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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my husband acted awfully

132 replies

WHYohwhy12 · 01/04/2025 20:53

Basically found out last week surprise pregnancy. He said it's my body so up to me tho he doesn't want any more kids. Anyway then I have bleeding. Booked to have a scan today. They told me yesterday I was having one today. He said " I was tempted to book it off work" but he didn't ok.

But then I didn't hear from him till he came home from work. The scan was bad news. He works in a office and had a lunch break but didn't message me anything
He keeps saying he's at work so he can't just text me, and on his lunch he met with a colleague he manages, to chat cos they've been upset lately. He meets with him every week one lunch. I asked why he didn't meet him a different day and he says nothing. Then it turns out this man asked him if he wanted to play badminton so that's what he was doing at lunch whilst I was finding out I was having a miscarriage. He keeps sayinv he was at work so doesn't think about me..

Not even when this happens?? He didn't even tell me about the badminton,I found it out. I just think it's pretty shitty but he's still arguing that he did nothing wrong cos he was working and in lunch whilst playing badminton he was talking through now this bloke is getting stressed at work.

I feel like I'm going mad

OP posts:
WHYohwhy12 · 04/04/2025 11:29

KarmacamillaTheEagerLemonStork · 03/04/2025 22:30

You are practically saying it yourself without hearing yourself!! Time isn't going to improve this situation, perhaps only making it trickier.

My mom found her soulmate and 2nd marriage in her 40s!! Your chances to save yourself are only getting thinner from here sorry to be saying it, but I really want to save you somehow. You seem way too beautiful and full of life to be surprised by his bad attitude when it really gets worse some years from now he might even turn on you if he isn't even supportive of you by now he has no reason to age gracefully together that I can see. 😱

I just don't think I'm strong enough to leave. I have no where to go. No money. My son caught us arguing and keeps getting really upset cos he's worried we will get divorced. And to make it worse the early pregnancy unit called and said that they've looked at my scan again and think it is a viable pregnancy so I need to come back and have another scan in a week. I feel sick

OP posts:
WHYohwhy12 · 08/04/2025 21:16

Update for anyone interested in the pregnancy. Had a scan today and hasn't developed any better. They think it's a molar pregnancy so got to have it removed and sent off for testing x

OP posts:
Chezxx · 08/04/2025 21:18

I'm so sorry OP.
Time to reach out to Women's aid for support.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 08/04/2025 21:29

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like it might be a catalyst for you realising he’s not on your side and taking first steps to making your own plans. You say your mum is elderly, but does she have room for you? If you’re close she might like having you with her.

Laura95167 · 08/04/2025 21:34

This is horrible.

It's not like this was unexpected and he was at work and unreachable.

He knew you were pregnant, acted like it wasn't both your responsibility that you fell pregnant or offered support. He knew you were having a medical appointment that could be deeply upsetting for you and he didn't prioritise you.

You're meant to be a team, and he didn't show up. He's beyond shitty. And I worry for your marriage if he doesn't take ownership of this mistake in judgement.

I'm so sorry for your loss

WilfredsPies · 08/04/2025 23:01

I’m so sorry for your loss 💐

Isthiswhatmenthink · 08/04/2025 23:22

OP, you poor thing. I’m so sorry. Your husband is a total failure. His treatment of you is disgraceful.

I really hope you can find the strength to leave him. He’s beyond selfish and by the sounds of it, a pathetic, insecure, inadequate twat, dancing around trying to make junior colleagues like him. Pathetic.

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