Page 6 | He really has forgotten about me

Pinkerama · 2025-04-03T10:09:05+00:00

DH has been away for two weeks visiting family abroad. During this time I was looking after two DC under 3 and a sick dog that required a lot of extra attention. Between waking up multiple times a night for the dog and the baby, and dealing with toddler tantrums during the day, it was exhausting. On top of that, I had a cold myself, so it wasn’t a fun time. DH got back and didn’t even bring me a box of poxy airport chocolates. I kept on top of everything while he was away relaxing and I’m not even worth that? Also, he completely forgot about Mother’s Day, didn’t even send a text. He started unpacking and had lots of things for the kids. I was so upset when I realised that he forgot to get something for me, that I burst into tears (I know, ridiculous, but I’m exhausted and emotional). Now he’s sulking because I got upset. AIBU to feel used and unappreciated?

Nurse08 · 04/04/2025 18:20

He has family responsibilities now, not leaving you to do everything. Totally out of order. A serious conversation needs to be had about equal contributions to the household and appreciation of you

Pinkproseccolady · 04/04/2025 18:36

I was always the one to apologise because I couldn't stand the sulks and coldness. We divorced after 22 years and he stated he knew I would always back down and he laughed about it. Turns out I've been so much happier and better off the last 22 years and he's been a miserable lonely recluse!!

Shotokan101 · 04/04/2025 19:01

He didn't "forget" anything, he simply didn't care enough - tell him he's a proper cunt.....

Bunny65 · 04/04/2025 19:37

It's very unkind and thoughtless of him. The kids won't notice presents at that age, though you may be talking about practical things. But as he was getting stuff for them there is no excuse for not getting something for you and he is taking you completely for granted. You are a human being in a relationship, not a simple drudge.

Fasterthan40 · 04/04/2025 21:09

Shetlands · 03/04/2025 17:07

Dare I say that at least part of his sulking is that he's been living like a king for 2 weeks, being spoiled by his family and he expected a hero's welcome with hot sex as the bonus. Instead, he's back to reality and an upset wife who is unlikely to give him the bedroom treats he thinks he deserves.

He's an idiot to think he can have 2 weeks of luxury battery-charging without showing huge appreciation to his wife for enabling it. He appears to have 'Main Character Syndrome'.

Yes I think this is a fairly common dynamic and my, generally v good, DH fell into this trap. He felt he was more his true self when away from the boring grind and was resentful when presented with dull reality upon his return. Really didn’t think I would also want a break from this. We had a talk. He has grown up now

BBT213 · 04/04/2025 21:31

But I don’t think I should apologise this time.

100% you shouldn't!!! What for??! If you do you are just enabling his thoughtless behaviour and he will see no reason to change

Doubledenim305 · 04/04/2025 21:58

Looking after kids and holding the fort looks easy till you actually have to do it day in and day out.
Book yourself a really nice indulgent time away (ok take baby) to your family and leave him with absolutely everything to do.
This action will give him a taste of his own medicine and will be a trillion times more effective than having a talk with him.
Let him feel the reality.

Pessismistic · 04/04/2025 23:07

Pinkerama · 04/04/2025 06:37

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply.

Him going is not an issue. I encouraged him to go as I wanted him to spend time with his family. He didn’t want to take DC1 along, I would have been fine either way, so totally up to him.

I’m breastfeeding DC2, so can’t go anywhere on my own at the moment. I’ve been contemplating visiting a friend abroad for a while, so I might suggest that I go with DC2 for a long weekend.

I don’t need a huge fuss on Mother’s Day. But under the circumstances, a text would have been nice and required minimum effort. Mother’s Day was not celebrated where he was, but he still followed social media and UK news. He knew it was Mother’s Day, his excuse was ‘I didn’t think you cared’. Well, turns out I do.

We did dinner and bedtime with the DC together. He was quite cheerful with them but still sulky and snappy with me. I’m usually the one to apologise to keep the peace and I hate that this is carrying on. I think it wasn’t the welcome he expected, and I’m upset too because I really did miss him. But I don’t think I should apologise this time.

Hi op would he have made a fuss if he was here? Have you had any special treatment on previous mothersday.

TheGentleOpalMember · 05/04/2025 05:24

Pinkerama · 04/04/2025 06:37

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply.

Him going is not an issue. I encouraged him to go as I wanted him to spend time with his family. He didn’t want to take DC1 along, I would have been fine either way, so totally up to him.

I’m breastfeeding DC2, so can’t go anywhere on my own at the moment. I’ve been contemplating visiting a friend abroad for a while, so I might suggest that I go with DC2 for a long weekend.

I don’t need a huge fuss on Mother’s Day. But under the circumstances, a text would have been nice and required minimum effort. Mother’s Day was not celebrated where he was, but he still followed social media and UK news. He knew it was Mother’s Day, his excuse was ‘I didn’t think you cared’. Well, turns out I do.

We did dinner and bedtime with the DC together. He was quite cheerful with them but still sulky and snappy with me. I’m usually the one to apologise to keep the peace and I hate that this is carrying on. I think it wasn’t the welcome he expected, and I’m upset too because I really did miss him. But I don’t think I should apologise this time.

YANBU and you definitely need to hold strong and not be the one to apologise and you should be off with him until he apologises. What a thoughtless, selfish man. Never once thought about his wife.

Although I really don't understand this: I’m breastfeeding DC2, so can’t go anywhere on my own at the moment.

What does breastfeeding have to do with being on your own or being with another person?

TheaBrandt1 · 05/04/2025 05:32

Does he not even WhatsApp supportively? That’s what I am doing as Dh left at home doing everything

Bettyfromlondon · 05/04/2025 05:44

I hope you have not done his post-trip washing! Or any of the usual little kindnesses you usually show towards him without thinking about it. Can you go off out today with just the baby?

MarvellousMonsters · 05/04/2025 09:07

TheGentleOpalMember · 05/04/2025 05:24

YANBU and you definitely need to hold strong and not be the one to apologise and you should be off with him until he apologises. What a thoughtless, selfish man. Never once thought about his wife.

Although I really don't understand this: I’m breastfeeding DC2, so can’t go anywhere on my own at the moment.

What does breastfeeding have to do with being on your own or being with another person?

Show quote history

“Although I really don't understand this: I’m breastfeeding DC2, so can’t go anywhere on my own at the moment.
What does breastfeeding have to do with being on your own or being with another person?”

because not all breastfeeding mums can pump and leave their nursling with a bottle of expressed milk. So if she goes anywhere (for more than a few hours) so won’t be on her own because she needs to take the baby with her.

TheGentleOpalMember · 05/04/2025 09:21

MarvellousMonsters · 05/04/2025 09:07

“Although I really don't understand this: I’m breastfeeding DC2, so can’t go anywhere on my own at the moment.
What does breastfeeding have to do with being on your own or being with another person?”

because not all breastfeeding mums can pump and leave their nursling with a bottle of expressed milk. So if she goes anywhere (for more than a few hours) so won’t be on her own because she needs to take the baby with her.

Show quote history

But she's breastfeeding so wouldn't need to pump or use a bottle. She's not bottle feeding. She just pulls a breast out when baby needs it. That's all that's needed. If the baby was bottle fed I might understand needing your partner there, but when baby only needs your breast, there is no need for anyone else.

thepariscrimefiles · 05/04/2025 10:15

TheGentleOpalMember · 05/04/2025 09:21

But she's breastfeeding so wouldn't need to pump or use a bottle. She's not bottle feeding. She just pulls a breast out when baby needs it. That's all that's needed. If the baby was bottle fed I might understand needing your partner there, but when baby only needs your breast, there is no need for anyone else.

Show quote history

The point is that her DH has had two child-free weeks to do whatever he wanted. OP doesn't even have the opportunity to have a child-free day out or night out because she is breast feeding her baby.

She can't just leave all three kids with her DH and let him so some solo parenting for a change.

TwinklySquid · 05/04/2025 13:13

So he’s buggered off on a recharging holiday and is now sulking because you didn’t give him the welcome he expected?
What a child.

Why did he need a recharging holiday? Sounds like you have a lot on your plate and could have really done with one . I’d be really annoyed if I held the fort and didn’t even get a thank you let alone a token gift.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 05/04/2025 15:06

Pinkerama · 04/04/2025 06:37

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply.

Him going is not an issue. I encouraged him to go as I wanted him to spend time with his family. He didn’t want to take DC1 along, I would have been fine either way, so totally up to him.

I’m breastfeeding DC2, so can’t go anywhere on my own at the moment. I’ve been contemplating visiting a friend abroad for a while, so I might suggest that I go with DC2 for a long weekend.

I don’t need a huge fuss on Mother’s Day. But under the circumstances, a text would have been nice and required minimum effort. Mother’s Day was not celebrated where he was, but he still followed social media and UK news. He knew it was Mother’s Day, his excuse was ‘I didn’t think you cared’. Well, turns out I do.

We did dinner and bedtime with the DC together. He was quite cheerful with them but still sulky and snappy with me. I’m usually the one to apologise to keep the peace and I hate that this is carrying on. I think it wasn’t the welcome he expected, and I’m upset too because I really did miss him. But I don’t think I should apologise this time.

DEFINITELY DO NOT APOLOGISE!!!
You've done nothing wrong.
Don't you dare say sorry lady!

I totally get it.
You weren't thought of despite the fact that he wouldn't have been able to piss off for two weeks on an R&R if you didnt help facilitate it.
You got no thanks and now he's sulking because you're upset that there was no Mothers Day message and his lack of thought.

My DP and I have been here.
He doesn't care much for presents and thought I was the same until I told him it massive upsets me that I don't get... Not spoiled literally but like, when your friends say I hope you get the day you deserve.... And then you get fuck all, year after year it gets a bit like, don't I deserve to have the best day or be spoiled? Why can my friends see what I do and my worth but not you?
Not spend loads of money but thoughtfulness behind a gesture.

He has got a bit better so I can't really complain.

Yours needs to sort his attitude out.
I call my other half out when his behaviour isn't acceptable and tell him why he's being like he is and he usually sees the whole picture. I've had an apology this year so far. They are not quickly forthcoming lol but he apologised for something that wasn't ok and I felt good. Empowered.

Don't take any shit lady x

Pippyls67 · 06/04/2025 19:12

Just give him the silent treatment and don’t do stuff for him (especially no sex!). That’s resonates far far better than getting upset. He’ll act like the victim if you use emotion or complaining. He sounds exactly the type. Don’t relent. Be pissed off. Be non communicative and arsey. Don’t be a ‘victim’ though as this clearly just sets him off to attack more. He’s a bit of a narcissist it seems. Stay strong 💪🏻 Op.

gamerchick · 06/04/2025 21:04

The silent treatment is abuse. Any relationship that uses it as a way to communicate is a joke.