Page 5 | Behaviour issues Fortnite

NiftyShaker · 2025-04-03T19:44:58+00:00

Son plays a lot of Fortnite and behaviour around that time is awful. It’s either fights with friends, or sad he has to come off it. On the evenings he plays, we know there will be an issue afterwards and it’s very draining for everyone, including him I’m sure. We also have general behaviour issues and meltdowns, more than the average boy his age. He has gotten better during the game, letting more things go etc. He already has limited time on it compared to his friends. He gets to play every other day and comes off at 7 to wind down. Most of his other friends play whenever they want, until late in the evening past his bedtime. We are considering reducing his gameplay to once a week because these meltdowns really do take over the evening and we’ve had enough, and it’s clear this is not a healthy game for young boys to play. The issue is that all these friends chat online through mics when they are playing, so we are worried about isolating him from friends by reducing his gameplay time so drastically. AIBU? Has anyone else experienced similar and have advice of what worked for them?

Original poster

NiftyShaker · 04/04/2025 12:27

batsandeggs I agree with everything you have said spot on

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Original poster

NiftyShaker · 04/04/2025 12:28

Pootles34 - this is very true!

I think online is just more widely accepted now, but sending kids out into the real world is scary

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GabbySolisX · 04/04/2025 12:29

My son is exactly the same OP.

I have unplugged and put away the play station (which was a unwanted for me at least, gift from his uncle, but then I felt I had to give it him or I’d look like a cruel monster) and taken away his Nintendo as it was putting him in a bad mood.

The difference is night and day, when he isn’t allowed on it he goes back to being patient and polite. Then he begs for just 30 min on there, as he’s been so good all month, all his friends are supposedly on it, so I give in and he’s back to square one. It’s staying banned now in our house.

Original poster

NiftyShaker · 04/04/2025 12:29

WhereIsMyJumper · 04/04/2025 12:25

I’m sorry and I will get flamed for this but this is part of the issue. We are underprotecting kids online and overprotecting them in the real world. At 9 he should be able to go and call for a friend and play out. I’m starting this summer to gradually allow my 7 year old to play out. Granted, there is a park that I can see from my house and there are always kids of all ages playing on it in nice weather but I think it’s important that he starts to get some age appropriate independence

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I agree, but it’s a hard step to take to allow your kids out alone

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cadburyegg · 04/04/2025 12:30

WhereIsMyJumper · 04/04/2025 12:25

I’m sorry and I will get flamed for this but this is part of the issue. We are underprotecting kids online and overprotecting them in the real world. At 9 he should be able to go and call for a friend and play out. I’m starting this summer to gradually allow my 7 year old to play out. Granted, there is a park that I can see from my house and there are always kids of all ages playing on it in nice weather but I think it’s important that he starts to get some age appropriate independence

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this.

RedToothBrush · 04/04/2025 12:31

NiftyShaker · 04/04/2025 11:34

So to the person who said he may physically attack me when he’s older - this will never happen. He may have an attitude and be shouty/grumpy but he would never attack me. He is a very kind boy at heart. I’m surprised no one has mentioned the hormonal issues that come in at this age, a lot of the boys struggling to control their emotions and temper etc

I’m probably going to completely out myself here but we have a baby, so I can’t always go in 20 mins, 10 mins, 5 mins before if I’m feeding to or tending to the baby. This is why things have become more relaxed and we have to limit to 2 clubs per week. My partner isn’t home until late so it is me dealing with both the kids from the time they wake up until they go to bed so I can’t always attend to things immediately.

Of course it would be ideal to always have him be out and active but that’s not possible now, so he gets more screen time.

I do try and involve him more with what I need to do say you can help me make dinner, feed the baby, walk the dog, if I’m feeding the baby I suggest we watch a show together but a lot of the time it’s an argument and he doesn’t want to. He’s got to that age where he’d rather play with friends than he with me. I do think I will force this more though. Now it’s warmer we can go to the park go for walks more together.

He has play dates usually 3 or 4 a month, but they all always want to play Fortnite. It’s the thing they all love.

We held off getting Fortnite a year longer than his friends, and he was made fun of. We also have repeatedly banned him from it for a few days or weeks at a time and he gets fun of because they all become better at it as they are on it more

Once banned his behaviour improves (but is this just because he is trying to get it back?) so we agree he can go back on and the cycle repeats. We haven’t done a ban longer than a few days for a while though so I think this is worth trying.

We will try the long ban (3+ weeks)

When he’s back on we will drastically reduce the time he’s on it and be stricter with behaviour

If that doesn’t work the last option is delete the game for good.

We also think we should get him a different game to play such as FIFA to perhaps catch his interest.

Edited

I have a ten year old.

Stop trying to normalise bad behaviour.

You, yourself know it's related to Fortnite. Yet you are persisting in down playing this.

If you knew something was giving your son an allergic reaction, you would stop them from having it, even if it was a pain in the backside and affected them being able to eat out with friends.

Yet because it's the fun thing and the cool thing, you want to enable it, even though it's causing problems within the family.

Stop being the friend and being the parent.

WhereIsMyJumper · 04/04/2025 12:32

NiftyShaker · 04/04/2025 12:29

I agree, but it’s a hard step to take to allow your kids out alone

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You’re absolutely right, of course it is. I’m apprehensive about it too. As is his dad. But I just need to deal with feeling that way because it’s so good for their growth and resilience to have some independence.
Im going to start by telling him how far he is allowed to go, that he needs to stay within the park area and will probably wander over every 15 mins or so to check on him. Baby steps!

RedToothBrush · 04/04/2025 12:38

Apollonia1 · 04/04/2025 12:26

Reading these threads about Fortnite / Roblox etc are eye-opening.
My kids are only 5, so I haven't encountered this yet. But thanks to these threads, it makes me determined to be extra-strict about gaming - following the age-guidance for games, implementing very tight time and access controls, encouraging other activities, perhaps not allowing the games at all, etc.

Gaming ISN'T a problem in itself.

It's the choice of game, the age of the game, the length of time you play a game, how well supervised a child is, whether it's used a substitute for parenting or excuses are made for poor behaviour.

It's not a baby sitting device.

If you have a problem with behaviour, you address the cause of the behaviour directly. You don't water it down or blame other things. That simple.

I consider myself to be a first generation gamer and DS to be second generation which is unusual particularly for my age. I have seen first hand how bad it can be.

Gaming can be great, but you need to understand it. Most parents don't.

Original poster

NiftyShaker · 04/04/2025 12:41

GabbySolisX · 04/04/2025 12:29

My son is exactly the same OP.

I have unplugged and put away the play station (which was a unwanted for me at least, gift from his uncle, but then I felt I had to give it him or I’d look like a cruel monster) and taken away his Nintendo as it was putting him in a bad mood.

The difference is night and day, when he isn’t allowed on it he goes back to being patient and polite. Then he begs for just 30 min on there, as he’s been so good all month, all his friends are supposedly on it, so I give in and he’s back to square one. It’s staying banned now in our house.

Exactly the same for us!

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Ablondiebutagoody · 04/04/2025 12:42

WhereIsMyJumper · 04/04/2025 12:32

You’re absolutely right, of course it is. I’m apprehensive about it too. As is his dad. But I just need to deal with feeling that way because it’s so good for their growth and resilience to have some independence.
Im going to start by telling him how far he is allowed to go, that he needs to stay within the park area and will probably wander over every 15 mins or so to check on him. Baby steps!

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You are totally right to do this. I still remember how proud DS was the first time he came home from playing at the park with his friends! Independence is crucial for their development. Knowing that you have confidence that they can handle age appropriate things.
DS is 10 now, has a watch so he can be home when agreed (no phone) and his friends swing by to ask if he's coming out. Reminds me of my childhood.

Original poster

NiftyShaker · 04/04/2025 12:42

RedToothBrush · 04/04/2025 12:38

Gaming ISN'T a problem in itself.

It's the choice of game, the age of the game, the length of time you play a game, how well supervised a child is, whether it's used a substitute for parenting or excuses are made for poor behaviour.

It's not a baby sitting device.

If you have a problem with behaviour, you address the cause of the behaviour directly. You don't water it down or blame other things. That simple.

I consider myself to be a first generation gamer and DS to be second generation which is unusual particularly for my age. I have seen first hand how bad it can be.

Gaming can be great, but you need to understand it. Most parents don't.

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I agree with this

and while I may be a bit late in reaching out for further advice, we have been trying to deal with the problems as they arise mainly, it’s not like the issues just get ignored

We have been trying and will keep trying to do we think is best for him

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Original poster

NiftyShaker · 04/04/2025 12:44

Ablondiebutagoody · 04/04/2025 12:42

You are totally right to do this. I still remember how proud DS was the first time he came home from playing at the park with his friends! Independence is crucial for their development. Knowing that you have confidence that they can handle age appropriate things.
DS is 10 now, has a watch so he can be home when agreed (no phone) and his friends swing by to ask if he's coming out. Reminds me of my childhood.

Edited

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Just to ask on this part of the thread would you let a 9 year old go to the park on their own when it’s at least a 5 minute walk away?

I know I would have been allowed to by this age but it’s not so common anymore and he would be the first to be allowed

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WhereIsMyJumper · 04/04/2025 12:47

Ablondiebutagoody · 04/04/2025 12:42

You are totally right to do this. I still remember how proud DS was the first time he came home from playing at the park with his friends! Independence is crucial for their development. Knowing that you have confidence that they can handle age appropriate things.
DS is 10 now, has a watch so he can be home when agreed (no phone) and his friends swing by to ask if he's coming out. Reminds me of my childhood.

Edited

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I love this! Sounds spot on!

The first time we went over to the park I was so pleasantly surprised. There were about 20 kids of all ages playing out, either on the equipment or kicking a football around or sharing a bag of chips. No phones in sight. Adults were obviously there with the really young ones. It definitely took me back to my childhood. DS made a little friend within a few minutes and they were chasing each other around and making up games. It was really nice to see

RedToothBrush · 04/04/2025 12:49

NiftyShaker · 04/04/2025 12:42

I agree with this

and while I may be a bit late in reaching out for further advice, we have been trying to deal with the problems as they arise mainly, it’s not like the issues just get ignored

We have been trying and will keep trying to do we think is best for him

Show quote history

Honestly, the game matters.

Don't fall into the trap of 'but all my mates are'. You are going to come across this at some point. You need to learn to say no in this situation and he needs to learn that his mates being allowed isn't a bargaining chip and you will make your own decisions and if that means you are the mean parent so be it.

If you are the mean parent you are also the parent who is aware of what is happening and setting boundaries.

He and the other kids might not become violent thugs, but it still doesn't mean it's not having an observable negative impact on behaviour and relationships with others. If he's learning it's ok to be shit to you and eventually you will give in and he will get what he wants, that's still really unhealthy as a life lesson.

PizzaPowder · 04/04/2025 12:51

Fortnite is now banned in our house. The behaviour was beyond ridiculous and no matter how many warnings didn't get any better.

Ablondiebutagoody · 04/04/2025 12:55

NiftyShaker · 04/04/2025 12:44

Just to ask on this part of the thread would you let a 9 year old go to the park on their own when it’s at least a 5 minute walk away?

I know I would have been allowed to by this age but it’s not so common anymore and he would be the first to be allowed

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If they were meeting friends there, yes. It's a bit further than that to the park for my DS. It was scary for me but my view is that being overprotective is dangerous in itself.

Original poster

NiftyShaker · 04/04/2025 12:56

RedToothBrush · 04/04/2025 12:49

Honestly, the game matters.

Don't fall into the trap of 'but all my mates are'. You are going to come across this at some point. You need to learn to say no in this situation and he needs to learn that his mates being allowed isn't a bargaining chip and you will make your own decisions and if that means you are the mean parent so be it.

If you are the mean parent you are also the parent who is aware of what is happening and setting boundaries.

He and the other kids might not become violent thugs, but it still doesn't mean it's not having an observable negative impact on behaviour and relationships with others. If he's learning it's ok to be shit to you and eventually you will give in and he will get what he wants, that's still really unhealthy as a life lesson.

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Yes I agree we need to be firmer with the bad behaviour

He is pushing new boundaries and that is okay and a normal part of development but this game is currently making it worse so we are going to put some clear boundaries in place or that’s it it’s gone

I agree the friend trap will come up many more times in future years, so we need to put our foot down now and show that’s not a factor .

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MeinKraft · 04/04/2025 12:59

NiftyShaker · 04/04/2025 12:44

Just to ask on this part of the thread would you let a 9 year old go to the park on their own when it’s at least a 5 minute walk away?

I know I would have been allowed to by this age but it’s not so common anymore and he would be the first to be allowed

Show quote history

Depends what side of 9 he’s on. 9, coming 10 in May - yeah i would allow it. With safeguards in place, like he takes a phone or watch that can make calls. Just turned 9, and you know he’s not ready then no i wouldn’t. Maybe he could buddy up with another sensible friend and they could go together?

I feel you OP i really do. My 8 year old has been gaming more than he should, it started when his little sister was born and all his cousins were playing and chatting on the headphones. Thankfully he lost interest in the headphones thing and just plays the odd game now or watches rubbish on youtube but i’ve moved the xbox out of the den and into the living room. I don’t want to be watching that nonsense more than necessary so there’s more impetus for me to turn it off and also it gives me much tighter control of course because i’m keeping a closer eye on what he’s doing. He also plays out because we live in a quiet estate with a field in the middle for kids to play football.

It is scary to let them play out because like you say you’re sending them out into the world. But online gaming is bringing the outside world into your home. Either way, he’s reached the age where he is ready to spread his wings, you just need to put the safeguards in place to allow him to do that.

redpaperstar · 04/04/2025 13:06

WhereIsMyJumper · 04/04/2025 12:18

Not all gaming is equal. The games we all played - things like Mario and sonic the hedgehog were nowhere near as addictive and didn’t have the online element. My DS7 enjoys playing a bit of sonic now and then but gets bored of it fairly quickly. There’s another old 90s platform style game that he and I play together sometimes. Again, not an online game and it’s always in the living room when I am there and playing with him.

That’s worlds apart from Fortnite or Roblox or any of the other shite that kids play now.

I agree. My DS only plays these types of games so is content with a couple of hours max at the weekend. The online games are very addictive, which suits the companies.

Your DS doesn’t need another club if he already has a couple - mine doesn’t do more than this, but he’s happy to sit and play with Lego and other toys for hours, with occasional TV thrown in. Then there’s playing in the garden when the weather is ok. At that age they don’t need you hovering over them while they do these things.

Wiseonce · 04/04/2025 13:08

My son is 10 and we have had the same issue, in fact we have had the same issue with all gaming. This is how it went for us when he was 8/9.

He had an Xbox, he had a Nintendo switch, he was allowed to play on the computer on fortnite. And as of about 6 months ago those have all been permanently removed.

He was allowed on for an hour or 2 at a time, but it affected his behaviour so badly he got to the point of hitting. Not directly like 'let me game or I will hit!', but it was the frustration around not being allowed on it all the time that let him to being so pent up he hit. He is 10 but he is very tall and genuinely it hurt. Other than that he was just grumpy all the time, he would rush homework to get straight on to games, he would argue if it was his sisters time to play, he was just horrible to be around.We tried short bans of a day or 2, then long bans of weeks, but ultimately the behaviour improved until he went back on the games. We felt like he would be excluded from friend groups etc which is why we kept letting him back on but honestly completely removing them (including Fortnite obviously) has been such an improvement for our family. Day and night! He has clubs a few days a week, but has created other hobbies now-he absolutely loves to read now, and plays chess (online and with friends) without any issues. He takes his bike out most days now it's sunny, he's helped me with gardening. He is the happy, caring wonderful son he always was. A zero tolerance policy for gaming now in our home and honestly he doesn't miss it. He still has friends and the odd time he does talk about Fortnite or whatever he gets over it very quickly. He does game the 1 night a week he goes to his dad's and does come back quite grumpy but that's a whole other issue! But yeah, it's a hard decision to take it away fully and the mum guilt nearly got me but when I think of the comparison between how amazing his behaviour is now conpared to the attitude and anger when he was playing all those games- it's just not worth it. He is happier overall so thats what matters. I doubt he felt good giving his mum a thump over a game!

Original poster

NiftyShaker · 04/04/2025 13:09

redpaperstar · 04/04/2025 13:06

I agree. My DS only plays these types of games so is content with a couple of hours max at the weekend. The online games are very addictive, which suits the companies.

Your DS doesn’t need another club if he already has a couple - mine doesn’t do more than this, but he’s happy to sit and play with Lego and other toys for hours, with occasional TV thrown in. Then there’s playing in the garden when the weather is ok. At that age they don’t need you hovering over them while they do these things.

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This is true possible in the garden whilst I make dinner

Build Lego in the lounge when I feed the baby etc

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Original poster

NiftyShaker · 04/04/2025 13:10

I guess now it’s nice weather and light out there are some better options available, but this post is on the end of the winter when his number one choice has been gaming

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Original poster

NiftyShaker · 04/04/2025 13:14

Wiseonce · 04/04/2025 13:08

My son is 10 and we have had the same issue, in fact we have had the same issue with all gaming. This is how it went for us when he was 8/9.

He had an Xbox, he had a Nintendo switch, he was allowed to play on the computer on fortnite. And as of about 6 months ago those have all been permanently removed.

He was allowed on for an hour or 2 at a time, but it affected his behaviour so badly he got to the point of hitting. Not directly like 'let me game or I will hit!', but it was the frustration around not being allowed on it all the time that let him to being so pent up he hit. He is 10 but he is very tall and genuinely it hurt. Other than that he was just grumpy all the time, he would rush homework to get straight on to games, he would argue if it was his sisters time to play, he was just horrible to be around.We tried short bans of a day or 2, then long bans of weeks, but ultimately the behaviour improved until he went back on the games. We felt like he would be excluded from friend groups etc which is why we kept letting him back on but honestly completely removing them (including Fortnite obviously) has been such an improvement for our family. Day and night! He has clubs a few days a week, but has created other hobbies now-he absolutely loves to read now, and plays chess (online and with friends) without any issues. He takes his bike out most days now it's sunny, he's helped me with gardening. He is the happy, caring wonderful son he always was. A zero tolerance policy for gaming now in our home and honestly he doesn't miss it. He still has friends and the odd time he does talk about Fortnite or whatever he gets over it very quickly. He does game the 1 night a week he goes to his dad's and does come back quite grumpy but that's a whole other issue! But yeah, it's a hard decision to take it away fully and the mum guilt nearly got me but when I think of the comparison between how amazing his behaviour is now conpared to the attitude and anger when he was playing all those games- it's just not worth it. He is happier overall so thats what matters. I doubt he felt good giving his mum a thump over a game!

So much of this post is similar to us, including going to his dads and playing it!

I’m sure if I said it was banned and could he does the same he would agree, hopefully! But we haven’t got there yet

He also loves to play chess and read, but as secondary options to Fortnite

I feel more hopeful for our cold Turkey period now, it may be indefinitely

Im not looking forward to his initial response but it will be better in the long run for sure

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MissRoseDurward · 04/04/2025 13:17

.....even if I can’t entertain him at that point

You don't have to be constantly entertaining him or taking him to activities. He needs to learn to entertain himself.

I grew up long before home computers and when there were only two tv channels. And when running a house and a family took up much more time, so my mum didn't have time to be always entertaining us.

We had books, art and craft materials, Lego, board games, card games, Scalextric (my brother's, but we all played with it, and my friends liked to play too) swing and sand pit in the garden... and we used to talk to each other. I remember sitting in the kitchen when my mum was doing something, telling her about the library book I'd been reading. She just listened while carrying on with what she was doing.

Wiseonce · 04/04/2025 13:24

I don't mind so much about him playing at his dad's, it almost feels less bad to me as he gets to play a bit, and I don't take the brunt of the anger. His dad doesn't do anything with him either so it keeps him entertained whilst there.

But honestly cold turkey was great for us. He took it badly at the start and was bored but if anything it's just helped him find ways to keep himself entertained and have a bit more imagination. I make a point of taking an interest in his hobbies so if he wants a new book we go 1 on 1 to the book shop or library, and he has a very specific other hobby so we go to the shop for it every so often and get bits and pieces related to it and I will help him with it. We also do family boardgame night 1 evening a week and even our teen gets involved with that. It's honestly a game changer. Good luck whatever you decide to do.