Page 4 | He really has forgotten about me

Pinkerama · 2025-04-03T10:09:05+00:00

DH has been away for two weeks visiting family abroad. During this time I was looking after two DC under 3 and a sick dog that required a lot of extra attention. Between waking up multiple times a night for the dog and the baby, and dealing with toddler tantrums during the day, it was exhausting. On top of that, I had a cold myself, so it wasn’t a fun time. DH got back and didn’t even bring me a box of poxy airport chocolates. I kept on top of everything while he was away relaxing and I’m not even worth that? Also, he completely forgot about Mother’s Day, didn’t even send a text. He started unpacking and had lots of things for the kids. I was so upset when I realised that he forgot to get something for me, that I burst into tears (I know, ridiculous, but I’m exhausted and emotional). Now he’s sulking because I got upset. AIBU to feel used and unappreciated?

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 03/04/2025 16:11

For me the fact he's sulking about you being upset means he knows he's fucked up.
Doesn't make it any less pathetic, inconsiderate or an absolute turn off though.
He flew business class and had a lovely time away while you were juggling everything at home, allowing him to do so.
Nah, he doesn't get to sulk for being a selfish prick.
I'd be on solo travel sites right now if I was you.

MixedFeelingsNoFeelings · 03/04/2025 16:11

MeganM3 · 03/04/2025 11:48

I wouldn’t care about a present.
i would care about being left to do everything solo for 2 weeks. And be reserving a 2 week break for myself asap.

This. After close observation over many years, I've concluded that presents genuinely don't mean as much to men as they do to women (with exceptions in both of course).

If your DP is a non-giver, you're setting yourself up for hurt and anger to expect anything from him. As for designated gift days like Mother's Day - unless he's got his own mother reminding him to get his ass down the shops, it would probably never occur to him to do so.

Some men do learn that gifts are expected, then tie themselves in knots about whether their offering will be considered 'poxy' or not. Which kinda defeats the 'here's a token of my love and affection' point.

My own DP would perfectly happy if we never got each other presents again, but after many discussions he saw it from my point of view. I wouldn't torture him with trying to guess my perfect pressie though - I just tell him what I want.

But HELL yeah a two-week holiday abroad, leaving you alone with two small kids - that's something to get sorted.

MayaPinion · 03/04/2025 16:12

Nosaucelikemintsauce · 03/04/2025 12:58

Flip it. Would mn support a woman laying out the red carpet and gifts for a man staying home parenting his own dc?
Bad timing he was away mother's day though... Maybe do something a week late this Sunday?

They’d support her buying him a massive fuck off Toblerone to say thanks. The bar isn’t that high. And why wouldn’t she want to, especially if she’d bought gifts for everyone else?

MoreChocPls · 03/04/2025 16:14

Tell him you’re about to book your holiday to recharge your batteries and see what he does then

Thisisittheapocalypse · 03/04/2025 16:16

I'd be leaving him to it for the next couple of weekends. Let him handle everything at home.

Tiswa · 03/04/2025 16:17

gamerchick · 03/04/2025 16:06

When do you get a holiday to recharge your batteries?

I'd be doing fuck all for him until get gets on the beam and stops taking you for granted.

This he clearly didn’t appreciate it and is Joe sulking so let him let him sulk until he is ready to address it

WilfredsPies · 03/04/2025 16:19

I don’t think he’s upset with you for getting upset that he forgot Mother’s Day and a perfectly average sized Toblerone. (Although the latter is unforgivable). He’s upset because you’ve made him feel guilty and it’s far easier for him to get angry with you than it is to acknowledge that he’s fucked up and try to show you that he really did appreciate you holding down the fort so he could go swanning off having fun with his friends and family for two weeks.

I think you need to show him a bit of anger here. Once the DC are in bed, remind him that HE is the one who did a shit thing and how dare he get angry with you for being upset with him. He should be getting on bended knees and thanking God that he had a wife who could pick up the slack and who wasn’t planning on pissing off on her own two week holiday leaving him with a sick dog and two kids he wouldn’t last two days with. It’s teenaged behaviour. And tell him the next time he wants you to see him as sexually desirable, he should think back to this behaviour and then he’ll have an answer to why you don’t want to rip his clothes off (aside from being knackered because he’s left you to do all the donkey work). I’d be furious.

BooksandBugs · 03/04/2025 16:26

MeliusMoriQuamServire · 03/04/2025 15:54

I really don't understand. Yes, not bringing you anything and not appreciating all that you've been doing is shitty. You should book a break for just yourself 100%.

But what's up with the mother's day? You're not his mother. I phone my dad on dad's day (different countries) or send him something. So I'm also supposed to congratulate my partner? Happy father's day to the man I sleep with? He's not my father and it's bizarre. That's children's job to do mother's/father's day, surely.

I was a single mother since DD was 3 (current partner not the father). So I didn't get 'happy mother's day' until DD was older. And that's fine and normal. I certainly didn't expect my ex phoning me with 'happy mother's day' or for my boyfriend to do it.

Might be that families have different expectations? I very much expect to be made a fuss on mother's day by my husband when I have little kids. I'm the mother of his children and I do a heck of a lot to make his life better. I reciprocate on father's day because he's an excellent father

momtoboys · 03/04/2025 16:38

MissDoubleU · 03/04/2025 11:57

HE is sulking because YOU are upset? Ah, classic one that. Not only refuse to listen and understand why you feel the way you to, but actually punish you for it. After two weeks of holiday to himself and you overwhelmed holding the fort alone.

Epitome of selfish.

I was just about to say this! This would bother me the most!

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 03/04/2025 16:39

Pinkerama · 03/04/2025 15:02

He doesn’t travel extensively, this was basically a carefree holiday to recharge his batteries.

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You need to book a trip to recharge your batteries then. Leave the selfish prick to it.

carcassonne1 · 03/04/2025 16:42

Why didn't you go with him? I don't get it. Both DH and I were born in different countries and have families there but we never travel solo. Had you gone with him, you would have had some help with the kids at least instead of suffering alone at home.

Mix56 · 03/04/2025 16:43

Just a thought. Mothers day is not on the same date in my EU Country as in the UK.
Having said that, he reverts to sulking rather than apologising is shit selfish male standard behaviour

OldGothsFadeToGrey · 03/04/2025 16:44

Newgirls · 03/04/2025 15:48

Ok when’s your holiday booked? It’s the only way to change things

Yes I would also like to know this. When do you get 2 weeks off being a parent/wife/appliance to recharge your batteries?

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 03/04/2025 16:44

Grungrot · 03/04/2025 13:04

I imagine if the roles were reversed and OP’s husband felt overlooked, posters would be saying “he’s being unreasonable, you were visiting your family, it’s a duty, it’s not like you were on holiday”….

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Bull, he was on holiday!

Maddy70 · 03/04/2025 16:46

I wouldn't expect a gift tbh.
Also I wouldn't expect a mother's day message. You aren't his mother!
Mother's day is on different days abroad. I live in Spain mother's day here is in may or June he may not have been surrounded by adverts like in the UK so even if he usually would he may not have had the reminders

Wtafdidido · 03/04/2025 16:47

So when do you get your carefree child free break and holiday away on your own enjoying yourself while he holds the fort? Never I suspect. Why do we still pander to men’s needs and value their need for time out over our own?

MyRamona · 03/04/2025 16:49

FigTreeInEurope · 03/04/2025 13:57

What he needs to do is make a genuine connection with his wife. All this stuff is just materialistic clap trap. Who wants a capitalist relationship?

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I mean ‘capitalist relationship’ also sounds like a form of ‘claptrap.’ If that’s how we’re classifying each other’s pairs, of course.

Chezxx · 03/04/2025 16:50

Wow, a two week holiday leaving you alone to care for them.

Wow. I can see how I am happily married 33 years next week.

No way would my husband dream of doing such a thing and no way would I tolerate it.

Your husband is a selfish twat.
You poor pet.

What are your plans to take off and have a two week break?

If you don't, your marriage will continue like this.

My friends were absolutely firm in doing time off equally as several had husbands who loved rugby tours and golf trips.

They said crack on, but took back every minute of the time.
Their husbands became more discerning in what they committed too when they knew what was ahead of them.

MyRamona · 03/04/2025 16:52

MeliusMoriQuamServire · 03/04/2025 15:54

I really don't understand. Yes, not bringing you anything and not appreciating all that you've been doing is shitty. You should book a break for just yourself 100%.

But what's up with the mother's day? You're not his mother. I phone my dad on dad's day (different countries) or send him something. So I'm also supposed to congratulate my partner? Happy father's day to the man I sleep with? He's not my father and it's bizarre. That's children's job to do mother's/father's day, surely.

I was a single mother since DD was 3 (current partner not the father). So I didn't get 'happy mother's day' until DD was older. And that's fine and normal. I certainly didn't expect my ex phoning me with 'happy mother's day' or for my boyfriend to do it.

I suspect she’s not referring to him treating her like his mother, she was hoping he would appreciate what she was doing as a mother for his children, seeing as the children probably couldn’t do so themselves. Unless OP took them out to get something / helped them make something for her, which would be a little bit strange. Meaning, recognising her as a mother during a hard time particularly when he’s not there to help 😊

Namechange739 · 03/04/2025 16:52

I can’t believe he buggered off abroad for 2 whole weeks when you have 2 children under 3! Would he be happy for you to go abroad alone for 2 weeks leaving him on his own with the kids? Unless his family are in Australia I’m struggling to understand why he’d need to leave his family for so long.

lazycats · 03/04/2025 16:58

I think many on here need to accept that some men just don’t view Mother’s Day as a thing, and if you think it’s a big deal you need to tell them for future reference.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 03/04/2025 16:59

Pinkerama · 03/04/2025 15:47

I didn’t particularly want chocolate from the airport, I meant that if he didn’t have time to get anything, he could have bought something at the airport. I didn’t particularly want a gift at all. It’s just the fact that he completely forgot Mother’s Day that upset me a bit under the circumstances. I thought maybe he remembered later and got me something to make up for it. If he had just come home and said ‘sorry I was away on Mother’s Day, let’s do something now’ I would have been happy.

I’m sure I wouldn’t hold it against my DH if the DC forgot to text me when they’re old enough to do so. But while they’re little, I think we need to model the behaviour we expect from them in the future.

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America celebrate Mother’s Day on a different date to us, is it possible he just didn’t realise? He won’t have been around anybody celebrating if he was in America and won’t have done anything for his own mum so in those circumstances it is reasonable to think he just may not have realised Mother’s Day was happening back in the UK whilst he was away.

Mudkipper · 03/04/2025 16:59

Nosaucelikemintsauce · 03/04/2025 12:58

Flip it. Would mn support a woman laying out the red carpet and gifts for a man staying home parenting his own dc?
Bad timing he was away mother's day though... Maybe do something a week late this Sunday?

yes they would!

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 03/04/2025 17:00

MeliusMoriQuamServire · 03/04/2025 15:54

I really don't understand. Yes, not bringing you anything and not appreciating all that you've been doing is shitty. You should book a break for just yourself 100%.

But what's up with the mother's day? You're not his mother. I phone my dad on dad's day (different countries) or send him something. So I'm also supposed to congratulate my partner? Happy father's day to the man I sleep with? He's not my father and it's bizarre. That's children's job to do mother's/father's day, surely.

I was a single mother since DD was 3 (current partner not the father). So I didn't get 'happy mother's day' until DD was older. And that's fine and normal. I certainly didn't expect my ex phoning me with 'happy mother's day' or for my boyfriend to do it.

Just because you're a single mother doesn't mean the OP should be treated as one too. She's not. And tbh, if your ex was a half decent man, he'd have got a card and small present for you from your DD. It's neither "fine" nor "normal". It's the father's job to do Mother's Day while his children are too young to do it. She is his children's mother.

God there are some women with really low bars posting on this thread! He's a prize cunt. He had enough thought to bring presents for his children but not for his wife who enabled him to go on this trip, looking after everything at home, but not even a thanks!! Fuck that. And to sulk on top of it, well he's just an entitled, selfish bastard.

@Pinkerama next time he visits his family, he can take the kids with him! Don't let him take you for a mug again!

Shetlands · 03/04/2025 17:07

Dare I say that at least part of his sulking is that he's been living like a king for 2 weeks, being spoiled by his family and he expected a hero's welcome with hot sex as the bonus. Instead, he's back to reality and an upset wife who is unlikely to give him the bedroom treats he thinks he deserves.

He's an idiot to think he can have 2 weeks of luxury battery-charging without showing huge appreciation to his wife for enabling it. He appears to have 'Main Character Syndrome'.