Why so many men seem to remarry and rudh to have more kids

[Ladnj]

My friends and I are all in our mid40s and a few are or have separated from their partners. None of my friends are interested in having more kids even if they are in a new relationship but quite a few of the blokes now have brand new families. Why? What motivates men in their mid40s, 50s go back to having babies.

My own marriage isn't going so well which made me think how weird it would be if Dh and I do split up and my kids end up with brand new brothers and sisters. How common is it?

You need to ask the men I guess

I am beginning to think that societal shame is sometimes a good thing, after spending all my life thinking it was a bad thing.
There are no second families in my family!

And this is always coupled with smug posts ten years prior with how amazing and wonderful their older man/age gap relationship is- and anyone who has the temerity to advise caution is dismissed as a ‘hater’.

All the men I know have more money, much better wages, my husbands is three times mine, so he can do what he wants

He’s also very tech savvy, so does do what he wants online, and on his phone
Also extremely secretive .

Suspect he was lining up a younger thinner woman recently.

one of the directors of our company who was 45 had an affair and then marries 26 yr old PA.
me: ‘ooh you can have more kids’.
Him: ‘absolutely not, mine are grown up I’m done with that. Anyway she doesn’t want kids thankfully’
me: ‘hmmm doubt she’ll know…’
him: ‘no I’m done’

2 years later phot of couple with new baby circulated on office email with him looking VERY grim faced indeed 😂

As with a lot of these things, blokes can be pressured into doing almost anything

I think most men only care about getting sex from women and if getting that sex runs the risk of more children being created then it's a risk they're willing to take. They don't really consider their current children and how new half siblings will affect them.

I imagine it's because, like the first time around, they don't expect to have much to do with their children so it's not really a problem to keep churning them out.

In our society it’s easy to leave kids. Most people don’t judge a man who sees his kids very little and standards are on the floor for divorced men- I was told that my ex was a good man for sending me child maintenance every month without quibbling. 🤨

A baby locks down the relationship for a few more years (if that’s what the man wants) and is the price of keeping a younger wife. (Men generally pick a younger woman than the wife) Their career has been uninterrupted by children so they probably earn more than both wives so financial concerns are their main concern. (How many men take proper parental leave from work or work fewer hours after kids? A tiny percentage compared to women)

And that advice is bang on the money.

Fuck that. Get yourself in a position of financial stability then get him out the door.

I have so many questions...

• many practices date from time immemorial. Polygamy is one of them; infanticide is another. So is brothel-keeping. Does their long standing mean that they are all ok?

• is a man of average looks, who plays video games for 5 hours a day, equally attractive as his twin who plays guitar or drums? May go some way towards explaining the 10% getting 90% phenomenon observable today.

• Men in England used to be able to auction off their wives. What "protocol" are you referring to?

Exactly this.

Pretty much agree DH is 11 years older he had 2 dc previously we’ve gone on to have three together.

This sounds like redpill nonsense. Especially given rather shunning settling down, men from higher socio-economic backgrounds have higher marriage rates.

I know a woman with a much older husband, with baggage and she said it’s easier to lock them down because they feel so grateful to be with you.

Lots of good points already made.

Also in many separated families the woman has the majority care of the existing children. It’s much easier for a man to date, find a new partner, get married and have more babies if he only has to look after his children EOW.

My ex has our children approx 30% of the time and I still don’t feel like I have the capacity or headspace for a partner. I don’t want more children but even if I did I haven’t had sex in 4+ years. He’s had several partners since we split up, although no more children yet…

Men find a new woman to keep their bed warm, cook their supper and clean their loo. Giving the new lady a baby is designed to keep her happy/quiet/busy so he can carry on his life without the inconvenience of having to look after himself.

For some reason, it doesn't occur to them, they are simply recreating the mistakes of their first marriages.

So shag him as much as you like, but don’t feed him or scrub his loo? It would never occur to me that any domestic gruntwork was my job, or that a baby was some kind of ‘reward’. I mean, it’s not rocket science — don’t do someone else’s housework.

I do see with male friends divorcing in their late 40s that, while they’re absolutely able to date far younger women, in general they’re choosing women closer to their own age for actual relationships. Because they don’t want more children, and couldn’t afford them if they did.

My ExH basically told me this. Said his GF is stunning and he can never ever lose her. (Yes she's 13 years younger than him, yes he had multiple affairs when we were married, yes he was a pretty crap dad.) Within 3 months of meeting her she was pregnant and recently he asked to cut down the very little time he has our kids for, as he needs to prioritise her and their new child, as he has simply got to make it work... his words. It's pathetic really.

summed up in the first response

I know a few men who have divorced had a second youth with a younger woman then realised the fun young woman also wants to settled down and have babies. I don't think for many it was part of their long term plans (or if they gave it that much thought)

Its been tough for them going through the baby stage in their late 40'ws/50's can't say i am sympathetic. Obviously this isn't every situtaion

I hope gets his penis trapped in his zipper everyday for the rest of his life.

Bold…

I think in some ways it’s biological, natures way of keeping humans going. You fall in love and all you want is babies together.
I made sure I ignored that urge when I met my second husband and we’re now entering an age of just us - I didn’t want to give that up which was a big factor in not having a child together.
My ex is mid 50s with a primary age school child although his wife is a similar age so not a younger model. My kids were dumped when they reached mid teens, they had lost any cute factor and I was told their intrusion eow was disruptive to his new family life. Now they are adults and have been brought up he wants them for babysitting and Facebook photos

My friends and I are all in our mid40s and a few are or have separated from their partners. None of my friends are interested in having more kids even if they are in a new relationship

Presumably that's because they're in their mid-40s and having a baby in your mid/late 40s is really not as simple as having a baby when you're in your 20s or 30s.

*quite a few of the blokes now have brand new families. Why? What motivates men in their mid40s, 50s go back to having babies.

Well, it's not just their choice. My guess is if they've met a slightly younger partner - especially if she doesn't already have children from a previous relationship - the partner is perhaps the driving force behind the decision and the men have agreed to it because they don't want to deny their partner that chance. And obviously there aren't the same kind of fertility concerns or health impacts on a middle-aged man having a baby as there are are for a middle-aged woman who would have to go through pregnancy and birth and potentially have a difficult time conceiving.

It’s not just men. I know just as many women who have a baby soon into a new relationship only for it to go tits up a year later and she moves on to the next. Some people don’t learn from mistakes and think next time it’ll be different while doing the exact same thing as before