To refuse to attend a child-free wedding because I think it’s selfish?

[ZingyJadePombear]

My cousin is getting married and has said it’s a child-free wedding. The problem is I have two young children and no family nearby to babysit. They’ve said it’s “non-negotiable.” I feel a bit hurt because it’s like they’re choosing their Pinterest-perfect day over family actually being there. I understand wanting a certain vibe but shouldn’t weddings be about loved ones more than aesthetics or rules? AIBU for thinking it’s selfish and considering not going?

How droll.

I think the bride has defined it perfectly well. She found out via an official invite no children. So close. So much love.

She really doesn’t come across like that at all, she’s been incredibly scathing about all the perceived reasons her children haven’t been invited and can’t accept that the cousin simply doesn’t want them. It doesn’t have to be prioritising aesthetics, all about the photos, about control, or because they want a Pinterest worthy day, the cousin probably just doesn’t want extra guests they don’t really care about.

And while I understand the financial side, it’s worth noting that not everyone sees their children as just an extra headcount - some of us see them as part of our family unit and being told they’re not welcome anywhere at all naturally creates a disconnect.

but it’s not the parents of the children planning the wedding - it’s the bride and groom. And when you are planning a wedding every guest is a headcount and unless you have unlimited budget/ venue space then difficult decisions have to be made.

what would you prefer - your two kids attend the wedding but then the bride can’t invite two of her friends if their headcount is limited?

i got married before my friends all had kids - if we were to get married today the fact that all our friends have 2 or 3 kids each it would mean that we could only be able to have 9 families at our wedding. So we would have had to have cut friends and family members out to accommodate friends’ kids and partners- many of which we barely know, and in the case of the kids never even met some of them. We won’t ever have a relationship with my friends’ or cousins’ kids so if I was going to get married again I would absolutely have a child free wedding!

I don't get the assumption that anyone who wants a child free wedding is doing it for the pictures! There's many reasons why people might prefer it and that's okay- everyone has their own preference for everything in life, why is it expected that weddings are any different 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's them who are getting married so it's their choice You are a guest, your choice is whether you're going or not, that's it. Of course you're allowed to have an opinion on it but that's all it is, an opinion.

I wouldn’t call a cousin close family- I didn’t even invite my cousins to my wedding never mind their children!

The ‘message’ you’d be sending your cousin by going is that you love them and want to be there on their big day. By not going you’d be giving up a seat I’m sure they would happily give to a friend who does want to be there.

Enjoyment is the reason people do not want children there.

Running around, making a mess with food, hanging on when adults are attempting to converse, doing annoying antics on the dance floor, whining and crying... no thank you.

We invited people we saw regularly including their kids as we saw them regularly…so we were close

Relatives we only saw once in a few years or at a funeral we didn’t because we weren’t close to them.

We wanted to enjoy our day with friends and family we actually knew well.

And being a good host means taking your guests' comfort into consideration. Thank god I was reared to have manners.

OP has indeed said that she is not a single parent.

That's what normal people do.

Their wedding, their day, their choice.

Blimey
These wedding day kids sound horrific.
Thankfully none at our wedding did that,

Why are people on this thread who want children at weddings so fixed in their views that they can't even consider that others may not want children at their own wedding?

The reason could be financial, numbers, there are naughty children in the family/ friendship groups, or just they want adult only.

We had children at our wedding but that doesn't mean that I think that everyone who ever gets married should do the same as me because my opinion is the only one. It's so strange why people don't live and let live.

you have plenty of time to arrange childcare … you just don’t want to.

rsvp no

For me, I didn't want a gaggle of kids running around at my wedding. It changes the tone of the event and it would've made it feel more like a children's birthday party than a wedding.

Not all children behave well and not all parents are quick to correct their children when they don't behave.

Yeah whatever.

That’s exactly what’s happening here too and some of you are getting your knickers in a twist.
The cousin doesn’t regularly socialise with the kids. Thats why they aren’t wanted.
The couple want the people closet to them there on their wedding day. That doesn’t include her cousins children.

You are not unreasonable for not attending the wedding, you are unreasonable about throwing a strop over the decision. Your cousin’s request is reasonable

I think many, obviously not all, parents just become so used to their lives that they forget that children just totally change the vibe of an event. Yes, even your angelic well behaved little Johnny.

It's their wedding. They can choose what they want. Either go without your children, or don't go. It's quite simple.

Nor ours. In fact the children were incredibly cute. I didn't even like children all that much at the time! I've always seen weddings as a very family-oriented celebration, and children form part of a family.

They can do what they like, OP. Children can hugely change the dynamic of a wedding, especially at the important moments (ie the service).
Don't you have any friends who could look after your children?

I'm commando.

You're actually asking why @Idontjetwashthefucker enjoyed her own wedding the way she wanted it? Idont next social event you clearly need to go and round up random kids as obviously there presence is a necessity!