To not go to a friend’s party because she still owes me money?

[SpaceMoo]

They are DH’s friends really more than mine, and have borrowed money from us to help out their son buy a house. That was a year ago. She’s now having a massive 50th party and is very keen for us all to go. She’s also been on holiday (flying business class she raved to us - it was a gift apparently.) We’ve asked for the money back three times now and she said it’s so hard to take out loans and her other property didn’t sell, problems with tenants etc.

Anyway, I would prefer to cut her off and get solicitors involved. DH trusts her he said and thinks they’re just putting the house on the market and will give the money back. He sees her more often than me as they work close by. He doesn’t want to end it and thinks I’m being petty, it’s just a matter of time. In the meantime she advised us to remortgage our property (which me and DH argued about and a) I resent the arguing and b) point blank refused.

It’s time to get solicitors involved I feel. (Money amount 40k)

We’ve paid off our loans and are -almost- debt free.
Did not pay off Wren’s kitchen as it’s interest free and we can manage that payment. We’ve paid for our summer holiday too.

After this party, we will be distancing ourselves from this CF.

Great news OP. Hopefully that way he now has a reason to say no to any future taps on your money she tries to make.

ETA if he starts making noises about it you know she's tried to convince him to give her money again

I have registered at the land registry https://propertyalert.landregistry.gov.uk/

(Have not told dh)

Good update OP 🙂

Brilliant news! So glad he didn’t resist too.

Are you going to offer to wrap up the gift, add a single malteaser to the box and take out the earrings and wear them to the party?

Then you are now covered against anyone taking advantage of your DH's goodwill and ability to be taken in by unscupulous "friends". I am sure his willingness to agree is a positive sign for your marriage too.

Look forward to hearing from you on the 19th to hear how the party went and how your erstwhile borrower behaved towards you. I hope she shows some remorse but wouldnt hold my breath.

Glam up for the event and Good luck!

Great news OP!

It all sounds good @SpaceMoo. Fingers crossed that the repayment actually came from the CF - or her husband - and your DH didn't borrow the money from someone/somewhere else. That would be my only main concern now, if I was you to be honest.

Do let us know how the party goes ( or doesn't, if you decide not to go)

Am I the only one unable to understand why OP and husband want to go to this party; why the DH is pandering to the grifter; and why OP hasn't told her DH how ridiculous he is being and has been? He bought the con-woman earrings for her birthday? Not a platonic bottle of wine or a gift cert to a resto, but a pair of earrings.
Why hasn't OP put her foot down and told him to no longer associate with the con woman as she is not a friend? The relationship jeopardized their finances and marriage.
Has OP confirmed the "repayment" did indeed come from this woman?
As long as the DH is associating with the conwoman OP's marriage is in jeopardy. The DH seems very gullible, to say the least, to the conwoman.

Thanks for taking the trouble to respond to my question about the finances and the Land Registry OP, it's good to know that you've done what you can to protect yourself.

With regard to the party, I think I'd dress up to the point of looking 'absolutely fabulous, darling', and then when you see the CF, say "Hi CF, we bought you these earrings for your birthday, but then when I looked at them as I was getting dressed this evening, I realised that you actually still owe us a lot of money in interest, so I decided I'd keep them and wear them myself, aren't they GORGEOUS?😂😂 Then give her your brightest smile, take your DH by the arm, and walk away, head held high!

Does your husband agree with distancing himself from her?

and why on earth did he get her earrings?? That is a weird gift to give someone you’re not very close to.,

I got into the habit of buying her earrings which she always loved. Back before £40k
She always bought expensive Lego gifts for my kids for Christmas and remote control cars and perfumes for me sometimes. Always gifts from her holidays. Expensive rum, olive oils etc from nice places. Earrings became MY go-to-gift. DH prefers it to look like it’s from me. Last few gifts he’s bought her and it was whiskey I think.

Why did she buy you remote controlled cars? What an odd gift

Remote control cars were presumably for the kids.

Haha yes, for kids! She really made an effort!
So we had to reciprocate.

Definitely feels better without her calling every day. DH has not called or spoken to her since the money has been returned!

The meal options for party are via text message from her daughter arranging things.

Just hope the party and fakery doesn’t drag him back in.

What were your meal options? 😋

I hope it was the:

Almas caviar on lightly buttered toast points

Matsutake mushrooms wrapped in kobe beef served with sea urchin

Finished off with Frrrozen Haute Chocolate ice cream sundae flown in from New York.

That should get some of OPs interest paid back

When is the party?

18th:( too soon. I really don’t want to go. Yes I have the money back. The party gave us (me) the leverage I needed to force CF to return the money. .

I might pull out because I see absolutely no reason to continue this farce a moment longer.

To hell with the meal options.

Please go to the party and use it as an opportunity to find out if she's 'borrowed' money off anyone else, consume as much food and drink as you like, 'borrow' anything you want from her house, and keep an eye on your (sketchy and/or stupid) DH.
I would not be handing over any earring-type gifts, unless they were extremely cheap (under £10) and likely to leave green marks on her ears/ get infected.

Decided not to go. DH can go and play the happy clapping dancing monkey. Told him so as well so he knows what I think of him.

DH has to go, he bumped into her yesterday and they talked. He said he’s going and I’ll be there also. Looking forward to it etc.

He’s so pissed off at me right now. He said I wish I’d said it yesterday that I’m not going so he could have made some excuse to also not go.

I should probably go into the gift box and remove the earrings and replace them with some maltesers.

Yeah do it!

Tbh OP surely your DH can still cry off the party, there are always plenty of excuses to not go if that what he wants.

Is this friendship over for both of you or just you?

Please do this!!