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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to a friend’s party because she still owes me money?

737 replies

SpaceMoo · 01/04/2025 09:44

They are DH’s friends really more than mine, and have borrowed money from us to help out their son buy a house. That was a year ago. She’s now having a massive 50th party and is very keen for us all to go. She’s also been on holiday (flying business class she raved to us - it was a gift apparently.) We’ve asked for the money back three times now and she said it’s so hard to take out loans and her other property didn’t sell, problems with tenants etc.

Anyway, I would prefer to cut her off and get solicitors involved. DH trusts her he said and thinks they’re just putting the house on the market and will give the money back. He sees her more often than me as they work close by. He doesn’t want to end it and thinks I’m being petty, it’s just a matter of time. In the meantime she advised us to remortgage our property (which me and DH argued about and a) I resent the arguing and b) point blank refused.

It’s time to get solicitors involved I feel. (Money amount 40k)

OP posts:
Original poster
SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 12:23

Lolapusht · 02/04/2025 12:11

Hang on…this ‘Some paper work when they were given the contract, deposit money not written down or something’ sounds like they didn’t give the tenant the renters pack thingy then put their deposit in a deposit scheme!!! 😮

That’s hella bad and defs not something a financial adviser should be doing! If that’s hat has happened then it doesn’t matter hat else happens, they’ll be liable to pay the tenant I think it’s x3 the monthly rent!

You also can’t just put the rent up without reasonable notice, but not paying your rent for 12 months is also rubbish.

Is she one of these people ho is always having a drama??!

Yes, the council or citizens advice are advising the tenants,

plus Friend’s DH and some other guy entered the house while the tenant and her child were upstairs and there’s been police involved.

If I saw a man in my house I swear I’d have a heart attack or stab him probably so I can imagine this is bad. DH loves this kind of gossip drama except we are now also invested in this (!?)
And I’m on the tenant’s side!
I’ve told him to keep her and her drama away from us.

OP posts:
Daleksatemyshed · 02/04/2025 12:32

Your DH is a financial idiot Op, I'd move heaven and earth to get my money back then use it to pay any loans off. In future I'd keep my finances seperate from his Op, he's under tbe sway of this friend and this won't be the last stupid thing he does.

Hoppinggreen · 02/04/2025 12:33

SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 12:03

Yes. They put the rent up (I think without much warning) but tenants refused to pay. They haven’t paid for a year or so. Some paper work when they were given the contract, deposit money not written down or something, has caused massive problems. They have a small child.

Back in the day when I was renting we were given plenty of warning, like 6 months before. DH thinks I just want to see the worst in her now.

Show quote history

Sounds like they didn't put the money in a Deposit scheme
Thats illegal and could result in prosecution, very surprised an IFA would do that as it would probably cost them their regulation.
It does take a long time to evict to be fair, up to a year in some cases BUT I suspect this is just more bullshit

TokyoKyoto · 02/04/2025 12:34

I really don't think this woman is an IFA

Lampzade · 02/04/2025 12:35

Neemie · 01/04/2025 13:46

You realise that by the time they got to you they will have exhausted the options that people run through before asking their not very close friends. They will owe money to the bank, on all their assets, credit card companies, their family, close friends and now you. The fact that they were even willing to ask you shows that they are completely incapable of managing their finances.

Exactly
They have professional jobs but are unable to join together to get a 40k loan.
They also own an expensive home
Their finances must be in dire straits

Lastgig · 02/04/2025 12:38

The previous poster is correct, if you don't put a tenants deposit in a registered scheme the tenant can claim substantial compensation. She's either a liar or an idiot to do this. You cannot enter a property without notice, that is stalking. Believe me I've got a restraining order against an ex landlord for this.
Someone is lying here. If you have debt over this money I'd want that family to pay that too.
It could take up to a year to get the tenants out. This woman will be fined too for breach of tenancy law. Who's paying those fees?
If she's a registered financial adviser I'm a peer of the realm.
I'd get £20k out of her pronto which is your half and your husband can do his own thing. The adult son is joke. No shame there.
And she can stuff her party up her jacksy.
You need better friends. Wealthy my arse. Grifters more like.

Original poster
SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 12:39

Sorry to be vague about the tenant thing I barely listen to it and refuse to be drawn into me being invested in this story. She took our money and I want it back. It’s been well over a year. No sign of it.

So she hasn’t been able to sell that other property but she can maybe make a payment plan to give it back as she is working? She said banks are not lending. It’s ridiculous. I mention the professional jobs because you’d think they’d be able to apply for a loan?

DH kept saying she’ll have it back by the time we do the rest of the house.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 12:46

Lastgig · 02/04/2025 12:38

The previous poster is correct, if you don't put a tenants deposit in a registered scheme the tenant can claim substantial compensation. She's either a liar or an idiot to do this. You cannot enter a property without notice, that is stalking. Believe me I've got a restraining order against an ex landlord for this.
Someone is lying here. If you have debt over this money I'd want that family to pay that too.
It could take up to a year to get the tenants out. This woman will be fined too for breach of tenancy law. Who's paying those fees?
If she's a registered financial adviser I'm a peer of the realm.
I'd get £20k out of her pronto which is your half and your husband can do his own thing. The adult son is joke. No shame there.
And she can stuff her party up her jacksy.
You need better friends. Wealthy my arse. Grifters more like.

They’re not friends that we even visit. Much older than us. A barbecue five years ago. An hour chatting at some place we bump into. Dinner a few times. They’ve not been round this house or seen our new kitchen. I never invite them round, though she’d like to be friends with me and get closer. I did invite her grandson to my son’s birthday party once, as we had bumped into them and she was saying her grandson doesn’t have many friends. DH has known her over two decades, works near her. It’s chitchat. Acquaintance. I am not at all impressed with money. She can stick her business class but owing people money up her arse.

OP posts:
EnjoythemoneyJane · 02/04/2025 12:47

Dear god, they are total fucking grifters. Everything they’re doing contravenes professional guidelines at the very least; some of the stuff they’ve done with the tenants is illegal!

If she’s genuinely a successful FA and her husband a doctor, they either clearly think they can do whatever the hell they want and are basically above the law, or they know fine well that everything they’re doing is shady as fuck and they just don’t care. In which case, good luck with getting even a penny back.

I predict the problems with the tenants will roll into issues with the property which need sorting … which will take a while because, you know, builders … which will segue into a “slow market” or “property is undervalued, so can’t afford to sell right now”. Then they’ll roll out another tearful drama/death of a second cousin/intractable financial issue to play on your sympathy and distract you from the fact that they’ve spent your money and have no intention of giving it back.

Chances are you’ll still be whistling and empty handed this time next year while she’s sat on her arse in the Maldives laughing into her Mai Tai.

Agree the deficit should come out of his half of the assets when you divorce the idiot.

anotherday11 · 02/04/2025 12:48

SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 12:39

Sorry to be vague about the tenant thing I barely listen to it and refuse to be drawn into me being invested in this story. She took our money and I want it back. It’s been well over a year. No sign of it.

So she hasn’t been able to sell that other property but she can maybe make a payment plan to give it back as she is working? She said banks are not lending. It’s ridiculous. I mention the professional jobs because you’d think they’d be able to apply for a loan?

DH kept saying she’ll have it back by the time we do the rest of the house.

You do realise that court cases with tenant issues can take YEARS to get resolved?

Even then, she will likely have to pay more money to hire bailiffs to kick them out (assuming she wins) again adding on more time and still after all that, she’ll need to spend £££ cleaning/fixing up the property to selling standards and THEN be able to list it. And who is to say she won’t do more stalling by listing at a ridiculous price and refusing to budge?

She’s clever because she knows she has your DH wrapped around her finger and the whole
waiting on property to sell buys her infinite time.

muddymuckymoody · 02/04/2025 12:49

Seriously OP - these are huge red flags for an IFA. She needs reporting to the FCA pronto before she cons anyone else. Please search her on here to see if she is registered and if she’s not, then contact the police or action fraud FCA register

NewRegister

https://register.fca.org.uk/s/

WhyDoesItAlways · 02/04/2025 12:51

Sorry but I highly doubt this money has been used to buy a property. I'm not sure this would have passed the money laundering checks by the solicitors unless your husband has signed a letter saying its a gift - in which case I can't see you getting it back.

muddymuckymoody · 02/04/2025 12:53

WhyDoesItAlways · 02/04/2025 12:51

Sorry but I highly doubt this money has been used to buy a property. I'm not sure this would have passed the money laundering checks by the solicitors unless your husband has signed a letter saying its a gift - in which case I can't see you getting it back.

Yep this too. It requires lots of documentation for source of funds to pass anti money laundering ergo it couldn’t have passed if they used your money

TokyoKyoto · 02/04/2025 12:57

"They’re not friends that we even visit. Much older than us. A barbecue five years ago. An hour chatting at some place we bump into. Dinner a few times. They’ve not been round this house or seen our new kitchen. I never invite them round"
I thought you said you knew her family and colleagues and clients.
Your DH is going to do naff all about this, is he, because he'd have to admit publicly he's been conned. So it looks like it's going to be up to you to ruin her reputation if she doesn't pony up the money pronto.

Original poster
SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 13:05

TokyoKyoto · 02/04/2025 12:57

"They’re not friends that we even visit. Much older than us. A barbecue five years ago. An hour chatting at some place we bump into. Dinner a few times. They’ve not been round this house or seen our new kitchen. I never invite them round"
I thought you said you knew her family and colleagues and clients.
Your DH is going to do naff all about this, is he, because he'd have to admit publicly he's been conned. So it looks like it's going to be up to you to ruin her reputation if she doesn't pony up the money pronto.

We know them from general parties. (Who they are, Facebook etc. one of her friends is a successful party planner) we don’t know them intimately, and we are not friends with their friends. DH has been round more often than me.

OP posts:
Moveoverdarlin · 02/04/2025 13:05

All this tenant bollox, son’s house, raising capital, selling another property is just BS, it’s not relevant to you. She owes you 40k.

I’d be sick as a pig attending her party and totting how much it all cost.

I think at the party I would have to say ‘Lovely party Jenny! Must have cost an arm and a leg! It all looks beautiful! Oh about that, I’ve been leaving all this to James, but he’s useless and it’s getting us nowhere. We need that 40k asap. Shall we say 20k by June 1st, and the remaining 20k by August 1st? Don’t worry I won’t charge you interest ha! Ha!’

She is one of life’s piss takers and she’s manipulating your DH. She less likely to do it with you. Be friendly but firm.

Shatteredallthetimelately · 02/04/2025 13:06

She said she will give us the money back as soon as possible

Pretty much means if and when she's good and ready you may see you money.

Your DH is still dancing to her tune.

As said your DH willingly handed over a not to small sum of money with no paper trail to say he had done so, this woman's laughing in your face not only has she got your money but your DH wrapped around her finger...

I can almost hear her laughing.

wizzywig · 02/04/2025 13:11

Wait she wants you to do a presentation at this party? Hmmm.... do one.

Ownyourchoices · 02/04/2025 13:22

So much i could say but after reading this whole thread....words fail me. But i will try. Your husband is a pathetic creature who is either sleeping with tgat woman or just a try hard loser. Not sure what is worse

Nolongera · 02/04/2025 13:23

wizzywig · 02/04/2025 13:11

Wait she wants you to do a presentation at this party? Hmmm.... do one.

I would do a presentation and start with " there are 40 000 reasons why I wanted to be here today" and see how it goes from there.

OP you are for too involved with the ins and outs of their finances and their relationship with their tenants, it's nowt to do with you.

They owe you 40 grand.

A short text, a short period of time to repay the money or solicitors will become involved.

KnittedFerret · 02/04/2025 13:41

Ownyourchoices · 02/04/2025 13:22

So much i could say but after reading this whole thread....words fail me. But i will try. Your husband is a pathetic creature who is either sleeping with tgat woman or just a try hard loser. Not sure what is worse

I thought he might be the DC's DF.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 02/04/2025 13:54

SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 12:39

Sorry to be vague about the tenant thing I barely listen to it and refuse to be drawn into me being invested in this story. She took our money and I want it back. It’s been well over a year. No sign of it.

So she hasn’t been able to sell that other property but she can maybe make a payment plan to give it back as she is working? She said banks are not lending. It’s ridiculous. I mention the professional jobs because you’d think they’d be able to apply for a loan?

DH kept saying she’ll have it back by the time we do the rest of the house.

Exactly. If you owe someone 40 grand you cannot afford business class flights and it is as simple as that.

Does your husband have any written evidence at all that this was a loan? Even text messages would be helpful.

If not, can he text her and say he wants to discuss repayment of the loan and suggest setting up a repayment schedule if she can't pay it all off in one lump sum?

Ideally she would reply saying something which can be used as evidence of the loan.

If she won't reply at all or insists on only discussing it orally, she knows what she's doing and has absolutely no intention of ever paying you back.

Original poster
SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 14:07

They already had the kids before we first met them. Met them at the gym. DH and her DH were friends at first. They played football.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 14:13

I have absolutely no problem asking her for all of this in writing.

Is no one thinking that she might genuinely have a problem ‘accessing her capital through her property portfolio’ lol?

OP posts:
KnittedFerret · 02/04/2025 14:17

SpaceMoo · 02/04/2025 14:07

They already had the kids before we first met them. Met them at the gym. DH and her DH were friends at first. They played football.

Oh aye?