To think my husband acted awfully

[WHYohwhy12]

Basically found out last week surprise pregnancy. He said it's my body so up to me tho he doesn't want any more kids. Anyway then I have bleeding. Booked to have a scan today. They told me yesterday I was having one today. He said " I was tempted to book it off work" but he didn't ok.

But then I didn't hear from him till he came home from work. The scan was bad news. He works in a office and had a lunch break but didn't message me anything
He keeps saying he's at work so he can't just text me, and on his lunch he met with a colleague he manages, to chat cos they've been upset lately. He meets with him every week one lunch. I asked why he didn't meet him a different day and he says nothing. Then it turns out this man asked him if he wanted to play badminton so that's what he was doing at lunch whilst I was finding out I was having a miscarriage. He keeps sayinv he was at work so doesn't think about me..

Not even when this happens?? He didn't even tell me about the badminton,I found it out. I just think it's pretty shitty but he's still arguing that he did nothing wrong cos he was working and in lunch whilst playing badminton he was talking through now this bloke is getting stressed at work.

I feel like I'm going mad

Sorry for your loss. What a tosser. If it was me I’d be leaving and taking half or more of his assets with me.

The thing is, whether he wanted another child or not, was that his wife, supposedly the woman he loves,was going through something upsetting and unpleasant and he prioritised playing badminton over supporting her through that. On that alone, he’s a total prick.
🌹for you.

Obviously he should have been more supportive and less forgetful, but a miscarriage at 6 weeks is basically a late period. I've had a pregnancy fail to continue at 8 weeks and it wasn't a huge drama.
I have a close family member who had an early miscarriage and only mentioned it in passing years later, it as it was so early.
I've also known someone who had a similarly early miscarriage and it was a whole thing with an announcement and progress reports on the family chat, and references for months afterwards to rainbow babies.

Everyone is different but I can see why your husband didn't think it was a huge deal. But when it was clear it was a big deal to you he should have stepped up and been more emotionally supportive.
He sounds pretty emotionally clueless. And very dedicated to his colleague.

That makes me feel sick.
I wouldn't be able toantay with my DH if he was so selfish, uncaring and downright cruel.

This man does not love you or care one jot about your feelings.

I am so sorry for your loss. Any miscarriage is traumatic, even if you are unsure about the pregnancy 💜

@WHYohwhy12 I think the shittiest part is He said " I was tempted to book it off work" but he didn't ok.

So he knew he probably should be there, wants to get credit for having thought of it, but didn't actually do it, and in fact played badminton instead of calling to check how it went? Has he apologised?

Divorce. I’m sorry & I do know that it’s easier said than done but I am continually shocked by what women on this board will put up with
i do not care if he wanted baby or not, you’re his partner and deserve support in tough times- if he can’t be there in your bad times why the hell should he get you in your good times.

They're bullshit excuses from him about not being in contact. He was showing his displeasure at your pregnancy through his lack of contact and making it very clear that he considered it your baby and your decision - nothing to do with him. He didn't really about the outcome, did he? Or even that you might be in distress or in pain.

He's an awful husband.

This isn't right. DH has a high pressure, busy job so he doesn't message much, if I message him about something he may read it but not reply. It's fine, it comes with the job. But if he knew I needed him (in that kind of sense), whether he had the heads up I might before he went or I called (only call if it's warranted, so he will answer) he would drop everything.

He's your husband. Your partner in life. He absolutely should have been at least thinking about you through this if he genuinely couldn't be with you.

I would leave after this. I could never love or respect or even look at him.

LTB.

Oh God if only there was a third choice instead of just lesbianism or men.

Am I wrong to think there is more than badminton going on with the guy???

I don't know how you come back from this. I would feel very bitter. I would have to leave him.

You can change your vote when you’ve clicked wrong. 😊

This comment is perfect 👏👏👏

I’m so sorry for your loss OP. 💐

He doesn’t care because he didn’t want it.

Wow! Your compassion is overwhelming…

Imagine this was your friend. He’s no friend and he doesn’t have your back. And badminton man, is that actually a man?

Single. That's the third choice.

He has a complete lack of empathy, towards you. You were bottom of his priorities.
Looking forward, how do you think he would behave if you became seriously ill?
I'm sorry for your loss, and hope you can seek support from someone else in RL, OP 💐

Wow, what a breathtaking lack of empathy.

Not if you want a partner.

Op use this moment as a springboard.
Use the time you have now to start restraining for a proper profession, even if you have to cut your hours down further still. Use the useless excuse of a dh to cover the costs. I’d be lining up a fresh start and a new life for later.

Start taking driving lessons. You have a way to go, but you urgently need your independence. Don’t put it off.

Make some close and long lasting friends. Time now for you to stop focusing elsewhere, and start thinking about what you need for the future because he is not going to be there for you next time either.

That's the definition of choice.

Don’t have anymore children op. I know how painful this has been. You will only saddle yourself down further with more children. A driving license and a good job is what you need. Or you could end up trapped forever.

He is awful first go do this and second to not apologize and gaslight you . He has shown his true colours I don't think he be caring for you if you're ill in your old age

How many children do you have with him op?
this issue aside, this marriage is far from happy?