Why so many men seem to remarry and rudh to have more kids

[Ladnj]

My friends and I are all in our mid40s and a few are or have separated from their partners. None of my friends are interested in having more kids even if they are in a new relationship but quite a few of the blokes now have brand new families. Why? What motivates men in their mid40s, 50s go back to having babies.

My own marriage isn't going so well which made me think how weird it would be if Dh and I do split up and my kids end up with brand new brothers and sisters. How common is it?

It’s just odd that people can end up with 5+ children when you factor the multiple relationships, then the step kids. I’m sure most of these people would never have opted for 5+ kids originally in one relationship, so why do they start disregarding the pre existing kids and have these bumper families, it’s like if they’re from another relationship they don’t quite count. And I can’t imagine the impact that has on the other children, as it’s felt I have no doubt.

One of the reasons I didn’t divorce my exh after the first affair was because I could not bear to split the family and inflict a step/mother and half siblings on them
Exh’s affair partner was 39 with a 9 year old daughter and I suspected she wanted to snare him (perceived rich) with another child. He said she was adamant she didn’t want any more kids. We patched up our marriage /she then shackled up with a guy and was pg within a month. (Who then dumped her too)
so am relieved at the decision because th marriage wasn’t too bad for a few years after they , whereas the fallout for my DC if she’d got him and produced half siblings would have been awful.
(After we divorced he met another gold-digger, but as she is in her late 40s and has 4kids already and he is 70 with cancer /assume it won’t happen with them.

I think some men see them as a do-over family after giving up on their first family. It's a rare man that can be a decent dad to two families, someone always loses out.

Some men want to have a wife and children. It's the being a husband and father they don't like, that's why they leave.

Exactly this

The first post has nailed it.
Most men will do whatever it takes to keep their current squeeze happy. I don’t agree with all these half siblings and step siblings. In the majority of cases it is detrimental to the first set of children. I’ve seen this countless times with adults who have mental health issues because of fathers like this.
Patents should be putting their children first, not their sex partner.

Out of 16 couples who got together around when dh and I did. 6 have divorced. 3 men has gone on to have more children.
1 of those 3 I do not count as he and first wife split because he wanted more children and she was happy with the 1 (I have that from her not him) he has gone on to have 2 in his next relationship. He and 1st wife coparented well together (child now adult) likely as their decision to split was mutual.
None of the women have had a 2nd.

Ba ha ha, you know women have jobs too now?

This is familiar. My ex left, met a new woman and a year after meeting she got pregnant. They were married and baby on way six months after our divorce. She’s only two years younger than me and I think it was probably her last chance to have kids.

My two kids now have a new step brother half the week when they’re with their dad. I do feel they won’t get the same attention they do when with me as a result. When their dad moans about being tired I find it hilarious. He could have had a relaxing childfree half of the week like I do.

Ive always thought its because new partner is jealous of first partner /ex wife/ kids also to make them choose the new family over the first especially if first kids are older as he will have to be there more supporting new partner with the younger kids thats why i always think the kids from the second relationship alway’s get the better deal and men are silly enough falling for it instead of making more of a stand in the first place( weak) go along with it! I think given a real choice i don't think they are really that bothered why would you be if you got kids already

Many women want a child with a new partner, they are not always a younger model.

I agree. New wife gets a shit deal. If there were assets, hopefully the first wife at least got a good settlement.

Financially and practically it doesn’t make much sense so I think it is loneliness and the need to have people around them. Also, a lot of men do like having children.

Well so many of them are completely unencumbered by their existing kids, both financially and in time, they're free to do whatever they want.
I wonder if they'd be a bit more cautious if society forced them to take some responsibility for their kid instead of allowing them to walk away without a backward glance.

First post got it in one.

I wonder how this will play out in the future however as more men in their 30’s are getting vasectomies and openly talking about them with their mates rather than it being the big taboo of not being a real man if you get one. I can’t think of many of dh’s friends or mine friends husbands who haven’t had one and even then they could be the silently got it done types.

Me personally I wouldn’t, I have stepchildren and a child of my own from my current marriage and it came up in conversation before with my wife (not sure why) if we ever split up I’m not sure I’d even get with someone with children purely because I wouldn’t want my son to ever think he’s been pushed aside for ‘my new family’ if he didn’t live with me, not that that would be the case.
Everyone is different and I guess some people see it as a new start and they try to do what they didn’t do in the first marriage or with their other children.

It’s a fairly weird reason for staying married.

The men don't want more kids. They often choose a slightly younger new partner who wants the "complete" perfect family but also knows that shared kids can be a route to a continuing pipeline of financial support. Honestly most men just want someone to shag and help with kids/the home and the price to pay for that is often another child.

I am from a different culture where marriages last for ever and second families are rare. I used to think this was terrible and regressive, but I have changed my mind on that. After seeing the mess of many- not all- blended families.

I have kids just approaching adulthood. One bit of advice I'm going to give them is don't touch anyone who already has kids with a barge pole.
If they are a decent person, they will always put their kids needs above you.
If they are a shit person, they will put you above their kids.
Either way they lose.

Agree!

There are plenty of women who seem to have to have a baby with every new partner.

Because they’re idiots and usually end up regretting it

Agreed. And I even remember being in my 20s, thinking how disgusting and old men in their 30s (😂) were. I wouldn’t have dated one, let alone an older divorcé with kids.

That's what I find a bit harder to understand, what's in it for the younger women? Is it because older men are more likely to be financially stable?

I always find those steparenting threads from women who sleepwalked into a blended family and resent the older stepchildren once they have their own kids really depressing though.