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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

SIL furious about Mother’s Day, were we wrong?

457 replies

FreakingOutRightNow123 · 31/03/2025 14:36

Background:

I have no children so always see my parent’s on the actual Mother’s Day / Father’s Day to celebrate.

I have several siblings who are parents themselves however and quite rightly the actual day is about celebrating them / their partners so they organise something with my parents for another day.

This has been our usual routine for years.

The situation:

My siblings took my parents out for lunch to celebrate Mother’s Day last Saturday; this included my DB. I didn’t attend as I already had plans with my parents for yesterday.

DB was supposed to be taking SIL and their 2 children out to celebrate Mother’s Day yesterday however late Saturday afternoon, SIL’s mother called to say she was back early from holiday (after having an argument with her partner) so was available to celebrate Mother’s Day after all and invited all her children and grandchildren to her house but NOT their partners as she wanted to just spend time with her children and grandchildren only. SIL decided to take her mum up on her offer and cancelled with DB saying her mum was probably upset about the falling out with her partner, they could celebrate another time etc. Considering it was Mother’s Day, DB accepted it with good grace as at the end of that day it was SIL’s day so he wanted her to do what she wanted.

My plan was to cook for my parents at home however DB called to explain the situation and asked if we wanted to go out to eat as he had a reservation for 4 people going begging (it was too late to cancel and he would have lost his £200 deposit) so my parents and I agreed and went to the restaurant he originally planned to take SIL and the kids too. Now just to be clear, I paid for everyone in full (gave DB back his deposit) as it was supposed to be my treat anyway.

SIL is now furious with all four of us and our “disgusting behaviour” and after several tongue lashings is not speaking to any of us.

The way I see it, SIL cancelled in favour of her mother and so DB was at a loose end (we didn’t hijack him away from her), he was going to lose £200 for the reservation but now hasn’t (in fact he got a free meal out of it) and SIL is still free to go to the restaurant another time like she suggested herself. It’s also not like DB spent the day doing anything nefarious either, he literally spent Mother’s Day with his mother only because SIL wasn’t available. I honestly don’t see how SIL lost out by us going instead.

So were we wrong?

Oh and just to be clear, there is nothing particularly meaningful or special about the restaurant other than that it does good food; we’ve all been there several times both together and separately. In fact, we’ve been going there as a family long before SIL was even in the picture so the particular restaurant is not the issue.

OP posts:
Tunie · 31/03/2025 20:56

Honestly, OP. It's one of those where I'd be vaguely tempted to send her a link to this thread, so she can get an idea of how outrageous she's been/is being.

The reason that is NOT a good idea is because she would probably attack your DB over it, and the chances are that she'd still think she was right. Tempting though!

Definitely stick to your guns over the books!

simpledeer · 31/03/2025 20:58

She sounds unhinged.

Definitely stop doing her books.

Joeylove88 · 31/03/2025 21:02

I would of ended up going ballistic at her back to be honest she sounds utterly psychotic! How dare she shout and rant at all of you and make her own husband's parent cry she's the only person behaving disgustingly in this situation. It sounds like you are all better off without her around anymore unless she grows up and really apologises to all of you. Even then I wouldn't be trusting her.

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 31/03/2025 21:02

Bailamosse · 31/03/2025 14:48

Your SIL and her DM sound very similar. Your poor DB.

Yes exactly- my first thought was 'The apple doesn't fall far from the tree...'

How weird to exclude partners!

TerrysCIockworkOrange · 31/03/2025 21:04

Has there been any word from your DB or psychotic SIL today? As well as poor DB, your poor parents - I still can’t wrap my head around her behaviour at all

TerrysCIockworkOrange · 31/03/2025 21:05

Also absolutely sod her books. Fuck around and find out

StScholastica · 31/03/2025 21:08

Oh Lordy, she sounds like a jealous toddler.
She wanted DB to stay in on his own because she told him too. Does she often push him around as she sounds controlling to me.

SinnerBoy · 31/03/2025 21:12

As for my DB, he has no clue what her problem is either (she’s told him that if he doesn’t know, she can’t help him)

That's essentially attention seeking drama llama speak for:

"Even I know that there's no rationale explanation, I'm just angry and jealous and want everybody's pity, so I'm screaming and making a scene, so that everyone loses sight of the actual situation and thinks that no one would get so angry without righteous cause."

Yup, I have a SiL like that.

cherish123 · 31/03/2025 21:12

I don't follow why SIL.is annoyed. She cancelled on your DB.

Thepossibility · 31/03/2025 21:13

StScholastica · 31/03/2025 21:08

Oh Lordy, she sounds like a jealous toddler.
She wanted DB to stay in on his own because she told him too. Does she often push him around as she sounds controlling to me.

I agree with this. I'm a bit concerned she might be abusing DB privately if she comes out with this behaviour in front of people, the level of anger at something so ridiculous is a bit scary.

HisNibs · 31/03/2025 21:14

Your SIL is seriously deranged OP, that's loud and clear. And she's doubling down on it with everyone. That she felt that it was OK to treat you and your parents the way she has would for me absolutely guarantee that I'd have nothing to do with her or her accounts ever again, no matter how grovelling an apology. It must be truly awful for your DB.

theleafandnotthetree · 31/03/2025 21:14

About the only 'good' aspect of this story is that at least your DB sees how crazy she is being and is not trying to excuse/defend her. So while she is being a nightmare, he is not in thrall to her which is sadly often the case.

Codlingmoths · 31/03/2025 21:21

Good for you for pulling out of doing her books. Icy if she comes back- I’ve never been shouted at like that in my entire life, no way will I continue doing a huge favour for you. I cannot believe the things you said to my mum and brother, what is he supposed to do when you cancel plans on him? Sit at home and stare at a wall?

Moonlightdust · 31/03/2025 21:26

She’s batshit.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 31/03/2025 21:32

FreakingOutRightNow123 · 31/03/2025 20:35

The bashing my parents and I got were all over the phone, my dad called me on his phone while SIL was yelling at my mum on her phone (mum had her on speaker) and I could hear it clearly, I told my dad to get mum to hang up and not answer if she called back (both my parents were in tears at this point). SIL then called me and I couldn’t get a word in, it was literally just her yelling at me until I hung up. DB then went round to my parents to check on them and apologise then came round to me to apologise and explain he didn’t know what the actual problem was either. SIL then called both me and my parents back later and we both answered thinking she’d calmed down and we could have a rational conversation but it was just more of the same so both my parents and I ended up hunging up again. The most baffling thing is her saying we treated the children badly (see my second post).

No as far as I know DB wasn’t needed for anything else, like I said they’d already rebooked at the same restaurant for 2 weeks time and he was back home before SIL and the kids anyway so he was there to do whatever in the evening.

I don’t think it’s clicked for SIL about her accounts, she was so angry that I don’t think she wasn’t thinking rationally or about the bigger picture.

Please let us know what she says! Can’t believe her behaviour. She needs help.

NiceoneSonny · 31/03/2025 21:32

dapsnotplimsolls · 31/03/2025 20:47

Displaced rage - she's furious with her siblings and Mum but taking it out on others.

I agree with this. I used to be like this too (`although never to the extreme that your SIL has gone to) as a reaction to seeing my parents. I went NC with them for the sake of my relationship with my DH and DC.

Overhaul54 · 31/03/2025 21:33

Don’t put the phone down/apologise/try to appease her.

Get on the phone and tell her her behaviour has upset everyone and not to take her choice of lunch out on anyone else.
Act like a spoilt child and get treated like one.

NiceoneSonny · 31/03/2025 21:33

Oh, and fuck her accounts! She's an ungrateful cow!

MounjaroOnMyMind · 31/03/2025 21:33

She is furious because he did something without her and bonded with his family without her influence.

This should be changed to:

She is furious because he did something without her when she and the children went to something he wasn't invited to, and bonded with his family while she was bonding with her own family, without her influence.

gmgnts · 31/03/2025 21:34

No more unpaid accountancy work for SIL, I hope!

justasking111 · 31/03/2025 21:34

SIL had an awful day. Her mother was vile. Her brother quite rightly refused to attend, making things worse. Her husband had a lovely lunch with his mother. She has a mother problem which SHE needs to address.

However, none of this is @FreakingOutRightNow123 problem.

A narcissist mother is very hard work. Which SIL exposed her children to yesterday poor kids.

ScrambledSmegs · 31/03/2025 21:35

Agree with PP re: displaced rage. Most likely she's had her nose put out of joint by cancelling her plans for her DM, who appears to have been completely ungrateful and instead was upset that her son didn't drop his plans for her, and probably took out her rage on her daughters.

Not nice for her, but equally it's not your fault and she needs to grow up.

NImumconfused · 31/03/2025 21:35

I think I would definitely be concerned about your brother OP, that is not a rational person's reaction.

The only thing I'm wondering aside from her not having a good day with her mum generally, is if the kids complained to her because they'd rather have had the nice meal out with your parents than been dragged round to her mum's? Just based on her comment about how could you do this to the kids.

JudgeJ · 31/03/2025 21:35

StScholastica · 31/03/2025 21:08

Oh Lordy, she sounds like a jealous toddler.
She wanted DB to stay in on his own because she told him too. Does she often push him around as she sounds controlling to me.

In all of this saga, if anyone had the right to be angry it's the OP's brother who had arranged a meal out for them as a family to celebrate Mother's Day and then he was dumped in favour of the whining MIL.

Viviennemary · 31/03/2025 21:36

Your sil is the one at fault here as she cancelled the original plans. Your DB is in an abusive relationship IMHO.

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