To not go to a friend’s party because she still owes me money?

[SpaceMoo]

They are DH’s friends really more than mine, and have borrowed money from us to help out their son buy a house. That was a year ago. She’s now having a massive 50th party and is very keen for us all to go. She’s also been on holiday (flying business class she raved to us - it was a gift apparently.) We’ve asked for the money back three times now and she said it’s so hard to take out loans and her other property didn’t sell, problems with tenants etc.

Anyway, I would prefer to cut her off and get solicitors involved. DH trusts her he said and thinks they’re just putting the house on the market and will give the money back. He sees her more often than me as they work close by. He doesn’t want to end it and thinks I’m being petty, it’s just a matter of time. In the meantime she advised us to remortgage our property (which me and DH argued about and a) I resent the arguing and b) point blank refused.

It’s time to get solicitors involved I feel. (Money amount 40k)

No! She can afford business class don’t forget!

She can stick her business class but owing people money up her arse.

😂 Hear hear. I have encountered a few of these people myself.

To be honest, I'd tell your DH to stick his opinions up his arse. He finds excuse after excuse to absolve this woman of all blame. You are £40k down thanks to his catastrophic lack of judgement. Why is he still defending her?

Years ago in the crash I 'borrowed' £2k of a millionaire friend. She insisted it was a gift, I kept the letter. I had nothing for ten years. Caring duties and ill health kept me out of the workplace.
I looked after her kids for every summer holiday so she could work (no payment) and gave her a chair she was to renovate and my half would go to her. She reminds me of the loan to this day and it was paid off years ago with interest.
Every item I bought was commented on. No business class tickets for me however it was a very intense way to behave.
Things have improved for me greatly but I'm constantly asked how much money I have these days. It's so rude and in front of others.
I lend small amounts and it's rare I get them back. I expect people just don't have it. But £40k is a house deposit and you could be a BTLL too if this person didn't have your money!
I personally would tell them you're moving and need the money yourself. Thirty days to pay up

She doesn’t have a genuine problem in throwing a flash party does she and that’s what the problem is, the blasé / couldn’t give a fuck attitude. If she said ‘Oh god I feel terrible, I thought you’d have the money back long before now, but we’re up to our eyes in stress. But look, I’m doing everything I can to raise it asap, we’re not going away this year and tightening our belts until we repay you’.

If I owed someone that money I would feel mortified until I paid it back. She’s either unbelievably arrogant or your DH has been so wet that she hasn’t picked up you want it back.

I would cut your husband out of the loop to be honest.

It doesn't matter. It's not your problem. If she couldn't find 40k from her own "portfolio" to help her son buy a house, she couldn't afford to help him buy a house.

Why on earth your husband thought it was a good idea to get involved in this is beyond me.

But you need to get something in writing from her confirming that it was a loan and that she intends to pay it back.

Asking to put in place a repayment plan is a great idea because it could help you get some useful written evidence that the money was not a gift.

Your husband needs to stop fobbing you off. Tell him to write to her (text is fine, just not a phone call) and say that she needs to at least start paying the money back, even if she can't pay it all off at once, and suggesting monthly repayment plan where she pays off a set amount each month (e.g. £1000 per month) and then pays off the balance as soon as her liquidity issues are resolved.

Have you pointed out to your husband that if you'd had that £40000 in a basic cash ISA for the last year you'd probably have earned about £2000 in interest? Even if he thinks the £40000 is a loan which she will definitely pay back (lol), what is that £2000? A gift? That you're giving this person who throws fancy parties and takes business class flights because...?

Tell your husband that if he hasn't got some sort of written confirmation from her that it is a loan which she will pay back, and agreeing to a repayment schedule, by the end of next week, you will be taking over communications with her. And if that doesn't bear any fruit she will be hearing from your solicitor.

So again, if he's worried about her having a bad day, the onus is on him to make sure she doesn't start having even worse ones, which she soon will if he doesn't deal with this.

No, she genuinely doesn't have a problem accessing money to pay you back.

1.She is flying business class
2.She is throwing a big expensive party

Don't gaslight yourself, you've got enough people around you doing that already.

She doesn't want to pay you back and is coming up with every sob story she can.

Your DH is still being an idiot falling for it. You've been played and scammed and I bet you another £40k you probably aren't the first she's done this too..

@SpaceMoo what actual action are you going to take now?

At this point I'd be tempted to ask him if he's having an affair with her or is actually the father of one of her kids or something.

But the OP will know better than us whether that sort of approach is likely to backfire.

Your husband is an idiot, but doubt you need a stranger telling you that.
I would get legal advice now and see what course of action you need to take to get this paid back.
If your husband isn’t on board with this, I’d be telling him you’ll see a solicitor about him too!. If he can’t see anything wrong with what he’s done, and nothing wrong with them not paying you back £40k than there is more to this than he is letting on.

I can’t imagine lending anyone, family or friend, this kind of money without some sort of payment agreement written up and signed. It’s madness .

As for the cheeky fecker advising you to re mortgage, that’s beyond a joke! she could be making repayments using the money she’s using for her lifestyle!
Absolute piss take.

I'm beginning to think that you should go to her birthday party so that you can chat to other people and get a feel for who she is and what she's like.

Your username suggests you have an excellent set of priorities.

You need to get the money back BEFORE she settles with the tenants!!!
What they did is very illegal. A novice landlord might claim ignorance of the rules and maybe get away with it but she a financial advisor and can’t really claim ignorance, can she? She’ll almost certainly will get prosecuted and end up with her licence revoked. Even if she manages to sell the house she’ll be out of a job and use that as a reason why she can’t pay you back.

They sound like a pretty despicable pair of humans (the 'friend' and her husband), so I'd suggest you try to get your money back ASAP and cut all ties. Why does your husband even like them?

Your DH is so inexplicably gullible. His behaviour is hard to believe.

Just a thought, but I believe civil court cases are public record in the UK.. You can look it up in Case Tracker in the UK. You know her name and roughly the date/location... you should be able to find out what actually happened in court.

I think I'd have to look this up. It would be "strange" if you can't find any record at all wouldn't it?🤔

Do you know the address of this property.. is there anyway you could find out if she's the owner - land registry etc. local estate agents? Letting Agents.

From your update, your DH, Confessing Sam, has told this woman that he at one point had £40k waiting in an account for future building work. She siezed on the opportunity to relieve him of that burden, and he let her.

While he's so worried about her feelings and her stress, he's doing absolutely NOTHING but doubling yours.

I think it's up to you now. Tell him you are now dealing with the matter.
Get legal advice on what to do next and follow it.
Don't listen to anymore balderdash from either of them, listen to your solicitor.

The bottom line is he seems to be siding with her rather than with you. You're meant to be a team. Show loyalty. Be on the same side!

No wonder her day in court went badly. She's not much of a financial person if she's not even sorted out legal paperwork/deposit etc with her tenants.

These people divide to conquer

That's if she even had a day in court or tennants,
innit?

If your husband is that close
Let him go to the party

swipe her phone send himself a text saying really sorry about the delay in paying you back the 40k as promised
will pay as soon as possible

cheeky fucker

( don’t forget to delete the text from her to him)

in fact he could probably do this a few times over the next month 😂

Omg her husband and another guy entered the tenants home? Why?! I'd have been terrified!

She's definitely spinning your husband line after line, why is he so blind to this? It's like he admires them and wants to sacrifice himself on thier alter.

They should remortgage thier house and pay you back ASAP .

Cheeky robbing bastards.

Thing is OP your DH will need to face up to what an idiot he has been and how much contempt these people he is in awe of actually hold him in and holding onto the hope that you are wrong and he is right may be much easier to do.
Admitting the truth will mean he has to face a lot of things

Ultimately, your husband gave away money, a huge amount, without asking you. He is now gaslighting you by underplaying how you feel about this. I would be divorcing him.

Never, ever lend money to friends unless you are prepared for it to be a gift.

It’s also sensible to apply the same rule to family as well.

It sounds to me like she throws phrases from The Apprentice around to make herself sound good. I think it’s all fake bullshit and she’s a con woman.

You aren’t close friends so it doesn’t matter if you fall out. Speak to her yourself and tell her the money needs to be paid in 28 days or you’ll start
legal action.

I hope you have a contract for the loan. Tell her you are informing it and that if you have to take a loan or remortgage your home due to her you will be charging her the interest. You could point out that a remortgage is an excellent idea for her mind then she can pay you back.

This is the most ridiculous story I've ever heard. If you put it in a novel it would be rejected for being not believable. An absolute idiot and their money are soon parted, indeed.