Behaviour issues Fortnite

[NiftyShaker]

Son plays a lot of Fortnite and behaviour around that time is awful.

It’s either fights with friends, or sad he has to come off it.

On the evenings he plays, we know there will be an issue afterwards and it’s very draining for everyone, including him I’m sure.

We also have general behaviour issues and meltdowns, more than the average boy his age.

He has gotten better during the game, letting more things go etc.

He already has limited time on it compared to his friends. He gets to play every other day and comes off at 7 to wind down. Most of his other friends play whenever they want, until late in the evening past his bedtime.

We are considering reducing his gameplay to once a week because these meltdowns really do take over the evening and we’ve had enough, and it’s clear this is not a healthy game for young boys to play. The issue is that all these friends chat online through mics when they are playing, so we are worried about isolating him from friends by reducing his gameplay time so drastically.

AIBU?

Has anyone else experienced similar and have advice of what worked for them?

We have had the same with DS1 who is nearly 13 now. We ended up banning it for both boys. The attitude towards me especially in the days after him playing were awful.

This sounds great

It sounds like a very similar situation to us and hopefully we can do as well once he’s off it

Thanks for your input x

OP you are doing your best!

Ds is 9 and also plays but we've really tightened up, he doesn't have the headphones or mic so cannot chat (as the language is horrific) he does NOT have access to Roblox at all!

Fortnite is weekend gaming only, and for no more than an hour, and it is after he's been to football and karate and swimming lessons. He is allowed his switch weeknights for 45 mins (he doesn't get back from childminder until after 5 and then has to do 3 jobs before he's allowed his time e.g lay the table, put away coats and shows, put away the laundry on his bed)

These limits mean his attitude isn't so awful with it, he's still getting to do the thing he wants to do - within reason and we've explained why, we've explained that it's not his fault and that these games are made specifically to keep you playing so it's our jobs as parents to manage that. It is our job to teach them the safety and effects of these things, not just hide them.

I think this is a really good approach
We used to get him to do jobs as well but I think when I was pregnant, he helped me so much. I sort of let him off the hook afterwards.
But jobs first are a good idea
Yes, the language and also just to argue in general sometimes isn’t great

I like what you said about, explaining to him that its not his fault, I don’t think that’s something I’ve said before but I definitely will now

Ours seems to respond much better when we have explained it to him - and proven it with examples ‘look you can see you’ve been on Fortnite longer than usual today as your attitude towards me isn’t being the best, can you see that too?’

explaining our reasons behind having the rule, instead of just being authoritarian about it has really helped his understanding of why.

It's hard having different rules to his friends, but just because they have crap parents who don't care, doesn't mean that you have to be the same.

I know of more than one kid who smashed their tv screens after becoming so enraged by the game. I know of older teens/young men who just want to game all night and sleep all day. They can't hold down jobs or relationships.

If your rules help to stop your son becoming like that, then good on you.

Stand firm, find him something else to do. Find some multi player games that you can all do together, me and DD often play on the Switch together.

The most important thing is that you remain in charge. You are the adult, the parent, and it's your rules, not blindly giving them what they want.

I appreciate and have listened to everyone’s points but I’d like to add these friends parents aren’t crap parents at all, they are just relaxed towards gaming

I am not anti gaming at all - my husband is a gamer and plays loads of computer games, always has since he was a child. Some adults watch crap telly, some hang out at the pub, some game… everyone gets to have some down time. I have no issue with my son playing on the switch for an hour on a rainy afternoon or when a friend comes round (we have a house rule they have to do something without screens before going on screens though and they all know it!).

I have a major issue with Fortnite and online gaming for children however. It’s specifically designed to be addictive and has really affected some of the children at our school. I haven’t seen anything good come out of it. We are steering clear of it as long as we can!

my friend’s son is addicted to fifa - plays it endlessly on his own or online with friends and she’s really struggling to manage it. So maybe it’s more the online aspect that can lead to challenges - maybe some kids really respond poorly to other people’s expectations and the socialising aspect alongside the designed addictive gameplay?

I hope you find a balance that works better for your family OP - it’s all a juggling act for sure. Honestly sometimes being a bit bored is when your kids can really surprise you with something amazing.