

TonTonMacoute · 04/04/2025 16:42

Surely the real purpose of maternity leave is to give you time to adjust to having a new baby, and to know you have a job to go back to.

Hopefully some part of being at home with your new born will be enjoyable.

Edited

Thank you for yes I'm fully aware of the purpose and work are lucky to have me back.

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Original poster

Newmumhere40 · 04/04/2025 18:05

TaylorSwish · 04/04/2025 12:49

I agree. Find a local library that does a kids sing a long or a mum and baby group.
Theres always some Amanda’s but mostly they will be mums that feel the way you do.

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Lol Amandas 😜

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Original poster

Newmumhere40 · 04/04/2025 18:06

carcassonne1 · 04/04/2025 12:50

It's definately not a holiday, like some guys think, and it was not for me. It was very, very hard with a baby screaming his lungs out all the time and me trying desperately to calm him down (he had colic). Luckily for me, it was summer, so I took every opportunity to go out with a pram. I spent whole days from May to October walking with a pram to the park and to malls, with bottles of expressed milk, eating ice-cream and reading books (he slept well outside). Before I realised, I lost a stone and became even thinner than before my pregnancy. Crazy days, I call it. But you know what? Back then, I hated it, but now I miss it. I look at my school-age kids and it's kind of sad I'll never experience it again. And you will feel like that, too. P.S. It was easier second time round. Good luck!

Thank you! It's so lovely to hear others experiences! It's lovely for you to look back with that realisation now also

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MummaMummaMumma · 04/04/2025 18:10

Try your best to enjoy it, it goes too fast.
I started having naps a few times a week with baby. Yes, my house was an absolute state, but I felt happier and could deal with more when I'd had a nap.
Baby classes are great. Excellent that you're getting out each day.

Original poster

Newmumhere40 · 04/04/2025 18:11

Yellowhammer09 · 04/04/2025 12:54

I found the first maternity leave the toughest, because it's such a massive change to your life. I've just finished my third, and that was a breeze in comparison.

With young babies, everything is a phase, so sleep will come and the enjoyment will quickly follow. I found four of five months to be a real turning point, and at six months they can sit up on their own and eat food so I could leave them with their father so I could do something else for once.

My son is now 9mo and he's a lot of fun. The early months are for muddling through. I hope you come back to this thread in four or five months just letting us know how things have turned around for you :)

Aww you know what I was worried about posting (judgement) but I'm so glad I did, it's so lovely to hear everyone's stories and posters are being so kind. Mums being supportive of one another is great.

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Crocmush · 04/04/2025 18:12

AmusedGoose · 04/04/2025 16:16

Another reason why maternity leave should be reduced to 6 months. It's not for everyone and yes you could go back to work but it would be expensive if you don't have free childcare. I would recommend getting some childcare for a couple of afternoons a week. Get some time to yourself.

What about the baby's needs in this?

Meadowfinch · 04/04/2025 18:25

Maternity leave isn't a holiday, OP. The govt wouldn't have introduced it if it wasn't absolutely essential.

It is to recover from the physical trauma of birth and then to get your baby in to a routine that allows you to regain your equilibrium, get enough sleep regularly, allow your hormone levels to settle down. Hopefully get your child to the point you can leave her.

I was miserable for the first three months of maternity leave. Then I realised I hated mum&baby groups and I was feeling captive. I bought a sling, and me & ds went hiking. It was summer, and we hiked the ridgeway. DS got used to having his nappy changed on the edge of a corn field.

I think you need to give yourself time, and then organise your maternity leave to suit you. Don't assume all maternity leaves have to be the same.

CurbsideProphet · 04/04/2025 18:41

My dad gave me the best advice which was to not spend all day thinking about how much sleep I did / didn't get the night before. I couldn't change it and I would feel more stressed just thinking about it. Some nights will be awful and that's just how it goes with a baby!

My friend gave me the next useful advice which is to eat and drink plenty to help with recovery from pregnancy/ birth and give you good energy for the sleep deprivation and breastfeeding.

I found having a morning walk from 10 weeks, rain or shine, sleep or no sleep, absolutely saved me. Baby in either buggy or carrier, earphones in, listening to Parenting Hell or some other fun and chatty podcast.

roshi42 · 04/04/2025 18:42

Up until 6 months is survival, then however much longer you’ve managed to take off you can enjoy. 0-3 months is the worst of it, you’re nearly through! It’s definitely not a holiday… there’s a reason people need the leave, caring for a newborn is several full time jobs in one. I always heard people say oh work’s a break, I look forward to Mondays, and thought really?! But… yeah, it’s true!

Krumblina · 04/04/2025 18:50

Can you do split shifts at night? A fantastic partner wouldn't let you take all the brunt of the exhaustion.

Original poster

Newmumhere40 · 04/04/2025 19:25

Krumblina · 04/04/2025 18:50

Can you do split shifts at night? A fantastic partner wouldn't let you take all the brunt of the exhaustion.

I said we do shifts in an earlier post. But I agree with you.

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MrsSunshine2b · 04/04/2025 20:48

AmusedGoose · 04/04/2025 16:16

Another reason why maternity leave should be reduced to 6 months. It's not for everyone and yes you could go back to work but it would be expensive if you don't have free childcare. I would recommend getting some childcare for a couple of afternoons a week. Get some time to yourself.

In what way does removing the OPTION of having 6 more months with your baby help with anything she's said?

Is working an 8 hour shift something that usually helps you with exhaustion and sleep deprivation?

In what way does being forced to end you mat leave after 6 months assist with expensive childcare fees?

You do know that it's not mandatory to take maternity leave right? You can go back after 2 weeks if you want.

224RainandSunshine · 04/04/2025 21:48

AmusedGoose · 04/04/2025 16:16

Another reason why maternity leave should be reduced to 6 months. It's not for everyone and yes you could go back to work but it would be expensive if you don't have free childcare. I would recommend getting some childcare for a couple of afternoons a week. Get some time to yourself.

@AmusedGoose Women are free to go back to work early and earn money to pay for childcare. You want to cut everyone's mat leave because some want to go back early? I say this as someone who doesn't live in the UK and only had 6 months mat leave recently. Returning to work this early is hell. I'm wasting hours of my employer's time to pump milk at work every 2 hours (by law they have to give me this time). 6 month olds don't quite sleep through the night yet so I'm extremely sleep deprived. I still have lots of medical appointments because of birth injuries plus all the baby's vaccinations every couple of months. I'm working at like maybe 50% capacity. More fool on my employer. They would have been better off letting me stay at home a couple of extra months unpaid.

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/04/2025 21:53

Gogogo12345 · 04/04/2025 15:29

What's the obsession with making friends with other Mums? If I was was spending all my time with a baby and craved adult company the last think I'd want is other women rambling on about their kids

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It's a reason why I didn't like maternity leave. I was expected to do nothing but talk about babies and it was incredibly dull.

Annascaul · 04/04/2025 21:54

Cynic17 · 04/04/2025 08:39

I think maternity leave is meant to be to recover from childbirth and also to look after the baby. I have never heard anyone say it's "enjoyable" - or supposed to be!

Yes, this.
It’s not a holiday.

Thisishard25 · 04/04/2025 22:10

I am currently on mat leave too.. 9 months in with my second baby. It has been a sh*t show since July 2024 - my boy had been ill, bronchitis, covid, chest infections.. behind on some development because of a few health issues. I feel awful for not being able to enjoy my time with him as it was took over by worry.. things are starting to improve now and I’m back to work in 8 weeks time. My first mat leave was lovely, hard work but less stressful than this one.
i hope you find some time to enjoy it. It goes by so quick x

Original poster

Newmumhere40 · 04/04/2025 22:13

Annascaul · 04/04/2025 21:54

Yes, this.
It’s not a holiday.

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You sound like fun. Thanks.

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Original poster

Newmumhere40 · 04/04/2025 22:15

Thisishard25 · 04/04/2025 22:10

I am currently on mat leave too.. 9 months in with my second baby. It has been a sh*t show since July 2024 - my boy had been ill, bronchitis, covid, chest infections.. behind on some development because of a few health issues. I feel awful for not being able to enjoy my time with him as it was took over by worry.. things are starting to improve now and I’m back to work in 8 weeks time. My first mat leave was lovely, hard work but less stressful than this one.
i hope you find some time to enjoy it. It goes by so quick x

I'm so sorry. I hope he is through the worst of it. Poor you! I feel bad complaining.

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theressomanytinafeysicouldbe · 04/04/2025 22:18

It takes 9 months for your body to build a baby, it takes 9 months for your body to recover, that’s what maternity leave is for plus finding you feet and enjoying the experience

Fancycheese · 04/04/2025 22:22

Newmumhere40 · 04/04/2025 22:13

You sound like fun. Thanks.

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But it’s not a holiday. And it drove me mad in work when people kept telling me to “enjoy my holiday” before I went on mat leave.

I think this is where it helps that I’m naturally a pessimistic person 😂 I expected it to be shit a lot of the time and it was. It’s fucking hard work. I wouldn’t take any of it back and it did go so fast, but a lot of it was a real grind.

i do have some friends who expected to be able to start a side hustle, travel and pick up hobbies etc who were sorely disappointed by mat leave. Whereas I thought it would be a slog and it was. Not that I’d take any of it back.

Im with you on how hard it is. I found it got easier as baby got older. And do try to find moments of time for you! Accept all help/support offered. Good luck.

Pollypocket81 · 04/04/2025 22:28

5-6 hours a night is not great for a long period, but only being woken once in that time sounds pretty good at 3 months. It does get easier, and the challenges change, but it takes time. Your body is still recovering from pregnancy and that takes it toll on your health and feeling of wellbeing. The change of pre-baby to baby is so so huge, and yes at 3 months it is just feeding, changing nappies, washing clothes, burping, for much of the day and night. Have you any local mums and babies groups to go along to? It might be helpful to meet other mums with similar age babies.

Scottishshopaholic · 04/04/2025 22:31

Does baby take a bottle and you could express some milk and your partner could help at night?

Have you looked into co sleeping safely (safe sleep 7) this could help you get more hours of sleep in?

The first few months are about survival. It doesn’t necessarily get easier but i would say it does become more enjoyable.

Try and have a rough weekly routine. I had classes/ pram walks/ baby groups that I could go to most week days (I dislike the ones where you have to pay upfront for a set amount of weeks). There were few weeks i went to every single thing, but there were only a few weeks where i went to nothing. I was really worried about making mum friends as I had few friends and none of them had children, but pushing myself to has made my life infinitely better (and really becomes a lifeline when you return to work).

Also try and get away if you can, whether it’s in the UK or abroad. It’s not really a holiday with a baby but at least you don’t have a house to take care of etc.

theriseandfallofFranklinSaint · 04/04/2025 22:43

I only had 6 months maternity leave (20 years ago) and TBH, loved it.

Sorry to disagree with most of you but it was like a holiday for me. Doing my own thing, meeting new people (who are still my best friends 20 years later) and not having to go to work 5 days a week... what's not to like?!