To refuse to attend a child-free wedding because I think it’s selfish?

[ZingyJadePombear]

My cousin is getting married and has said it’s a child-free wedding. The problem is I have two young children and no family nearby to babysit. They’ve said it’s “non-negotiable.” I feel a bit hurt because it’s like they’re choosing their Pinterest-perfect day over family actually being there. I understand wanting a certain vibe but shouldn’t weddings be about loved ones more than aesthetics or rules? AIBU for thinking it’s selfish and considering not going?

Dictionary definition of selfish……copied here

Does a person have a right to think what they want…..of course they do.

You keep saying you understand. But i don't think you do. You say you think she should have the wedding she wants. She is having the wedding she wants.
You say you understand about numbers. But you don't. Children are included in a head count.
You say you're not expecting her to prioritise your kids over her friends. But you are. If your children are there that's spaces that her friends could take up.
You say she should be flexible. Do you mean just with your kids or everyone's kids. How many cousins are there? On both sides. How many have kids? How many siblings are there on both sides? How many have kids? If they were only allowed to the ceremony and not the meal what would you do for the rest of the day?
Are you married? Did you have the wedding you wanted? That's all she's doing. Having it her way. For one day. I think everyone is entitled to that

Especially all the uninvited siblings who turn up these days without their parents even asking in advance, expecting them to be paid for, fed and then being amazed to be told no, and funnily enough no there is not a party bag for your uninvited child…the entitlement is off the chart and I have stood up strongly to it, starting as I mean to go on thank you very much, I’ve got years of these ahead of me! 😂

This is exactly one of the reasons why my wedding was childfree. Children's games and a bouncy castle isn't my idea of a wedding.

You're being ridiculous
We attended one wedding where ALL the kids were invited. We did not have children then & it was hell. Really awful.
We did not have children then & have attended one family wedding since our dc were born & our dd was a flower girl & that part was OK but the rest was a total pain
We had to juggle minding a 4 year old whilst still trying to be sociable at a family wedding- i HATED it & never did it again

We had crack cocaine and an orgy; the kids did the dishes. It was great.

Refusing to attend a wedding because children aren't invited as per OP's title is more than just thinking it.

I'm not sure what you mean here. The choice of guests is decided by bride and groom.

The world doesn’t revolve around your children OP. People are allowed to have the wedding they want. If it doesn’t suit you, then don’t go. It’s that simple.

Your children are the centre of your world, but they aren’t to anyone else. I think some parents have a hard time accepting that.

The parents could opt not to take their children if they were invited.

Blimey
Hope you’re prepared for the incoming

Which is what nearly all of our friends with children chose to do for our wedding.

Excellent! Hero of the day.
I am old enough to want to write heroine, but appreciate that ship has sailed!

You spelled "badass" wrong.

People can have whatever wedding they like. We had the best of both worlds - we did invite children, but it was quite a small wedding and we arranged a picnic and entertainment for them during the ‘boring’ bits (the meal, speeches etc). They all had a great time as did we. And we had lots of smiley kids in the photos 😀

Does it make them selfish? Also yes.

Happily I couldn’t give a witch’s tit

Yes, I did!
😃😃🤣

Do all these “selfish” ranting posters turn up on their friend’s doorstep with a pack of kids when they’ve individually been invited over for a glass of wine because how dare you leave kids out? 😂

But it's clear the couple getting married here don't want kids at their wedding.

I disagree

Invite comes in post
Realisation ‘Oh there’s no kids’
Kids are too young to leave alone and we don’t know anyone

Oo. Let’s post on mumsnet ( must be new on here as quite obvious OP will get slated as entitled )
Ask if it’s reasonable to consider declining

reads and responds to posts because Antiques Roadtrip is a bit boring
The End.

I am sure the people who know you are heartbroken

Millie is coming to the wedding WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. And you'd better like it, or else.

Millie is also coming to the hen do. And the honeymoon.

Sometimes its not about your kids (I mean unless it is and you know this but thats a you problem)....

Sometimes its because they know that some other guest is a piss poor parent at the best of times and at a party with drinks will absolutely fail to prevent their little darling from ruining the whole thing.

Just say you're sorry you won't be able to attend and wish them well.