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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Behaviour issues Fortnite

133 replies

NiftyShaker · 03/04/2025 20:44

Son plays a lot of Fortnite and behaviour around that time is awful.

It’s either fights with friends, or sad he has to come off it.

On the evenings he plays, we know there will be an issue afterwards and it’s very draining for everyone, including him I’m sure.

We also have general behaviour issues and meltdowns, more than the average boy his age.

He has gotten better during the game, letting more things go etc.

He already has limited time on it compared to his friends. He gets to play every other day and comes off at 7 to wind down. Most of his other friends play whenever they want, until late in the evening past his bedtime.

We are considering reducing his gameplay to once a week because these meltdowns really do take over the evening and we’ve had enough, and it’s clear this is not a healthy game for young boys to play. The issue is that all these friends chat online through mics when they are playing, so we are worried about isolating him from friends by reducing his gameplay time so drastically.

AIBU?

Has anyone else experienced similar and have advice of what worked for them?

OP posts:
WeNeverGoOutOfStyle · 03/04/2025 23:12

Those saying a 9 year old shouldn’t be playing Fortnite are so out of touch.

thinkingofausername · 03/04/2025 23:14

WeNeverGoOutOfStyle · 03/04/2025 23:12

Those saying a 9 year old shouldn’t be playing Fortnite are so out of touch.

Out of touch with what?

Wanting to be their child's friend instead of their parent? I think most would be proud to be out of touch in that case.

ConstanceM · 03/04/2025 23:16

Weekends Only. The End!
Max 5hrs per day. The End!

SunnySideDeepDown · 03/04/2025 23:22

So he’s in Y4? Sorry I agree with the others, it’s inappropriate for him to be playing it, despite what other parents allow.

Your son is showing you that it’s not good for him to be gaming, his behaviour shows you it’s not positive. So take the console away and change hobbies. Hes 9, not 19.

SunnySideDeepDown · 03/04/2025 23:22

ConstanceM · 03/04/2025 23:16

Weekends Only. The End!
Max 5hrs per day. The End!

5 hours a day?! That’s WAY too much and doesn’t allow for much family time either.

Bobbybobbins · 03/04/2025 23:28

You are right to limit this more.

EggyBreads · 03/04/2025 23:32

My son is the same age and I don’t allow him to play Fortnite. There’s a very small percentage of his class that play this particular game and their parenting is questionable imo.

Caerulea · 03/04/2025 23:33

OP - what game mode is he playing? Build? No-build? Vs? Box fights? Some of the game modes are absolutely frantic & ppl of any age end up stressed by them. The least stressful is no-build, perhaps encourage him in that direction?

What actually is the behaviour you're concerned about?

And to the others wittering about gaming & Fortnite in particular (especially those questioning the parenting of others over it) give it a rest cos it's quite clear you've not a clue what you're talking about.

redpaperstar · 03/04/2025 23:46

He’s too young to play it. My almost 10 year old doesn’t play it or any online games and his friendships have not suffered for it; he has a lovely group of friends, and I think it’s good for them to have a life outside of school, with friends at clubs, family time and also being able to entertain themselves with non screen related activities.

The police actually had a chat with children in the school as part of online safety lessons, saying that they think that Fortnite is only suitable for 14+. My DS can play offline games for a couple of hours at the weekend only, and he’s happy with that as that’s all he’s known.

Playing till 7pm sounds late too; my DS is getting ready for bed from 6.30, and reading from 7pm to wind down.

Just because his friends are playing it, or playing games till later, it doesn’t make it ok.

PuzzleFrog · 03/04/2025 23:56

9!!!!!!!!!

I thought you were talking about a teenager.

No no no no no no.

I can't over state how wrong you have got this. Socialising over fortnite is not socialising.

Send him to cubs, get him playing a sport after school. You can already see how corrosive this is becoming. Stop now before it's too late.

Eenameenadeeka · 03/04/2025 23:59

I wouldn't allow a 9 year old to play Fortnite at all. I always follow the age ratings, they are there for a reason. Does he do many sports or clubs? I'd focus on things like that for friendships in person rather than sitting for hours on the computer.

Myengagementring · 04/04/2025 03:57

Like others have said he's too young and playing it for too long. It won't harm his friendships at all, my DS is one of the only ones that doesn't play it, he plays FIFA instead and he still has friendships with those who do play it. He's also over of the only ones who doesn't have Snapchat or TikTok but I'm not letting him have either so that he is like his friends who do, you need to be the parent here.

slet · 04/04/2025 04:02

Just get him off it! Do it now and put some boundaries in place or you are in for a world of pain in a few years. This is not about friendship ffs!

BeefBoogyOn · 04/04/2025 06:52

WeNeverGoOutOfStyle · 03/04/2025 23:12

Those saying a 9 year old shouldn’t be playing Fortnite are so out of touch.

Every single safeguarding course I've taken in the last three or so years has been really clear that online gaming, specifically online gaming for young boys (and always mentioned specifically are Minecraft, Roblox and Fortnite and YouTube kids) is a hub of groomers, scammers and mind rot, and is one of the most dangerous things you can let your child have access to.

The proof is there that it's really easy to find and manipulate young boys who think they are among friends, and drip poison into their ears. I'm not just talking about paedophiles, I'm talking about the rise of misogyny and Incel culture. It's really prevalent in online gaming.

The issue is that these games are so incredibly addictive, it becomes impossible to regulate (emotionally or otherwise) so even if the child can feel that it's bad for them, they can't stop.

WhySoManySocks · 04/04/2025 07:06

DS is in Year 4 and doesn’t play Fortnite. Neither do his friends. A few troubled boys in his school do.

Playing a 12+ game, online, EVERY DAY, for hours, at that age, is madness.

WonderingWanda · 04/04/2025 07:14

Basically it's not age appropriate to be playing it...or for so long so he is struggling to process it all. Its a shame that so many other parents let their kids access games before they are old enough and makes it harder to manage. You could reduce the days when he is allowed to go on it, reduce the time further. Now it's summer and light in the evenings maybe follow the gaming with a calming walk outside.

PurpleThistle7 · 04/04/2025 07:23

My son is almost 9 and doesn’t play online games. I know some of his friends do but it’s not for us. It hasn’t affected his friendships in the sense that he has loads of friends and is happy to go to school and run around with kids in the neighbourhood and such.

Mostly it’s not an issue in the week as he’s super busy - football 4x a week and taekwando twice. He is out of the house most days until 730 or so anyway.

we have a switch and he plays on it sometimes and he watches telly sometimes so I’m not anti screen time but he knows if he complains at all about turning it off he has to take a week off playing at all.

personally I’d take 3 weeks off cold turkey and see how it feels after that. We had a bit of an issue with the switch over the winter when he started playing more and just put it away altogether for a few weeks. Was much better after that and he’s starting to learn when it’s time to turn it off himself now.

Slobberchops1 · 04/04/2025 07:31

My son is the same with Minecraft, we’ve banned all electronics and his behaviour at home and school has improved massively.

breakfastdinnerandtea · 04/04/2025 07:49

We, like many others on this thread, had to ban Fortnite completely for the exact same reasons. DS couldn’t regulate, he was moody and grumpy and the amount of shouting and tears were crazy. I’m really shocked actually at just how many people have had the same issue with the same game. He doesn’t have this problem with any other game. What is it about Fortnite that causes this??

Original poster
NiftyShaker · 04/04/2025 08:10

A few points to clarify

He does activity clubs twice a week, and we are always busy one day over the weekend. The spare weekend day is a mixture of family time, chores, walks/bike rides and screen time.

By no means does he sit there and play it 24/7

On the days he does play it, he has a break in the middle for dinner, and he may also have an activity club so he’s not just sat there forever playing.

Unfortunately I cannot take him to any more activity clubs for various reasons, those of you that can that’s great, but it’s not possible for all of us to keep the kids out and entertained 24/7

I also agree who said it’s a bit out of touch saying don’t let them near it. Whilst I agree it’s no good, I think the world we live in now requires us to regulate the things we disagree with, not necessarily outright ban them

I think a cold Turkey few weeks could help us see changes, and then we decide what’s best from there.

I’m more than happy to be the bad guy, I am by no means one of those parents who never wants to tell their kid off because I’d rather be their friend.

If an outright ban was the answer, I’d be happy to do that but I’m honestly not sure what’s best, and that’s why I came to mums net, not to be told to be a parent. If I wasn’t parenting, I wouldn’t be asking the question.

OP posts:
Original poster
NiftyShaker · 04/04/2025 08:14

However it is very clear we have been too relaxed with the bad behaviour and that needs to be sorted immediately. I’ve been tolerating too much recently for sure.

OP posts:
Eenameenadeeka · 04/04/2025 08:35

Each to their own, but definitely not out of touch to follow age ratings on games. I also have children the same age and while some of their peers at school are allowed the games before the recommended ages, there are still plenty of us who decide to wait until our children are old enough to manage them without the issues you are facing. Best of luck with it.

Wells37 · 04/04/2025 08:40

Sit down and explain to him, if he wants access to Xbox you won’t tolerate any bad behaviour at all. As it shouldn’t be affecting everyone’s lives so much.
He has turn it off when asked (5min warning)and no arguments with friends, if he sulks afterwards he doesn’t get to go back on for a few days.
Have a few days off to reset.
Any shouting it goes straight off and isn’t allowed on for a few days.
If he can’t follow those rules just put it away for a few months.

Myengagementring · 04/04/2025 09:10

NiftyShaker · 04/04/2025 08:10

A few points to clarify

He does activity clubs twice a week, and we are always busy one day over the weekend. The spare weekend day is a mixture of family time, chores, walks/bike rides and screen time.

By no means does he sit there and play it 24/7

On the days he does play it, he has a break in the middle for dinner, and he may also have an activity club so he’s not just sat there forever playing.

Unfortunately I cannot take him to any more activity clubs for various reasons, those of you that can that’s great, but it’s not possible for all of us to keep the kids out and entertained 24/7

I also agree who said it’s a bit out of touch saying don’t let them near it. Whilst I agree it’s no good, I think the world we live in now requires us to regulate the things we disagree with, not necessarily outright ban them

I think a cold Turkey few weeks could help us see changes, and then we decide what’s best from there.

I’m more than happy to be the bad guy, I am by no means one of those parents who never wants to tell their kid off because I’d rather be their friend.

If an outright ban was the answer, I’d be happy to do that but I’m honestly not sure what’s best, and that’s why I came to mums net, not to be told to be a parent. If I wasn’t parenting, I wouldn’t be asking the question.

Edited

We did an outright ban for a week and my son noticed the difference in his personality and removed it himself, but he was older than yours so more self aware. I do agree with regulations things but if a game is changing someone's personality thats worrying and a sign of an addiction.

4timesthefun · 04/04/2025 09:14

If you aren’t willing to implement an outright ban, then you will either have to become VERY strict about behaviour (and limit his time - 3hrs on a school night is madness), or just tolerate the fact the problems around gaming addiction and behaviour will continue to worsen. I’ve raised 3 children past the age of 9 now without Fortnite very successfully. If I look at the kids that are into gaming in my 11 and 13yr olds cohort and those that have far stricter parents, I know which I’d rather for my kid….If you aren’t going to ban it, then I’d recommend that each and every time his behaviour is out of line around the gaming, he loses access for a week. I can assure you it will become far harder to help manage it once he is bigger and starts to physically attack you when you try implement limits.

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