Why so many men seem to remarry and rudh to have more kids

[Ladnj]

My friends and I are all in our mid40s and a few are or have separated from their partners. None of my friends are interested in having more kids even if they are in a new relationship but quite a few of the blokes now have brand new families. Why? What motivates men in their mid40s, 50s go back to having babies.

My own marriage isn't going so well which made me think how weird it would be if Dh and I do split up and my kids end up with brand new brothers and sisters. How common is it?

Over 40% of those who voted in 2019 were quite happy to have a Prime Minister who wanted to publicly deny the existence of one of his children. The fact his political party were even prepared to consider him as their leader says a lot.

Never mind his other many failings, such as not taking alleged sex offences seriously.

My youngest was only 2 when ex left. I chose not to start a new relationship to avoid blended families.

Ex met new partner just before Covid. Our youngest was 11 and eldest in 20’s. He managed to get new partner pregnant twice which led to miscarriages but find it crazy my children would have a sibling 20 years younger! He doesn’t even support or visit his children these days. She had children in teens/20’s too

They don't do the hard work a lot of the time. Don't get me wrong some men are really good.

My ex left me when I was pregnant and never met my son apart from a few time when he was a tiny baby

stayed with ow had 2 kids with her and adopted her son

left her for ow years later and by all
accounts it was quite a traumatic breakup and none of his kids speak to him

at 52 had a baby with the new ow who also had a son around 10
😂

i saw a picture of him a few months ago and he’s looks like a walking dead man
he used to be such a gorgeous looking bloke

can’t think what happened to him having a baby at 52 😂

I do think it's interesting when you consider how many young men don't seem to want kids whether they openly admit it or do the future faking. Maybe these divorced older men feel the need to compete with young baggage free men and this is their main currency.

In reality I don’t see this older man younger woman thing, just in the celeb world

Men like this are a waste of space, I will never understand how they can prioritize their sex partners over their existing children who never asked to be born.
Utter trash

I don’t know whether it is necessarily driven by the men in these situations my ex had had a vasectomy thank God so when he met up with somebody who was also older than him and he was well past it at the time. My twentysomething children were quite shocked to hear her say how disappointed she was that they hadn’t met earlier so that he could have children with her.
They had seven between them.

Equally my dad’s wife said exactly the same. All the children were in their mid teens when they met up. And apparently, if it would’ve been five years earlier, they would’ve been an addition.
None of this of course reflects the utterly shit parenting done by both the men in this scenario. And not particularly great efforts gone to by the women either for the children that they had.

My Husband had children with me because I didn't have children, we are the same age and had our children at 38 and 43, he had his other 3 all before he was 25....and ultimately we love each other and wanted children....nothing to do with reducing maintenance (it reduces by £10) or replacing his "previous" family, my children adore their sisters and vice versa and I too adore them (my Step-daughters)

Isn't it kind of biological urges to procreate and sew your seed etc

Haven't read anything else in this thread but just to say I absolutely see this and don't get. 5 years separated. He's had on off stuff and is now in a very serious relationship with a woman with younger children than our own dd, despite not wanting more with me. I wouldn't be surprised to hear of an engagement, moving in together and more kids.

Me on the other hand. Single by choice for 5 years. Love my freedom, peace and space. Unlikely to compromise on it now. I know so many who are the same. A close friend of mine with very young twins, recently separated with her husband and still living together has just found out he's in a serious relationship with another woman, again with very young children. The guy can barely look after his own kids. It absolutely beggers belief.

Yeah. No one can ever overcome their Biological Urges.

He must be skint and very busy!

You think your husband wanted 5 children? Do you think he’d have carried onto 5 if he only married once? Has he always dreamed of having a big family?

I was going my to say, I think for a lot of men, they like to psychologically align themselves with whoever they’re banging. When they see their wives and partners getting older it puts the fear of god into them bc they know they are too - being with someone younger and starting again seems to represent a fresh start and a chance to wind back the physical clock for themselves too. It’s also another chance to be a loyal partner and less shit parent so they can prove to themselves and the world that they are a decent human being after all

I know a woman who married an older man. He is now in a care home and she is still working. On top of this she looks after grandchildren and is having to deal with the breakdown of her DDs relationship, which means extra childcare duties as the son in law is refusing to step up. She has said to me she never, ever imagined having to cope with all this.
I really don’t get why a woman would settle with a much older man.
I think a lot of women subconsciously want what the first wife had- ie a family. They don’t think beyond that and end up as a nurse maid. We see threads on here with posters insisting their old dh looks fabulous, when in reality they really don’t. They always look and act their age. The women also start to look really old too and become set in their ways much quicker.
I also agree with the poster who has advised their DCs to avoid coupling up with anyone with children. That is good advice.

It’s probably bc they have less responsibility bc they’re not their kids

Really good point

I’ve wondered this too. It’s like they just HAVE to plant their bloody seed everywhere they go.

The kids of Family Number 1 almost always get treated like second class citizens too

I think we also have to scrutinise why so many women have children with men who already have kids elsewhere. Then moan on MN because those kids have the audacity to want to come on holiday/want to be around the new baby and sometimes forget to wash their hands all the time/want to do things alone with their dad/get jealous of the new baby etc. In other words: why the children she knew he had are suddenly a tremendous inconvenience once her PFB is born.

Wait, aren’t these younger women choosing older mates, on the basis of their wealth, also failing to overcome their biological urges?

I'd definitely try to discourage any DDs from serious relationships with men with children. I think it is possible to try to discern whether you could cope with stepchildren even if many just don't bother but the risk of ending up as a nanny with a fanny is too high.

I met DH a year after his divorce. Married 5 years later. He is 11 years older. Two kids. Main parent. We had a baby. It's natural to create a family. Her brothers are the best brothers I would ever want for her. 15 years between them. Our set up domestically is completely split. This enabled me to pursue a career. I'm now the higher earner.

If I had to remarry I would not have another child. Purely because of my age and the impact of pregnancy. Men don't have this. I don't want to be pregnant. Maybe I'd consider fostering etc.

“It’s natural to create a family” that’s the best justification you’ve got? Why don’t we all just keep shooting kids out till nature stops us then?

Look, I know you'll try to pull apart my choices, for whatever reason, maybe you're unhappy, but we have a great life. What's the issue?

Is your concern about the impact on the environment and the number of children humans have in general? I can get behind that.

As a woman who got divorced and has one child, doesn’t want any more and doesn’t want to live with a man again, my thinking is that “traditional” family structures benefit men more than women. The happiest men are married, the happiest women are unmarried (there are actual studies).

When I was married I did so much emotional and domestic labour that I thought was simply part and parcel of a normal relationship. I was also the main breadwinner but that’s by the by. Now I only have to take care of my DC and it’s so liberating not to have to take care of a grown man. Whereas many grown men will move on to another woman to be taken care of, and if that woman wants a baby then so be it. My ex was on the dating apps 3 weeks after we broke up because he couldn’t be alone.

Not all men are like this of course. I know many wonderful men who are friends of mine who are equal partners in their relationships and don’t cause more labour for their partners. But in my honest experience they are the minority. Co-habiting and marriage benefits men more than women and if the price is a baby or babies, so be it.