I called him a f**king tramp. DH overheard and is now furious

[ionlysaidone1]

Aibu?

DHs older son is 14. He doesn't treat the house with any respect when he's here and I understand that can just be teens so I try so hard to bite my tongue.

But one thing I cannot stand is the state of the toilet whenever he's here. He will literally piss all over it, down the back of the toilet, sometimes it's on the floor etc..

I have tried REPEATEDLY to bring this up with DH who minimises completely saying it's not that bad, only takes two seconds to clean up, I'm exaggerating, it's not his son despite it only happening when he's here obviously.

I have taken to shouting DSS in every time I notice it and making him clean the toilet but it's still happening. He's revolting.

Anyway, tonight I came to use the bathroom after SS and lo and behold the seat is a mess again, piss in the back between the cistern and toilet seat. I was so annoyed that I just went WHAT A FUCKING TRAMP! And then shouted SS to get in there and clean it up.

SS didn't hear the tramp comment but DH did and now he's furious.

I've apologised for calling SS a tramp

but said I won't apologise for being angry at this happening AGAIN.

H thinks I've committed some cardinal sin calling his son a tramp but honestly, if the shoe fits! If he doesn't like it he should do more to get through to his son.

I'm so over this situation it's disgusting.

It's disgusting having to clean up someone's piss before being able to use your own loo.

I find it bad enough when it's my own D's let alone someone else's.

I know pp saying you shouldn't have called him names but I don't think those pp have had to repeatedly deal with cleaning up wee like this.

Op's DH is treating op like a live in cleaner and not respecting her at all, and in then the ss is also not respecting op.

Call in DH every single time to clean it up.

Time to get DH cleaning up his son’s urine. See how he likes it and if he will get off his entitled bum and parent his kid.

This thread has brought back memories of that video on youtube where the angry Scottish woman shouts at her kids using profanities and them being DISGUSTING for not flushing the loo , and it was all recorded unbeknown to her. Does anyone remember it? 🤣

The misandry is strong here tonight.

To be clear, I do not condone peeing on and around the toilet.

But the extreme language and discourse on here about “filthy male behaviour” etc lead me to believe that there are posters around who are interested in stoking a war of the sexes on Mumsnet, as in other online spaces.

This is not the language of parents. This is not the attitude of people who have the best interests of children at heart. This hateful bile has no place on Mumsnet.

He should clear up but he needs to be medically checked as well. Make a doctors appointment for him.

Pissing all round the loo then not even cleaning it up has no place in the bathroom. Well, not if the malefactor is older than about 4.

People who are fucking tired of the disrespect, entitlement, laziness and filthiness of so many men, that's who.

I'd seriously be taking photos of the piss and plastering them anywhere his friends might be seeing. And I'd also buy a packet of adult diapers and leave them on his bed.

He won't be clean out of the respect for the home he's provided with, but maybe he'll improve to avoid humilation. He doesn't seem to have a problem humiliating the OP by making her feel she's not worth a clean toilet seat.

I take no bullshit any more from anyone and I suggest the OP adopt the same attitude.

There is this weird thing on MN where step parents (usually stepmothers) are not allowed to hold their stepchild(ren) to account when the biological parent (usually fathers) does not parent the child(dren).

Pissing all over the toilet and floor is not acceptable at 14. I bet he doesn't do that when he is at a mates home.

It takes a village to raise a child/children and step parents are part of that.

My 16yo SS does it, constantly making me clean it up because otherwise I end up weeing myself waiting for him to come and do it or I end up sitting on his wee during the night half asleep. Problem is by condoning this behaviour with ‘he’s only a child’ that child grows into an adult who does it and makes his wife clean up his piss. Rank.

It is fucking filthy male behaviour in this instance, not sure why you're defending it?

I've seen this dynamic before and I just can't get my head round it. Granted, I've never been a stepmum, but I grew up in an era where adults were allowed to call out a child's bad behaviour.

Any kid of 14 not clearing up after pissing over the seat is a fucking tramp. My boys included. If my 4 year old can aim correctly, a bloody 14 year old can!!

Honestly that is mild. My can of whoop ass would be so big you would have to bring by wide load.

You can have zero tolerance for piss everywhere without being abusive about it.

Read my post again:

“I do not condone peeing on and around the toilet.”

I am not defending the behaviour.

I am objecting to the hateful responses to it.

Imagine a 14 year old girl whose personal hygiene is disgusting. perhaps she is washing her mooncup in the sink and not fully cleaning the sink afterwards. That’s pretty gross, right? Would you feel comfortable with posters referring to that as “filthy female behaviour”? No. It’s filthy, yes. But making it all about her female-ness is something else and would make it mysoginistic.

And the responses in the same vein on here about boys are misandric. Highly unpleasent.

I do find there's a strong streak of misandry running through mumsnet, to be fair. That said, no step parent would be any less cross about a step daughter leaving period blood on the loo, either. And yes I absolutely would be making sure they clean it up else they lose privileges whether it be access to the bathroom or wifi. I would try not to swear or use abusive language, but it does sound as if @ionlysaidone1 is at the end of her tether! It sounds exhausting for her and I wonder at her partner for allowing her to be so disrespected in her home.

Enforcing consequences isn't abuse. I agree that the Effing wasn't needed.

She didn’t scream. She didn’t even say it to him. Where did you get the screaming from?

Are you serious? A 14 year old teenager is purposefully pissing around a toilet and the OP is the problem? Get a grip.

I would have called him much worse OP-he sounds disturbed to be honest. Is he getting some sort of kick out of having his stepmother clean up his piss?

But you’re OK with the pissing all over the toilet yeah? Cool.

My husband goes ballistic at our sons if they leave the toilet in a mess. I don't have to say anything to them, the men deal with the toilet mess they create. I will clean them properly with bleach etc once a week but they are cleanish when I do that.
Your DH needs to teach his son how to live with other people.

Frankly, in OP's place I'd be calling DSS far worse than that and probably ejecting him from the house too. That amount of mess sounds deliberate rather than accidental and I simply wouldn't be able to tolerate it.

It’s not the same thing at all actually. The intent behind the action is the important thing. If the boy was getting some pee on the seat of the loo because he was being careless then that’s one thing (and would be on a par with your example of the girl not rinsing the sink after washing her mooncup).

What is happening here is the OP’s stepson is wilfully pissing around and behind the toilet as well as on the floor. THAT is the abusive behaviour. Not the OP calling him a fucking tramp.

If you dont want your children to be called tramps, make sure they don't act like one.

The issue is saying “what a fucking tramp”. He may not have heard but that was pure luck.

His father should be taking the lead on this, getting him to clean up and making sure he is doing it all right (not all boys are taught how to wee properly). If there’s anything deliberate about it I’d consider involving a psychologist.