To refuse to attend a child-free wedding because I think it’s selfish?

[ZingyJadePombear]

My cousin is getting married and has said it’s a child-free wedding. The problem is I have two young children and no family nearby to babysit. They’ve said it’s “non-negotiable.” I feel a bit hurt because it’s like they’re choosing their Pinterest-perfect day over family actually being there. I understand wanting a certain vibe but shouldn’t weddings be about loved ones more than aesthetics or rules? AIBU for thinking it’s selfish and considering not going?

Shockingly people have different opinions and experiences of weddings. This bride and groom don't want children at THEIR OWN WEDDING. How is that selfish for them to want the day that they want?

Or are they selfish for not conforming to what you perceive as a perfect day?

For us it wasn't about bad behaviour, or noise or pinterest. If everyone brings their children numbers increase exponentially and it means half the people the B&G actually want to be there can't be invited as there isn't room or budget. My DH has a lot of cousins. They all have a lot of children. We had a childfree wedding for this reason.

Aren't you just charming. That's completely uncalled for.

@ZingyJadePombear I'd tell them to shove their stupid wedding where the sun don't shine. I think childfree weddings are totally dickish and pretentious.

I'll probably get my arse handed to me now but I don't care. Children are important members of a wider family and I think they should be included. The bride and groom might as well say they don't want you there as they know that you can't attend without your children. Save yourself the expense!

Yes their call. Not yours.

We had a child free wedding . Our choice .

We have children now and if we were invited to a child free wedding we would totally respect that.

YABU

I’ve got 2 kids myself and I’d bloody love a child free wedding if I ever get married 😂😂

I’m not demanding that kids be prioritised over friends or asking or a rule to be broken - I’m just acknowledging that for families like mine, these kinds of blanket policies can unintentionally alienate people who genuinely care.

@ZebedeeDougalFlorence you're not being alienated. You could easily go and leave your children at home with their dad.

Child free weddings are not a new thing. My aunt got married in the early 80s and it was child free.

Not only was I looked after by relatives on the other side of the family because of the wedding but because my mum was in hospital as she had just given birth to my brother. She told my dad to go as he was giving my aunt away as their dad had died the year before.

No drama’s, no fall out and I was too young to remember it so not been impacted long term that I didn’t get to dress up for the day

That may happen with some people hut we had a child free wedding and have been invited to child free weddings since having dc. Some we could make and some we couldn'tdue to distance and childcare availability. I wasn't bothered just sent a polite decline. Why on earth would we refuse to go because our dc weren't invited?

They can have a childfree wedding, the flipside of that is guests can decline to attend because it's too much faff.

Charming is as charming does - you're not being especially nice yourself! 😄

@mainecooncatonahottinroof why can't the OP go to the wedding and her husband look after the children? Don't understand how she 'can't' go. She can choose not to go but if she wanted to she could.

How can you moan about someone being selfish when they are hosting you at basically a day long party!

It’s their wedding and can invite whoever they like. Equally, you are being totally reasonable if you decide not to attend.

Rentacrowd?!? You mean their parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, friends? THAT rentacrowd? Or do you think they're hiring extras?😄😄😄

Brilliant is pushing it. It was mildly amusing the first time it was used, now posters break a finger rushing to type it on all these threads. Do a scan - bet you it’s repeated at least six times before this discussion is over.

I bloody love a child free wedding as I wave off from home leaving the kids with their Dad.

Bring it on, a night in a hotel by myself with free food and drink. Bonus!

Surely that's the parents' choice?

You’ve commented lots about how ‘for you’ a wedding is a family affair and you want to celebrate their day with your family there and how it wouldn’t be meaningful to you…. And barely mentioned at all what the couple want and dismissed it as merely a practicality on their part or for how it looks.

In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever read a thread where someone completely makes a wedding (where they’re not the bride or groom) about themselves.

i had a child free wedding. It had nothing to do with practicalities, nothing to do with smart photos or how it looked and everything to do with the fact I was 30 and didn’t really like kids or want them at my wedding.

I think you’re massively catastrophising and making this all about you

This is really judgy.

I’ve met some of my cousins kids once. Why would I have used a space at my smallish wedding for them, instead of one of me or my husband’s friends that I actually enjoy spending time with?

I'm not insulting individuals.

So surprised at the number of people thinking couples getting married don't invite kids for the reason of aesthetics / photos...

We didn't have kids because of cost, space, not wanting disruptions and distractions during the ceremony, dinner, speeches, and for our guests to be able to cut loose (all our close friends with kids who we consulted with during planning told us they would much prefer having an excuse for a child free night). This as far as I know is a similar set of reasons to 99% of couples who have child free weddings - nothing to do with pictures!

If we had invited children to our wedding it would have almost doubled the head count. We would have had to limit the adult friends and family we wanted there who mean much more to us than the children we barely know of friends or relatives. Sure the couple can invite key children only, but this often becomes very political and it finding where to draw the line can be very stressful and upset people, whereas a blanket "no children" is massively more straightforward.

I was at a wedding recently where there were a few children... Lots of fussing during the ceremony with the celebrant having to almost shout over the noise level at one point when one young child started having a melt down. The poor flustered parents were shushing the child distracting with toys, and eventually one parent took them outside. All other guests were visibly distracted at the time, which happened to be in the middle of the lovely vows. For many couples getting married it's not worth the risk of this happening when they are spending '000s and want their day as planned.

Except to suggest that total strangers stuff their stupid wedding up their bottoms! 🫠

YANBU to politely decline the invitation.

YABU to be so self-centred that you expect someone else’s wedding to happen according to your ideas of what a wedding should be. Their wedding is NOT about you.

Maybe she would prefer to go with her family? Hardly unreasonable.

with all due respect….

Pop out and post your I regret rsvp.