He really has forgotten about me

[Pinkerama]

DH has been away for two weeks visiting family abroad. During this time I was looking after two DC under 3 and a sick dog that required a lot of extra attention. Between waking up multiple times a night for the dog and the baby, and dealing with toddler tantrums during the day, it was exhausting. On top of that, I had a cold myself, so it wasn’t a fun time.

DH got back and didn’t even bring me a box of poxy airport chocolates. I kept on top of everything while he was away relaxing and I’m not even worth that? Also, he completely forgot about Mother’s Day, didn’t even send a text.

He started unpacking and had lots of things for the kids. I was so upset when I realised that he forgot to get something for me, that I burst into tears (I know, ridiculous, but I’m exhausted and emotional). Now he’s sulking because I got upset.

AIBU to feel used and unappreciated?

HE’S sulking! Just wow, what a prince

Flip it. Would mn support a woman laying out the red carpet and gifts for a man staying home parenting his own dc?
Bad timing he was away mother's day though... Maybe do something a week late this Sunday?

I imagine if the roles were reversed and OP’s husband felt overlooked, posters would be saying “he’s being unreasonable, you were visiting your family, it’s a duty, it’s not like you were on holiday”….

Quite possibly, yes. But that's the type of world we live in.

It was a happy visit to see friends and family.

It was thoughtless of him, yes, but unless he's got form for this sort of thing then I think forgiveable. However, his sulking is bang out of order. He should realise how upset you are and that you've had a lot on your plate whilst he's been enjoying himself and you're feeling poorly too. He should give you a big hug instead of sulking like a child and maybe offer to do something nice like take you out to lunch. I hope you and the poor dog are better soon.

It was definitely close to his idea of holiday, not duty. He said he had a great time. His mum pampered him, he went out with friends and flew business class.

Which is all great. I wanted him to enjoy himself and rest. But I’d also like him to acknowledge that it wouldn’t have been possible without me holding down the fort.

What he needs to do is make a genuine connection with his wife. All this stuff is just materialistic clap trap. Who wants a capitalist relationship?

Honestly I'm with you OP, it was a massive gift you gave him and he should have acknowledged that.

No joke I would either go to visit a friend for a couple of nights if the right friend (always makes you laugh and doesn't stress you) was available at short notice or i would pack a weekend bag with a good book, nice bath toiletries and find a nearby hotel to stay in for 48 hours and fully recharge.

Probably taking it a little too seriously. Usually these type of relationship issues blow over in a few days.

Dear God. She’s not asking for a red carpet! Just some appreciation for holding down the fort for 2 weeks and for him not to sulk like a child.

Rubbish. This isn’t a gender issue, it’s an issue of being grateful for your partner. And it sounded v much like a holiday to me.

I'd be very tempted to arrange a holiday away NOW with him expected to hold down the fort - and be absolutely clear in advance that you will treat this exactly the same way he treated you - no thanks, no gifts, just expected.
Oh - and make sure to go away over father's day

Yes the resentment gets buried and it happens again. And the resentment builds up over time.
Taking your partner for granted and not appreciating the effort they put in to make your life work smoother and enable you to enjoy yourself is a serious issue.

Is Mother’s Day the same date where he went? My home country has different dates and I really need to make an extra effort to remember them.

I would be annoyed at not even a little gift though.

Have you booked yourself a First class flight somewhere lovely for three weeks while he has the kids?

Surely what’s good for the goose…

He's taking you for granted. Men are fucking useless.

Not ridiculous in the slightest, I would feel so upset as well. How you managed to hold the fort whilst fighting what sounds like multiple different fires is more than worthy of a thoughtful gift and some appreciation. I hope he realises this and I hope you have some chilled out me-time lined up imminently!

But OP's DH wasn't travelling for work.
He was travelling for pleasure. And he wouldn't have been able to it if OP hadn't enabled him

And surely even if he had been travelling for work that doesn't explain why he didn't even acknowledge Mother's Day.

He managed to buy gifts for the children, so why not his wife?

So I don't see the relevance of your comment at all.

I wouldn’t talk about gifts, Mothers Day etc ( unless they are very important to you) because it could easily detract from the real issue , which his complete lack of appreciation of you in general. He should be bloody ashamed that he’s left you to deal with all that. Even if you were happy for him to go, he should realise what sacrifices and effort you made to enable him to do that. That’s what you need to tell him, in my opinion. Dont make it about the gifts

@Sherararara I do think that’s a completely different situation though, travelling multiple times for work, absolutely agree gifts are completely unnecessary but for what is essentially a two-week holiday where you know your wife is not having the easiest time at home I think a token of thoughtfulness is a minimum expectation. I travelled abroad to a wedding a few years ago with my partner and his friends, and every single one of the friends (whose wives didn’t attend) bought a gift from duty free at the airport - perfume, make up, chocolates etc. similarly when my partner attended a wedding in Cyprus last year he brought me back my favourite perfume and Prosecco from the airport. It’s really not a lot to expect unless the bar is incredibly low. Virtually everyone I know would do this, especially knowing the other person has been having a rough time

He doesn’t travel extensively, this was basically a carefree holiday to recharge his batteries.

So what?

Well just because your DH did one thing there is no need to be so scathing and unpleasant to OP because her situation was different to yours!