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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dd(12) teacher irresponsible/put her at risk

299 replies

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:04

Want to gauge reactions on if I’m being unreasonable regarding incident with Dd(12) and teachers response and what I should expect to happen.

At lunch there were some older boys outside where her and her friends were and one of them threw anothers bag up on to the roof of an outbuilding. DD ended up volunteering to be lifted her up onto the roof to get the bag off and when she was up there a teacher walked past and saw.

She was asked who helped her up and she lied and said that she climbed up on her own to avoid getting the boy in trouble as well. She obviously told how dangerous and stupid it was to be up there and if she fell how she could end up seriously hurt. All the boys offered to help her down safely and dd said that she did want want help/ didn’t want to jump on her own.

The teacher then made all the other kids leave and said she was waiting there untill dd got herself down, which she did and managed to not hurt herself.

Dd was expecting to be given a detention or something or to called out of class and spoken to further all afternoon but nothing happened.

AIBU to be annoyed? I think the teacher handled this terribly and was irresponsible to force dd to jump down

OP posts:
Nevermindkitten · 01/04/2025 21:55

As above the teacher could not allow the boys to help, massively inappropriate and could have injured them.

Equally, not fair to blame the daughter as she was probably pressurised into retrieving the bag and might have been scared to speak up with much older children. .

I am not sure what the teacher should have done. Probably sent for help rather than pressurise your daughter to do something she felt was unsafe.

No one harmed. If you are worried, could you write nicely to the school. Say you know this happened, realise the teacher was in a difficult position, but should they review their safety procedures. Think you would have to explain what happened with the bag, so reduce the risk of your daughter being punished in retrospect. Not sure if I would do this or not in your position, but I would consider it.

marcopront · 01/04/2025 21:56

How do you know your DD’s version of events is accurate?

CousinBob · 01/04/2025 21:57

When I was that age I used to leap off our high porch into the garden for the thrill of it. No injuries ever at the time, although may explain the state of my knees now,

What would you be thinking/feeling if your child had been subject to sanctions such as suspension, or banned from a school trip?

The teacher made a good call.

AngryLikeHades · 01/04/2025 21:57

So it's true about the parents being as much as the problem these days.

Original poster
hereslooking · 01/04/2025 22:00

I don’t hate teachers, I have never gone in and complained. (And I’m not going to) 6 dc including step who have been in same school.

I don’t know this teacher, dd thinks he’s a gcse subject teacher

I would not be questioning the teacher telling off dd off or him punishing her. The point is I’m surprised she hasn’t been.

OP posts:
Anonforthis58 · 01/04/2025 22:00

marcopront · 01/04/2025 21:56

How do you know your DD’s version of events is accurate?

Exactly this. I have a feeling your dd has not been fully truthful with you.
You also say you’ve never seen the building, yet you can work out the height 🤔

Silvertulips · 01/04/2025 22:02

I would not be questioning the teacher telling off dd off or him punishing her. The point is I’m surprised she hasn’t been

Her punishment was getting down unaided, she learnt more from that than any detention. She will also learn her mother isn’t happy with her, she maybe learnt that telling lies is not a good idea.

She has learnt her lesson.

CaptainFuture · 01/04/2025 22:03

@hereslooking what job do you do?
Are you calling school tomorrow first thing to check this happened?

Pluvia · 01/04/2025 22:03

Option one, your daughter did something seriously risky and then when caught by a teacher lied to 'save' others and came up with a story that had her as the hero and the teacher as the villain and redirected your concern away from her behaving foolishly and towards the teaching staff. Seriously, how likely is it that none of the boys would have dared get up there but she did? What does that tell you about her?

Option two, she's made the whole thing up. What evidence do you have that anything happened? She wasn't disciplined, she wasn't hurt. Do you seriously believe a teacher would expect her to jump eight feet (going from what you've said) from a roof?

When I was growing up if I'd spun that story my parents would just have shrugged and may have given me a clip round the ear for doing it, or lying about it if I didn't do it.

Hwi · 01/04/2025 22:04

Teach your daughter to choose less dangerous ways of flirting.

Annascaul · 01/04/2025 22:04

Nevermindkitten · 01/04/2025 21:55

As above the teacher could not allow the boys to help, massively inappropriate and could have injured them.

Equally, not fair to blame the daughter as she was probably pressurised into retrieving the bag and might have been scared to speak up with much older children. .

I am not sure what the teacher should have done. Probably sent for help rather than pressurise your daughter to do something she felt was unsafe.

No one harmed. If you are worried, could you write nicely to the school. Say you know this happened, realise the teacher was in a difficult position, but should they review their safety procedures. Think you would have to explain what happened with the bag, so reduce the risk of your daughter being punished in retrospect. Not sure if I would do this or not in your position, but I would consider it.

I’m not sure their safety procedures cover kids climbing on roofs, nor should they need to.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 01/04/2025 22:08

To get up she had to stand on the tallest boys shoulders who was stood on the top step and then pull herself up.
Tyring to get down again onto someone's shoulders while they're standing on steps doesn't sound safe at all, the boy could have fallen backwards while DD was getting down. I can see why the teacher didn't let them do that. As for not being in trouble maybe the teacher believes in natural consequences as the best way to teach someone. The natural consequences of getting up there and lying are having to get down on their own, hopefully your DD has learnt not to climb on roofs at school.

pinksquash13 · 01/04/2025 22:09

I don't think it sounds ideal as she could have fallen and hurt herself more seriously. If that had happened I guess you'd then follow it up.

As it stands,

  1. You don't know if her version of events is true (she's happy to lie to teacher to make sure she's not in trouble so presumably fine to lie to you too)
  2. You haven't seen the building
  3. She's fine
  4. She made some wrong choices and will learn some lessons

Seems like a non issue.

Fastingandhungry · 01/04/2025 22:10

FFS don’t be the dickhead parent who is angry at the wrong person, the teacher if that’s not clear.

TheWombatleague · 01/04/2025 22:13

ILoveLeopard245 · 01/04/2025 20:17

Generally if child climbs up something - like a tree- it is safer to allow them to come down themselves rather than lift them down or rely on other children. That is more dangerous- so probably why the staff member removed the audience and spot checked her coming down. They obviously also thought she had gotten up there on her own.
How high was this building that she managed to get up? Children need opportunity to self assess risk and she clearly felt it was safe and appropriate for her to get up there and got down without hurting herself.
I think I would be more annoyed that your child thought going on the roof was the best course of action in the first place and then went on to tell lies about it. If your child had launched herself off a very high building at the teacher’s instruction and injured herself then there would be a case for being upset at the school.

I think you're confusing children with cats.

Saz12 · 01/04/2025 22:13

I'm not sure I believe this happened the way yr DD claims.

I imagine at most, the teacher said something like "get down right now!!!" and wasn't up for negotiating with her.

Teacher wouldn't be covered by insurance to fanny about with a ladder, can't allow other pupils to get involved (imagine the potential allegations etc), so broadly could choose for DD to get down independently, or for some official "rescue" nonsense.

CountFucula · 01/04/2025 22:14

Reasons why it’s the teacher’s fault actually and not my DC’s #346

ILoveLeopard245 · 01/04/2025 22:14

TheWombatleague · 01/04/2025 22:13

I think you're confusing children with cats.

Edited
Show quote history

🙄
nope just over 20 years experience of working in education.

Sheepsheeps · 01/04/2025 22:15

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:14

I get that dd was stupid for both getting up there and then lying about it and happy for her to be punished appropriately.

but its the fact that the teacher acknowledged how dangerous it is and how she could get seriously hurt + Dd said she wanted to help getting down and didn’t feel safe jumping.

glad she’s fine but what would have happening if she’d fell and teacher had forced her to jump even though she said she didn’t want to.

Really....? 🙄🙄
It clearly wasn't a 2 story high building and if she had hurt herself it's called a 'consequence' of her originally stupid actions!
So what would happen then if she hurt one of the boys when she was helped down? There would then be another post on MN about how a teacher 'endangered' their son by asking them to help and should they complain to OFSTED or maybe have the teacher suspended......

Maybe you would have preferred them to get her a step ladder (after completing a full and lengthy risk assessment of the situation first obviously...) or better still, called the bloody fire brigade

WhoMeMissYesYouMiss · 01/04/2025 22:16

hereslooking · 01/04/2025 20:04

Want to gauge reactions on if I’m being unreasonable regarding incident with Dd(12) and teachers response and what I should expect to happen.

At lunch there were some older boys outside where her and her friends were and one of them threw anothers bag up on to the roof of an outbuilding. DD ended up volunteering to be lifted her up onto the roof to get the bag off and when she was up there a teacher walked past and saw.

She was asked who helped her up and she lied and said that she climbed up on her own to avoid getting the boy in trouble as well. She obviously told how dangerous and stupid it was to be up there and if she fell how she could end up seriously hurt. All the boys offered to help her down safely and dd said that she did want want help/ didn’t want to jump on her own.

The teacher then made all the other kids leave and said she was waiting there untill dd got herself down, which she did and managed to not hurt herself.

Dd was expecting to be given a detention or something or to called out of class and spoken to further all afternoon but nothing happened.

AIBU to be annoyed? I think the teacher handled this terribly and was irresponsible to force dd to jump down

YABU and part of the problem that schools face if you are sending the message that the teacher was in the wrong.

CBC12345 · 01/04/2025 22:17

Your child out herself at risk - don’t try and pass blame onto anyone else. Teach your kid to have accountability

TheWombatleague · 01/04/2025 22:19

ILoveLeopard245 · 01/04/2025 22:14

🙄
nope just over 20 years experience of working in education.

Show quote history

Well, I've got 60 years of experience getting stuck climbing things.

CaptainFuture · 01/04/2025 22:19

CountFucula · 01/04/2025 22:14

Reasons why it’s the teacher’s fault actually and not my DC’s #346

EVERYTHING is a teacher's fault!...he probably made her get up there to impress the older boys!!

HughGrantsfurrysquirrel · 01/04/2025 22:23

Oh for heaven's sake.
Why such harsh, short sighted responses?
Yes, what dd did was wrong... etc... etc... no-one is disputing that , but at the end of the day the teacher has a duty of care towards the student!!
Therefore, she was right not to potentially put other pupils at risk, but then bloody neglectful to put dd at risk.

Some snarky comments on here about calling the fire brigade, providing a ladder, or a nice soft feathery landing in case dd should fall. What planet are you on?
YOU ABSOLUTELY DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET HER DOWN SAFELY.

As a former teacher, believe me you come to expect the unexpected! The majority of teachers would thankfully display a bit of common sense in this scenario.

So, no OP - YANBU. I would complain about the way this incident was mishandled.

ILoveLeopard245 · 01/04/2025 22:24

TheWombatleague · 01/04/2025 22:19

Well, I've got 60 years of experience getting stuck climbing things.

Show quote history

Maybe you need more experience of climbing trees/scaling buildings so you can develop your own risk assessment skills/abilities to get unstuck 🤣.

To be fair, it can feel like herding cats in school from time to time so your earlier comment is probably a good comparison.

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