To not go to a friend’s party because she still owes me money?

[SpaceMoo]

They are DH’s friends really more than mine, and have borrowed money from us to help out their son buy a house. That was a year ago. She’s now having a massive 50th party and is very keen for us all to go. She’s also been on holiday (flying business class she raved to us - it was a gift apparently.) We’ve asked for the money back three times now and she said it’s so hard to take out loans and her other property didn’t sell, problems with tenants etc.

Anyway, I would prefer to cut her off and get solicitors involved. DH trusts her he said and thinks they’re just putting the house on the market and will give the money back. He sees her more often than me as they work close by. He doesn’t want to end it and thinks I’m being petty, it’s just a matter of time. In the meantime she advised us to remortgage our property (which me and DH argued about and a) I resent the arguing and b) point blank refused.

It’s time to get solicitors involved I feel. (Money amount 40k)

Haha Unfortunately, no.

But not being able to get the tenants out so she can sell the house is a her problem not a you problem. She needs to find the money from another source, like a loan from a proper lender, but of course why would she do that and pay interest when you can effectively pay that interest for her?
As I said up thread, you’re not getting the money back, your Dh has gifted it to her.

Do you think it's helpful to a person who is looking for advice?

Your husband was been extremely negligent with your personal finances providing a personal loan with no legal framework. I'm actually speechless someone would do such a irresponsible action such as that.

I really don't know what to suggest. It's going to be extremely difficult in this current climate of high household bills to reclaim that money from a single dad bar friends son selling the house.

I would actually go to the party and look to have a chat with her son to get an understanding of his personal finances and what his intention is to repay your loan.

The tenants thing sounds like an excuse. When was the money transferred?

I noticed she has been giving financial advice, is she a qualified financial advisor?

I agree. What a foolish thing. I have not lent many people money myself. My cousin once. I got every penny back and box of chocolates.

It's a con. Why was she even asking your husband to borrow £40K for her son's house? Who does that? How would it even come up? She's seen an opportunity to get her hands on that money and she's taken it. It's not even your money, it's loaned! Is your husband out of his mind? This is probably what's paying for her massive birthday bash.

Sorry, but I'd brace yourself for never getting it back. She'll be nice to you until you insist on the getting that money, and then you won't see her for dust.

Yes. That’s why DH trusts her. She has her own business. She wouldn’t do this? It would ruin her if people found out she is taking money from people like this?

Is there an entry on your DH’s bank statement such as “ loan to x”?

Or did he put a recipient description such as “ loan from OP and DH.”?

You just need something to demonstrate the characterisation of it.

If she has given an update about her plans for repayment, I’d latch onto that and say “ ok, fine, we understand about the tenants but can we just put the plan in writing so we have something to work from. Otherwise I’m afraid we are going to need you to repay it now.” Of course she won’t just repay but she might just stave you off by agreeing to the repayment schedule - esp if you have a provision such as delays can be agreed. Not ideal, but what you are really needing is HER CONCESSION that repayment is envisaged. If you can bluff her into that with friendly terms, you will be in a stronger position.

Well, OP herself agrees so there you go.

I think we are past wondering if it was foolish. But people make mistakes and it’s not unreasonable to try to rectify them.

I may be wrong but borrowing money is highly frowned upon by the regulator FCA. Especially in these circumstances.

https://www.silverlaw.com/blog/did-your-financial-advisor-borrow-your-money/

this may be worth a read

I’d speak to her and be firm you want it back pronto- maybe hint at what it could do to her if this got out for her reputation that she can’t manage her own affairs to honour her credit agreements….. it’s a huge amount to loan without anything in writing. And now you’re paying interest- bonkers! I think your dh has been a 1st class fool (and possibly knows it but is to ashamed to admit).

I have to go to work now. Thank you all for helping so far. Will check back some time later.

If she's a qualified financial adviser then she needs to be squeaky clean. You can argue she has scammed you out of £40k and report her to the police. A financial crime will mean she can't practise as a financial adviser.

1. Talk to a solicitor and show them the text message.
2. Talk to her and advise her that you are getting a formal loan agreement with repayment terms drawn up.
3. If she objects you say you will go to the police.

Thank you to everyone for your advice.

Also going to show DH this thread!

The whole thing just beggars belief!

You are not being petty.

And it is financially illiterate to be paying finance / interest on your refurb loans while she has your money interest free. By the way - the current interest in a savings account on £40k for year is about £2k . So your DH has in effect given them £2k. More if the finance for your refurb is at higher interest rate.

I do agree with getting legal advice.

Then - do you know her well enough to go to her and say 'look, DH is a soft hearted. loyal friend, but you might not realise that we can't actually afford to continue lending you this money. I know you are waiting for the sale of the house, but it would save a lot of upset within our household if you could repay by other means now. We've known each other a long time and I want to be honest and say it is affecting the friendship at the moment'

Not to be morbid, but contracts and wills are for when the unthinkable strikes - if she and her DH meet with something fatal your £40k will not be recoverable.

I wonder how often, as a financial advisor, she tells clients to splash huge sums of money around without any form of protection?

I am no legal expert but I know someone who once put a 'charge' on a property someone was selling because the person owed them a large sum of money. I guess something in writing would be needed however to do this! I would get legal advise - like, today.

Any normal, decent person ('friend') would prioritise repaying the debt over a holiday or a party! She is no friend to either of you.

Who cares what was happening with her son? That was for her to deal with not you.

You both seem to have got horribly enmeshed with this woman and her various dramas and crises. That is not normal.

Your DH is a fool.

BTW I'm an accountant in my 50s can he lend me £40k on the never never?

I would advise against showing your husband a thread on a forum you and others come to to vent and get honest advice.

You’ve not painted him in the best light and he might not ‘take it on the chin’ and it could just make the whole situation worse.

I’d leave him to deal with her - entering into it yourself and sending messages about agreements etc post loan could make things worse. This loan is on him to handle and chase.

Your real issue is with him. Not her.

Yeah I have to agree there was not a very strong nexus there for you guys to be in this situation of having advanced funds.

It isn’t uncommon in families where that kind of “ caring and sharing” would be more natural. However, I realise it was DH, op, not you who felt the loan was appropriate. Do you think he felt like the big bucking financier?