Why so many men seem to remarry and rudh to have more kids

[Ladnj]

My friends and I are all in our mid40s and a few are or have separated from their partners. None of my friends are interested in having more kids even if they are in a new relationship but quite a few of the blokes now have brand new families. Why? What motivates men in their mid40s, 50s go back to having babies.

My own marriage isn't going so well which made me think how weird it would be if Dh and I do split up and my kids end up with brand new brothers and sisters. How common is it?

True. DH has a friend who got married and had kids (for the first time) in his mid-40s. I don’t think DH envies it at all, now that we’re starting to get our freedom back with ours being teens. I did all the nursery and school runs in my day, but DH’s friend is married to a younger woman and it’s all very 50/50 now.

It does make me sorry to read all the step-parents forums, the step mum often complains about the kids and then mentions that it's especially tough now she also has a toddler to look after. Why oh why?

I assume it’s down to options. I’m sure most women would rather be the first wife, no other children, but unlike men we have a ticking clock so there may be less of a choice involved if they want a family soon.

It’s all well and good criticising this but if you got with a divorcee yourself and had a child you are also contributing to the problem

Cause they do none of tge work anyway

My ex kind of did this but he didn’t marry her.

He left me and our three children for a much younger woman, he then went onto have another child. He regrets this very much and wishes he had remained with his family.

I think he was just scared that he had hit middle age, he admitted this to me himself. Unfortunately I wouldn’t ever take him back

My mum and dad were both married previously and each had children from thos marriages when they married and had me in their forties. Many of my mum's friends re-married and had children with their new husbands at around the same age so I'm not sure it's just men that do this.

I think absolutely this!!

Exactly. It’s easy, and fun, to stick the boot into the men, but why are so many younger women facilitating it in the first place? There must be quite a lot in it for them, else they wouldn’t do it.

I think women like that see that he must be a good catch if he’s been married, and also some still want the provider even if they earn well for when she has babies.

The men in these situations are disgusting, creating a life with a family and then abandoning it to make another

Bingo.

I agree with the other posters
-To keep the younger model
-Men don’t usually share the child rearing 50-50

However, I think they are crazy to restart again! Surely you paid your dues and should be enjoying relaxing holidays, trips out etc.

I do believe more men are getting the snip in their 30s so there likely be an increase of reversal snips, and if that fails then IVF? Which I don’t think the NHS should fund.

I’m sure they do. But they know the man already has a family, so why do they get a pass for enabling him to start another?

It’s because they don’t have to do anything. They likely weren’t that involved with their first kids and are more distant from them now they’ve separated. There isn’t nearly same investment than for a woman. And as PP have said, they want to lock down a younger woman. If he impregnates her she will stick around, likely at home, and be more in charge of running the house while they do what they want.

In essence, it serves him to get a new woman pregnant. For women it is a huge hinderance. Quite simple really.

You've misunderstood. What they mean is the major point for deciding to have more dc for a woman is 'physical', My age? Have I g ot the wherewithal to go through with pregnancy again? The damage done to my body from the last one, what will be the result this time? Do I have the strength for ; waking/feeding in the night? The crying? Feeding? Potty training? Etc etc Men mainly think of their wallet? Even if there are physical concerns they console themselves that the mother is young.
Women who have the finances & are young & want children, will get pregnant whether their partner wants to or not in my experience.
Intelligent /crafty /Women who want children but don't have the finances hook up with a man that does.( to be debated!)

My husband is a pilot (first officer). A very high percentage of the captains he works with are on their second if not third families! And many of them spend the entire flight time complaining about their lives 😂

In part because of this where Sarah Pascoe makes a very good point, there aren't many women whipping around with second families, because we don't have the time or the inclination after we have done with prioritising the first one, and in part because of resource and competition. The second wife wants to elevate her status and draw resource and to do this more children become important.

It always seems to be that the worst fathers have the most kids too.

Whenever anyone asked if I wanted more kids I would say only if I can be the Dad next time around.
I don't want to diminish the role of father, being a great one is really tough but there are no real expectations for men. It's easy to be a sub par Dad and face no judgement, it's just easier.

I voted that you are being unreasonable because yes, it’s well-known and common fact that men divorce, remarry and start a second family. My DF did, my XH too (I was his 2nd marriage and also 13 years younger than he was). Men fear getting old, they fear the loss of virility and vitality, and above all, they fear death. As we more or less all do. Either consciously or unconsciously, they manifest that fear by leaving an older wife for a younger and perhaps more fertile one.

They are not the ones responsible for their step-children and their well-being, that's their dad's responsibility. He needs to be the one who puts them first.

Indeed. But these women are still choosing to enable this behaviour, instead of finding younger man without children to start a family with. Yet it’s somehow totally ok for them to do this, because it’s treated as maximising resources for their future children, which apparently trumps everything else.

I think you misunderstood my post. It’s a far bigger commitment for a woman to have children than for a man. The impact of multiple pregnancies is greater the time invested is greater, it’s not just a financial decision.

There are an awful lot of deadbeat dads who refuse to admit they are deadbeat dads and blame the ex wife. Their new partners swallow this crap hook, line and sinker and until a few years and a couple of kids down the line and the penny drops.

Ladies if a man doesn't see his kids it's the biggest red flag ever. See it.

Yes I think that’s it. Only seeing kids EOW downgrades dad to babysitter. The new wife kids herself it will be better with her and they can do it “properly” this time. The old wife values the children she has more and now has more responsibilities.

It's true. The men by themselves that I know, whether by divorce or bereavement are with someone else before long. By contrast most of the women have stayed alone for years.

As part of my social group I've often been hit on by freshly single men wanting to find a new wife or mother for his children.