Why so many men seem to remarry and rudh to have more kids

[Ladnj]

My friends and I are all in our mid40s and a few are or have separated from their partners. None of my friends are interested in having more kids even if they are in a new relationship but quite a few of the blokes now have brand new families. Why? What motivates men in their mid40s, 50s go back to having babies.

My own marriage isn't going so well which made me think how weird it would be if Dh and I do split up and my kids end up with brand new brothers and sisters. How common is it?

In prehistoric times women didn't have many children. Late onset of puberty and early onset of menopause meant most didn't have more than 1-2 children but the births were relatively easier as heads were smaller. During this time female and human life expectancy was improved with ovarian failure as menopausal women had more energy to devote to breastfeeding and raising their children and grandchildren. Because prehistoric women often lived alone or in maternal groups - we see evidence of this in most countries and regions.

It was only after the shift to agriculture, larger heads making births even more dangerous, that societies were formed as men (and women) clubbed together to raise children as a whole. Society became more patriachial. Again women who went through menopause early or only had 1-2 children had higher life expectancies and could benefit their children and grandchildren and other descendants through their presence and experience. In some desert regions (where pcos was more common) women were more fertile when very young and very old and less fertile during the middle years - this probably resulted in a lot of maternal deaths so having a glut of women who went through early menopause to raise these kids probably helped. Especially as they'd discovered how to feed babies non-human milk by then.

Yes to most of the above, but human brains may in fact have been getting smaller, not bigger - https://www.bbc.co.uk/future/article/20240517-the-human-brain-has-been-shrinking-and-no-one-quite-knows-why.

How has the shape changed?

I don't know if he and the young girl actually managed to have any more babies, I lost touch with his ex wife when she moved away

This, plus the excitement/romance of a new relationship (and excuse to have more sex)

Some men think that their first relationship/family didn’t make them happy because of their ex, so they think this new one will be different. So they have more children and <shocker> discover that there’s no roses and white picket fence and this relationship also becomes actual family life with boring bits and less sex and uh oh, maybe it wasn’t their ex that was the problem at all……

I think it comes down to the reasons we have children. I had my children to be a mother, it wasn’t anything to do with my relationship to my ex. Now I’ve fulfilled that I don’t want anymore children. Men definitely seem to relate to their children more if they are in a relationship with the mother.
But if you’re single in your thirties, like I am, many, many men will want children. I have to be honest and say I can’t give them that. And even if I did, we wouldn’t be those shiny, new parents walking around with take away coffees and expensive prams. You can’t really go back to that if you’ve done it all before.
But maybe men can and want to? Maybe they didn’t do parenting much or enjoy it the first time? Maybe they like the power of knowing slightly more than their first time mum wife? Maybe they did all the working overtime, long hours to avoid parenting duties the first time and are more established in their careers and can spend more time at home the second time round??
Essentially, for men having more children isn’t that big a deal so they do it to keep a hot young wife. For women, we know that children are a lot of work, and more men are out there who want to have sex with us so we can be picky.

My DHs ex persuaded him to have a vasectomy, to help them ‘save the marriage’, then promptly divorced him. She’s not daft. He got together with me and I wasn’t fussed about having kids, I’m same age as him and while I’d have liked the option, it wasn’t a dealbreaker. It probably would have been if he’d got togetHer with someone younger.

Because the new partner is inevitably 10+ younger and wants kids. They usually are more ‘involved’ in the parenting because they have to be, and they are financially better off and can be.

I don’t know any men in their 40’s or 50’s who have gone on to have another family. Most of them have found women with kids of a similar age

Exactly this!

Men definitely seem to relate to their children more if they are in a relationship with the mother

This is so true.

I don’t see it either and I’m all over the place in cities and towns for my job and know of a lot of people. Men are with women their own age. Maybe it’s different in wealthier areas

my Ex went on to have 4 more with his new much much younger wife he’s now 46 with a 24 year old, 20 year old, (my sons) and youngest isn’t even a year old and according to my boys he’s knackered. I couldn’t care less about him but I do think it’s sad he takes these kids to rugby etc etc and did and spent f all on my 2. However they are great lads despite him. Just glad it’s not me still changing bums at 46 though. Off on a really nice holiday soon no kids with my partner.

Absolutely, I know of someone who went through the whole vasectomy reversal thing when he already had four children with two different women. He got with a young lady 18 years younger than him and that was the price to keep her. Five years on they are still together.

This is why women should always insist on their husbands having a vasectomy when their families are complete. As well as freeing women from the contraceptive burden and preventing any unwanted pregnancies, it also ensures that the first lot of children aren't burdened with a new set of half-siblings and don't suffer financially when their dick of a dad prioritises his new family at their expense. For most people, one set of children is more than enough, especially now when the cost of living is so high. And if it also makes younger women think twice about getting involved with an older man, so much the better!

Even though I already have kids, I’m open to having another one if I meet someone who really wants to start a family. I feel more settled now...financially stable and emotionally ready to raise another child. It’d be a new chapter in life.

Yes it’s one of the good reasons to have a vasectomy

@michealacvebut it rarely benefits the existing children. My kids would love the baby but it would mean less of my attention, less money, less inheritance, everything!

Because they’re useless at being on their own and need a new mummy for themselves. The only way of doing that is persuading some idiot woman to let him move in and impregnate her. They don’t want more kids but if they want to get a new unpaid maid / mummy they have to. They also don’t want to have to look after the kids they already have when they visit. They want a woman to do it for them.

Must admit it was a rarer nice addition to the rest of reasons when dh got his. Though we have both had many if we ever and he swears he wouldn’t have more kids it’s an extra layer of weeding out future step mums and very costly to reverse for those who would if pushed so takes a bit more than oooops condom failed.

His older children are adults, plus I work and earn a good wage too

Completely agree. My kids love their half sibling, no doubt about it, but they miss life before him. They have told me this directly and indirectly. Their Dad is exhausted, grumpy and doesn't seem them much as it is. When he does, they're not the focus at all. They feel pushed out, second best etc. It's really sad. And they have a tempestuous family life when they do visit. Dad and GF argue a lot, shouting and swearing at each other. I wish they didn't have to be part of it all to be honest

Me either. I think it's probably more likely to happen when poor quality men follow their cock out of a relationship and then have to 'pay the price' with babies.