To refuse to attend a child-free wedding because I think it’s selfish?

[ZingyJadePombear]

My cousin is getting married and has said it’s a child-free wedding. The problem is I have two young children and no family nearby to babysit. They’ve said it’s “non-negotiable.” I feel a bit hurt because it’s like they’re choosing their Pinterest-perfect day over family actually being there. I understand wanting a certain vibe but shouldn’t weddings be about loved ones more than aesthetics or rules? AIBU for thinking it’s selfish and considering not going?

Give it a rest OP, the majority of people disagree with you because you are being unreasonable. Their wedding, their choice.

But as I said before I would have loved to have had children at my wedding but 120 guests is 60 couples, 30 on each side. Both of us filled half of that with family. There just isn’t any room for children! And we don’t even know that many people!

Sorry if this has been explained and I missed it, but why does having children at a wedding affect the photos?

Why on earth are you telling the OP to 'give it a rest?' She hasn't posted for about three and a half hours! She HAS given it a rest!

And aren't you oh-so-terribly-original, saying 'their wedding, their choice?!' I mean, NO-ONE has said that on this thread yet! 🙄

Wow - what a bizarrely aggressive reaction to @harriethulas's post!

I’ve never been to a completely CF wedding but also my kids haven’t been invited to anywhere near all the weddings I have attended since they were born!

Weddings are so expensive it is generally the norm for only the children of close family & maybe best friends to be invited. Nieces & nephews of B&G are usually there, dc of cousins, work colleagues, old school pals - not usual to invite these in my experience!

OP has just assumed that. Kids at a wedding change the dynamic, plus they are still bums on seats that need to be paid for. I bet some kids the couple getting married wont even know.

So you think your kids should be welcome everywhere?

I had a child free wedding, all of the parents who were invited came but if they hadn't I wouldn't have been offended. It didn't really cross my mind as an issue, nor did anyone raise it as one

I have been to only 1 childfree wedding in all my years (I’m at an age where I go to more funerals than weddings now). None of them have been ruined by the children or the parents. No screaming, and zooming, and crying.

oh please, I had a chikdfree wedding and I can assure you it wasnt because of pintrest or intagram because they didnt exist back then!
It was a financial and numbers game. You invite one kid, you invite them all, we wanted a smaller wedding, adding everyones kids meant a different venue or cutting 15 people from our list.
Luckily my friends had husbands and parents who werent knobheads and could look after the kids by them selves

No. Guests don’t choose who the other guests are.

It doesn't. This is just the standard tactic from people who believe their feelings and views are extra special... re-frame any competing feelings or preferences of other people in the most shallow, dismissive way possible. So instead of OP's desire to bring her children to a wedding and not have to get childcare being contrasted with a bride and groom setting out to throw an adult party, thinking about the actual experience of themselves and all of their guests on the day, and needing to allocate their budget thoughtfully we're presented with deep-feeling OP valuing family togetherness and inclusion vs a selfish, shallow bride and groom that care about nothing but fake pictures they can post online.

I bloody love a child free wedding. 😁

Meh, I can't get het up about weddings. In fact, I've just turned down my invite to a much-loved relatives wedding, because it's abroad and my dc (late teens so no behaviour issues) weren't invited. Not because I was offended, but because I could only justify the cost if it doubled as a family holiday (we haven't been overseas in ten years).

I wasn't offended my kids weren't included, the relative wasn't offended I can't go. We don't have to give brain space to these things.

I’d prefer to start work an hour later, finish an hour earlier and get paid more rather than less for the privilege. I’m not getting that either.

Why can people not do things differently? What is this such an emotive subject?

adults go to functions all the time without their children. Why is it not okay for a couple to decide they want an adult only event?

Frinds of mine had an adult only wedding. It was beautiful - the ceremony was by a lake in early evening followed by an evening meal in a marque and some music, dancing and chat into the night. There were candles and open flames everywhere - very unsafe of children had been running around. It was very different to the usual wedding. I don’t think anyone threw a strop because kids weren’t invited . But then people get babysitters all the time to go out to dinner, the theatre and being functions.

And while I understand the financial side, it’s worth noting that not everyone sees their children as just an extra headcount

I think again this is an unnecessarily pointed comment that everyone should feel the same about your family as you do. We had a babes in arms rule because as well as the “extra headcount” plus the disruption, furniture hire for high chairs was just not an extra cost we were willing to shoulder, nor to have any child-friendly area. One friend couldn’t come due to childcare and it felt pointed that they couldn’t come for any at all, given they actually lived quite locally, but that’s their decision. I don’t regret our choice, and with a toddler now we have happily gone to other child free weddings.

the original comment was nasty about the bride and groom, very nasty. When all they did was invite this lady to a wedding.

so I returned the energy.

not sure why that’s a problem? OP can call a couple selfish and vain, but I can’t suggest she might be equally flawed?

double standards?

Don’t take it personally, it’s not about you.

Babysitters are available for a fee, if you really want to go.

It is their wedding and they don’t want children there. If you don’t like it - don’t go. Simple.

I agree there's been some awful responses.

But that's not why the OP hasn't been back.

She did a runner when people asked why she refused to say why her husband wouldn't look after his kids, while she went to her cousin's wedding.

And to be fair, she had ignored the question repeatedly.