He really has forgotten about me

[Pinkerama]

DH has been away for two weeks visiting family abroad. During this time I was looking after two DC under 3 and a sick dog that required a lot of extra attention. Between waking up multiple times a night for the dog and the baby, and dealing with toddler tantrums during the day, it was exhausting. On top of that, I had a cold myself, so it wasn’t a fun time.

DH got back and didn’t even bring me a box of poxy airport chocolates. I kept on top of everything while he was away relaxing and I’m not even worth that? Also, he completely forgot about Mother’s Day, didn’t even send a text.

He started unpacking and had lots of things for the kids. I was so upset when I realised that he forgot to get something for me, that I burst into tears (I know, ridiculous, but I’m exhausted and emotional). Now he’s sulking because I got upset.

AIBU to feel used and unappreciated?

At the very least I would expect an oversized Toblerone from the airport!

Has he apologised?

That's awful OP.

Is taking you for granted his normal behaviour?

I wouldn’t expect a gift but I would have expected a call on Mother’s Day and a thank you for holding the fort I really appreciate you.

Please tell me you’ve booked some me time too!

Did he check in on you and the kids whilst away? Is he usually this selfish?

Needs to make amends, bigtime.. Decent bottle of wine (£8+) flowers (not from the BP garage) Friday night takeaway. Saturday, make himself useful around the house, lawn probably needs doing, then evening out at a decent restaurant (not TGIs) Then Sunday, take the kids our to the park, giving you some me time. Also, he can get in the kitchen and do Sunday dinner!

YANBU. I would sit down and leave everything to him. Children’s meals, feeding the dog, laundry etc.

So sad for you 😥that sounds lonely and exhausting.
Can you now carve out some time to take a break yourself?

Time to book your break away now. And I mean just your break! Let him cope with kids and dog on his own.

We were texting every day, mostly about the kids. I wouldn’t say he’s selfish, he can be very generous. But he can also be thoughtless and forgetful. However, I know that if something is important to him he will do it. Knowing that makes me feel worse.

Poor form definitely but if in foreign country he may not have had the usual reminders of Mother’s Day ( he should have prepped for this )

he should not be sulking ! what the f is up with men who sulk when faced with a criticism
why can’t they apologise and make amends !!

YANBU that's very selfish. Especially with the back story of you being ill and it being Mother's Day. How often is he left to hold the fort out of curiosity?

Horrible of him and very dis-respectful. He needs to apologise.

Out of curiosity was the trip a happy visit or a sad visit, only reason I ask is because if DH visited due to a bereavement I would probably understand the forgetting to message on Mother’s Day.

Those toblerones are perfectly sized thank you very much!

YANBU OP. I think it's natural that focus moves to the kids to some extent but he should definitely have bought his wife something. Mine would also do extra bedtimes etc to acknowledge the extra graft I'd been doing.

“DH, it’s made me feel really sad and under appreciated that you forgot Mother’s Day whilst you were away and I wasn’t greeted with a gift when you were home. It’s been very hard whilst you were gone dealing with XYZ on my own and that really would have made me feel like you were grateful to be able to travel and leave me to deal with everything at home. I know your intentions weren’t to hurt me but it has upset me and I wanted to let you know.”

communicate your hurt or it will only show in other ways.

I wouldn’t care about a present.
i would care about being left to do everything solo for 2 weeks. And be reserving a 2 week break for myself asap.

HE is sulking because YOU are upset? Ah, classic one that. Not only refuse to listen and understand why you feel the way you to, but actually punish you for it. After two weeks of holiday to himself and you overwhelmed holding the fort alone.

Epitome of selfish.

The same reasons some women can’t, I expect. Sulkers are a pain - male or female.😒

Now he’s sulking because I got upset.

This is the real problem.
Forgetting mother's day, not getting you a gift, are not great, but not a big deal if he was genuinely grateful for you and happy to be back with you.

But it sounds like he not only takes you for granted but is at best very childish and emotionally immature, and at worst emotionally abusive.

You expect a gift when he travels?

He forgot bloody Mother’s Day as well? He’s sulking because he fucked up. Don’t let him get away with it.

I voted YaNbu as you’re right to feel under appreciated but I wouldn’t expect a rip off bar of chocolate from the airport. I’d rather kind words, understanding and a glass of wine handed to me.

Ah @Pinkerama my dh did the same thing whilst bragging about all the hurts he remembered for friends and staff members! Again he got the kids everything they asked for. I got diddly squat. I also cried. He said he can't win because I always say not to worry. I said he should of got something anyway. Do you do this too?
Anyway, I had a chat and said even if is said oh no don't worry. Get something small anyway. Because I don't want him to.ask me what I want, nor do I want to think of something on the spot. And I have trouble asking, which is a me problem!

I just wanted him to want to get something and to think of it himself. He managed to for everyone else!

I'm pleased to say, he has done so going forward!

Talk to him. Tonight when the kids are in bed and it's calm.