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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

SIL furious about Mother’s Day, were we wrong?

457 replies

FreakingOutRightNow123 · 31/03/2025 14:36

Background:

I have no children so always see my parent’s on the actual Mother’s Day / Father’s Day to celebrate.

I have several siblings who are parents themselves however and quite rightly the actual day is about celebrating them / their partners so they organise something with my parents for another day.

This has been our usual routine for years.

The situation:

My siblings took my parents out for lunch to celebrate Mother’s Day last Saturday; this included my DB. I didn’t attend as I already had plans with my parents for yesterday.

DB was supposed to be taking SIL and their 2 children out to celebrate Mother’s Day yesterday however late Saturday afternoon, SIL’s mother called to say she was back early from holiday (after having an argument with her partner) so was available to celebrate Mother’s Day after all and invited all her children and grandchildren to her house but NOT their partners as she wanted to just spend time with her children and grandchildren only. SIL decided to take her mum up on her offer and cancelled with DB saying her mum was probably upset about the falling out with her partner, they could celebrate another time etc. Considering it was Mother’s Day, DB accepted it with good grace as at the end of that day it was SIL’s day so he wanted her to do what she wanted.

My plan was to cook for my parents at home however DB called to explain the situation and asked if we wanted to go out to eat as he had a reservation for 4 people going begging (it was too late to cancel and he would have lost his £200 deposit) so my parents and I agreed and went to the restaurant he originally planned to take SIL and the kids too. Now just to be clear, I paid for everyone in full (gave DB back his deposit) as it was supposed to be my treat anyway.

SIL is now furious with all four of us and our “disgusting behaviour” and after several tongue lashings is not speaking to any of us.

The way I see it, SIL cancelled in favour of her mother and so DB was at a loose end (we didn’t hijack him away from her), he was going to lose £200 for the reservation but now hasn’t (in fact he got a free meal out of it) and SIL is still free to go to the restaurant another time like she suggested herself. It’s also not like DB spent the day doing anything nefarious either, he literally spent Mother’s Day with his mother only because SIL wasn’t available. I honestly don’t see how SIL lost out by us going instead.

So were we wrong?

Oh and just to be clear, there is nothing particularly meaningful or special about the restaurant other than that it does good food; we’ve all been there several times both together and separately. In fact, we’ve been going there as a family long before SIL was even in the picture so the particular restaurant is not the issue.

OP posts:
Silvers11 · 31/03/2025 16:40

I can only assume she thinks you all went out for a meal deliberately excluding her, which is absolutely ridiculous, but as someone else has already said, she probably had a not good day at her Mother's and hearing that you all went out and had a good time has upset her and she's taking it out on all of you, instead of looking to her own reactions and her relationship with her Mother. You didn't do anything wrong

Neversayit · 31/03/2025 16:41

Unless there’s some background we don’t know…your poor brother OP.

MarkWithaC · 31/03/2025 16:45

I knew some people would focus in on the £200 deposit. Like that's the point or the issue Grin

AngelicKaty · 31/03/2025 16:47

@FreakingOutRightNow123 Of course none of you have done anything wrong and have not, in any way, BU. It sounds like everyone got what they wanted and this was driven by your SIL i.e. she got to spend Mother's Day with her own DM, you and DB got to spend MD with your parents (including you saving your DB's £200 deposit and you not having to cook when you didn't really want to during a difficult time - win/win). I feel so sorry for your DB - imagine having to live with SIL 24/7 - but I don't think the rest of you should let her off the hook. I would message her and ask her to explain, precisely, what was so "disgusting" about your behaviour. (She likely won't reply, of course, as that would put her reasoning up for scrutiny, but I'd still try as I wouldn't want DB to shoulder all the fall-out from behaviour which was in no way "disgusting" or unreasonable.)

SerenaSemolena · 31/03/2025 16:47

I'm feeling very sorry for your brother. Does he need some help to leave?

PinotPony · 31/03/2025 16:54

SIL has FOMO, pure and simple. She was looking forward to a slap up meal with DB and your parents, and she got stuck listening to her mother moaning about her partner. That’s why she’s cross.

BoredZelda · 31/03/2025 16:56

Totally batshit. I wouldn’t pay any attention to the nonsense.

moveoveralice · 31/03/2025 16:58

This isn't normal behaviour and if it was a man carrying on like this we would all assume he is abusive and controlling.

She has her arse in her hands because her day was shit, but I would also guess she has an MO for lashing out at your DB when things don't go her way. I wouldn't mind betting he often walks on eggshells with her OP.

CoraPirbright · 31/03/2025 17:00

Golly I am so sorry OP that you have been on the receiving end of such vitriol. I feel truly awful for your brother, though. He must have a hideous time behind closed doors.

Mmhmmn · 31/03/2025 17:03

SIL’s mother called to say she was back early from holiday (after having an argument with her partner) so was available to celebrate Mother’s Day after all and invited all her children and grandchildren to her house but NOT their partners as she wanted to just spend time with her children and grandchildren only

Well she sounds like a delight.

Probably not surprising that SIL, her daughter, also behaves in a self obsessed, rudely idiotic way.
She needs to get over herself.

BlackWhiteCircle · 31/03/2025 17:06

SIL is an area hole for saying only kids and grandkids no partner and SIL showed what she thinks of her partner.

BlackWhiteCircle · 31/03/2025 17:06

Edit spell checked arsehole!

Redpeach · 31/03/2025 17:08

I really want to know what the dh did that was so bad that she blew up mothers day

Mamma37338 · 31/03/2025 17:08

Yes I was going to say this as well. She didn’t have a good time herself and she felt her Mother’s Day was taken from her.

I guess her feelings are understandable but she is being very unreasonable to take it out on you and DB.

CarpetKnees · 31/03/2025 17:08

as far as he’s concerned he invited us so my parents and I haven’t done anything wrong so any problem SIL has should be between them and she shouldn’t have dragged us (especially my parents) into it and she certainly shouldn’t have spoken to us in the way she has

Your brother sounds a decent chap. shame he has married someone so irrational and angry.

I mean, if anything, I think your db could have insisted on going halves with you for the meal, as you hadn't been planning to go out, but the fact you paid gives the SiL absolutely no legs to stand on at all.

I don't understand why you didn't put the phone down if she was unable to speak calmly and hold a rational conversation with you though. There's no way I would accept anyone shouting down the phone at me and not being willing to have a discussion even if they did have a point.

Cognacsoft · 31/03/2025 17:08

I’d be delighted if my dsil saved me £200.

WhereYouLeftIt · 31/03/2025 17:09

"SIL is now furious with all four of us and our “disgusting behaviour” and after several tongue lashings is not speaking to any of us."

I'd hazard that you four are her whipping boys.

She was actually looking forward to spending Mothers Day with her husband and children at a nice restaurant, being the centre of their attention.

Instead, she got summoned by her mother to make her mother the centre of attention and she only got a bit-part in the production. "SIL didn’t have a good Mother’s Day" dancing attendance on her "difficult" mother, and came home in a bad mood expecting her husband to not have done anything with the day; and instead finds out he had a nice time with his parents and sister at the table booked to celebrate her! Hell hath no fury like a woman done out of being the centre of attention, it would seem.Grin

You didn't do anything wrong, OP. SIL is simply redirecting her anger. She'd prefer to be angry at her "difficult" mother, but Mommy Dearest has presumably trained that possibility out of her, so she redirects it to the nearest live bodies and that's the four of you. She is absolutely in the wrong to do so, but telling her to wind her neck in would probably result in another ear-bashing for your brother. (I might still be tempted, but I'm sure you're a better person than I am.)

Gogogo12345 · 31/03/2025 17:10

soupyspoon · 31/03/2025 14:43

Yes 50 quid a head, not particularly expensive or outrageous for mothers day. Which is why its good advice to cook at home!!!

Isn't it? I can't see why a meal out would cost £50 a head especially when 2 of the original diners were kids

Redpeach · 31/03/2025 17:11

MarkWithaC · 31/03/2025 16:45

I knew some people would focus in on the £200 deposit. Like that's the point or the issue Grin

I agree, although it is rather alot!

Coffeedreaming · 31/03/2025 17:12

meganorks · 31/03/2025 16:08

My guess would be that she chose the restaurant and was really looking forward to going but felt she had to cancel and go to her mums. But she didn't really want to and now she is jealous that everyone else has had 'her' mothers day.

She is still absolutely in the wrong though. And surely she could have just gone to her mums for a bit and kept the reservation.

Yes this is what I think too

DressOrSkirt · 31/03/2025 17:12

My guess is that she wanted him to stay at home wallowing in her absence.
She sounds incredibly controlling and verbally abusive, definitely make sure he's ok.

Unless there's a huge amount of information missing, like the last time he went to dinner with you you encouraged him to get drunk and egg her car.

QS90 · 31/03/2025 17:12

Luckily she's not your spouse!

Let your brother deal with his terrible life decisions, and put it out your mind - you've done nothing wrong x

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 31/03/2025 17:13

I'd forgotten the phrase tongue lashing. I shall try to use it in a sentence this week!

Frostynoman · 31/03/2025 17:13

Oh she’s sounding like a princess. A really ill behaved one at that. Who gives members of their family ‘tongue lashings’..!?!

BodyKeepingScore · 31/03/2025 17:16

She’s being completely unreasonable. Did she expect him to sit at home alone instead?