To not go to a friend’s party because she still owes me money?

[SpaceMoo]

They are DH’s friends really more than mine, and have borrowed money from us to help out their son buy a house. That was a year ago. She’s now having a massive 50th party and is very keen for us all to go. She’s also been on holiday (flying business class she raved to us - it was a gift apparently.) We’ve asked for the money back three times now and she said it’s so hard to take out loans and her other property didn’t sell, problems with tenants etc.

Anyway, I would prefer to cut her off and get solicitors involved. DH trusts her he said and thinks they’re just putting the house on the market and will give the money back. He sees her more often than me as they work close by. He doesn’t want to end it and thinks I’m being petty, it’s just a matter of time. In the meantime she advised us to remortgage our property (which me and DH argued about and a) I resent the arguing and b) point blank refused.

It’s time to get solicitors involved I feel. (Money amount 40k)

Fgs . Grow up Op. Have grown up conversations with your husband and this woman. Stop blaming him.. you are just as culpable

I would go to the party and confront them loudly in front of all their guests.

The friendship is done anyway, no one who was actually a friend would take that amount of money without a formal loan agreement.

Whether they pay you back or not, I would feel deeply resentful at the stress and worry it has caused.

It's basically ruined your marriage. I would be really angry at them. And DH, but that's a problem for another day.

Oh and you can kiss that £40k goodbye

You need to gently guide her into something on paper op.

I’d use her friendliness against her in that respect.

If you put your foot down now, you’re putting it down on nothing. It’s literally a case of “ nothing to stand on.” Your only hope then is she likes you enough to want you appease you - and I doubt it.

Get some legal advice yourself. Don't wait for your DH to be onboard with it. Just find out where your stand and if you have a case.

Your DH will probably never support you going legal because he will have to face up to the fact he's been a total fuckwit. Male ego does not like to admit its been conned.

You have been conned, question is what to do next.

I don't agree that playing nice will get you the money back, that's just weakness talking. Now is the time to be a hard arse bitch and make it clear you won't be going away. Screw the friendship, because they certainly don't see you as friends.

Start getting legal advice and plan your next move.

Absolutely this 👏

Is it too late to ask her for a loan agreement now since it is taking so long for her to give us the money back? DH thinks this shows distrust and pretty much ends the friendship.

I think the friendship is over. She obviously doesn’t know me and DH are arguing about it, so it may not be her fault (?) - if she’s not playing us and conning us.

Do you think she’ll run to her top drawer and pull the money out?

Nope.

She’ll deem the friendship over and have zero to lose by refusing.

She's not going to put anything on paper. She's conned them. At best it will be a text message or email if they are lucky.

Get legal advice and find out what you need her to say in a text message or email so you can take it to court.

Sorry but the friendship is most likely over regardless. She's going on expensive holidays and flying business class whilst owing her "friends" £40,000???

If this is true (which I very much doubt)
you have only got yourself to blame.

So many weird posts on MN nowadays.

Don’t word it as a loan agreement. Word it as a repayment schedule - and give her free rein over the terms so she is tempted to agree one. The point is getting her acknowledgment that repayment is envisaged.

40k is a lot of money to lend someone’s child. Is the child his

Your DH totally unreasonable and unfair. You are paying back loans and the finance for your kitchen and he gave £40k of your joint money to his wealthy friend for her son's house deposit?

I mean, who even asks a friend to do this? You need to get solicitors involved. She obviously has no intention of paying it back. She (with your DH aiding and abetting) has stolen £40k from you.

Fuck the friendship. Ask for your money back now and don't stop asking until you receive it.

I’m nit focused on salvaging the “ friendship” Im focused on keeping the woman sweet enough she can be lured into putting on paper the concessions op needs.

Wtf 😬 you took out loans and pay them back with interest so you could loan £40k interest free to a friend’s son?

As you have no agreement in place, keep her close until you get the money back. Can you ask her to pay back in monthly instalments? Maybe say you’re struggling to make the loan repayments.

Playing nice won’t get the money back per se; if anything it will make the woman think she can string it out longer still. But it might get the signature on paper op needs to have a decent shot at enforcing the repayment.

That money has gone. See a solicitor now.

Remember the date people...

Thank you. I said this when he asked me to sign the remortgage agreement and said I will have to find a solicitor of my own to protect my assets from DH and his greedy friends. He did back off. He was taking a lot of financial advice from her.

She had told him to put our house in a trust for our kids etc. I don’t trust her advice.

Yeah I agree with PP, get something in writing about the fact that it is a loan and get her to agree to a repayment plan in writing.

If you have something in writing from her agreeing that it’s a loan and agreeing that it needs to be repaid then you at least have something to take to a solicitor if/ when things go wrong.

I understand the horse has bolted but never ever lend money to friends or family. There is no need. If someone cannot eat then go do a big shop with them by all means but consider it a gift!

Find any messages you’ve sent and received and download and save for a court case. Your husband sounds such a fool; even now he’s keener to save the relationship than seek repayment. I too would consider divorce.

You don’t need a signature. You need something from her in writing agreeing it was a loan and agreeing to repayment. Ideally an email.

He had a conversation yesterday with her about this. She had said end of March! Now it’s April. Her problems are that she can’t get her tenants out to put her house up for sale, and as soon as it’s sold she will give us that money back.