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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Behaviour issues Fortnite

133 replies

NiftyShaker · 03/04/2025 20:44

Son plays a lot of Fortnite and behaviour around that time is awful.

It’s either fights with friends, or sad he has to come off it.

On the evenings he plays, we know there will be an issue afterwards and it’s very draining for everyone, including him I’m sure.

We also have general behaviour issues and meltdowns, more than the average boy his age.

He has gotten better during the game, letting more things go etc.

He already has limited time on it compared to his friends. He gets to play every other day and comes off at 7 to wind down. Most of his other friends play whenever they want, until late in the evening past his bedtime.

We are considering reducing his gameplay to once a week because these meltdowns really do take over the evening and we’ve had enough, and it’s clear this is not a healthy game for young boys to play. The issue is that all these friends chat online through mics when they are playing, so we are worried about isolating him from friends by reducing his gameplay time so drastically.

AIBU?

Has anyone else experienced similar and have advice of what worked for them?

OP posts:

minisoksmakehardwork · 03/04/2025 20:55

Yanbu when the impact on your home is so great.

We do continue to limit our children, even at 14, with time on gaming devices because one in particular really struggled to manage his time on them - would play all day if he was allowed.

He still sees his friends and they text and phone chat all the time when they are not in school - even when they're not gaming.

How old is he? Because that might make a difference to how he perceives the reduction in gameplay.

Seainasive · 03/04/2025 20:57

Completely recognisable. My DS used to get really frustrated and aggressive when he played fortnite. So glad he finally started to see it himself and moved on to other games!

minisoksmakehardwork · 03/04/2025 21:02

To be fair, DS1 also gets a little 'overexcited' playing other games. But the brief period he had Fortnite was much, much worse than any other. He chooses not to play it anymore, but originally was not allowed to play it until he reached the age rating. Even when all his then classmates were playing that and worse.

PicaK · 03/04/2025 21:05

My son is autistic and we viewed him connecting with his friends as a good thing.
But in the run up to GCSEs I am really really regretting it. If I could turn back time I'd have been stricter.

Myengagementring · 03/04/2025 21:05

Yes we had the same with Fortnite, we kept doing week long bans then DS finally saw how much his behaviour changed during and after playing it and deleted it himself.

HateThese4Leggedbeasts · 03/04/2025 21:08

We have similar issues. I was ready to throw the Xbox away over it at one point!!

DC now has to ask before starting and so I can give clear time limits on when it will be switched off, eg dinner will be in 40 mins so it will go off in 30 mins etc. He also knows if he only has 30 mins , it's down to him if he spends 20 mins bickering with his friends about how to team up. The time won't be extended.

All of the boys in his class play and interact on it so I won't ban Fortnite. However I have noticed recently my DC has started favouring other games like fifa as he's sick of the faffing/frustration that comes with Fortnite.

QforCucumber · 03/04/2025 21:08

How old is he? 7pm seems late on a school night but my son is 9, the switch shuts down at 6:30 and on weeknights he has no longer than an hour.

we’ve actually decided that Fortnite is no longer allowed during the week and he earns time on it for weekends but again it is limited and the chat function is off -may seem strict but it’s that or nothing as his attitude can be awful

Mazanna123 · 03/04/2025 21:20

I hated the fortnite stage. It's horrible watching your kid displaying addicted behaviours. Fortunately it didn't last long and he moved on to other games. Fortnite was the only game i saw have that effe t on him. I always had a no screens during the week rule and got him into extra curricular activities instead. There will be other parents feeling the same as you so you could keep fortnite for weekends only perhaps and allow other games during the week?

Jessica5678 · 03/04/2025 21:25

I don’t have a time limit per se but my rule for all gaming is that if gaming is making you grumpy or rude, affecting your behaviour or causes problems at school then gaming will be drastically cut back. All school work is completed first, family activities take priority and bedtime is non negotiable. And if I can hear lots of yelling and inappropriate language it goes off instantly.

I didn’t allow Fortnite until age nearly eleven and then it was fairly quickly removed again for a month when it was causing friendship dramas that spilled into school. Once resumed it seemed like he’s been less obsessive about it, I think he’s decided he prefers FIFA these days anyway.

In your situation OP I’d just take it away. Why would you continue to allow your child to do something that causes poor behaviour, arguments with friends and meltdowns and which is clearly making your entire family miserable? Gaming is supposed to be a bit of fun not a device for family torture.

Samora · 03/04/2025 21:29

How old is he and his many hours does he play per day?

You're enabling this by letting him keep his console or pc, like trying to limit the drinks an alcoholic is having.

Original poster

NiftyShaker · 03/04/2025 21:44

He is 9 and he gets to play every other day for about 2-3 hours with stopping for dinner in the middle

This isn't set in stone and sometimes he can’t go on it for various reasons or we may swap a day round

OP posts:

4timesthefun · 03/04/2025 21:45

One of mine is like this. He cannot moderate his gaming and then regulate his emotions. He has ADHD, which probably contributes. We had to just ban those things. There was no way of successfully implementing limits for him. It was either accepting his dysregulation and addictive tendencies with it, or banning it completely.

FuckYouTony · 03/04/2025 21:48

He shouldn't be playing fornite at the age of 9. It is not for 9 year olds. He clearly can't handle it and you need to be a parent and take this inappropriate game away from him. It's causing issues with his behaviour and in your family.
Actually do what's right.

Original poster

NiftyShaker · 03/04/2025 21:48

If it was just about the game I’d 100% take it away. But banning him completely from the game will effect his friendships as the rest play so frequently, this is the hard part of the decision

Completely agree with the person who said it makes our family miserable at times!

We just don’t know what is best to do, but we clearly need to do something

OP posts:

Thesonofaphesantplucker · 03/04/2025 21:51

My DS is not allowed Fortnite. He has never played it, and actually is allowed very little gaming time at all generally.

He has lots of friends, and him not playing it doesn’t seem to present any problems. In fact, he is increasingly telling me stories from school of how Fortnite is disrupting friendships rather than strengthening them, so I’m glad he doesn’t play.

Thesonofaphesantplucker · 03/04/2025 21:51

Oh I should say, my DS is 10.

NC28 · 03/04/2025 21:59

I think you’re holding yourself to ransom here with the worries over how it’ll affect his friendships.

It sounds like his behaviour is terrible for your entire household after he’s played this game, so I think he should be told in no uncertain terms that any meltdowns/attitude/behaviour issues stop immediately or the console is gone. Why is a 9 year old being allowed to cause such unrest for an entire family?

If he keeps the behaviour up, you follow through with removal of the console and any impact on friendships is down to him, not you. He’ll learn that playing the game without going nuts afterwards is better than not playing at all.

CaramelGhost · 03/04/2025 22:02

Any behaviour issues, it would be gone. 9 year olds don't need Fortnite, stop with the "every other day". There is no need. He can't regulate himself, so do it for him and remove it

CaramelGhost · 03/04/2025 22:06

NiftyShaker · 03/04/2025 21:48

If it was just about the game I’d 100% take it away. But banning him completely from the game will effect his friendships as the rest play so frequently, this is the hard part of the decision

Completely agree with the person who said it makes our family miserable at times!

We just don’t know what is best to do, but we clearly need to do something

OP, be a parent. At 9, it really won't effect friendships all that much. Ds has played with many friends. One of his best friends didn't play at all until 12 and they still had the closest friendship throughout primary school.

rainbowsparkle28 · 03/04/2025 22:06

He is 9. The rating for the game is 12 from what I understand and is considered one of the most addictive games. That should say all you need to know. If it is harmful for him and not age appropriate then you make the decision as a responsible adult and parent to not have it. End of. No every other day / time limits, he has clearly shown you he cannot regulate this. So you don’t allow it at all. Yes he may grumble and kick up a fuss, he is 9, that’s what kids do, he is not old enough to make this decision and even when playing clearly he is not happy either and it is having an impact on the whole family. Step up and be a parent that puts in place boundaries to do the right thing for your child.

Champere · 03/04/2025 22:16

He shouldn’t be on it at 9, let alone 3 hours a time.

You are the parent. You make the choices. Just get rid of it.

thinkingofausername · 03/04/2025 22:18

NiftyShaker · 03/04/2025 21:48

If it was just about the game I’d 100% take it away. But banning him completely from the game will effect his friendships as the rest play so frequently, this is the hard part of the decision

Completely agree with the person who said it makes our family miserable at times!

We just don’t know what is best to do, but we clearly need to do something

Or... All the other parents will thank you for being the first to ban it so they can do the same!

No 9 year old should be playing 12+ rated games. Age restrictions are there for a reason.

Original poster

NiftyShaker · 03/04/2025 22:33

Sorry I can’t see how to reply to individuals, so I am just doing general replies.

Just to add that he does have a lot of fun on the game, and it is lovely to hear him chatting away with his friends after school it isn’t all bad at all.

The issue is after he comes off mainly, and the dark cloud it creates over his bedtime and our time once kids are in bed.

I’m aware he is under the age rating, I have always taken things like that with a pinch of salt but the main point here is that isn’t working in this case so the decision needs to be reevaluated.

OP posts:

Ablondiebutagoody · 03/04/2025 22:41

2-3 hours?! That's madness

BrightOrangeDahlias · 03/04/2025 22:53

Seriously, he's nine! Take the bloody games console off him and get him to engage in the real world rather than spending 2 or 3 hours on a game that's not even age-appropriate. I'm sure there'll be tantrums to start with but hold the line and he'll come through it.

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