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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dd(12) teacher irresponsible/put her at risk

299 replies

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:04

Want to gauge reactions on if I’m being unreasonable regarding incident with Dd(12) and teachers response and what I should expect to happen.

At lunch there were some older boys outside where her and her friends were and one of them threw anothers bag up on to the roof of an outbuilding. DD ended up volunteering to be lifted her up onto the roof to get the bag off and when she was up there a teacher walked past and saw.

She was asked who helped her up and she lied and said that she climbed up on her own to avoid getting the boy in trouble as well. She obviously told how dangerous and stupid it was to be up there and if she fell how she could end up seriously hurt. All the boys offered to help her down safely and dd said that she did want want help/ didn’t want to jump on her own.

The teacher then made all the other kids leave and said she was waiting there untill dd got herself down, which she did and managed to not hurt herself.

Dd was expecting to be given a detention or something or to called out of class and spoken to further all afternoon but nothing happened.

AIBU to be annoyed? I think the teacher handled this terribly and was irresponsible to force dd to jump down

OP posts:
notnorman · 01/04/2025 22:24

NorthernGirlie · 01/04/2025 20:15

At no point in teacher training do they tell you you have to deal with this shit and then deal with batshit patents on top of it!

You're right op, the teacher should have rang the fire brigade / knitted her a parachute / carried her down on a silk pillow... I'm desperate to hear your solution

Sooo glad I’m not a teacher anymore

MarioLink · 01/04/2025 22:24

I think they were trying to get her to confess someone put her up there. I expect if she wasn't lowering herself down in a controlled manner they would have stepped in quickly. Your daughter got herself in that situation. It's probably safer in the long run she learns not to get up places she can't safely get down. Even to impress the boys!

Sandandsea123 · 01/04/2025 22:24

So your daughter put herself at risk, and lied… and you are mad at the teacher??!! Teach your kid some responsibility and stop blaming everyone else!

Nanny0gg · 01/04/2025 22:26

MentallyDatingDaveGrohl · 01/04/2025 20:08

If she hadn’t lied they wouldn’t have made her get down alone.
They were obviously proving a point, if she’d fessed up she’d have been helped down. She suffered the consequences of her own actions and no harm done.
Be annoyed at her for telling lies.

But what if she'd seriously hurt herself?

The teacher was very silly to do this

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 01/04/2025 22:26

My priority here, OP, would be finding out what on earth my kid was doing getting herself involved in someone else's nonsense, volunteering to be hoisted up onto a roof by kids to get someone else's bag, and then lying to a teacher about it. I would be inviting her to learn a lesson about the consequences of all of those decisions so that she doesn't end up in trouble and stuck on a roof again.

Technically, I think the appropriate thing to do would have been to call the fire brigade if your kid really wasn't able to get down. In these litigious times there's no way as a teacher that I'd take the responsibility of getting a child down from a roof. But honestly? No one was injured and it doesn't look like your child's getting any formal sanction. I'd leave this well alone so far as the school is concerned and focus on helping your daughter make better choices next time.

Nanny0gg · 01/04/2025 22:27

Sandandsea123 · 01/04/2025 22:24

So your daughter put herself at risk, and lied… and you are mad at the teacher??!! Teach your kid some responsibility and stop blaming everyone else!

I'd certainly have blamed the teacher if she'd slipped and broken something -could have been her neck!

1SillySossij · 01/04/2025 22:28

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:14

I get that dd was stupid for both getting up there and then lying about it and happy for her to be punished appropriately.

but its the fact that the teacher acknowledged how dangerous it is and how she could get seriously hurt + Dd said she wanted to help getting down and didn’t feel safe jumping.

glad she’s fine but what would have happening if she’d fell and teacher had forced her to jump even though she said she didn’t want to.

How do you think she should have got down? Called the fire brigade and waited hours?
Of course she couldn't get the other children to help her down! She can't be responsible for letting others put themselves at risk?
At the end of the day it was safe for your kid to jump down unless your forgot to mention she also broke her leg?

pinkstripeycat · 01/04/2025 22:28

ilovesooty · 01/04/2025 20:19

The teacher supervised her getting down safely - during her lunch break. It's not as if she walked off and left her there. She's also not responsible for your daughter's decision to go on the roof, nor for your daughter lying.

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But she is responsible for the child getting down safely and she didn’t do that. The child got herself down. Teachers do have SOME responsibility to children beyond teaching. You do know that don’t you?

HMW19061 · 01/04/2025 22:29

So your daughter has done something wrong and your reaction is to blame the teacher? Ffs. If she’d fallen climbing down it would have been your daughters fault for being stupid enough to climb up there in the first place, not the teachers fault.

AwfulTower · 01/04/2025 22:29

Nanny0gg · 01/04/2025 22:27

I'd certainly have blamed the teacher if she'd slipped and broken something -could have been her neck!

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Or if Hitler had come.

darksideofthestudio · 01/04/2025 22:29

@hereslooking your concern is misplaced: your Year 7 DD is taking instruction from Y10/11boys. Why?

Let’s think about how many teachers are actually employed, compared to pupils on roll, and therefore how many staff are actually on duty during break and lunchtime. This is why, importantly, the narrative needs to change.

@5128gap, you need to be having conversations with your DD, the lying is not okay, being controlled by older boys is not okay, not taking responsibility for her actions is not okay, being coerced is not okay… the easy option is to blame the school. The harder option is to look closer to home!

SpringIsSpringing25 · 01/04/2025 22:31

MentallyDatingDaveGrohl · 01/04/2025 20:08

If she hadn’t lied they wouldn’t have made her get down alone.
They were obviously proving a point, if she’d fessed up she’d have been helped down. She suffered the consequences of her own actions and no harm done.
Be annoyed at her for telling lies.

This!

CharlotteByrde · 01/04/2025 22:33

The caretaker wouldn't be allowed to use a ladder to get a child off the roof -definitely not in his job description - and might not have been available until after hours anyway. The male teacher would have to be off his head to try and manhandle a Y7 girl down from a roof. Instructing the older boys to help would have been risky in all sorts of ways. The teacher dealt with it simply and without fuss, when the only practical alternative was the fire brigade.

Changedusernameforthis2 · 01/04/2025 22:34

Teacher here. I would in NO WAY let a group of older boys handle a younger girl . I would have also dispersed the boys. I would have helped her get down. As a mum, I would be noting the red flag of older boys getting her to do things

CaptainFuture · 01/04/2025 22:36

AwfulTower · 01/04/2025 22:29

Or if Hitler had come.

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Or aliens.... or a 2nd coming of The baby Jesus....

pollyglot · 01/04/2025 22:36

Is there ANYTHING ELSE that parents want to moan about? Honestly, no wonder there is a teacher recruitment crisis.

CaptainFuture · 01/04/2025 22:41

Well @pollyglot my 7yo ordered chicken fillet salad and bread for lunch... it was a fricassee salad not a caeser!!! We are TRAUMATISED!!! Meal planner fucked for this week! What are 'teachers' doing??? 😭😭😭 TRAUMATISED!!

ilovesooty · 01/04/2025 22:43

pinkstripeycat · 01/04/2025 22:28

But she is responsible for the child getting down safely and she didn’t do that. The child got herself down. Teachers do have SOME responsibility to children beyond teaching. You do know that don’t you?

Edited
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Yes I do know that. 🙄 The teacher supervised her descent from the roof. I don't think she was obliged to do anything else - and even the OP doesn't know how exactly high this roof was. The child got down unhurt.

Kate240 · 01/04/2025 22:47

Sounds like they had alot of innocent (potentially dangerous - but no harmed caused) fun.

Secretly, I'd have respect that she didn't grass her mates her (wouldn't tell her that). Poor show that the lads did leave her and didn't just ignore the teacher and proceed to lift her down. Pretty weak hearted to me.

Teacher handled it badly, but it was a fairly unusual situation OP, haha. I don't think they get trained for 12yr old ninjas.

Tell your kid not to do stupid crap. But it's hardly worth complaining about. She's unlikely to be in the same situation again.

You'll laugh about it in years to come - that time she thought it was a good idea to get up on a roof at school.

And ultimately her street cred just sky rocketed.

Let it go. It happened. She's not hurt. Tell her she's a bloody idiot and you'll be furious if you find out she ever did anything as stupid like that again.

Then have a laugh about it to yourself in private.

Personally, I think she's marvellous.

She got lifted up onto a roof, told a teacher she climbed up herself and then she had to figure out a way back down and she bloody well did it! She's brilliant. All power to her.

Don't tell her that, obvs. Walk the line. Be faux cross. But let it go.

Nothing good will come out of complaining to the school about it.

1SillySossij · 01/04/2025 22:48

No one who works in the public sector or a large corporation is allowed to even climb a ladder without training. There is no way the school would have been insured to conduct their own rescue. It would have been a case of calling out the fire service. This would have almost certainly led to your daughter's exclusion.
I remember at my primary school you could get on to the roof of the modern flat-topped classrooms through. A window in the Victorian hall. I remember the naughty kids climbing up there and jumping off.
The roof won't have been that high if the boy could lift her up.

hoarahloux · 01/04/2025 22:51

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 22:00

I don’t hate teachers, I have never gone in and complained. (And I’m not going to) 6 dc including step who have been in same school.

I don’t know this teacher, dd thinks he’s a gcse subject teacher

I would not be questioning the teacher telling off dd off or him punishing her. The point is I’m surprised she hasn’t been.

Oh now it's a male teacher? It was't in a previous post:

"The teacher then made all the other kids leave and said she was waiting there untill dd got herself down, which she did and managed to not hurt herself."

Obviously a male teacher doesn't want to put hands on your daughter to help her off a roof, any more than he wants teenage boys to do it. Jfc

CaptainFuture · 01/04/2025 23:04

hoarahloux · 01/04/2025 22:51

Oh now it's a male teacher? It was't in a previous post:

"The teacher then made all the other kids leave and said she was waiting there untill dd got herself down, which she did and managed to not hurt herself."

Obviously a male teacher doesn't want to put hands on your daughter to help her off a roof, any more than he wants teenage boys to do it. Jfc

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@hoarahloux yeah... but remember op has to post what whips up the most anti teacher storm... next post 'gosh! I don't know why he would send everyone away to be on his own with ber'.... (golly gosh!).....

Changedusernameforthis2 · 01/04/2025 23:06

There's no way this is fun or something to have respect for . Really rare for year 11 boys to mix with year 7 girls.

TheWonderhorse · 01/04/2025 23:08

OP you won't get reason on here.

Of course she shouldn't have been told to jump from the roof.

The sheer quantity of people who make out that only one person can be wrong in any scenario beggars belief. They were both wrong, obviously, and that teacher could and should have helped. Schools have ladders. There's no way the teacher could have kept her safe from the floor. If she had fallen that teacher would be in all sorts of trouble.

Beansandcheesearegood · 01/04/2025 23:11

Sounds like sge didn't jump, sounds like she lowered herself down and dropped the rest- doesn't sound too high- teacher probably risk assessed- a child who got up apparently independently onto a roof dropping back down or a you g girl being manhandled by a group of older boys in front of a male teacher..... hmm which would be the best option?