Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I called him a f**king tramp. DH overheard and is now furious

333 replies

ionlysaidone1 · 31/03/2025 19:50

Aibu?

DHs older son is 14. He doesn't treat the house with any respect when he's here and I understand that can just be teens so I try so hard to bite my tongue.

But one thing I cannot stand is the state of the toilet whenever he's here. He will literally piss all over it, down the back of the toilet, sometimes it's on the floor etc..

I have tried REPEATEDLY to bring this up with DH who minimises completely saying it's not that bad, only takes two seconds to clean up, I'm exaggerating, it's not his son despite it only happening when he's here obviously.

I have taken to shouting DSS in every time I notice it and making him clean the toilet but it's still happening. He's revolting.

Anyway, tonight I came to use the bathroom after SS and lo and behold the seat is a mess again, piss in the back between the cistern and toilet seat. I was so annoyed that I just went WHAT A FUCKING TRAMP! And then shouted SS to get in there and clean it up.

SS didn't hear the tramp comment but DH did and now he's furious.

I've apologised for calling SS a tramp

but said I won't apologise for being angry at this happening AGAIN.

H thinks I've committed some cardinal sin calling his son a tramp but honestly, if the shoe fits! If he doesn't like it he should do more to get through to his son.

I'm so over this situation it's disgusting.

OP posts:
Missj25 · 31/03/2025 21:43

InSpainTheRain · 31/03/2025 20:12

I'd be questioning my life choices if my SS regularly did that and my DH didn't support me in telling him how horrible that is and make him clean it up. I have 2 DS, they are both in their twenties, they have never done this. I'm not saying they never had an accident when little of course, but they never make a mess, or at least if they do they clean it up before I see it. Why? because they are respectful and clean human beings. What you are going through is horrible and it would make me leave to be honest, they are completely disrespectful of you (both SS and DH).

’ That would make me leave ‘
Get a grip ! 🙄

Nanny0gg · 31/03/2025 21:44

Sofiewoo · 31/03/2025 19:58

H thinks I've committed some cardinal sin calling his son a tramp but honestly, if the shoe fits!

Well you have, absolutely no way I would have someone speaking to my kids like that. Everyone would be screaming abuse if it was him saying it to your kids.

Would you allow your children to leave toilets in a disgusting state?

BBT213 · 31/03/2025 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Women sick to death of being treated by males as unpaid skivvies and despairing that their perfectly rational expectations are being disgustingly ignored

CroissantOfFur · 31/03/2025 21:45

TheHerboriste · 31/03/2025 21:36

My word would have been a lot stronger than "tramp."

If he can't properly use the toilet, he can wear adult diapers, or his father can take him to a Premier Inn. No one who urinates on the floor is welcome in my home.

This absolutely. There is no reason why a 14 year old boy cannot clean up after himself. He has arms and legs and a brain!

Lavender14 · 31/03/2025 21:46

The piss on the toilet is disgusting and at 14 totally unacceptable.

However my disgust at that is actually just slightly less than my disgust at use of the term "tramp" which is very offensive in itself and the yelling at a 14 year old that they're a "fcking tramp" which I would class as emotionally abusive. The first time someone spoke to my son that way would be the last time. But then again I also wouldn't let my son pee on rather than in the toilet without cleaning it either.

Noone comes out of this looking well in my eyes - your dh should have sorted this out the first time it was an issue. Your ss should be able to either pee in the toilet or at the very least clean it. And you could have handled it very differently in a way that doesn't use offensive terms and swearing at a child.

So YAallBU.

keswickgirl · 31/03/2025 21:48

BBT213 · 31/03/2025 21:44

Women sick to death of being treated by males as unpaid skivvies and despairing that their perfectly rational expectations are being disgustingly ignored

Edited
Show quote history

But we are not talking about Women versus “Males”. We’re talking about a child.

Urgh. There are weird people on Mumsnet tonight.

TheHerboriste · 31/03/2025 21:49

keswickgirl · 31/03/2025 21:26

Dear me.

You are not unreasonable to be upset.

You are very unreasonable to call him a fucking tramp.

To be cross is one thing. To be openly contemptuous and hostile is quite another.

You say “He’s disgusting”. Not the piss on the floor, not the disregard for your home, HE is disgusting. And a tramp. You clearly dislike him deeply.

I wouldn’t allow my child to be spoken about like that in his own home, no matter what he had done. If I were your partner I’d be packing my bags.

Edited

He deserves contempt.

An accident when he is ill, once, might be understandable. Especially if his father hopped to it and cleaned it.

The fact is that this man and this boy think it's perfectly fine to leave a filthy bathroom for OP to use. Repeatedly, despite her calling attention to it, despite her asking for improvement. That is indeed contemptible. He's 14, not 4.

CroissantOfFur · 31/03/2025 21:49

To be fair I think shouting and swearing is not ideal, this is why there needs to be rational consequences enforced calmly. This is a discipline issue.

cranberryshortcake · 31/03/2025 21:50

Ilovelurchers · 31/03/2025 19:57

What do you want your husband to think, if you speak to his child like that?

But if you seriously think you are fully justified, crack on.

You are fully justified.

If you have more than one toilet, buy a sign for one to be female and one male and let them crack on.

If SS uses the wrong toilet, then in addition to calling him to clean it up, which clearly isn’t enough to stop him doing it, fine SS. Take it from his pocket money.

Nanny0gg · 31/03/2025 21:50

SuspiciousChipmunk · 31/03/2025 20:27

My husband would be out the door if he called any of my children a fucking tramp. I can’t believe he’s putting up with you!

If he takes his son with him she'll at least have a clean toilet

Pumpkinspice13 · 31/03/2025 21:51

Had his dad thought to check with his child’s doctor that there is not a medical reason for it spraying everywhere? If it happens every time I would think something may be causing it.

AngelicKaty · 31/03/2025 21:53

Pumpkinspice13 · 31/03/2025 21:51

Had his dad thought to check with his child’s doctor that there is not a medical reason for it spraying everywhere? If it happens every time I would think something may be causing it.

Me too. And my diagnosis would be the little pisser doesn't give a sh1t! 🙄

CroissantOfFur · 31/03/2025 21:54

Pumpkinspice13 · 31/03/2025 21:51

Had his dad thought to check with his child’s doctor that there is not a medical reason for it spraying everywhere? If it happens every time I would think something may be causing it.

It could well be a medical issue causing the spray. But that wouldn't stop him from cleaning up afterwards!

Elunajeya · 31/03/2025 21:54

Pumpkinspice13 · 31/03/2025 21:51

Had his dad thought to check with his child’s doctor that there is not a medical reason for it spraying everywhere? If it happens every time I would think something may be causing it.

There’s no medical issue stopping him cleaning it up.

Nanny0gg · 31/03/2025 21:54

keswickgirl · 31/03/2025 21:26

Dear me.

You are not unreasonable to be upset.

You are very unreasonable to call him a fucking tramp.

To be cross is one thing. To be openly contemptuous and hostile is quite another.

You say “He’s disgusting”. Not the piss on the floor, not the disregard for your home, HE is disgusting. And a tramp. You clearly dislike him deeply.

I wouldn’t allow my child to be spoken about like that in his own home, no matter what he had done. If I were your partner I’d be packing my bags.

Edited

But he IS disgusting

Wonder if he does this at his mother's

Or his friend's

He needs to be trained to sit down

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 31/03/2025 21:54

I’d never call anyone that. Have some self control and learn how to give feedback so that people actually listen to you.

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 31/03/2025 21:55

Sofiewoo · 31/03/2025 20:05

Did I say that?
Children will do all sorts of things don’t agree with or don’t like, from not listening, being messy, staying out past a curfew, the answer is not to scream that they are a “fucking tramp. It’s utterly mental that people think that’s an acceptable way for an adult to speak to a 14 year old. It’s abusive.

Show quote history

And you don't think pissing all over her toilet and leaving her to clean up after him is abusive too?

I think they OP is at the of her tether here and a 14 year old should do better!

RickiRaccoon · 31/03/2025 21:55

I don't have much issue with the term 'tramp' being applied to someone peeing in inappropriate places. You didn't say it 'at' him, you said it about him in a moment of anger and it's sort of true.

I wouldn't back down from being angry. Peeing on the floor is filthy. It stinks. If he can't manage to aim, he needs to sit down. It's horrible that you're expected to put up with pee on your floor repeatedly and not to be annoyed about it. I'd agree that, if DH isn't worried about cleaning it up, he can clean it every time -- but at the same time you've still got pee regularly appearing on your floor.

CroissantOfFur · 31/03/2025 21:56

The sad thing is it seems that the partner isn't on the same page as regarding disciplining the boy. Which isn't good for the relationship. Partner needs to come down heavy when he sees you being disrespected like this by the SS.

BBT213 · 31/03/2025 21:57

keswickgirl · 31/03/2025 21:48

But we are not talking about Women versus “Males”. We’re talking about a child.

Urgh. There are weird people on Mumsnet tonight.

Show quote history

Too right there are, and we ARE talking about women versus men unless op is going to dripfeed that her partner is female

Her partner backs up his son. And says OP is wrong , not for yelling "tramp"(dirty kid didn't even hear) but for SAYING it.

Excusing vile, filthy male behaviour is not a good look @keswickgirl but crack on if this standard is what you'll accept.

Starbri8 · 31/03/2025 21:59

Viviennemary · 31/03/2025 20:16

Your language is a disgrace. That needs to be cleaned up for a start.

don't get your bloomers in a twist , her language was quite reserved , I’d have turned the air blue and presented the little shite with a potty, and told him until he could learn to be a big boy this is what he’d be using. Hubby would be presented with a bottle of bleach and told crack on…

iseenyouwithkefir · 31/03/2025 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Pumpkinspice13 · 31/03/2025 22:02

CroissantOfFur · 31/03/2025 21:54

It could well be a medical issue causing the spray. But that wouldn't stop him from cleaning up afterwards!

Show quote history

Agreed! It’s lazy and filthy but I’d be taking him to get it checked!! Lazy parenting seems to be happening to.

CroissantOfFur · 31/03/2025 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

If the child is made to clean it up, no harm done. Impaired or not. The issue isn't making a mess, it's the refusal to clean it up. If he has the use of his limbs and eyesight of course he can clean it up.

DorothyStorm · 31/03/2025 22:07

Pumpkinspice13 · 31/03/2025 22:02

Agreed! It’s lazy and filthy but I’d be taking him to get it checked!! Lazy parenting seems to be happening to.

Show quote history

This. Tell him it is disrespectful to leave it like that. What consequences does he have for poor behaviour. Implement them. Tell dh to tell the ss each time too and to watch him clean it properly. Inconvenience him.

Swipe left for the next trending thread