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Original poster

SIL furious about Mother’s Day, were we wrong?

457 replies

FreakingOutRightNow123 · 31/03/2025 14:36

Background:

I have no children so always see my parent’s on the actual Mother’s Day / Father’s Day to celebrate.

I have several siblings who are parents themselves however and quite rightly the actual day is about celebrating them / their partners so they organise something with my parents for another day.

This has been our usual routine for years.

The situation:

My siblings took my parents out for lunch to celebrate Mother’s Day last Saturday; this included my DB. I didn’t attend as I already had plans with my parents for yesterday.

DB was supposed to be taking SIL and their 2 children out to celebrate Mother’s Day yesterday however late Saturday afternoon, SIL’s mother called to say she was back early from holiday (after having an argument with her partner) so was available to celebrate Mother’s Day after all and invited all her children and grandchildren to her house but NOT their partners as she wanted to just spend time with her children and grandchildren only. SIL decided to take her mum up on her offer and cancelled with DB saying her mum was probably upset about the falling out with her partner, they could celebrate another time etc. Considering it was Mother’s Day, DB accepted it with good grace as at the end of that day it was SIL’s day so he wanted her to do what she wanted.

My plan was to cook for my parents at home however DB called to explain the situation and asked if we wanted to go out to eat as he had a reservation for 4 people going begging (it was too late to cancel and he would have lost his £200 deposit) so my parents and I agreed and went to the restaurant he originally planned to take SIL and the kids too. Now just to be clear, I paid for everyone in full (gave DB back his deposit) as it was supposed to be my treat anyway.

SIL is now furious with all four of us and our “disgusting behaviour” and after several tongue lashings is not speaking to any of us.

The way I see it, SIL cancelled in favour of her mother and so DB was at a loose end (we didn’t hijack him away from her), he was going to lose £200 for the reservation but now hasn’t (in fact he got a free meal out of it) and SIL is still free to go to the restaurant another time like she suggested herself. It’s also not like DB spent the day doing anything nefarious either, he literally spent Mother’s Day with his mother only because SIL wasn’t available. I honestly don’t see how SIL lost out by us going instead.

So were we wrong?

Oh and just to be clear, there is nothing particularly meaningful or special about the restaurant other than that it does good food; we’ve all been there several times both together and separately. In fact, we’ve been going there as a family long before SIL was even in the picture so the particular restaurant is not the issue.

OP posts:
MounjaroOnMyMind · 31/03/2025 21:42

It sounds as though your brother has married a carbon copy of his MIL. I wonder whether he'd open up with you about what his marriage is really like?

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 31/03/2025 21:42

I am genuinely struggling to see wtf is wrong with your sil.

Your poor db! I hope he is OK.

Hayley1256 · 31/03/2025 21:44

I'd be sending your SIL a message stating that you found her behaviour unacceptable and that she needs to apologise to your parents as she ruined your mum's mother's day. I would also be letting her know that your done with her until she makes an apology to the 3 of you!

Hayley1256 · 31/03/2025 21:45

Forgot to add, I'd be advising DB to reflect on what value his wife adds to his life

TonTonMacoute · 31/03/2025 21:48

She sounds completely crazy! To scream at everyone like that is extraordinary, even if she was annoyed.

Would she really have preferred that DB lost £200 and sat at home on his own for most of the day because she had binned him off?

Bizarrely unreasonable. Poor DB!

Flytrap01 · 31/03/2025 21:51

This isn’t about dinner. This isn’t even about Mother’s Day. This is about control. SIL expected DB to be miserable without her. She wanted him to sit there, alone, regretting that she wasn’t available. Instead, he had a good meal, and she had a bad day. And that, more than anything, is what set her off.

Dweetfidilove · 31/03/2025 21:55

What an absolute lunatic.

After that embarrassing spectacle, what relationship does she think she'll have with her in-laws now?
What relationship can she have with her husband after this unwarranted tirade on hos family?

I worry for your brother and his children. Maybe this is a great unmasking of the hell he lives with her. I hope you all keep him close and support him as this is unlikely to be the end of her abusive behaviour.

wordywitch · 31/03/2025 21:55

Was she drunk?! What a massive twat.

RampantIvy · 31/03/2025 21:56

TunnocksOrDeath · 31/03/2025 20:19

But the OP isn't 'round here' she's in London, where 50 quid is barely enough to buy two people two-courses-and-a-glass-of-plonk at a Pizza Express, let alone take your Mum out somewhere really nice on what is the 2nd busiest day of the year for most restaurants.

Show quote history

I acknowledged in a subsequent post that I had missed the OP's update.

There really is a massive divide between eating out in London and the provinces.

LongDarkTeatime · 31/03/2025 21:58

It sounds like you have a lovely family. You all sound supportive, loving, emotionally mature, and basically know how to behave like adults. Sorry a nice day was ruined for you like this.
It seems your SiL may not have had an equally stable upbringing. I’m guessing her mother’s behaviour on Sunday showed her she will never have the same level of support and care from her birth-family. This might have made her angry because she’s both very jealous and mourning what she missed/will never have. Or I could be on completely the wrong track.

Saz12 · 31/03/2025 21:59

SIL was making the point that SHE was the important Mother Of The Day. DB was supposed to want to facilitate her children and her mother being the keystones. And therefore to sit worrying about her, not fussing over his own mother.
He (and you, and your parents) were not grieving her being absent. Ergo you (collectively) have maligned her. Obviously you and your parents should've been on Her Side.

IE... she's self centred, brattish, unimaginative, narcissistic, controlling.

SinnerBoy · 31/03/2025 22:06

I'm agog at the news that you won't do her books; and quite right, too! I hope she has an aneurysm when you tell her.

When she rings again with her next demented rant, turn the volume low, put your phone on a surface in another room and carry on with your day, as she screams herself hoarse.

Figgygal · 31/03/2025 22:15

Shes made a right tit of herself
Your poor dB

Lilactimes · 31/03/2025 22:17

Hayley1256 · 31/03/2025 21:44

I'd be sending your SIL a message stating that you found her behaviour unacceptable and that she needs to apologise to your parents as she ruined your mum's mother's day. I would also be letting her know that your done with her until she makes an apology to the 3 of you!

I agree. Just read all your posts now @FreakingOutRightNow123 and you are so far in the right - and she made your mum cry!!! She should apologise.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 31/03/2025 22:19

I would talk to your DB alone first before dropping doing her books for this year. Explain that you feel deeply uncomfortable working with her considering the situation but you want to check on him first that it won't make the situation far worse for him and the dc. It might be that it has helped him to see the situation and this could be his time to step away. Or he might stick closer to her and she might isolate him from your family in which case having the books to do might be the one thing which keeps her civil towards your family and keeps the lines of communication to you open. In fact you could say that you would prefer it if he organised the communication for the moment. You do not want her to isolate your DB from his family.

TinyTheresa · 31/03/2025 22:25

Personally I'd stay out of someone else's marriage arguments, since some people recommend you berate your SIL, but no, of course you didn't do anything wrong.

Some people look for any excuse to throw a tantrum. Ignore her nonsense and give your brother a huge hug if he decides to go back there for the sake of his marital family....he'll need it.

Projectme · 31/03/2025 22:36

Cornishclio · 31/03/2025 20:45

Honestly your SIL sounds awful. Your poor DB. How on earth does she think you treated the children badly? I feel so sorry for your parents and you too. What an unpleasant end to what should have been a nice day. I would find it very difficult to be pleasant to her in the future unless she apologises. Please don’t do her books. She can’t treat people like that.

I agree. SIL has re-written the day/event in her head and seems insanely jealous of the 4 of you having a lovely meal...but that's what she did with her own DM?!? So what's the beef?
Weird. I hope you get to the bottom of it, or at least your poor DB does. Seems he can't do right from wrong, poor devil

CatsWhiskerz · 31/03/2025 22:36

Your SIL sounds batcrap crazy! I literally cannot see an issue, anywhere?!

Bollihobs · 31/03/2025 22:39

StScholastica · 31/03/2025 21:08

Oh Lordy, she sounds like a jealous toddler.
She wanted DB to stay in on his own because she told him too. Does she often push him around as she sounds controlling to me.

I agree. I think it's a combination of this and the visit with her own DM not having gone well - she came home already annoyed and then found her DH had had a nice family day......and she blew up. Which as everyone is saying is a worry with regards to your DB. Her DM is clearly controlling and it seems SIL is too. I think this might be a watershed moment for all of you.

Livpool · 31/03/2025 22:40

I wouldn’t forgive or forget this - I have never had someone speak to me like that.

And sod doing her books for her. You only do favours for people who are nice to you!

Mobilephonewithcsi · 31/03/2025 22:40

Really hope your SIL gets the psychiatric help that she clearly needs.

feel so sorry for your DB - he was dropped like a stone at the last minute and made the best of it - yet he’s the bad guy?

She really comes across as being seriously unwell .

amele · 31/03/2025 22:41

her issue is simply ✨jealousy✨nothing more nothing less. She doesn’t like that he has such a lovely family dynamic and has spent the day with his parents and sister, the money clearly isn’t an issue as he’s saved money! She didn’t have a great time at her mums, and feels envious and thus taking it out on you all. I think she feels that restaurant plan was for her and her kids, she couldn’t make it so in her head he should’ve lost the deposit and not gone there without her. Honestly she’s crazy. Don’t do her books!! She’ll try befriending you once she realises, avoid her calls!

TotHappy · 31/03/2025 22:49

!!! It makes no sense! I feel like I'm desperate for her to explain, clearly, what the actual problem is!

Does she think that it's a very very long con and she's just discovered that you are not DBs sister but his other wife??

LadyNairne · 31/03/2025 22:57

Your SIL is insane!

sounds like a nightmare to live with. Hope she sorts herself out and apologies to you all and especially your poor Mum - imagining her being shouted at and abused like that on Mother’s Day 😔

CalleOcho · 31/03/2025 23:02

SIL is now furious with all four of us and our “disgusting behaviour” and after several tongue lashings is not speaking to any of us.

Your SIL sounds difficult as fuck.

It’s probably the way she was brought up- as this rang alarm bells:

SIL’s mother called to say she was back early from holiday (after having an argument with her partner) so was available to celebrate Mother’s Day after all and invited all her children and grandchildren to her house but NOT their partners as she wanted to just spend time with her children and grandchildren only.

2 batshit women.

They are not your problem OP. Let her sulk.

Hope you had a lovely meal with your brother and parents. You sound incredibly generous and an all round rational, sensible person. So please do not let this psycho woman let you think you’ve done something wrong. You haven’t.