Why so many men seem to remarry and rudh to have more kids

[Ladnj]

My friends and I are all in our mid40s and a few are or have separated from their partners. None of my friends are interested in having more kids even if they are in a new relationship but quite a few of the blokes now have brand new families. Why? What motivates men in their mid40s, 50s go back to having babies.

My own marriage isn't going so well which made me think how weird it would be if Dh and I do split up and my kids end up with brand new brothers and sisters. How common is it?

Because they go for a younger one and that’s often the price of keeping her.

I guess if new partners are younger they might be in 1st DC with them. I've also known a few women where a new baby seemed to 'lock down' a new relationship.

First reply nails it as usual. Also, and this isn’t ALL men obviously, but generally most caregiving falls to women and most custody arrangements have the children still living with their mother. Easy to have another child when you’ve got your first set every other weekend. It’s more likely that a woman who has split up will have her existing children with her already.

the first poster got it. An acquaintance remarried in his 50s and before marriage the now wife told him she won’t marry him if he doesn’t want more kids (at that point his were almost adults).

Yes, that's true that most of my friends ate still the primary caregivers to their existing kids. Just feels that Luke their former DHs basically just rewind the last 20years and start anew.

I also think that some men just think that they can do what they want then if they get divorced some realities on what they are missing out on hit home. So a new family set up can equal a new start.

All the posts so far have nailed it but I wanted to add that I’ve often wondered whether our culture mimics that of an ancient polygamic society where men used to have multiple wives. The difference is instead of official polygamy, where men would systematically ‘collect’ younger wives, modern men have a series of wives. Surely this means some men and women lose out? Possibly younger women who marry divorcees who don’t want more children, then are permitted to have one child?

Well they manage to get women to fall for it, no idea why men or women do it, I do think there is sometimes a competitiveness with previous partners

I assume.because the women.they want to be with (possibly younger) want a.child and having one is part of the deal. Also, as has been pointed out, mem often don't bear the brunt of parenting responsibilities. Surely this is fairly obvious, no?

Having a larger family is a financial decision for men and a physical decision for women.

My ex moved straight in with someone 15 years younger. I'm just waiting for the announcement. Our eldest is already dreading it. She is 16. She assumes there will be kids even though her dad says not. His girlfriend is 31 so we will see. More fool him. The thought of starting again in late 40s sounds horrific! I'm the main caregiver so he has very little kid stress now!

“The biggest decision I will need to make is whether I'm willing to go through the whole creating children phase again in order to have her. Almost certainly if she doesn't desire children, then I will be all in. And even if she does desire children, I suspect for her, I could be convinced. This time round, I know how to be a supportive husband and father. I know to prioritise the family. I think because we had the sex drive chat early, even if sex dried up for years because she was looking after children, I feel confident I could raise it with her as a need and we could negotiate it back eventually. She's open to discussing sex as a need.”

Watch this guy tie himself in knots that even though he was a useless father the first time, he can do it all again and be better if his affair partner really wants children.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5109469-im-the-cheating-husband

i have a friend who always says we all practice polygamy, but western society (which she is a part of) just do it serially and in some ways it offers less protection to the older wives. grim.

Because they can. Or their life isn’t as impacted by children as women’s so they don’t think kids are such a big deal. Or they aren’t careful about contraception. The number of guys on OLD (very middle aged) who said they couldn’t use condoms, wanted to go bareback… obviously I didn’t go there but maybe some do…

The women can say I am not having sex with you without contraception and regular STD checks but how many would be bothered

It can male a woman more dependent on him plus he can walk away whenever. If he's a shit dad, she will pick up the pieces.

my ex cheated with a woman 22 years younger. they are now married and he had 3 children with her and she already had one child. he abandoned our two, who are almost done with college, and he is in his late 50s with 3 under 5 and a teenage stepdaughter. it does seem madness to me, but when i would say i am getting old, he always said “you are getting old.” maybe this is his fountain of youth

This in a nutshell

When men are used to having a nice house with a wife and children, it can be lonely for them to go home to an empty flat so they usually move on quite quickly.

Maybe they miss family life so have more children who will live with them.

All the men on MN threads are absolutely awful, despicable creatures. Men who abandon their family to have an affair and 4 kids with 18 year old Molly the work experience girl. In reality, some men are terrible but there are good guys out there too! And yes, some of them may decide to have more children.

They don’t really want more children most of the time I don’t think, it’s just how they jump to their next wife. They’re usually the men that did fuck all with their first kids so it’s not much effort for them, and they don’t usually care about the first lot of kids all that much either so it’s not as if they’re reflecting on how having more kids impacts the older ones.

In the book "Fix the system, not the women" there's a whole chapter on this, it's really interesting.

Marriage serves men better than it does women (not taking into account financial protection) - far more men than women remarry after divorce, the women realise how much extra work a husband is!!

I don't think men do particularly want more babies...it's just an occupational hazard of dating younger women...

Not just men! The next door neighbour has three children to a previous partner and one to her current partner.

Some men like having kids and being a dad. Being a dad is a lot more fun than being a mum. And you always have the option to walk out if you get fed up.

Someone I know is having a baby with a much younger partner. Four older kids, a really poor, somewhat abusive relationship with his ex, their mother, and the kids are simultaneously neglected and fought over, and this combination has been incredibly damaging for them. And he thinks it's a good idea to bring another baby into this mix. The only positive I can see is that he's so caught up with the shiny "new" family that he's less bothered about trashing the older kids' relationship with their mother.

There's no man more in love than one who needs a bed to sleep in, a woman to look after them (feed them/wash their clothes etc) and look after the children they already have with wife one when those children visit.
Having another child is an occupational hazard for them and a small price to pay for their life being made easier.