Page 10 | New thread- Told DP I was upset by SKs' behaviours

innersilentscreams · 2025-04-03T04:55:27+00:00

I thought I'd make a new thread to let you know that I have stayed strong, am enjoying my peace (and cat). I have to go to work very soon so I will post later this evening, but thank you all so much for your messages and support! He has messaged to meet up but I have said no. His things are packed up and we have financial issues to sort like joint account and investments so blocking outright isn't doable yet. I am not worried for my safety. Some lovely colleagues at work have been helpful- especially one who has been in a very similar situation in the past, who said it doesn't get better, only worse. He's messaged the typical misses me, can't believe how things are text now, but no apology. When I told him the way I have been disrespected and then the way he spoke to me and left was shockingly undeserved, he ignored that and just kept asking me to meet him. I said no.

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 06/04/2025 10:21

Absolutely gaslighting! He's now blaming you for everything while still maintaining he loves you? What a tool. Clearly the need to get back in your house is becoming increasingly desperate as Easter holidays approach.
You can stop a relationship for any reason. You have very good reasons for waving him goodbye.
Don't give him a minutes thought.
I really wouldn't meet him as he will continue with this nonsense. Pack their stuff and tell him when he can pick it up from the doorstep. Do not let him in whatever you do, especially if he turns up with the toxic twosome in tow.

ThePinkOtter · 06/04/2025 10:22

He’s certainly minimising his behaviour and trying to make you doubt yourself and your memory of events - whether that is gaslighting or not, it’s unacceptable.

He is still unwilling to accept that he and his kids behaved atrociously and can’t take responsibility for anything. He’s wasting your time op, and twisting things to suit himself, don’t let him take up so much space in your mind!

lifeisgoodrightnow · 06/04/2025 10:22

And he still says nothing about how he’s going to address the behaviour of his kids I notice.

stampin · 06/04/2025 10:23

'He always apologises when you're upset?' Arse!

Mercurysinretrograde · 06/04/2025 10:24

It does appear to be gaslighting but it doesn’t matter now. He will say anything to try to get things back on track as he had it so good. He is not offering to change and even if he tried he probably would give in at the first sign of resistance from his DC. Unless you want the life he is offering you, there is no further conversation to be had. Just continue to ignore him.

Beautifulplaceslovelypeople · 06/04/2025 10:25

Stay strong. He's not sorry. He's a user.

Namechangetry · 06/04/2025 10:25

stampin · 06/04/2025 10:23

'He always apologises when you're upset?' Arse!

Yeah I picked up that one too.

He doesn't apologise because he's fucked up, he apologises because you're upset. No taking responsibility.

Nice try, gaslighty ex, but no.

CheekySnake · 06/04/2025 10:26

innersilentscreams · 06/04/2025 10:15

This is gaslighting, right?

'I didn't walk out on you, I left because you said yes when I offered, it's as simple as that. If you'd said you didn't want me to move out, I'd have seen you that night after dropping the boys back at their mum's.'

'I didn't make you "wait" for an apology, I've been waiitng a few days because it seemed you needed space and time to think. I've been messaging you a little bit to let you know that I still love you and am thinking about you.'

'I'm 99.99% certain I apologised on Sun morning when you were getting upset again and saying all the stuff, cos I always say sorry when you're upset.'

These were all sent last night.

I didn't respond to them.

Would just like to have objective eyes cast over them, because in my exhausted and sad state (though healing), they are playing tricks on my brain.

Yes, he's rewriting history to make himself look reasonable and make you question yourself. He may even believe his own version of events. If he wants to think this is how it went, let him. If he wants to tell other people that this is what happened, let him.

Here's the thing: even if what he's saying is true, it doesn't change how he made you feel, the fact that you were reduced to tears in your own home by the horrible behaviour of his children, or the fact that you can break up with him for any reason and at any time.

However it's not true, he's just a liar. Agree with those who have said that things may get worse before they get better because he's not hit the anger stage yet (and he will, when he realises that you haven't changed your mind and aren't doing what he wants). Stay strong. x.

(FWIW, grew up with parents who had a toxic marriage, am in a very long but not toxic marriage, and live with teens. They do not wipe snot on the furniture, break things in the house, eat in places where food isn't allowed or shout over the TV like a pair of obnoxious brats. DH has never reduced me to tears. Father, however, made his everything someone else's fault and lied about his own behaviour all the time)

dapsnotplimsolls · 06/04/2025 10:27

He's absolutely gaslighting you. He's probably also pissed off at the growing realisation that you're not going to give in this time.

EmeraldDreams73 · 06/04/2025 10:27

lifeisgoodrightnow · 06/04/2025 10:22

And he still says nothing about how he’s going to address the behaviour of his kids I notice.

Exactly - the focus is on denying his own culpability and trying to prove you were being unreasonable. He will use any trick he can because it's the Easter holidays now and he must be desperate to get back under your roof and restore the status quo. Fuck that.

Anyone decent would have taken on board what you were saying (long ago) and be focusing on trying to reassure you that he's spoken to the kids, xyz is going to be put in place etc etc. NOT that we'd believe a word even if that was the case, obvs.

He had plenty of chances. You've chosen not to give him any more, so don't engage and don't question your own mind. 🤜

NeverDropYourMooncup · 06/04/2025 10:29

The wanker is panicking.

'I didn't walk out on you, I left because you said yes when I offered, it's as simple as that. If you'd said you didn't want me to move out, I'd have seen you that night after dropping the boys back at their mum's.'

I never expected you to call my bluff when I threatened you. If you'd have known your place and grovelled in an appropriate manner, I'd have come back and carried on as usual whilst you scrubbed the snot off the sofa (and cat) and then gave me an apology blowjob.

'I didn't make you "wait" for an apology, I've been waiitng a few days because it seemed you needed space and time to think. I've been messaging you a little bit to let you know that I still love you and am thinking about you.'

You're taking too long to remember your place and I started messaging because I'm getting worried that you're being stupid and taking away my free house, sex, food, snot cleaning and childcare service.

'I'm 99.99% certain I apologised on Sun morning when you were getting upset again and saying all the stuff, cos I always say sorry when you're upset.'

Stop being such a stupid emotional woman and let me back into my free house.

TwistedWonder · 06/04/2025 10:29

Oh course he’s gaslighting and in full DARVO mode.

His messages just read as ‘me me me me me me me me me me’

Its entirely predictable behaviour to reel you back in

dapsnotplimsolls · 06/04/2025 10:29

Be prepared for him to be an absolute twat over the financial stuff. Have you taken your share from the joint account yet?

Original poster

innersilentscreams · 06/04/2025 10:32

TwistedWonder · 06/04/2025 10:29

Oh course he’s gaslighting and in full DARVO mode.

His messages just read as ‘me me me me me me me me me me’

Its entirely predictable behaviour to reel you back in

Still all about him and engineering plausability to his actions, agreed.

I thought it was gaslighting.

I've moved my money too.

Thanks all x

OP posts:

Beautifulplaceslovelypeople · 06/04/2025 10:33

innersilentscreams · 06/04/2025 10:15

This is gaslighting, right?

'I didn't walk out on you, I left because you said yes when I offered, it's as simple as that. If you'd said you didn't want me to move out, I'd have seen you that night after dropping the boys back at their mum's.'

'I didn't make you "wait" for an apology, I've been waiitng a few days because it seemed you needed space and time to think. I've been messaging you a little bit to let you know that I still love you and am thinking about you.'

'I'm 99.99% certain I apologised on Sun morning when you were getting upset again and saying all the stuff, cos I always say sorry when you're upset.'

These were all sent last night.

I didn't respond to them.

Would just like to have objective eyes cast over them, because in my exhausted and sad state (though healing), they are playing tricks on my brain.

Don't let him play tricks on you. He wants to meet up to muddle you and worm.his way back in. Horrible bloke.

Beautifulplaceslovelypeople · 06/04/2025 10:34

NeverDropYourMooncup · 06/04/2025 10:29

The wanker is panicking.

'I didn't walk out on you, I left because you said yes when I offered, it's as simple as that. If you'd said you didn't want me to move out, I'd have seen you that night after dropping the boys back at their mum's.'

I never expected you to call my bluff when I threatened you. If you'd have known your place and grovelled in an appropriate manner, I'd have come back and carried on as usual whilst you scrubbed the snot off the sofa (and cat) and then gave me an apology blowjob.

'I didn't make you "wait" for an apology, I've been waiitng a few days because it seemed you needed space and time to think. I've been messaging you a little bit to let you know that I still love you and am thinking about you.'

You're taking too long to remember your place and I started messaging because I'm getting worried that you're being stupid and taking away my free house, sex, food, snot cleaning and childcare service.

'I'm 99.99% certain I apologised on Sun morning when you were getting upset again and saying all the stuff, cos I always say sorry when you're upset.'

Stop being such a stupid emotional woman and let me back into my free house.

Brilliant summary 👏

jeaux90 · 06/04/2025 10:36

NeverDropYourMooncup · 06/04/2025 10:29

The wanker is panicking.

'I didn't walk out on you, I left because you said yes when I offered, it's as simple as that. If you'd said you didn't want me to move out, I'd have seen you that night after dropping the boys back at their mum's.'

I never expected you to call my bluff when I threatened you. If you'd have known your place and grovelled in an appropriate manner, I'd have come back and carried on as usual whilst you scrubbed the snot off the sofa (and cat) and then gave me an apology blowjob.

'I didn't make you "wait" for an apology, I've been waiitng a few days because it seemed you needed space and time to think. I've been messaging you a little bit to let you know that I still love you and am thinking about you.'

You're taking too long to remember your place and I started messaging because I'm getting worried that you're being stupid and taking away my free house, sex, food, snot cleaning and childcare service.

'I'm 99.99% certain I apologised on Sun morning when you were getting upset again and saying all the stuff, cos I always say sorry when you're upset.'

Stop being such a stupid emotional woman and let me back into my free house.

All of this.

Glitterypolishedturd · 06/04/2025 10:38

You're being very restrained! At this point I would be saying "fuck off and never contact me again", or words to that effect...

GaspingGekko · 06/04/2025 10:39

I still don't see an apology in there.

I still don't see him acknowledging that the behaviour of his children needs addressing.

I still don't see anything except him needing to be right and you to accept you were wrong.

Whooowhooohoo · 06/04/2025 10:42

As the Queen said … recollections may vary!

He’s fully gaslighting. Don’t listen. You have a record of what was said in your original post.

Watermill · 06/04/2025 10:44

Is there something stopping you from packing up his shit and taking it to his parents?

Original poster

innersilentscreams · 06/04/2025 10:47

Watermill · 06/04/2025 10:44

Is there something stopping you from packing up his shit and taking it to his parents?

PM'd you as it might out me

OP posts:

DontStopMe · 06/04/2025 10:48

Yes, what NeverDropYourMooncup said. He should be grovelling and telling you what he's doing to address the behaviours that are upsetting you.
You're doing the right thing getting rid of him.

AutumnFroglets · 06/04/2025 10:50

It really doesn't matter what he messages you now. What you have to remember is how shit he continually made you feel when you were together and his anger when you told him how you felt. Remember your feelings, not his words

Original poster

innersilentscreams · 06/04/2025 10:50

NeverDropYourMooncup · 06/04/2025 10:29

The wanker is panicking.

'I didn't walk out on you, I left because you said yes when I offered, it's as simple as that. If you'd said you didn't want me to move out, I'd have seen you that night after dropping the boys back at their mum's.'

I never expected you to call my bluff when I threatened you. If you'd have known your place and grovelled in an appropriate manner, I'd have come back and carried on as usual whilst you scrubbed the snot off the sofa (and cat) and then gave me an apology blowjob.

'I didn't make you "wait" for an apology, I've been waiitng a few days because it seemed you needed space and time to think. I've been messaging you a little bit to let you know that I still love you and am thinking about you.'

You're taking too long to remember your place and I started messaging because I'm getting worried that you're being stupid and taking away my free house, sex, food, snot cleaning and childcare service.

'I'm 99.99% certain I apologised on Sun morning when you were getting upset again and saying all the stuff, cos I always say sorry when you're upset.'

Stop being such a stupid emotional woman and let me back into my free house.

Thank you for this Twat Translation! I needed it!

OP posts: