Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

SIL furious about Mother’s Day, were we wrong?

457 replies

FreakingOutRightNow123 · 31/03/2025 14:36

Background:

I have no children so always see my parent’s on the actual Mother’s Day / Father’s Day to celebrate.

I have several siblings who are parents themselves however and quite rightly the actual day is about celebrating them / their partners so they organise something with my parents for another day.

This has been our usual routine for years.

The situation:

My siblings took my parents out for lunch to celebrate Mother’s Day last Saturday; this included my DB. I didn’t attend as I already had plans with my parents for yesterday.

DB was supposed to be taking SIL and their 2 children out to celebrate Mother’s Day yesterday however late Saturday afternoon, SIL’s mother called to say she was back early from holiday (after having an argument with her partner) so was available to celebrate Mother’s Day after all and invited all her children and grandchildren to her house but NOT their partners as she wanted to just spend time with her children and grandchildren only. SIL decided to take her mum up on her offer and cancelled with DB saying her mum was probably upset about the falling out with her partner, they could celebrate another time etc. Considering it was Mother’s Day, DB accepted it with good grace as at the end of that day it was SIL’s day so he wanted her to do what she wanted.

My plan was to cook for my parents at home however DB called to explain the situation and asked if we wanted to go out to eat as he had a reservation for 4 people going begging (it was too late to cancel and he would have lost his £200 deposit) so my parents and I agreed and went to the restaurant he originally planned to take SIL and the kids too. Now just to be clear, I paid for everyone in full (gave DB back his deposit) as it was supposed to be my treat anyway.

SIL is now furious with all four of us and our “disgusting behaviour” and after several tongue lashings is not speaking to any of us.

The way I see it, SIL cancelled in favour of her mother and so DB was at a loose end (we didn’t hijack him away from her), he was going to lose £200 for the reservation but now hasn’t (in fact he got a free meal out of it) and SIL is still free to go to the restaurant another time like she suggested herself. It’s also not like DB spent the day doing anything nefarious either, he literally spent Mother’s Day with his mother only because SIL wasn’t available. I honestly don’t see how SIL lost out by us going instead.

So were we wrong?

Oh and just to be clear, there is nothing particularly meaningful or special about the restaurant other than that it does good food; we’ve all been there several times both together and separately. In fact, we’ve been going there as a family long before SIL was even in the picture so the particular restaurant is not the issue.

OP posts:
PourUsAGlass · 31/03/2025 17:16

I think your DB needs to LTB 🙄

RampantIvy · 31/03/2025 17:17

soupyspoon · 31/03/2025 14:43

Yes 50 quid a head, not particularly expensive or outrageous for mothers day. Which is why its good advice to cook at home!!!

Erm, yes it is. That would pay for an extremely good meal for 4 people around here, not just a deposit.

Dinosweetpea · 31/03/2025 17:19

Your SIL is utterly batshit.
I'd have put the phone down on her.

justasking111 · 31/03/2025 17:19

It's possible that the other mother heard about the nice meal out and was jealous thus souring the day for SIL and all. Yes I know it's not rational but I've a family member who'd be like this. She's likely to have been in a tear anyway if she quit a holiday because she fell out with her partner. All in all a toxic day at that house.

LoveItaly · 31/03/2025 17:20

She sounds utterly mad. Thankfully I don’t come into contact with the types of bonkers people I am always reading about on Mumsnet.

Daisy12Maisie · 31/03/2025 17:21

Does she definitely now that you have paid?
Otherwise she may be thinking the one and only time he agreed to take her out and spoil her she then couldn’t go due to her mother and so he took his family instead.

So if she knew he had paid and they could go another time as he got his deposit back then problem solved.

If that is not the situation then she is being unreasonable as he can’t be expected to just stay at home if she has made other plans.

Crumpleton · 31/03/2025 17:22

This isn't normal behaviour and if it was a man carrying on like this we would all assume he is abusive and controlling.

Women can and do behave like this.

But your assumption is correct, spot on, in the person behind that behaviour is abusive and controlling.

The SIL sounds like she's the one that gets to decide what her DH does.

pictoosh · 31/03/2025 17:29

I'd leave her to your brother to deal with. I wouldn't have any part in trying to sort it out/placate her/giving it headspace.

shiningstar2 · 31/03/2025 17:29

Sil went to celebrate mother's day with her mother.Her choice ...no problem.
Her DH, left at a loose end because she made that choice went to celebrate mother's day with his mother ...what could work out better under the circumstance
Further he was able to spend the time with his mother at no cost to himself and was even generously treated to a meal himself by you. Lovely. A good time had by all a man d nothing taken out at all from his family budget. SIL has nothing to complain of.
My guess is that she expected her DH to just be left hanging about at a loose end. Turns out he had a lovely day. I'm thinking that she is annoyed that her DHs day turned out better than her day.Hevgotca grown up lunch out. She got lunch at mother's with a load of kids so she's annoyed and jealous
It was her choice though so the kind of thing a reasonable sil would have a bit of a jokey rueful laugh about ...wow turned out alright for you didn't it you had the best day.
But why would she fall out with anybody about it. Why shouldn't your brother see his mother on mother's day if it works out with SIL's choice for the day In fact, if it was my brother, bearing in mind it was his mother as well as yours and he was losing £200 if there was no show, I would have expected him to split the bill with me. Basically it seems to noil down to resentment from her because his day turned out better than hers. 💐

itsjustbiology · 31/03/2025 17:30

I would just tell sil two words second being off and have done with her.She sounds pathetic!

Daleksatemyshed · 31/03/2025 17:33
Dog Grooming GIF by MOODMAN

If you get to the bottom of all this Op maybe you could let us know because i'm lost. Your SIL is a weirdo

FrodoBiggins · 31/03/2025 17:38

RampantIvy · 31/03/2025 17:17

Erm, yes it is. That would pay for an extremely good meal for 4 people around here, not just a deposit.

  1. What you can buy "around here" is irrelevant when they're going out in London. It could buy even more in Kerala but that's not where they went
  1. Lots of restos have a flat deposit amount for busy or special days. If you no-show they could lose even more than that so it's to encourage attending or early cancellation. IME children's deposits aren't cheaper, as it's still a 4 person table they'd otherwise fill, but doesn't mean the children's food will be >£50. Might be adult/ hungry children anyway.

Everyone needs to get over the deposit 😝

Lilactimes · 31/03/2025 17:38

FreakingOutRightNow123 · 31/03/2025 14:36

Background:

I have no children so always see my parent’s on the actual Mother’s Day / Father’s Day to celebrate.

I have several siblings who are parents themselves however and quite rightly the actual day is about celebrating them / their partners so they organise something with my parents for another day.

This has been our usual routine for years.

The situation:

My siblings took my parents out for lunch to celebrate Mother’s Day last Saturday; this included my DB. I didn’t attend as I already had plans with my parents for yesterday.

DB was supposed to be taking SIL and their 2 children out to celebrate Mother’s Day yesterday however late Saturday afternoon, SIL’s mother called to say she was back early from holiday (after having an argument with her partner) so was available to celebrate Mother’s Day after all and invited all her children and grandchildren to her house but NOT their partners as she wanted to just spend time with her children and grandchildren only. SIL decided to take her mum up on her offer and cancelled with DB saying her mum was probably upset about the falling out with her partner, they could celebrate another time etc. Considering it was Mother’s Day, DB accepted it with good grace as at the end of that day it was SIL’s day so he wanted her to do what she wanted.

My plan was to cook for my parents at home however DB called to explain the situation and asked if we wanted to go out to eat as he had a reservation for 4 people going begging (it was too late to cancel and he would have lost his £200 deposit) so my parents and I agreed and went to the restaurant he originally planned to take SIL and the kids too. Now just to be clear, I paid for everyone in full (gave DB back his deposit) as it was supposed to be my treat anyway.

SIL is now furious with all four of us and our “disgusting behaviour” and after several tongue lashings is not speaking to any of us.

The way I see it, SIL cancelled in favour of her mother and so DB was at a loose end (we didn’t hijack him away from her), he was going to lose £200 for the reservation but now hasn’t (in fact he got a free meal out of it) and SIL is still free to go to the restaurant another time like she suggested herself. It’s also not like DB spent the day doing anything nefarious either, he literally spent Mother’s Day with his mother only because SIL wasn’t available. I honestly don’t see how SIL lost out by us going instead.

So were we wrong?

Oh and just to be clear, there is nothing particularly meaningful or special about the restaurant other than that it does good food; we’ve all been there several times both together and separately. In fact, we’ve been going there as a family long before SIL was even in the picture so the particular restaurant is not the issue.

She sounds completely mad….
i have two sister in laws and struggle a little with both… which makes me sad and I feel I really try… but I just think yours is completely CRAZY!!

meganorks · 31/03/2025 17:39

RampantIvy · 31/03/2025 17:17

Erm, yes it is. That would pay for an extremely good meal for 4 people around here, not just a deposit.

Round here the going rate seemed to be £40 per head for a 3 course set menu (3 or 4 options for each course). While OP says deposit, I suspect that is actually the payment for the meal, with drinks and service to be added. And a deposit because if you cancel, you don't get it back.

TimeForABreak4 · 31/03/2025 17:41

I'd be sending her a message to wind her fucking neck in and never ever to speak to me like that ever again. You have done nothing wrong. She chose to go to spend mother's day with her mum, rather than continue with her plans with your db, despite him not being invited. He got his money back by you all going and they can book another time and he got to spend mother's day with his mum, like she chose to do with hers. She's acting completly irrationally.

RampantIvy · 31/03/2025 17:43

FrodoBiggins · 31/03/2025 17:38

  1. What you can buy "around here" is irrelevant when they're going out in London. It could buy even more in Kerala but that's not where they went
  1. Lots of restos have a flat deposit amount for busy or special days. If you no-show they could lose even more than that so it's to encourage attending or early cancellation. IME children's deposits aren't cheaper, as it's still a 4 person table they'd otherwise fill, but doesn't mean the children's food will be >£50. Might be adult/ hungry children anyway.

Everyone needs to get over the deposit 😝

My apologies. I spotted the OP's subsequent post after I posted.

Mudkipper · 31/03/2025 17:43

I'd leave it to your DB to deal with SIL to the extent of blocking her until she's calmed down. I think she expected him to sit at home on his own and instead he went out and had a nice time with his own family, so she's got FOMO.

The fact that it's all her own fault won't help, of course!

blandwich · 31/03/2025 17:44

The short answer is that SIL is nuts. Can't imagine what she thinks is wrong about any of this. I'd receive her threat of not speaking to you with joy!

Lilactimes · 31/03/2025 17:44

I literally can’t see anything wrong with what you’ve done… I keep rereading in case I missed something.
one thing I do think is that judging by Mumsnet Mothers Day can cause a bit of trouble for a lot of people !

justkeepswimingswiming · 31/03/2025 17:45

Your SIL is crazy.

GreyAreas · 31/03/2025 17:47

I think it sounds like she has a horrendously controlling mum and that she has developed, sadly, the same traits. Having to placate mum and missing out makes her furious, but she can't actually be furious with her own mum so she's going for you. It's sad, completely unreasonable and just really sad that she has to act like that. Think of it like triggering her inner neglected child - you're not dealing with the adult.

Dragonsandcats · 31/03/2025 17:47

Your SIL is nuts. You did nothing wrong.

LocalHobo · 31/03/2025 17:48

The Op was having over yesterday on actual Mother’s Day. Not last week Organic82

The Op wasn't involved in last weeks celebration but the DB was...
My siblings took my parents out for lunch to celebrate Mother’s Day last Saturday; this included my DB. I didn’t attend as I already had plans with my parents for yesterday.

So 'Mum' got two lunches with DB (her son) - and of course, that is fine, but maybe SIL didn't think so if she is inclined to be this way. No excuse.

ForestFox44 · 31/03/2025 17:51

I would tell her to fuck off 😅 how dare she!

Bunnycat101 · 31/03/2025 17:54

So, your sister in law ditched your husband and uninvited him from her Mother’s Day celebration and then got the hump he went out and then behaved really rudely to the wider family. She sounds bonkers tbh and she was really rude to drop your DH.

The only slight thing I could see from her perspective is she might have been hoping your brother would still take her out in the evening.

Swipe left for the next trending thread