Boyfriend’s living together ‘conditions’

[GlorificusT]

I recently said I’m ready to live together and what did he think. He said he’s ready to take the step in theory but it depends on some things.

He said there’s some things he’s ‘seen’ about how I live that would need to be addressed. I asked for an example, he said the way a light switch broke three months ago and I haven’t fixed it. The light still works but the fitting doesn’t - I need a joiner, but I’ve been paying for a lot of more critical things like a washing machine.

He said the way I leave the dishes to dry overnight rather than drying them there and then. Then he said there’s ‘a few other things I’ve noticed’ but didn’t expand!

Tbh I feel annoyed. I love him and proposed this in the spirit of wanting to live with him but he seems to have been keeping a list of cons in his head.

His criticism makes me feel like I’m auditioning to live with him, AIBU?

May I ask what's wrong with leaving dishes to dry overnight?

Oooh I just typed a post on this above!!! Since you asked! 🤣

But in reality plenty of people do it and live to see another day .

this thread can’t decide if he’s a clean freak or a layabout. Classic mumsnet

Don't rush to live with him. He isn't ready and you may never be compatible as housemates. Watchful waiting is a good strategy.

I think so too actually .

I also think he’s a bullet dodged op.

No thanks! I’m tidy and have a nice home but I lived with an absolute nit picker /control freak many years ago and it felt like living with a bored pensioner. ( and I was30 at the time)

OMG it's more hygienic to air dry plates and more environmental!

If he's on the spectrum Op that can sometimes translate into very black and white thinking, he's already listing things he thinks you're doing wrong and that doesn't suggest much ability to compromise. As you say it's like a test you have to pass and there will be lots of other things you don't agree on. He should be happy you'd like to live together but he's not. Don't sell yourself short Op

How long have you been together?

You have a clear unambiguous warning here,that he’s boorish bully. Don’t move in together

No no!! See my post!!!

( But it is unlikely to kill you!)

In a way I’m sorry I ever opened Pandora’s box.

We were very happy seeing each other every week and there’s been lots of romance and happiness despite how anal he sounds here.

Now everything is about rules and discussing my deficiencies.

I don't want little bits of fluff from tea towels all over my plates or have to wash tea towels all the time. My plates air dry and that is non-negotiable! Why put up with someone wanting to do unnecessary jobs?

Honestly, that would really put me off. There was a poster on here a while ago who found a list of all the things her partner didn't like about her, though he hadn't mentioned any of them, and this is similar. He's found you're not up to scratch. Why are you still wanting to be with him after that?

@Mudkipper why should he pay for repairs in her house?

His concerns are reasonable, as is your reaction! You don’t sound compatible.

You’re just not compatible. Not anyone’s fault. I hate dishes left out to dry as well 😀

I think she possibly just didn't do it to his standards

And compromise too

I just saw this. He is unlikely to develop the mental flexibility to be the laidback housemate you want. I would rethink your relationship if you want to live with a partner. He is likely to have an invisible mental list of 'acceptable behaviours' which may well be incompatible with your needs.

" Apparently the healthiest thing is to dry with a sterilised ( ie run a hot iron over it) tea towel. The “drying dishes spreads germs” thing comes from situations where people re-use teatowels that have sat damp since the last drying. If the teatowel is perfectly clean, it is more hygienic to dry them than leave them damp ( for bacteria to land on where there is moisture to allow bacteria to grow.)"

Yes, but then you'd be constantly washing and ironing tea towels, which is a lot of unnecessary work AND UNENVIRONMENTAL!

Also ( and I am derailing by honing in on this … maybe I’d be a good partner for him 😆) but if you don’t rinse the soap off then don’t towel dry, the soap really does stay on.

Honestly I think it’s absolutely fair enough & there would be far less unhappy people in long term relationships full of resentment on here if everybody was this open and transparent about how they like to live.

Yes, so then you can rinse and then air dry.

Yes, True on both counts.

I use the eco cycle on a dishwasher which I hope addresses all these concerns.