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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my husband acted awfully

132 replies

WHYohwhy12 · 01/04/2025 20:53

Basically found out last week surprise pregnancy. He said it's my body so up to me tho he doesn't want any more kids. Anyway then I have bleeding. Booked to have a scan today. They told me yesterday I was having one today. He said " I was tempted to book it off work" but he didn't ok.

But then I didn't hear from him till he came home from work. The scan was bad news. He works in a office and had a lunch break but didn't message me anything
He keeps saying he's at work so he can't just text me, and on his lunch he met with a colleague he manages, to chat cos they've been upset lately. He meets with him every week one lunch. I asked why he didn't meet him a different day and he says nothing. Then it turns out this man asked him if he wanted to play badminton so that's what he was doing at lunch whilst I was finding out I was having a miscarriage. He keeps sayinv he was at work so doesn't think about me..

Not even when this happens?? He didn't even tell me about the badminton,I found it out. I just think it's pretty shitty but he's still arguing that he did nothing wrong cos he was working and in lunch whilst playing badminton he was talking through now this bloke is getting stressed at work.

I feel like I'm going mad

OP posts:
Lovelytoseethesun · 01/04/2025 21:04

Oh this is so upsetting OP.
He is supposed to be your life partner. The pregnancy is as much his responsibility as yours.
But he wants his life to go on as normal and he put his colleague and his life before you and his unborn child.
I wouldn't be able to look at him the same again OP because you have now found out how little he cares about you.

JLou08 · 01/04/2025 21:04

Sorry for your loss. Your DH should have been supporting you.

FriendsDrinkBook · 01/04/2025 21:04

I'm sorry that this has happened op , and yes , your husband has acted appallingly.

I left exh after a very similar incident involving his lack of care during a miscarriage.

How are you physically now op?

Ineedanotherholidaynow · 01/04/2025 21:05

Yeah that’s shitty behaviour. So sorry for your loss x

Sportacus17 · 01/04/2025 21:08

Sorry for your loss. He sounds like a complete man-child self-centred cunt. I really despair of men sometimes.

Oldandcobwebby · 01/04/2025 21:09

I'm so very sorry you are going through this. I hope you are as ok as possible.

And he's not a nice man, is he?

Zippityjumpingbean · 01/04/2025 21:16

Yep, he was completely crap! I’d really struggle to get past his lack of support.
is he being supportive now?
sorry for your loss.

MummaCub · 01/04/2025 21:16

I'm so sorry for your loss, the way he acted is unacceptable, and I would seriously be reconsidering the relationship.

ButThisIsMyHappyFace · 01/04/2025 21:27

Oh @OP I’m so sorry this happened to you. Completely unacceptable behaviour from him. Even if he was secretly relieved or whatever, it’s absolutely unbelievable that he wouldn’t show some concern for you and your well-being. I’m not sure I could move past the hurt tbh.

Wakemeupbe4yougogo · 01/04/2025 21:31

I think I'd be reconsidering my marriage if my DH did that to me. It's callous and it's cruel. I'm sorry for your loss Flowers

ForestFox44 · 01/04/2025 21:32

He's selfish and awful... hope you're okay x

StartAnew · 01/04/2025 21:34

So sorry OP. It's really upsetting. Who knows what was really going on in your partner's head, but he doesn't seem to have room empathy for you at the moment. Maybe he very much didn't want another baby, and was trying not to think about it. Which is not much use to you.

Cnidarian · 01/04/2025 21:35

Leave him. That is cruel and callous. I'm so sorry and hope that you are OK 💐

vipersnest1 · 01/04/2025 21:35

He’s telling you who he is. Listen hard.
I’m sorry, OP.

WeNeverGoOutOfStyle · 01/04/2025 21:40

Wakemeupbe4yougogo · 01/04/2025 21:31

I think I'd be reconsidering my marriage if my DH did that to me. It's callous and it's cruel. I'm sorry for your loss Flowers

This 100%
Sorry for your loss op.

Mickeychampionwhatgoodami · 01/04/2025 21:41

I don't get men like this,how could he not be there for you at such an upsetting time.
Pathetic and selfish on his part.

therealtrunchbull · 01/04/2025 21:42

This is the worst behaviour from a man I have read for a long time. I am so angry for you.

Remaker · 01/04/2025 21:44

He doesn’t think about you when he’s at work? I’m sorry wtf?

My condolences.

paintedpotoflove · 01/04/2025 21:44

I’m so sorry OP.

your dh has been very cruel and tbh he’s not worth talking about.

How are you doing? Do you have any follow up appts for d&c or medical management? Hand hold for you for anything that’s to come. I had a miscarriage almost 8 years ago and it was very draining. I underestimated how physically tiring it would be and how it would floor me. Please take care of yourself and know that, while it might feel like it, you are absolutely not alone and can pop on here and chat to us if you don’t feel ready to do it IRL.

sending love ❤️

AlwaysCoffee25 · 01/04/2025 21:46

I’m sorry for your loss OP. 🌷

TomatoesForKing · 01/04/2025 21:46

You can make this the thing that ends your marriage or you can manage it and move on. Things to remember

  1. it was an accidental pregnancy, not planned
  2. he said he doesn't want more kids
  3. he also said it was up to you
Mudkipper · 01/04/2025 21:49

TomatoesForKing · 01/04/2025 21:46

You can make this the thing that ends your marriage or you can manage it and move on. Things to remember

  1. it was an accidental pregnancy, not planned
  2. he said he doesn't want more kids
  3. he also said it was up to you

What a horrible thing to say. Are you the husband? You seem to have the same attitude.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 01/04/2025 21:52

Yes he obviously did.

TomatoesForKing · 01/04/2025 21:52

Mudkipper · 01/04/2025 21:49

What a horrible thing to say. Are you the husband? You seem to have the same attitude.

What is horrible. She has had a lot of condolences, I'm trying to look forward to the next thing. Just because it's not the predictive response of most bitter and twisted MN posters doesn't make me MALE. 🙄

CheesePlantBoxes · 01/04/2025 21:55

The bottom line is that he just doesn't give a fuck. He didn't want a baby, he was relieved and hasn't even thought how you might be feeling.

Sorry not to be more delicate. He is being really selfish.