Page 8 | Why so many men seem to remarry and rudh to have more kids

Ladnj · 2025-04-03T04:53:53+00:00

My friends and I are all in our mid40s and a few are or have separated from their partners. None of my friends are interested in having more kids even if they are in a new relationship but quite a few of the blokes now have brand new families. Why? What motivates men in their mid40s, 50s go back to having babies. My own marriage isn't going so well which made me think how weird it would be if Dh and I do split up and my kids end up with brand new brothers and sisters. How common is it?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/04/2025 16:49

CruCru · 04/04/2025 16:45

It’s an interesting question - what makes a young woman want to date an older partner? Of the couples I referred to above, the woman is 32 and the man is 46. I think she is barking - he may be fun now but he’ll be 60 when she is 46.

It’s tempting to say that young women are attracted to older men because they have a higher disposable income but this is not always the case, particularly when the man is paying some fairly serious child maintenance. Once a woman is in her early thirties, there is a good chance that she will be earning a reasonable salary.

I wonder if young women are put off men their own age in part because of dating apps. Meeting a series of flaky guys will make men who are responsive and enthusiastic more attractive, even if they are older.

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Could be but they might not know about the CM til they’re tied in!

MyUniqueHalloweenCat · 04/04/2025 16:51

Ladnj · 03/04/2025 06:32

Yes, that's true that most of my friends ate still the primary caregivers to their existing kids. Just feels that Luke their former DHs basically just rewind the last 20years and start anew.

It’s a huge red flag on dating sites to see a man in his 40s or 50s with children who wants more. Not that I use dating sites these days, it’s exhausting.

CruCru · 04/04/2025 16:59

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/04/2025 16:49

Could be but they might not know about the CM til they’re tied in!

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This is true but I would expect that a woman would realise that a man would pay child maintenance if he has children.

It’s partly why I hate the phrase “gold digger”. I’ve never met a gold digger but I have met fortune hunters. Men who are doing okay but then meet a woman who has her own place and a good job - it’s a bonus if she is young and attractive. Then, once they move in together, she can fund holidays, share the living expenses (and, indirectly, his child maintenance) and lots of people say things like “He did well to meet her!”.

gannett · 04/04/2025 17:00

CruCru · 04/04/2025 16:17

It feels rude because when you date or marry someone of a very different age, it is sensible to make some allowance for them being at a different stage in life to you. A woman in her mid twenties to early thirties may not know for sure whether she wants children so may very well agree not to have any with an older partner who already has them. Being extremely surprised when she then decides that she would, actually, like children is naive. Getting angry when she gets pregnant is downright unkind - particularly if the older guy left birth control up to her.

If a man absolutely does not want any more children, it would be sensible to only date women in their forties. But if he wants a hot, young girlfriend (ideally with a good job so they can share living expenses) then there is a risk that she will want children at some point.

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I knew for sure I didn't want children in my 20s and 30s. That actually discomfited a lot of men. "What, not even eventually?" "Absolutely never."

This thread really is basic. Could be summed up as "all men want is sex, all women want is babies, and neither of them are motivated by anything else at all".

MemorableTrenchcoat · 04/04/2025 17:11

CruCru · 04/04/2025 16:45

It’s an interesting question - what makes a young woman want to date an older partner? Of the couples I referred to above, the woman is 32 and the man is 46. I think she is barking - he may be fun now but he’ll be 60 when she is 46.

It’s tempting to say that young women are attracted to older men because they have a higher disposable income but this is not always the case, particularly when the man is paying some fairly serious child maintenance. Once a woman is in her early thirties, there is a good chance that she will be earning a reasonable salary.

I wonder if young women are put off men their own age in part because of dating apps. Meeting a series of flaky guys will make men who are responsive and enthusiastic more attractive, even if they are older.

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The point is, it’s not just nasty older men hoovering up young, attractive and fertile women and getting annoyed that they want babies. It’s also young, attractive and fertile women hoovering up, or allowing themselves to be hoovered up by, older men, who are still capable of fathering children, but have quite obviously already been through that stage of life, and are likely not particularly motivated to repeat it. There must be significant benefits driving this female behaviour, otherwise it simply wouldn’t happen, yet it does, frequently.

BeHere · 04/04/2025 17:15

Extended adolescence in younger men might be driving some of it also, as a pp pointed out. If the age mate you'd normally have married and had a kid with at 30 is still in his Peter Pan phase, the 40 year old man who is at least willing to behave like an adult starts to look more attractive.

Gimmethenight · 04/04/2025 17:18

Not particularly on the subject of second families but the age gap relationships I know tend to have started at work where the man is senior to the woman. Maybe they are drawn to the status/intelligence/seniority.

I’m not sure women are seeking out older men who already have children on dating apps.

I have seen many affairs and relationships over the years in the schools I have worked in involving head teachers/deputies with younger female staff.

hollyivy123 · 04/04/2025 17:31

Kendodd · 03/04/2025 08:22

Well so many of them are completely unencumbered by their existing kids, both financially and in time, they're free to do whatever they want.
I wonder if they'd be a bit more cautious if society forced them to take some responsibility for their kid instead of allowing them to walk away without a backward glance.

Christ this ^^ with a million bells on

Kitkatcatflap · 04/04/2025 17:38

PerkyGreenCat · 03/04/2025 07:07

When men are used to having a nice house with a wife and children, it can be lonely for them to go home to an empty flat so they usually move on quite quickly.

Maybe they miss family life so have more children who will live with them.

All the men on MN threads are absolutely awful, despicable creatures. Men who abandon their family to have an affair and 4 kids with 18 year old Molly the work experience girl. In reality, some men are terrible but there are good guys out there too! And yes, some of them may decide to have more children.

Tell you're the younger woman married now to an older man with his second family with saying it

GiveDogBone · 04/04/2025 18:19

Plenty of women have children with multiple different men. They have to do it earlier than men for biological reasons but it’s hardly just a man thing to want children in a new relationship.

Poppymeldrum · 04/04/2025 18:23

hjokhjjjkkkd · 03/04/2025 07:53

It’s just odd that people can end up with 5+ children when you factor the multiple relationships, then the step kids. I’m sure most of these people would never have opted for 5+ kids originally in one relationship, so why do they start disregarding the pre existing kids and have these bumper families, it’s like if they’re from another relationship they don’t quite count. And I can’t imagine the impact that has on the other children, as it’s felt I have no doubt.

This is our old neighbour

He moved in next door with his two kids visiting every week and a heavily pregnant girlfriend (who seemed to be doing all the heavy lifting with the kids due to his 'big job')

The baby would have been about 6 months when the rows started,they broke up by 9 months and within 3 weeks,the new girlfriend moved in

Rinse and repeat-3 more times to the letter before they moved out again

Credit where its due,he didn't walk away from them but the girlfriend (s) did all the hard work with the kids

WhereYouLeftIt · 04/04/2025 18:29

"My own marriage isn't going so well which made me think how weird it would be if Dh and I do split up and my kids end up with brand new brothers and sisters."

Maybe have a family sitting to watch this film! Husband does just that, and then enters the hell of being an older father of toddlers. Spoiler: He does not enjoy it.

Why so many men seem to remarry and rudh to have more kids

Beenthroughit · 04/04/2025 18:39

UndermyShoeJoe · 03/04/2025 08:23

First post got it in one.

I wonder how this will play out in the future however as more men in their 30’s are getting vasectomies and openly talking about them with their mates rather than it being the big taboo of not being a real man if you get one. I can’t think of many of dh’s friends or mine friends husbands who haven’t had one and even then they could be the silently got it done types.

I know someone whose ex husband had to get his reversed because the young woman he went off with eventually wanted children

UndermyShoeJoe · 04/04/2025 18:50

Beenthroughit · 04/04/2025 18:39

I know someone whose ex husband had to get his reversed because the young woman he went off with eventually wanted children

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Risky though as the longer it’s been done the less likely it is to work and with the newer vacs even less chance since they cut and burn so don’t leave much pipe to even try to work with.

schtompy · 04/04/2025 18:53

Younger model, to stroke their ego, and child is the price as previously said.

DonaldMacRonald · 04/04/2025 18:56

Beenthroughit · 04/04/2025 18:39

I know someone whose ex husband had to get his reversed because the young woman he went off with eventually wanted children

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I suppose it stops those 'surprise' pregnancies though.

Whyamiherenow · 04/04/2025 18:57

I’m older than DH. We decided to have a baby less than a year after being together. My age was a consideration in the speed. He has a daughter from a previous marriage but he and his wife had been separated for 6-7 years before we got together. We are now 40 with a 2 year old. I guess we fall in to your category. He didn’t want more children when we discussed it but could see I did and we wanted to be together. I think if he had been with a different person he wouldn’t have had more children. He acknowledges some parts are harder this time because he is older and more tired. Also some things are easier because he has more life experience. It’s swings and roundabouts.

JennySayQuoi · 04/04/2025 18:57

I know a couple of men who have done this, who are now on to their third families. I don't know any women who wanted to start again once their kids hit the teens (about when the men have walked)
Stats say married men and unmarried women are happier than vice versa.

Chezxx · 04/04/2025 19:27

Colleague of my husband had an affair with another younger colleague and left his lovely wife.

She got pregnant quickly as she was 39 and twins was a huge lovely surprise.....for her.😂

He was an arrogant twat and his male colleagues took great pleasure in taking the piss out of him big time.
Some of it was quite near to the bone but basically he was called a right gobshite.

His big red head running after 2 two year olds gave people a good malicious laugh at family events.🤣

His ex wife and her young adult children are thriving, him less so. He has seriously aged, badly.
They still work together and his new wife keeps him on the tightest rein!
She knows exactly what he is like!

55 and twins, gobshite is right.

asrl78 · 04/04/2025 19:50

Primitive biological instinct. Men can theoretically father thousands of children and it is in the interest of the propogation of the species if a man can spread their seed far and wide. Women very rarely mother double figure numbers of children. If you want to grow a civilisation, you need as many wombs as possible but only a few penises.

Maitri108 · 04/04/2025 19:54

asrl78 · 04/04/2025 19:50

Primitive biological instinct. Men can theoretically father thousands of children and it is in the interest of the propogation of the species if a man can spread their seed far and wide. Women very rarely mother double figure numbers of children. If you want to grow a civilisation, you need as many wombs as possible but only a few penises.

Isn't it primitive biological instinct to pair bond? Surely that gives the child the best chance of survival.

UndermyShoeJoe · 04/04/2025 19:56

Maitri108 · 04/04/2025 19:54

Isn't it primitive biological instinct to pair bond? Surely that gives the child the best chance of survival.

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Depends on species. Some animals mate for life and then there is cats who will breed with any female. Thus morals of an ally cat.

Maitri108 · 04/04/2025 19:59

UndermyShoeJoe · 04/04/2025 19:56

Depends on species. Some animals mate for life and then there is cats who will breed with any female. Thus morals of an ally cat.

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We're talking about humans, I thought that was obvious.

UndermyShoeJoe · 04/04/2025 20:03

Maitri108 · 04/04/2025 19:59

We're talking about humans, I thought that was obvious.

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Alright captain obvious 🤣

Point was overall it don’t matter because why for men have one child and nurture it to survive when you could have 20 and 15 survive. Nature. Only certain species mate for life properly and humans don’t tend to be one of them.

Just look at birth rates in areas where infant death is high despite staying together. They go for quantity over quality.

Studyunder · 04/04/2025 20:04

Changeissmall · 03/04/2025 06:01

Because they go for a younger one and that’s often the price of keeping her.

This