To refuse to attend a child-free wedding because I think it’s selfish?

[ZingyJadePombear]

My cousin is getting married and has said it’s a child-free wedding. The problem is I have two young children and no family nearby to babysit. They’ve said it’s “non-negotiable.” I feel a bit hurt because it’s like they’re choosing their Pinterest-perfect day over family actually being there. I understand wanting a certain vibe but shouldn’t weddings be about loved ones more than aesthetics or rules? AIBU for thinking it’s selfish and considering not going?

The OP must have been lying in that case.

"I get that everyone defines close family differently - but in our family, cousins are close. We’ve grown up together, stayed in regular contact, and celebrated major life events side by side, so being excluded due to logistics stings a bit more than it might for someone else".

I would have loved to extend a wedding invitation to all my cousins kids. Then you’re talking an extra 15 places! And that’s just my cousins not the grooms. Easily another 30 people to pay for. Maybe they are being strict for a similar reason? People need to
budget somewhere.

It’s their call, but they can’t expect everyone to bend to their will and attend either. If
you don’t think it’s right then of course don’t go. Tbh I hate all this “their wedding their rules” stuff. It makes out no one has to consider their guests, or be reasonable person rather than driven entirely by their wants. It’s not great.

I think she means they considered cousins as close family. No family exists where all the cousins are genuinely close.

Well, it is their choice and I can understand wanting to have a child-free wedding. I can understand you being annoyed though because there invite isn't very inclusive considering your circumstances. If they aren't inviting you with the children, and you have no options for childcare, they may as well not have invited you at all. I think for me I would be annoyed if it was a family member or a close friend because I'd expect them to make the effort to include me. If it was a more casual friend or distant relation, I'd just decline and not be so bothered.

This. But you're in good company on MN @ZingyJadePombear. In just this week there's been a plethora of 'how selfish is my neice/sibling/friend.. they are doing what THEY want for their wedding and not considering ME and my x/y/z.... who everyone knows are the important people at a wedding, NOT the ridiculous bride and groom!! 🤬🤯😭😭'

@Onelifeonly But weddings these days seem to have morphed into something where style is considered more important than substance

It’s not style over substance, it’s simply not inviting the people they like the least.

YANBU to not attend
They ANBU to invite who they want to their wedding.

i would say the bride and grooms wishes top trumps yours though.

Why can’t you go and your DH stay with your children?

lol. It’s not rude to have an event of your liking. It’s rude and UNBELIEVABLY entitled to think other people should have a wedding to your taste

I think it's mean, and nothing will change my stance on that.

If you read all of OPs posts you’ll see she sounds extremely reasonable and understanding of personal choices.

Seriously???

Nasty 😂 oh bless you

Entitlement is the nasty trait around here and there are only a few people showing that

You ask what the point of having guests is. Well being a good guest is respecting the hosts wishes. If you can’t do it then decline. No one is holding a gun to your head to make you attend anything

Yes long gone are the days where mummy plans the wedding daddy pays for and she finally gets her wedding she wanted but couldn’t have because her mum planned hers.

People decided fuck that and plan and pay mostly for their own now. That’s why things changed. It’s no longer the parents of Cindy and Danny invite you. It’s Cindy and Danny invite you.

Just because they've stayed in contact doesn't make them close. She clearly didn't know this is what they'd want, and they didn't know she'd throw a tantrum about it, so they don't really know each other that well. Meeting at granny's birthday doesn't mean you know them well.

In that case, I'd say the OP is also pretty selfish for thinking that rules should not apply to her and trying to inflict her children on people who don't want them there.

Hmm. I had a child free wedding and no photographer. We had a fabulous time.

I agree and I really can't stand all the nasty personal digs the OP has had made to her. Some of you should be ashamed of yourselves.

Considering how many cousins most people have being genuinely close to them all considering different personalities it’s like a needle in a hay stack, or rocking horse shit.

Can you explain why it was a good decision? What made it nice for you and why would children have been a problem?

OP hasn’t mentioned theres a partner

Are you going to stand outside the wedding with a placard saying ”I am refusing to attend this selfish, child free wedding. Honk if you support me.” Just reply to the invitation and say you can’t come.

They prioritise their own enjoyment at their own party. Not everyone can be arsed to have kids underfoot at social occasions.

You don't have the first clue how often the OP sees her relatives!!!

Maybe let her define her closeness to her own family members?!

I love a kid free wedding. I’d hate to have to bring my children - I see it as an opportunity to have fun.