To think maternity leave is supposed to be enjoyable?

[Newmumhere40]

When does that happen? Baby is currently almost 3 months, I'm sleeping 5/6 ish hours a night in 2 chunks, not sleeping during the day. Exhausted every morning. My partner is fantastic, extremely supportive.

I was so looking forward to maternity leave but I'm just feeling monotony and tiredness, sad that 'this is all I do now', change nappies and breastfeed. I get outside every day and that helps, but this feeling is just not going away. Please understand I absolutely love my baby girl, but this is a question to the Mums, does it get easier?

It was quite a while ago for me, but I remember quite enjoying it - the first baby is absolutely the most difficult in the newborn stage, as it’s the biggest adjustment (I had 2 more and the newborn seemed easy compared to toddlers, but also I was more experienced). I think a combination of adjusting your expectations (eg - sitting and cuddling your baby and watching something on tv, rather than worrying about housework) and getting out to baby groups and making some friends - make a huge difference.

I'm on my second maternity leave (8 months in) and I'd say it's very enjoyable. A large part of that is because I'm someone who always liked having lots of hobbies so I sign up for everything! Library baby groups, exercise baby groups, baby swimming, baby book club etc etc. I just leaned into it.

Sounds like life with a baby to me - exhausting, boring and repetitive.

If your partner is so fantastic why are you only getting 5 hours sleep a night? If the baby sleeps badly then you should be staggering the night. 5 hours is 12-5am but you shouldn’t be the one staying up to midnight and then getting up at 5am.

I skipped back into work, lunchbox in hand with a massive smile on my face. I couldn’t wait. Hated most of ML. Love being a mum now I have the balance.

I don’t remember ever thinking it was supposed to be enjoyable, so I had very low expectations. Despite this and a great sleeping, I still found it pretty mundane and mind numbing. I think people enjoy different stages, I love the toddler years!

Ah I feel for you OP, I thought the same. Thought I'd be chilling with a sleeping/happy baby, meeting friends, reading books etc. Instead, I did meet friends but baby was grouchy for the first few months, refused to be put down to sleep, and constantly breastfed.

It does get better but maternity leave was hard work, and I must admit I do prefer it now I'm back at work 🙈 Don't get me wrong, I love having her and spending time with her, but all day, every day with a baby - especially if the baby is quite a needy one! - is tough, there are no breaks.

The newborn stage can feel relentless - all they do is eat, sleep and cry! But you are just reaching the age where baby will start to interact with you more and you get more fun moments.

Have you tried going to any classes? Baby massage and baby sensory are two I loved when mine were that age. Baby massage in particular because the woman who ran it used to bring out tea and cake at the end and we all had a chat. It also felt like a really safe space to talk about how hard it felt sometimes. Hang in there. It does get easier.

The reason it exists in civilised countries is because looking after a new baby is all consuming and hard hard work. I think the first three months are a blur of survival. Somewhere between 6 and 9 months things get much easier. Hence why some can also work at the same time. The unpaid bit 9-12mo is about the only bit that’s really “leave” in any sense. Even then some people don’t get unbroken nights for a couple of years.

Mum and baby cinema was my favourite followed by coffee

wed afternoon was the baby group met up

i personally enjoys being off work but missed the social life of work

I feel for you, it can be so relentless. But I think the actual truth is plenty of people don’t find mat leave enjoyable. Lots of people struggle for the reasons you have described and others.

But I would say it should get better. The four /five month sleep regression is a bind but after that it should get easier. The sun will be shining more and you can hopefully have some nice mornings / afternoons out. I hope you can enjoy it more as time goes on.

I had summer babies so I hit this point when the weather was miserable with dark mornings/evenings. So you are lucky that you can do so many things now it’s spring. I second everyone saying making friends with other mums can be a game changer. As your baby is still small, use this time to try to do something for you every day. Have a walk round a local garden centre, visit the library, join National Trust or traipse around a shopping centre. You have all this freedom if you’re breast feeding and havent started weaning which enforces structure to your day. It’s only like this with your first, when you are doing it next time you will have other things taking up your time eg school run, homework, extra curricular activities. So I think that’s where the ‘enjoy maternity leave’ come from when it’s your first, but it’s not the case is it? You will enjoy it once baby is interacting more and you’re meeting up with others.

It got easier for me when I went back to work after a year (not that I wanted to st the time).

Nobody really tells you that the reason maternity leave is offered is because the first year is so hard.

@Sofiewoo my partner was fantastic but I was only getting 5 hours due to a mix of

• doing my share meant that my sleep was so utterly disrupted that after getting baby back to sleep i was wired and wide awake

• some sort of post natal anxiety/ocd which had me repetitively checking DD and jerking awake in a panic (like when you dream you're falling)

So it's perfectly possibe to struggle even with a brilliant dad in the mix.

If it was meant to be enjoyable then I can say I certainly didn't get that memo - I had 2 maternity leaves and didn't massively enjoy either of them! And both my kids were great sleepers from the off!

After the first, when I took the full 12months, I decided that with me second child I wouldn't be off so long and only took 6 months - that was much better for me personally. I just found it a bit boring, despite thinking both my babies were absolutely amazing....but tantalizing, interesting company they were not!

It does get better. Around 6 months+ it gets more enjoyable as they give a lot more back. Newborns are (for me at least) incredibly dull. When they start eating proper food and the milk feeds cut back (I FF though, so not sure if BF feeds drop at the same rate) you get more time to do stuff. They nap on a more predictable schedule a couple of times a day etc.

I find toddlers great - yes they are unreasonable and tantrumy, but so funny!

Hated my first maternity so much at first that I nearly went back to work at 3 months.

Then summer came! He was an early walker so could toddle around the park and feed the ducks, so much better!

I'm on my second maternity and love it this time, I think it's because I knew what to expect and also have an easier baby.

It's all luck but with the seasons changing it could definitely get better very soon 😊

I would say I started to enjoy it around 7-8 months, when LO could sit up in the pram and was happy to look around and nose at everyone walking past. I could go for a lovely walk and a coffee while he slept in the pram. The first 6 months were harrowing, he was a terrible sleeper, which is to be expected for a baby, but doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. It is true when people say to you it’s not forever, lean on as much support as you have available and try and talk to other mums. When you realise other people are going through the same feelings as you it makes you feel a bit better.

For me it was only easy once bany started sleeping through properly 10-12 hours. You have a sleep deficit that you need to catch up on. So even though 6 hours sound OK you've made a person, birthed a person and been up all night for months you need at least a few weeks of the long all night sleeps to catch up plus a bit of evening to yourself.

And just so there is no surprise when you go back to work - that's hard too.

You often feel like you're letting work down because you have to down tools to do a nursery run at a set time. You often work part time and are therefore constantly handing stuff over and then catching up, plus having time off for sick kids. Then you pick up your kid at the end of a long day, when you're absolutely shattered, and have to trudge through tea time, bath and bed. Then they don't settle half the time and you still need to pack lunch, shower etc. It's bloody hard. And in the first year back at work, it's not unusual for small kids to wake up very early (5am) and you feel like you've done a full shift before you even walk through the office door.

And then everyone at work acts like we're all functioning on a full night's sleep and have had time for a nice leisurely breakfast (which many people without young kids have had) so they really don't get that you're arriving at a 5pm mood while they are fresh as a daisy.

It gets better as they get older, especially wen te start school. But I hope you have a nice boss xx

I feel you op, currently on maternity leave with my 8 month old. I imagine it could be very enjoyable if you have the resources to go to all the activities but i don't. Also my baby is an exclusive contact napper despite my best efforts, so i couldn't sleep during the day either. You do adapt to the lack of sleep but yes its a slog!

It's not a gap year-there is no job description where anyone promises it's going to be enjoyable!! It's time off work (which may be more enjoyable than being at work, depending on your job) to birth and raise a small human. If they are ill/don't sleep/cry all the time-it probably isn't going to be that enjoyable.

I’m assuming it’s your first baby as you haven’t experienced maternity leave before. It will get better! The first few months are an absolute slog especially if you’re exclusively breastfeeding so doing every night feed and trying to establish the latch etc.

I would say that IME the second 6 months were a lot more enjoyable than the first 6 months, especially when we started weaning and I introduced her napping in her crib. By 8 months she was having a couple less breastfeeds a day, she was sitting up/crawling, sleeping better (though still in our room at night) etc.

When you’re in the thick of it you don’t feel like there’s an end in sight, but you’ll get there and when you look back you’ll wonder how you coped at all!

Im another one who found it got more enjoyable in the second half, I think around 8 months. At that point they can do a bit more and you can take them to the park or a soft play and they actually enjoy it.

Though think it also helped that we sleep
trained around then, and DD is an October baby so the weather was improving too

Yes having a baby is a lot of changing happiest, feeding and lack of sleep, but maternity leave is what you make of it. Join some baby groups, get out of the house and meet people. Do you have an NCT group to meet up with?

No i did not find it enjoyable for it's a phase, they change quickly. Don't worry it's normal to feel that way. Or I did anyway. Mine is a toddler now and hilarious. Hard work but different kind of hard work x

What kind of split do people suggest? We currently do 10.30pm to 4am/ 4am to 8 am. One stretch with baby, one without and we rotate this schedule. I'm breastfeeding so it usually ends up being about 5 hours sleep with all the feeds added up. He wakes to feed/change nappy 3 times from 8pm to 6am.

Thank you everyone, it feels good to know I'm not alone. I think the problem is I'm still really anxious when I'm out with her, even with other Mums! I'm constantly thinking, is she going to cry, will I be able to soothe her, etc. I know it's irrational.

I'm uses to bring extremely busy at work, super busy, pretty stressful job that I enjoyed and was good at. I don't know how good I am at this...

It's tough to know exactly how much of an adjustment it was going to be before hand and I think I'm still getting used to it. I wouldn't change it for a second....I'm hoping it gets easier or at least I get more confident doing it.